We and Me

We and Me

How do your relationships support you? They all do, one way or another.

Some of our relationships support us with kindness and comfort.

Some of our relationships support us with meaningful tasks and cash rewards.

Some of our relationships support us with challenges and reminders to take care of ourselves. Oh, yeah.

The trick is to recognize which ones are which, not always an easy task for some reason.

It seems that we often superimpose the way we think a relationship should be over the way it actually is. Next thing you know, our expectations are being disappointed at every turn, getting angry, or nagging, or sullen.

The point is, every relationship we have, we have for a reason. We may not like it, but if it is in our life, it's meant to be there.

We have discussed the idea of "Best Teacher" being the person in our life who makes you the craziest being there to give you the opportunity to learn a big, personal lesson. Once you learn it, they will either leave, or change. True story.

So what is the deal if you have a bunch of friends you don't like? No, I mean, really?

I've been there. Twice. Two separate times I had a pile of friends who were not good for me, who were abusive, or demanding, or selfish, and so on. Two times I ended up having to make the decision to break up with all my friends. Sigh.

I cried a lot.

And then I felt so much better. On the one hand, I was kind of lonesome, on the other hand, lonesome can get fixed at a coffee shop. And somehow, leaving all my friends at once allowed me to get closer to myself. I stopped feeling lonely.

I had to leave those people to choose me. Sometimes that's why people are in our lives, to push us to put ourselves first, where we belong.

Your task is to really look at your relationships. Who is there, clean and loving? Who is there to help you learn something important for you? Who might be someone whom you've put your expectations on, and how can you take those expectations off? Who do you need to stop being friends with to save your soul?

Most important of all, are you friends with you? That is your most fundamental relationship. Not your children, not your partner, or parents. You. Your relationship with you is the basis for every other relationship you have in the world. Do you treat yourself with respect and loving kindness? Or do you have a toxic relationship with yourself filled with cruel, abusive behavior? If you saw someone treating a dog the way you treat you, would you smile? Or would you call the cops?

Start somewhere. Make all of your relationships count, either as sources of joy and refreshment, or as lessons to learn. If you have toxic relationships, dig deep and find out why. You deserve better. If your toxic relationship is with yourself, stop it. Use Creative Questions to shift the belief that you suck. You don’t, it was all a lie. Why do I love me with all my heart? Why am I lovable? Why could I be lovable?

How have I changed from taking my relationships for granted to seeing their value?