What Is Entitlement?

Entitlement is a mindset that is born out of a troubled childhood. It is developed when the individual was so deprived as a child, and they adapted by thinking they were entitled to whatever they could take. The other side of the same coin is that they were completely spoiled as a child and assume that everything is theirs for the taking.

Both behaviours generally indicate low self esteem, and often, both behaviours display a lack of understanding about possession or respect for other people's property.

In the case of the deprived child, entitlement can often take the form of theft. Having been refused material or emotional support or nurturing, the child can feel that they are entitled to whatever they want later in life as they had so little in their formative years.

The theft is an extension of this as children who were severely deprived often spend a lifetime trying to fill the hole that is left as a result of the neglect. In order to make up for the loss they feel inside, they can help themselves to whatever they fancy, regardless of who it belongs to. The trouble with this type of behaviour is that it does not resolve the emptiness inside, and it often results in being punishment for stealing. This contributes to the low self esteem.

In the case of the child who was completely smothered as a child with love and affection and material goods, entitlement arises as a reaction to getting exactly what they wanted. For these individuals, there is no sense of earning what they want or having to work to get it, and this can lead to problems in later life. Often spoilt children and adults are very difficult to be around for any length of time, because they can be so incredibly selfish.

For the child that was spoilt by the parents, there is often a sense that their worth is in the amount of attention and goods that they get. It can therefore be that if no one is giving them what they became used to as a child, they will go into low self esteem. Often this type of entitlement goes hand in hand with an addiction to gadgets, or love and attention. These individuals display extreme neediness around others.

For both types of behaviour, recovery is learning to understand that unless whatever it is belongs to you, you are not entitled to it. You may ask someone who owns it if they mind you having it, but apart from that, it is not yours to have.

Recovery is also understanding and addressing the root cause of the problem- going back to childhood and doing whatever you need to do in order to work through the neglect, or the smothering.

It is about becoming conscious of your behaviour and being honest about how you are feeling when you want to take someone elses property. If you can identify the feelings that underlie the behaviour, then you can begin to choose a different response to your feelings.

Entitlement is nobody's choice or fault. It is a result of a troubled childhood and great love and compassion is needed by those around the afflicted person to enable them to heal.

Written by Caroline Nettle

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