What Did You Say “YES” to for 2011?

Just a few short weeks ago you and millions of others Declared, Promised and made New Year's Resolutions. Are you still on track to achieve what you said you wanted? If you're like most people you made your resolutions without a plan and without knowing how to get them or who to talk with to help you.

What makes 2011 different than all the others years in regard to getting what you want? What are you going to do differently? Ok, ok, I know. One of your resolutions might be to have better relationships with the people you say you love and want to be with.

So, you want things to be better with your spouse or significant other? This not only requires taking different actions, it requires you to grow in the area of communication skills. You also have to change your mind set. What does changing your mind set have to do with this? First, let's talk about common mistakes. Then, I'll get to mind set.

What are some common mistakes people make when it comes to creating better relationships?

1. Communicating the same way they always have.

2. Blaming the other person. "When you did that, I did..." When you hurt me I got defensive."

3. Talking loudly.

4. Not resolving issues.

5. Assuming that if one person is going to try to make things better, the other person will too.

6. Placing expectations on others.

These are just a few of the many mistakes I see when I'm starting to work with a new client.

Here's where the mind set change comes in.

What are you saying "YES" to? I use this terminology quite often with my clients. It's important to acknowledge that when you say "YES" to something, at the same time you say "NO" to something else. And the great news is, you get to choose what you say "YES" and "NO" to.

Let me give you an example of what I'm talking about. When you say "YES" to do something for someone when you really don't want to, you are actually saying "NO" to the things you might have wanted to be doing for you. When you do this you are dishonoring you and you are dishonoring your values. This may not seem to be a big deal, but reflect back over the days, weeks, months, and years. Think about all those times you did something you truly didn't want to do. What happens when you think about that? Resentment builds up. That resentment was already down inside of you, you just didn't realize it.

This brings up another common mistake people make. At the end of the day when you notice you didn't have time for yourself or you didn't get the things done that you wanted to, you blame the other person. Is that fair? No. But, the only person to blame is YOU!

When seeking to have better relationships with anyone, the best place to start is with you. Any lasting change starts with you. When you have a better relationship with you, then you can create better relationships in all areas of your life.

A great New Year's resolution, declaration or promise is one that focuses on you. Remember, you can only change yourself. Trying to change others just doesn't work. Besides, do you really have the right to try to change anyone else?

If having better relationships is a high priority you might want to say, "I want to change so I can bring a bigger and better person to any relationship."