Ask Astrid: How do I improve communication with my boss?

If you’ve listened to my radio shows, you know there’s one thing I am always repeating: Use your five senses!

Your five senses are like tentacles that connect you with everything and everyone outside of you. They are channels of information flowing in and out, which you can easily hone into, process and use again to express yourself better.

Of the five senses, most people predominantly use two to express themselves. For instance, you’ll notice someone is really visual. They’ll often say: “You see,” or “Imagine this or that,” or “I totally see what you mean.” An auditory person would be more likely to say, “Sounds good,” “I hear you,” or “Hear me out.”

I believe the first step to greater communication is to appreciate how other people express themselves. Start paying attention to the words and expressions your boss uses, and practice mirroring back the same modality. This way, they will pay greater attention to the content of your words rather than figuring out if you understood them correctly or not.

The fact that most people primary use two senses helps. With the visual, they may be kinesthetic, which means they’ll also be in tune with how you feel. Talking with textures, associating moods and speaking of “gut feelings” will be understood. Not so much if the person is more aligned with their chemical senses of taste and smell. “That leaves a bad taste in my mouth” or “That stinks,” would be more relevant to them!

Where people have the most trouble is when the discussion becomes “mental.” They may say something like “Think,” “Give it some thought,” or “Be smart.” These people are often oblivious to the fact that their own information comes from their innate senses. They make a point to control each input and output with mental and logical analyses, leaving very little space for their energetic input to be openly expressed.

However, you’ll also find those are the people who will privately talk about their gut feelings, their sense of perception, and their inner knowingness to pursue this goal or that. Turn to body language for more information. How do they stand as they speak? With arms open or closed? Are their arms sideways or straight forward? Where do their eyes go? If their eyes move sideways, that means they are thinking in auditory ways. Down means they are reflecting on something past, a memory. Up means they are imagining or seeking answers from “above.”

You also can gather spatial clues. I always have fun at board meetings, because where people sit is very relevant to their personalities and how they perceive themselves within the group. If the boss is at the head of the table, you’ll notice the person opposite will, at some point or another, silently or not, challenge him/her. The ones on the side are sidekicks, allies. The ones at the far corners are the jokesters, trouble-makers.

Be the observer and use those observations to see, feel, hear and sense how events unfold. You’ll be smarter; and more likely to be heard, seen and understood!