A Survival guide for Men on Valentine's Day!

Okay guys, put down the beer can, shut off the TV and pay attention; THIS COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE! Your wife/girfriend has made some sort of comment that led you to believe that Valentine's day was no big deal. You took her at her word, because after all, you have an honest relationship, right? (CUE THE BUZZER) WRONG!!!!! For all men out there, but especially those whose wives feign indifference to the day. Do not be fooled. Stop what you are doing and run, don't walk, run to the nearest bonbonerie, and get her the biggest chocolate box you can find. Even if she is allergic to chocolate, don't falter in your courage, buy it anyway. Bringing something that she can't have, is infinitely better than not bringing what she says she doesn't want. Okay, you're confused, let me try to explain. There is an interesting part of the woman's brain that is connected telepathically to other women. While it often looks as though women are having normal conversations on the outside... "So how's Jim doing at his new job...", Inside they are saying things such as; "What have you done with your hair, do you think we won't notice the new gray creeping in?" And guys, that conversation is really important. When your woman says to you that she doesn't care about Valentine's day, that's the outside talk. The hidden telepathic conversation is "Our relationship is so strong, we don't need to trivialize it." HOWEVER... That is the setup. You see, what has to happen is this: When you come home with the candy, the card (Oh no you don't, a real card with flowers on, not Homer Simpson)and you INSIST that, depending on your budget, you are making dinner or you are taking her out to a nice place. This then gets translated into the telepathic message to all women that says: "Wow, he must really love me to do all of this for me, even when it wasn't necessary at all!!!" This message gets sent out on a priority frequency. Essentially it means that she, your darling humble wife or girlfriend.. ...WINS!!! For those men who may be completely surprised that a women doesn't say what she means (we call those men newlyweds), we hope that we have saved you from yourself. To those wonderful women out there, and that is all of you, I hope this tongue in cheek lesson amused you. Happy Valentine's Day!