What My Father Taught Me About Forgiveness

The day Larry Crawford died was the day he was cured of cancer. Those were the words of my uncle at my father’s funeral on July 30, 2008. As we gathered that day to say goodbye to my father, I knew in my heart that we were only saying goodbye to his body. His spirit will always be with us, and the love he shared with so many will always be there too. Love is the only thing that never dies and with that in mind, I knew that his love would live on forever. I also knew that the lessons he taught me, both as a child and an adult, would live on as well. One of the most important lessons my father shared with me was about forgiveness. The following is an excerpt from a short story I wrote following his death, titled Pennies From Dad. I wrote the book to help me heal from my loss and to help me stay connected to that love that still exists between me and my father. My wish is to share the book and assist others on their own personal spiritual jou
eys and bring a little bit of healing into the lives of those who need it.

The Giving Tree and Lessons in Forgiveness

I once gave Dad the book The Giving Tree, by Shel Silverstein. It is a beautiful story about a tree that gives everything it has, over several years, to a boy. All the tree wants in return is love from the boy. I gave it to Dad one year as a gift of gratitude for everything he had given to our family and me. Dad was a lot like this tree. He gave a lot of his heart and soul to those around him, and all he wanted in return was to be loved.

Dad had a tree that he planted in his front yard many years ago. This tree didn’t do very well at first. It was sad looking, and Mom and the neighbors told Dad many times to get rid of it — it wouldn’t grow. Dad insisted that it would grow and kept nurturing it, giving it the “love” it needed. Today, this tree is tall and strong, and is still in my parents’ front yard. It’s a tribute to my father and his faith. This tree is his “giving tree.”

One of the most important lessons Dad taught me was about forgiveness. He said that when you are unforgiving, it is like having a poison in your body. If you carry anger and pain around in your heart, it will soon become a rock or a hard stone in your body. It just sits there with a heaviness that will eat away at you. Dad told me to always forgive and release any negative feelings toward anyone who has caused me pain. He said the pain in your heart isn’t worth it, because the only person you end up hurting is yourself. I learned that to forgive doesn’t mean you are letting the person who hurt you have a free pass. It means you are no longer willing to carry around that anger or pain anymore.
I have learned that when you do forgive someone, especially someone you love, you send the message to that person that he or she is worthy of doing better. When you forgive another, you bless that person and you bless yourself. I have also learned that the most important person you need to forgive is yourself, and when you forgive others, it makes it easier to do this.

Dad shared these ideas with me a few times over the years, including one day two weeks before he died. He wanted me to remember this lesson because it would be one of the most important ones to learn in life.

We all have pain from past experiences and some of those pains sting more than others. Some of us hide it better than others. But I agree with Dad. It needs to be released so you can heal within yourself. It is hard to let go, sometimes, but as long as you are willing to do this, God will help you. All you have to do is ask.
As I reflect on Dad’s words about forgiveness, I hope I always have the compassion and grace to forgive.