Why Is It Important for You to Understand Your Reasoning about Partners and Relationships?

As friends of yours share their thoughts, feelings, fears and needs with you, keep in mind that it is impossible to truly understand what motivates people to behave, feel and think the way they do. The same might hold true to you: you yourself think, feel and behave with your partners and in your relationships according to your own interpretations of whatever situation you find yourself in. As you understand your reasoning for whatever situation you find yourself in, the more empowered you become to develop a successful intimate relationship. What thoughts might run on in one’s mind “the morning after”? It should come as no surprise that a single woman who has an affair with a married man might wake up in “the morning after” they’ve made love for the first time feeling exhilarated and wanting to see him once again, as quickly as possible. In addition, a hundred and one questions might be running through her mind: * “Has he really fallen in love with me?” * “Is it possible that he sees it only as an adventure?” * “Will he come see me once again?” * “Didn’t I feel the same about my last lover, with whom I thought we had such a wonderful bond until he left, unexpectedly?” She isn’t sure about any of these. She feels scared, yet hopeful. And she goes on with her thoughts: * “Doesn’t he take too big a risk by having an affair with me?” * “Does he really have a shitty relationship with his wife?” * “Did he really just fell in love with me – just like I with him?” * “Could it be that his relationship with his wife is so bad, that if he leaves her it will be for the benefit of the two of them - as well for my benefit?” The thoughts continue rushing through her head: * “Is there really a chance for us?” * “Am I really important for him?” * “Could it be that it will also be better for his children if he divorces?” * “Would I then feel guilt? Shame?” * “Would I then be happy being with him?” She takes a deep breath and a frightening thought present itself to her: * “What if upon leaving his wife – if he at all will – he will leave me as well?” * “Haven’t I heard too many stories about men who left their spouses and their lovers at the same time?” Scared to this thought, she cries: * “Gosh! Haven’t I promised myself time and again never to go out with a married man, and never o fall in love with one who is married?” To feel better about herself she decides to summarize it all by thinking: * “I must trust fate. It is not up to me to decide one way or another, neither for myself nor for him.” Can you understand what stands behind someone’s reasoning? While it is difficult to fathom the reasoning behind such thoughts, you can only ask yourself the following: * Does she escape taking responsibility for the affair she has? * Is she so lonely that she is willing to have an affair with a married man even though she told herself time and again that she won’t? * Has she really “fallen in love” with him to the point of no return? * Does she, deep inside, has a fear of commitment, therefore having an affair with a married man feels “safer” to her than having an unmarried partner? Even though this woman’s “story” might be very familiar, one which often happens, it is almost impossible to truly know what motivates her behavior and thinking. She herself might not be totally aware of what drives her. Understanding your reasoning is the best you can strive for As friends of yours share their thoughts, feelings, fears and needs with you, keep in mind that it is almost impossible to truly understand what motivates people to behave, feel and think the way they do. You might have your subjective interpretations, but this doesn’t mean you are correct. Judging them is usually useless, for the simple reason that your judgment is based on your own subjective personal interpretation and experiences. So the best for you is to keep in mind that you yourself think, feel and behave with your partners and in your relationships according to your own interpretations of whatever situation you find yourself in. The more you make an effort to understand your reasoning for being in whatever situation you find yourself in, the more empowered you’ll eventually become to develop a successful intimate relationship.