Why Do Men/Women Cheat? And How Do We Create a Healthy Relationship Where Both People Stay Motivated Towards Monogamy?

I wrote this issue’s tips because of the hot stories/sex scandals in the news lately. These are the biggest questions I am being asked to answer in my media interviews lately. So I thought I would share my research and then my tips with you so you too can have healthier happier relationships NOW!

Why do people in committed relationships cheat?

• Boredom
• Need for variety, something different or “better”
• Stroke their ego, get validation outside their relationship
• To get needs met (intimacy, love, affection, certain kind of sex, listening, communicating) that are not being fulfilled in their committed relationship
• To rebel, and/or a reaction of anger towards their partner, or something or someone in their past
• For the excitement, risk, “it’s naughty”
• People feel entitled, grandiose, need for power, above the law, that they won’t get caught (these are some of the qualities of Narcissism, My theory is that Eliot Spitzer had some of these qualities.

Can you think of more? You can email me with your ideas or comments. I’d love to hear them.

SO how do we create a healthy relationship where both people stay motivated towards monogamy?

• Communicate with your partner regularly about likes, wants and needs. DO this with respect and love. Use the active listening technique (see next tip.)

• Be aware of your partners body language, attitude, relating patterns with you. When you see something out of the ordinary ask lovingly “Can we Talk.” And then really listen!, DO NOT INTERUPT, listen!, DO NOT GET DEFENSIVE, LEARN what he/she wants and needs in the relationship and see if you can support that. Or see if you can negotiate a “give and take” arrangement-for example: “I will give you more sex if you will help with the kids, let me take a nap or sleep-in, I can get my nails done or have girl time etc.

• Create fun events, trips, mini-vacations, long vacations often to have something to get excited about, but also to get you out of the same routine and environment (possibly away from your kids). Often couples report they have more fun and laughter AND the best intimacy and sex at these times.

• Discover what interests or passion you both want to share in and regularly partake in these activities with each other. This creates aliveness within each of you separately; which you can celebrate together in the experience you share together.

• Call me I am a Master Relationship Coach and Behavior Specialist dedicated to help you communicate and understand yourselves and each other better so you can have a healthier relationship NOW!

I hope these reasons and tips help you if you are challenged with this issue in your relationship. Stay positive, with every challenge is a gift waiting to be discovered!

© 2009 Dr. Cindy Brown