When Divorce Is Not A Choice

Every other person that one comes across is a marriage counselor too eager to advise you to fight tooth and nail to preserve one's marriage. They sound like they have professionally trained to argue for marriage, for they tend to go on and on about its being a precious social institution that needs to be preserved and fought for; and that family is the loveliest thing in the world; that a family man is the ideal man; that it is the duty of every person to preserve and promote the well-being of all families because it is in the collective good that individual good lies. Well, yes, for the most part it is true. Quite obviously we cannot live on our own because we as a species survive because we stick together without which we neither have sharp, retractable claws, nor flesh-tearing teeth to defend ourselves from the predating carnivores that prowl the earth. So, yes, it is in the larger good that the individual good resides, which makes marriages significant. But that's beside the point. Marriages involve human being, and unhappy marriages makes the people in the wedlock unhappy, and the presence of too many such people makes the society dull and frustrated.

So, while marriages must be preserved so long as they can be, it must also be understood that when the time to call it quits arrives, one has to walk away. At this point walking away is not exactly a choice because hanging in and fighting for the marriage does nothing except prolong the agony on both the sides.

There are several reasons for the breakdown of a relationship, and marriage is just as much of a relationship as any romantic association at the individual level; its social side notwithstanding. There is a social element introduced into the institution of marriage that makes it almost completely different from all other romantic bonds by way of diluting the element of romance and by installing a sense of duty and responsibility. So, marriages, unlike other romances, do not run on romance; they run more on family values, ethics, social responsibilities and other such things.

When a couple has kids, there is an additional responsibility cast upon them to take care of the little ones and bring them up in such a manner as to bring the best out of them in order to make them socially and personally responsible. This brings a different dimension to the marriage. Therefore, before one goes in for divorce, one needs to carefully think through all the issues involved and take a decision that is in the best interests of all parties involved including the kids. End of romance, therefore, is not the end of marriage because there is more to marriage than just romance. However, what and how much is gained by staying together at the cost of what varies from one case to the other. Thus, no general answer can be provided in this regard.