Who's Stopping You?

Often when I am working with clients and they are having problems making the decisive move I see that it is ‘everybody’ that holds them back. The ‘everybody’ I am talking about is the ‘everybody’ that is in our mind, that acts as our internal censor.

The n“What will everybody think is if change my job again?” n“What will everybody say if I don’t succeed in my new business?”
“What will everybody do if I don’t find the perfect job?”

Could this be the ‘everybody’ that is stopping you going for the career of your dreams?

Somewhere along the line we have empowered this everybody panel and they stand in judgement of us, censoring our thoughts, actions and decisions. We need their approval before we will do anything. Most often this is completely subconscious, we don’t consciously hand over our power, but it is what happens. Once we start to become aware of our ‘everybody’ we can then start to make some changes.

Take a moment and think:
Who is in your ‘everybody’ panel?
Whose approval are you always trying to gain?
Who is the person or people in your life that you feel most judged by?

Now these people may or may not actually judge you, sometimes we can just think they do. But the main point is whether they do or not you are the one who can change this.

You can fire them from your ‘everybody’ panel. You can decide that you no longer need them to be your approval group. You can decide to take back your power and stand up, responsible for your world. One of my clients realised that he didn’t even have real people in his panel; it was simply ‘the world’. Once he saw this he could also see how it had no foundation and could start to reclaim his decisions. Becoming aware of this pattern in your life is the first step to change.

If you truly wish to step out from under your ‘everybody’s’, start with the small stuff. Begin with a situation where it doesn’t feel like life and death, but more like testing the water. It might be with people who aren’t so close to you, people who if, in the light of day, you did upset it wouldn’t really matter that much. Try it; you’ll be surprised how liberating it is.

I realised when I first started living from my heart rather than letting ‘them’ make my decisions that most often it was fine. If I truly spoke up and said what I wanted to do and owned the decision a lot of people in my ‘everybody’ panel, who I thought would disapprove, actually got it and said – ‘we only want you to be happy’. It was a revelation.

To support you in dropping your unwanted ‘everybody’ you can also do a few practical things.

Write down all the positive praise you have received from the people who truly are your cheerleaders. Post these up everywhere to remind you that you are great and you can achieve great things.

Go through your house and remove all the things that remind you of your negative ‘everybody’. Put them away or better still burn them if possible. That is a ritualistic way of saying enough!

When you feel your ‘everybody’ beginning to judge you imagine yourself on a stage with the stage backdrop behind you depicting the decision you are wanting to make. Now imagine either the audience full or the people who unconditionally support you or better still an audience full of YOU! Have them applaud and cheer as the backdrop displays all the great things you want to do. Feel their support and joy as you succeed.

Don’t let anyone stop you achieving your dreams. It is your life and you deserve the best. When will you empower your dreams and start the process of change? Why not make today the day you put only your unconditional cheerleader up there – YOU.