When You Are The Only One Listening

What happens when you're the only one listening?

Twenty years ago, when we were moving into a new place, a young man helped us out. The son of one of my wife’s friends, he was 14 or 15 years old and just out of a residential drug rehab program.

He and I sat in our rented moving truck driving down the highway, where he told stories of his rehabilitation. Part of the recovery process is self-awareness and he was willing to share, as had been the custom in his stay.

He told stories of addiction, mistakes, inpatient temptations, and adventures very few of us will ever have, much less in our early teens. We made an instant connection. He had more insight than any other young man I’d ever met. He should. He paid the price for it!

I enjoyed listening to his stories a great deal. Then he stopped talking. We just had nothing more to say to each other.

A few awkward moments of silence went by. Then he told me more stories of his rehabilitation with the same enthusiasm. I listened eagerly, partly to prevent another awkward silence until we left the truck and started moving furniture.

He had a story to tell, and I was the only one around who was listening. He needed to speak his truth.

Sound familiar? You've probably been on both ends of the equation...the one who was desperate to be heard...

And the one who was ready to hear - who had the serenity and emotional maturity to be there for someone else.

For those who are in the marketing or sales business at any level, or coaching, training, developing leaders, developing income earners, it’s the most valuable and overlooked skill there is.

We forget the value of listening...how it puts us immediately in a position of strength, control, loving power…

Because it gives people what they crave: a chance to be heard, a chance to matter.

When you are the only listener - when everyone else is trying to dazzle you with their skills, their shtick, etc. - you're a star.

You're the one who makes people feel safe, and valued, and worthy of your energy.

And they'll want to move forward with you. They'll look for reasons to move forward with you.

And then you get to show your skills, your "cool moves" to someone who wants to play with you.

That young man in the truck wanted to matter more than anything else in the world. When he didn’t find a way to matter he called out for attention in the most destructive of ways.

And he medicated his pain.

I'm guessing he finally got in a place where someone was genuinely willing to hear him, maybe for the first time. He got hungry for it.

We all get hungry to be heard. To matter. It's one of our basic human needs.

And when it's met, we can move on to more power, more effectiveness, more fun.

And we get to be those things for others.

Look at what you’re capable of. Look at the worlds you can shape, the power you can unleash, the hurt you can heal.

People will flock to you…so long as your listening is genuine. You automatically distinguish yourself from the others without the patience and inner strength to give freely of themselves.

Relationships are created. Energy is exchanged.

Tell your story. That is valuable.

Be open to the stories of others. That is priceless.