Claire Hatch
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Marriage Advice: Build a Strong Bond with Emotional Desires
When I was a little girl, we used to play Hide the Thimble with my grandmother. The rule was you had to hide it “in plain sight.” A thimble hidden in plain sight is surprisingly hard to find! Especially if you put it against something silver-colored. The end of the T.V. antenna was my favorite spot.
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When Marriage Problems Build Up, Here's How to Break the Ice
Does this problem ring a bell? You’re nursing a grievance. You didn’t bring it up at the moment because there was too much going on. Or you were afraid things would go south. Or you thought maybe it was one of those times in a marriage when you should just cut your partner slack and move on. Except this time you just can’t and it’s still eating away at you.
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When Your Marriage Drives You Insane
I was sitting at the kitchen table reading a magazine on a Saturday afte oon a few weeks ago. John came in for a snack. He got out a jar of peanut butter, scooped some out, and returned the jar to the fridge. At some point in that process, a blob of Adams crunchy-style found its way to the floor. "You drive me insane!" I cried. "When you're cooking a whole meal, I understand. But that was a 15-second operation. It was like watching Penn and Teller. How do you DO that?"
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Something Old, Something New for Your Marriage
"You have to work at your marriage every day." I'm sure you've heard people say this. Sometimes my own clients tell me this. I know what they mean. But I have a confession. The idea of working on my marriage every day feels like a real downer. When you're going through a time of stress, marriage can be very hard work indeed. But that's not the way I like to think of my marriage day to day.
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Relationship Advice for Women Who Love Engineers
Women, you know what happens when you confide your troubles to your girlfriend. She drops everything and listens. She understands exactly what you’re going through, tells you your feelings are completely natural, and you end up having a good laugh. In other words, you get empathy, big time. It’s wonderful! You feel so much better! You might even wonder what the big deal was in the first place.
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Relationship Tip: Create Closeness With Small Repairs
We all know what it feels like when you have something you need to talk about with your partner. You can’t help chewing on it while you’re driving or trying to fall asleep. You try to tell yourself it’s no big deal, but the hurt lingers and makes you feel annoyed or distant. But it’s not only the big problems that are worth talking about. Sometimes it’s good to take time to repair the small bruises of day to day life. Small repairs can lead you to understand new parts of your partner and create unexpected moments of closeness.
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What If Your Marriage Problem Isn't Stubbornness After All?
“We’re stubborn. We butt heads,” said Jan. “We’re both used to doing things our way, and the more the other pushes, the more we dig in our heels.” A lot of couples bring me this problem in their first marriage counseling appointment. Maybe you can relate. Bill was sitting on my couch, one puzzled man. Jan was so upset that Bill wouldn’t take out the garbage for her that she was in tears. “Why is the garbage my job?” he asked. “What about the boys? We’re always looking for ways to teach them more responsibility. Make them put down their joysticks and take it out.
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Men—Want Better Sex in Your Marriage? Be Seductive
What happened to the sexual revolution, anyway? I know a lot of my male clients feel like the sexual temperature at home feels a lot more like the 50’s than the 70’s. As a marriage counselor, I a have bird’s eye view of this phenomenon, so I thought I’d offer up my observations. After all, both men and women tell me their sexual problems all day long. (O.K., they do talk about other things, too!) A lot of people, and that includes therapists, make the mistake of thinking that all you need for good sex is love.
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Relationship Communication Secret-No Ghost Stories Allowed
Did you know half your relationship communication problems are products of your imagination? It’s true! Under stress, your brain actually invents stories about how your partner’s up to no good. In our family, we call them “ghost stories.” When my stepdaughter Kristina was invited to her first slumber party, the first graders buzzed for a week about what it would be like to sleep away from family for first time. Who would be able to handle it? Who might crack under the pressure? The morning after, my husband and I asked Kristina, “Well? Did anyone get scared? Or call their parents?”
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Can Great Listening Save a Marriage?
The first thing most people say when they sit down in my marriage counseling office is: “My husband (or wife) doesn’t listen to me!” Many a relationship problem starts here. After all, if you don’t feel listened to, then it’s hard to feel important, special, and loved—all those good things that made you want to get married to begin with.
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Women-Want Better Sex in Your Marriage? Stay in the Game
For too many married women, their sex life can best be described as a sad stalemate. Which is not at all what they signed up for. As one of my marriage counseling clients put it, “I did not get married to fight about sex for 40 years.” Nor did you aspire to feel like co-CEO’s of your household. But a lot of couples do. Without a sexual connection, life together can feel like a lot of work. Conflicts cut deeper. When you feel sexually fulfilled, it’s easier to let things go. Whether the garbage got taken out or not just isn’t as important as the closeness you feel.
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