Browse Conflict Resolution

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management London UK. He provides training and consultancy in Communication Skills, Conflict Management, Mediation, Establishing Mediation Systems, Client/Helping Professional Relationship support and various other tailor made options for supporting effective communication and confli…

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Alberta's great background as a human resource administrator, educator, coach, trainer, consultant, mediator and minister has given her many experiences working in both cooperative and adversarial circumstances representing and training diverse individuals and groups. Alberta loves coaching and teaching! Her speciali…

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Barb North, Mediator, Conflict Manager, Keynote Speaker andr Personal Conflict Coach is entertaining as well as informative, Barb, a stand-up comedian, television producer and talent manager added a “second career” as a certified mediator for a Community and Court Mediation Program over ten years ago. A classic “middl…

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As a Mediator and Mediation Trainer I specialize in personal and professional disputes - especially divorce and workplace conflict. I am licensed as a Mental Health Counselor and a Marriage and Family Therapist, and I bring that expertise along with a background in small business and a wide range of experience from wi…

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Erik Fisher, Ph.D. Licensed clinical psychologist, author, media consultant, and public speaker Erik Fisher, Ph.D., has helped many adults, children, and families develop healthy life perspectives and relationships. Dr. Fisher currently runs a private practice in Atlanta, Georgia. A veteran of public speaking, he ad…

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Greg "Geese" Giesen is a writer, speaker, storyteller, and student of life. He’s been a management trainer/consultant, graduate school professor, conflict mediator, team builder, personal growth coach, college administrator, radio talk show host, and team intervention specialists. He is the award-winning author of Mon…

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In her more than 18 years in Corporate America which included roles in Fortune 500 management, Margaret Meloni observed how individuals who learned to cope with conflict succeeded and recognized their full potential, while others became road blocked. Margaret developed a passionate belief that it takes courage and sk…

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As a certified life coach for stress relief and relaxation, Mark E. Gibson is an expert problem solver who stimulates motivated people to creatively move through their worries and into a life full of personal rewards. Through his coaching, his clients enjoy enhanced health and happiness as a result of their improved r…

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I am the Director and Founder of the Center for Creative Conflict Resolution in St. Louis. I have worked as a psychotherapist in the field of domestic violence and sexual abuse intervention and now work with couples and organizations that are experiencing high levels of conflict.

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After a childhood of abuse and neglect and two failed marriages Melody decided there had to be a better way. Her counselors and self-help books agreed that it was her parent’s and husband’s fault. Applying this new knowledge widened the gulf between them. It didn’t take much of this before she KNEW their had to be a…

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If all attempts to resolve your life and relationship issues have failed, Sharon Rivkin is your "last-ditch effort" therapist. She specializes at getting to the root of problems quickly, with tools for immediate change and resolution. All hope is never lost when it comes to therapy with Sharon. She is a relationship…

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Stephanie Armstrong is a graduate of Sullivan University holding a Bachelors of Science of Paralegal Studies and a Masters of Science in Conflict Management. She has over 20 years experience in the insurance and litigation field with a primary focus in personal injury, medical malpractice, family law and elder law. S…

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With the holidays fast approaching, our emotions seem to jump all over the place. We’re excited, anxious, stressed, because there’s so much to plan, and we want the holidays to be perfect. Yet, the thought of the holiday dinner quickly reminds us of past events that have been anything but loving and peaceful. Most families have some kind of history of arguments that seem to erupt at the yearly holiday dinner table.

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Minimizing Holiday Stress While the holidays are supposed to be a joyous time spent with our most loved family and friends, it also comes with extra stress. We find ourselves in the midst of shopping for that perfect gift, planning parties, attending parties, cooking, baking, attending company functions, working extra hours to fill in for those taking holiday vacations, worrying about finances, especially during this tough economic time and keeping up with the regular day to day responsibilities. We quickly find ourselves on complete overload.

Published · 1,992 views · Rated 4/5 from 2 votes

Sounds crazy, but it’s true! Simply put, the first argument you have with your partner, if left unresolved, will manifest itself time and time again - in different forms – throughout your entire relationship. When we fall in love and begin a partnership, we temporarily maintain our best ...

Published · 2,886 views · Rated 3/5 from 2 votes

“Stress is damaging to your health, so take care of yourself,” is very sound advice, but what exactly does that mean and how exactly do you take care of yourself and lessen stress? Experiencing optimal physical, mental, and spiritual health includes the good fortune of having healthy and ...“Stress is damaging to your health, so take care of yourself,” is very sound advice, but what exactly does that mean and how exactly do you take care of yourself and lessen stress?

Published · 4,034 views · Rated 3/5 from 1 votes

No matter how young or old you are, or how hard things have been, it’s never too late to review what works and what doesn’t work in your life. It’s easy to lose focus on what you really want due to the daily demands of life. However, there’s always a way to look at your life differently, to ...No matter how young or old you are, or how hard things have been, it’s never too late to review what works and what doesn’t work in your life. It’s easy to lose focus on what you really want due to the daily demands of life.

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Is it possible for something good to come out of the economic downtu ? Can a relationship, even one that may be experiencing its own hard times, come out better for surviving the hard times? Here are some ways to use the recession to your benefit: 1. Back to Basics. View this as an ...Is it possible for something good to come out of the economic downtu ? Can a relationship, even one that may be experiencing its own hard times, come out better for surviving the hard times? Here are some ways to use the recession to your benefit:

Published · 2,592 views · Rated 3.5/5 from 2 votes

For most of us, we want the holidays to be fun and exciting. But more often than not, the holiday season evokes tension and stress. By spending more money than our budgets allow, or going overboard by eating the wrong foods, or taking on too many activities…these exte al stressors are only a piece of the bigger picture. These problems only compound when we are faced with unresolved family issues and budget limitations.

Published · 2,572 views · Rated 4.5/5 from 2 votes

After a separation or divorce, the first holiday season can bring tremendous stress and sadness, in addition to feeling overwhelmed and frightened. Coping with loss and grief, coupled with changes in familiar patterns and traditions, can magnify your feelings about the separation or divorce during the holiday season. Up to this point, you may have felt you were making progress in moving on with your life, but the holidays seem to emerge with feelings of grief all over again!

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With the holidays fast approaching, our emotions seem to jump all over the place. We’re excited, anxious, stressed, because there’s so much to plan, and we want the holidays to be perfect. Yet, the thought of the holiday dinner quickly reminds us of past events that have been anything but loving and peaceful. Most families have some kind of history of arguments that seem to erupt at the yearly holiday dinner table.

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Are you tired of feeling stressed and angry during the holidays? Do you want this special time of the year to be filled with peace and joy? Do you wish for a fight-free holiday season with your loved ones? Make your Christmas wish come true by following these simple guidelines that will turn your holidays from tense and stressful to peaceful and loving: 1. Write down your recurrent, usual, and predictable fights about the holidays. For example, “Mom always wants me to come to her house first and gets mad if we go to my in-laws’ house before hers.”

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With the holidays around the corner, and before the stress and panic really hit, make this a time to look at your relationship and take inventory to see what's working and what isn't. Begin to NURTURE your relationship NOW, in new and more effective ways, so that the holidays can be a time of closeness and connection, rather than fighting and resentment.

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He says no…she says yes. She wants to go to her best friend’s for Thanksgiving dinner, he’s firm about going to his parents’. She wants a change…he wants the same. Suddenly you’re not feeling thankful for anything at all. Sound familiar? So, how do you put the thankful back into Thanksgiving? How do you come to a middle ground with your partner, your family, and yourself?

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Male or female friendships are usually a threat to the primary relationship, but they really don’t HAVE to be. What fears us the most is the sexual aspect of this oftentimes complicated relationship. It’s difficult to keep the friendship platonic, given that 90% of the time, one of the friends has experienced romantic feelings for his/her friend. Sometimes this is talked about, and sometimes it isn’t, but the feelings are there. The primary relationship can then be affected with secrets, lies, and avoidance.

Published · 3,138 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

The healthiest and longest lasting relationships don’t just happen because a couple fell in love. The majority of strong and healthy marriages are created by using a formula composed of six vital elements.

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One of the hardest things to do is to leave a relationship. A more difficult undertaking is staying out. Maybe it wasn’t so bad. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough. Maybe she could change after all. Maybe I could put up with more tha I thought; after all, I do love him.

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We all seem to think that we need to find our perfect mate or soul mate. But does a perfect mate even exist and, if so, does this mean that the only way to be happy is to find this perfect soul mate? What if you don’t? What if you spend your entire life looking, only to end up alone in your fantasy delusion because you didn’t find him/her? Are we really searching for fantasy in our relationships?

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We’re a cult of list makers. We make to-do lists, grocery lists, packing lists, and now a list of must-have qualities for our potential partner. She needs to be independent, yet be devoted; he needs to earn a good living, yet have enough time for her. He needs to have follow-through on his promises; she needs to not be demanding. And on it goes. If some of these qualities don’t appear right away, do you end the relationship? Or how long should you stay if all the items on your list aren’t there?

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Unless someone is completely vicious, no one enters a marriage with the intention of destroying it, yet the divorce rate gets higher every year and couples, even if they don’t divorce, are often unhappy and in loveless marriages. By being aware of what you may be doing in your marriage that could eventually destroy it, you can create a successful and flourishing relationship:

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As summer ends, we see the light changing and the days becoming shorter and shorter. That fall chill in the air seems to come out of nowhere, and we often begin to sense sadness and maybe even depression, prompting us to think, what’s that all about? Though fall is beautiful with the leaves changing color and the grapes being harvested, it is FALL, the ebbing part of the year. For me, fall made me sad and depressed because it represented the end of summer fun and a new year of school to tackle.

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Where has all the love gone that you once felt for your partner? Do you seem to fight about everything? Has your partner become your enemy? How did it happen?

Published · 12,323 views · Rated 3.7/5 from 3 votes

3 Steps to Resolving Your Fights and Loving Each Other Again

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We seem to prepare for everything in our life – jobs, exams, etc. Why then don’t we prepare for a successful marriage? According to divorce statistics, it is estimated that between 40 and 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce in the United States. Without realizing it, most couples have unrealistic ideas about marriage perpetuated by fairy tales, movies, and fantasy novels. These misconceptions about love can render a couple helpless to resolve conflict, creating trouble and havoc when it suddenly appears in the marriage.

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In these tough times of economic and political turmoil, with a critical Presidential election right around the corner, everyone is talking politics. Hot political debate is being fueled around the dinner table, over coffee, over drinks, and at parties. The upcoming election is in the air! But what about couples who are in different political parties with opposing points of view? Can they live happily ever after? It depends on several issues:

Published · 4,541 views · Rated 4.5/5 from 2 votes

Have you ever considered a year without arguments? In these times of economic chaos, it is more important than ever to minimize your fighting and disagreements, and create a more harmonious relationship with your spouse and family. Couples simply cannot afford to divorce as easily during a recession, but with some new intentions and techniques, a failing marriage can be salvaged and healed.

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Sounds crazy, but it’s true! Simply put, the first argument you have with your partner, if left unresolved, will manifest itself time and time again - in different forms – throughout your entire relationship.

Published · 3,411 views · Rated 4/5 from 1 votes

The first argument is the most crucial argument you will ever have in your relationship, setting the stage for all arguments to follow. Future conflicts will often look and sound like they’re different, but most times are simply variations of the first, unresolved argument. Understanding that the first argument is a tool for healing, rather than just a random conflict, can spare yourself years of grief, hopelessness, and helplessness in your relationships.

Published · 3,509 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

When is it time to say, “My relationship is in trouble, and we need help”? How do you know when that time is? When couples wait too long to ask for help, the relationship may be beyond repair. The sooner help is sought, the better chance there is of recovering, saving, and actually strengthening the relationship. This includes issues dealing with affairs or other types of betrayal. The longer we wait, the more entrenched we get in destructive patterns and resentment, and all hope for change is lost. At a certain point, we don’t even want change…we just want to be done.

Published · 2,505 views · Rated 1/5 from 1 votes

You’re in a new relationship, and you’re starting to see some red flags, warning you that the relationship may not be a good bet, but does that mean you should leave? How many red flags does it take to make that decision? How do you know if the red flags mean future disaster, or are just a warning?

Published · 3,352 views · Rated 3.3/5 from 3 votes

The same, unanswered questions keep getting asked each time a celebrity or politician gets caught cheating: Why? Are they bored? Is the fear of getting caught exciting? Is monogamy just not their thing? Are they searching for an outlet for fetishes they’re afraid to ask their partners about? Do they feel neglected by their mate? Is sex addiction a real thing, or just a scapegoat for wrongdoings? Are cheaters just plain selfish, unremorseful, and uncaring about the feelings of their partner?

Published · 2,281 views · Rated 1/5 from 1 votes

Usually we’re surprised by an affair because we’ve ignored the early warning signs, such as arguments that never got resolved, or built up feelings of resentment due to diminishing communication and emotional and sexual interest. We don’t realize that these are the seeds of affairs. We don’t take these signs seriously because we think the issues will go away or resolve themselves. But they don’t. They unconsciously build momentum, and before we know it, we have found out that our partner has cheated…without us even knowing.

Published · 2,116 views · Rated 1/5 from 1 votes

There is a significant difference between anger and rage. Anger can be viewed as a scale that ranges from minor irritation to intense rage. It can be very scary indeed when the scale tips toward rage. Most of us don’t have any idea what to do when someone we love becomes that angry. Do we leave them alone until they calm down? Will that enrage them more? Do you get angry back? Will that enrage them more? Can you even reason with someone who is that mad? Do you have to protect yourself from their anger?

Published · 4,928 views · Rated 3/5 from 2 votes

One of the greatest desires married couples have is to stay together forever and have a happy, healthy relationship. But what about past hurts that you can’t let go of? Are they creating more pain than happiness in your relationship?

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Does your spouse take credit for your ideas? Or do people compliment your spouse for tasks or projects that you did? Do you get the credit where credit is due?

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That old phrase, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me” is not really true. Words may not inflict visible bruises like sticks and stones, but they pack a punch nonetheless. They injure our insides, our feelings, and our self-esteem. Exte al bruises are tangible proof that we’ve been hurt. Internal bruises from verbal attacks are harder to prove, harder to acknowledge, and harder to talk about.

Published · 2,828 views · Rated 3.8/5 from 4 votes

An affair is one of the most difficult challenges a couple can face. It is a powerful catalyst that can either end the relationship or take it to a greater level of intimacy. An extreme symptom of a relationship that has been in trouble for some time, affairs do not happen out of the blue. They challenge both partners to look at themselves and their relationship in a radically new way.

Published · 2,347 views · Rated 3/5 from 2 votes

According to statistics, 45 or 55 percent of married women and 50 to 60 percent of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship. An affair is one of the most difficult challenges a couple can face, and nothing destroys a marriage faster than marital infidelity. As shocking as statistics are, you may wonder then if it’s really possible to affair-proof your marriage. The answer is: Yes, it’s possible. But in order to make that happen, it’s important to know what can cause an affair.

Published · 2,359 views · Rated 3/5 from 3 votes

Marriage is supposed to last “forever,” isn’t it? When we decide to get married, we truly believe that forever will happen. Sometimes that’s easier said than done, because most of us don’t have realistic guidelines or tools to know how to make a marriage last. When we fall in love, we usually think that’s all we’ll need to be happy. However, when “reality” sets in and a couple has their first real argument, they both realize that their partner isn’t perfect.

Published · 4,060 views · Rated 4.6/5 from 5 votes

I was reading an article the other day about how heart disease is on the rise in women. This comes as no surprise as women of today juggle such a wide range of responsibilities – careers, families, finances, continuing education - that they tend to allow their health and well-being take a back seat. They function on fumes, and at the end of the day, they feel tired, unfulfilled and out of balance.

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Have you ever had these limiting thoughts about your ability to relax? “Oh, I’m long overdue for this”, or “I definitely earned it”, or “I just don’t have the time to relax”, or ”You know, sometimes I feel like I’ve forgotten how to relax” Would you like to add more relaxation to your life? I sure hope so! Relaxation will help you to strengthen your relationships, restore your body’s natural good health, boost your productivity, calm your restless mind, and bring balance into your life.

Published · 1,610 views · Rated 3.6/5 from 11 votes

Perhaps the most important commonality clients of trained personal coaches have in common is that they achieve their clearly defined life goals sooner by moving through challenges more quickly. Many coaching clients enjoy new levels of happiness, improved communication skills, renewed mental and physical vitality, enhanced creativity, more effective time management and personal productivity, heightened emotional stability, improved income, and deeper intimacy in relationships.

Published · 1,558 views · Rated 4.7/5 from 3 votes

7 Tips For Parenting From Afar Whether afar is across town or across the country these tips will help any parent who is not currently sleeping under the same roof as his or her children, due to divorce or some other reason.

Published · 1,797 views · Rated 2.4/5 from 7 votes

As a professional mediator I have seen the power of the apology first hand. Practicing the 12-Step directive to "make a list of all persons we have harmed, become willing to make amends to them all, and make direct amends wherever possible" may be one of the best life practices you can incorporate. In fact, adopting this philosophy can drastically improve your relationships. Here is what you need to know about apologies:

Published · 1,573 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

For many women, the mother-daughter connection is life's most complex relationship. So it comes as no surprise that many of us struggle with the relationship that we share with our mothers and many of us struggle with the relationships that we share with our daughters. As a mediator and as a woman, I am intrigued by how the mother-daughter bond can bring both conflict and comfort.

Published · 5,323 views · Rated 2/5 from 2 votes

I have been reading various articles on dealing with anxiety; All well intentioned, and providing good advice, but is it the right advice? Simply saying to not worry and be more content does little to help me. I know that’s what I need to do. It just makes me all the more frustrated when I can’t. I think, if I could just stop obsessing about this, maybe I wouldn’t be so anxious. I need to know how to stop.

Published · 1,013 views · Rated 5/5 from 2 votes

Conflict Resolution in the Bird World n(or how to find a win/win solution with someone who seems to be a bully.) I usually spend some of the Christmas period at my parental home in Surrey, South East England. Outside the kitchen window there is a bird feeder suspended from an apple tree. One ...

Published · 1,326 views

(....or why conflict avoidance, under the guise of tolerance, can be a dangerous thing.) I was once asked to support a man who had been sent to prison for carrying out a violent attack on his neighbour. He was referred to me to see if I could help him with what was considered to be some ...

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“I'm tired of arguing” are four of the most defeating words in your relationships. And there really are better ways for effectively managing conflict! As a coach and human resource administrator, I've heard these words so many times and usually it says more about you than it does about others.

Published · 6,451 views · Rated 4/5 from 3 votes

Understanding your choices is essential in managing conflict. And, yes, there is always more than one choice! You just have to decide what consequence you will live with. This helps you resolve your own inner conflict. And just as important is the strategy of providing choices for others when you are in conflict. The narrowing of choice is not motivating. It is the expansion of choice or the opportunity to decide that motivates an individual to go beyond feeling victimized. And in businesses or organizations, it allows an individual to go beyond minimal competence.

Published · 1,743 views · Rated 3/5 from 3 votes

Most of us grow up conditioned to believe that conflict is bad. That is a myth! And it’s a pretty destructive myth because it places all of us in a position of being bad in some way because we are in conflict within ourselves or we experience conflict with others. Truthfully, being in conflict is as easy as falling off a log! With a little shift in perception and some help in understanding the true nature of conflict, we can walk the log skillfully, with balance and reach our destination on the other side. Some say that conflict is not good or bad - it just is!

Published · 1,877 views · Rated 2/5 from 1 votes

Conflict happens in relationships. And the tension it brings is opportunity knocking at the door. We actually learn more by listening than we do by talking! When we are experiencing contrast or conflict with others, we are usually trying our best to persuade them to our point of view. And that means we just keep talking - hoping the others will see the light of our perspective. What happens if you shift your strategy and start listening - really listening? There are many benefits for you if you will apply this one very important communication tool in resolving conflicts. 1.

Published · 2,895 views · Rated 4/5 from 4 votes

Are you a disciple of some faith? What is the Truth that you bear witness to through your faith? By definition, a disciple of Christ is always stepping up spiritually by bearing witness to Jesus the Christ. Being a disciple need not mean that you throw off all your earthly occupations or do away with all other endeavors in life.

Published · 1,482 views · Rated 3.5/5 from 2 votes

Stepping Up Spiritually is a basic element of being on any Path of expanded consciousness. It is really for each of us to interpret what being my brother’s keeper means in our daily lives. Fortunately, it is one of those phrases that needs little in the way of basic explanation. It is the unexpected events in life that provide opportunity for us to truly put it to work. Tomorrow, a neighbor may fall down the steps and need physical assistance.

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Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. (Matthew: 5:23-25) Managing conflict sometimes means admitting you are wrong or acknowledging that you have hurt or harmed some other part of life. This verse of Scripture simply and lovingly instructs us about what is most important. We may be seeking to get right with God – the Spirit of God that is somehow much higher than where we are.

Published · 1,661 views · Rated 3/5 from 2 votes

There are so many positive strategies and processes to use in managing conflict effectively. And sometimes it’s very important to know how to avoid the pitfalls. You will enhance your success in finding heart peace if you stay aware of the energies that are the indicators and outcomes of conflict. These energies begin with small contrasts that come from mismatched expectations among people. And there are some mistakes you can avoid making if you know about them before they come up. You can safely and effectively avoid these Five Mistakes during Conflict.

Published · 1,723 views · Rated 3.5/5 from 2 votes

The biggest obstacle to effective conflict management may just be your own history! You and the others in your relationships all have a past when it comes to communicating, building relationships and managing conflicts. Your patterns of behavior are built on your perceptions of what is happening to you and how others are relating to you. And most of us have our own best interests in mind when we are negotiating our way through expectations that are not being met.

Published · 1,363 views · Rated 3/5 from 1 votes

Economic times are bad! Finances are tight! I can’t afford to carry these people! Sound familiar? If you add your energy to this choir of voices in conflict, you are actually creating a reality that you don’t want! How DO you deal with conflict and financial realities without adding your “energy” to a downward spiral? When change happens – like tight money – loss – unexpected events – don’t you tend to contract, restrict, reserve, withdraw and withhold resources? Wait a minute! Take a deep breath and look around you.

Published · 1,350 views · Rated 2/5 from 1 votes

"Karma, or cosmic justice, puts everyone into conditions where they can either learn or atone for something." Helena Roerich Is Karma fair? In Biblical terms, karma is reaping what you sow. As it turns out, that word “karma” has karma of its own. It sometimes has bad press because some people only think of karma as something bad coming back to punish them. It is really just the principle of cause and effect but it is not merely limited to an act like slapping someone and getting slapped back. Karma is also the sum total of all we have done and all that has been done to us.

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What’s wrong with New Year’s resolutions? Is it because the word “resolution” has become associated with superficial, lofty goals that fade almost as quickly as our hangover from the New Year’s Eve celebration? Or could it be that there is simply no time betwee Thanksgiving and New Year’s to do any serious goal-setting—given all the holiday parties, family obligations, and end-of-the-year work deadlines that must be met?

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Managing conflict with coworkers doesn’t have to be difficult. Below are eight simple rules that should both help you deal with conflict and improve your relationships at work. Rule 1: See conflict as an opportunity Your perception of conflict has a direct impact on how it plays out in your ...

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All too often organizations cry out for what I call the quick fix. You know the scenario: two employees not getting along, probably personality differences, not real receptive to previous internal interventions, etc., so the organization decides to bring in outside help to fix the problem. ...

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Much like the lighthouse that provides guidance and direction for sea-bearing vessels, leaders must become the beacon of light in their own lives before they can effectively lead others. As we have come to learn, true leadership is not about a title or a position in an organization. Nor is it ...

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The four-day trip around the Channel Islands, just off the coast of Southern Califo ia, started out like it was supposed to—calm seas, plenty of sunshine, and moderate wind speed of 18 to 20 knots. The channel was only about 35 miles across, which meant we would make safe harbor for the evening in five to six hours. The Backstoryr

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Why do we hold back on saying the things that matter? In the movie Jerry Maguire, Jerry, played by Tom Cruise, has an epiphany in the middle of the night that ends up changing his life. In that moment he comes to the realization that his agency’s focus on getting more clients is completely wrong. Instead, he asserts, the focus needs to be put on the relationship with our current clients by providing more time, attention, and caring.

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“Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. “ Jonathan Kozol: On Being a Teacher, 1981 Truthfully I do not know if I completely agree with the above quote, I bring it to you anyway because part of me thinks, ‘well this makes sense, I want to pick battles I can win’; but part of me wonders, ‘is this discouraging me from thinking big?’ I have spent so much time learning that so many of us really under estimate ourselves, that I would never want the above to be an excuse for playing it too safe or not fully utilizing our potential.

Published · 2,503 views · Rated 3.7/5 from 3 votes

“To observe people in conflict is a necessary part of a child's education. It helps him to understand and accept his own occasional hostilities and to realize that differing opinions need not imply an absence of love.” … Milton R Sapirstein When children can see others disagree and disagree with respect and they see that nothing bad happens, what a terrific example! Disagreement is part of life. Becoming upset is part of life.

Published · 1,530 views · Rated 3.8/5 from 4 votes

I remember it like it was yesterday. I still remember this supervisor looking at me and yelling, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WOULD NOT CHOOSE THE MINISTER?” Ok, Ok – this is a pretty old memory (from the late 1980’s), so it could be that I don’t have the details quite right. Maybe she did not really yell and maybe everyone in the room did not turn and stare at me and maybe I did not turn beet red. Or maybe some of this is how it really happened.

Published · 1,456 views · Rated 3.8/5 from 4 votes

You have worked side-by-side with your team for quite some time and the good news is that it has been truly enjoyable. You get along, you work hard together and you laugh hard together. Lucky you, this might even be an example of a high performing team. You assumed it was because you had so much in common. Then one day the inevitable occurred. The conversation turned toward religion or politics or some other high stakes topic. You were not too conce ed. After all, you get along so well and this must be because you are all so alike.

Published · 1,346 views · Rated 4/5 from 2 votes

“There is no squabbling so violent as that between people who accepted an idea yesterday and those who will accept the same idea tomorrow… “ CHRISTOPHER MORLEY Wow now isn’t that the truth? Here is another excellent opportunity to sharpen your conflict resolution skills. Some of you accept new ideas right away in fact you live for the opportunity to challenge the status quo. Some of you don’t see the need for anything new, everything works now as-is, why gum up the process? Why fix something that is not broken? Most of you are probably somewhere in the middle.

Published · 1,733 views · Rated 4/5 from 2 votes

“Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. “ Jonathan Kozol: On Being a Teacher, 1981 Truthfully I do not know if I completely agree with the above quote, I bring it to you anyway because part of me thinks, ‘well this makes sense, I want to pick battles I can win’; but part of me wonders, ‘is this discouraging me from thinking big?’ I have spent so much time learning that so many of us really under estimate ourselves, that I would never want the above to be an excuse for playing it too safe or not fully utilizing our potential.

Published · 1,455 views · Rated 3/5 from 3 votes

"There are three ways of dealing with difference: domination, compromise, and integration. By domination only one side gets what it wants; by compromise neither side gets what it wants; by integration we find a way by which both sides may get what they wish..." Mary Parker Follett The above quote is an ideal reminder that there are multiple ways to deal with conflict. Is there a bias being displayed about the best way to resolve a conflict? Sure, in this instance the favored approach is integration.

Published · 1,712 views · Rated 3.5/5 from 2 votes

That’s it YOU have had it. You are tired of dealing with that person. THEY are always doing things on purpose to make you look bad. THEY are always doing things on purpose to get on YOUR nerves. Well it is time to do something, so YOU are going on the attack. Going on the attack can mean different things to different people or different things in different environments. For the purposes of our conversation you are not planning a physical attack. This is the workplace and let’s assume an office environment. Your form of attack looks something like this:

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“Go ahead and tell me the steps you will take to complete this assignment.” This is the question that none of my early supervisors ever asked me on the job. And boy was I relieved that they never asked this question. Why? Because I had no clue! When I was new on the job I was afraid to ask questions or to admit what I did not know. I would run back to my cubicle and frantically search for the information I needed to complete my new assignment.

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Mary Carol read the email from Tisha and was really annoyed. She had just met with Tisha yesterday and everything seemed fine. Now here was this really harsh email. It made no sense.

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“Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.”rn- John Kenneth Galbraith Have you ever watched someone put enormous time and energy into proving why they were right? I am talking about the kind of person who just cannot let it go. You or someone else disagrees with them about something and then the next thing you know you get a half hour lecture on why they are right, then a follow-up phone call and several emails. Phew, that is so much energy!

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“Oh no, here we go again” thought Joe as his Quality Assurance Analyst Heidi approached him with his memo, complete with typos circled in red ink. He was not really annoyed by Heidi, she was just doing what she does; he mainly felt embarrassed. After all as the leader shouldn’t all of his work be perfect? He tried, he really did, but editing his own writing was just boring to him and not one of his strengths.

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Danielle left the house with just five minutes to spare. It would have been better if she had left ten or fifteen minutes early because she wanted to stop and buy a cup of coffee. She decided that she could probably get in and out of the coffee house within seven minutes and that being just two minutes late to work was perfectly acceptable. Then Danielle drove to the coffee house. When Danielle arrived at the coffee house the line seemed manageable. But quickly Danielle was able to see that she was going to be late.

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“Margaret, you share with us these great tips for treating people with compassion. You make sense when you remind us that other people’s behavior is about them. But how are we supposed to really do this in the real world? Especially when someone is right in my face and I just want to yell at them?” Not only is that a fair and honest question, it is one I hear frequently. If treating others with compassion was easy to do all of the time, almost everyone would do it all of the time.

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For many of us becoming comfortable with conflict is part of our continued personal development. Here are three tips for you to work with as you continue to make peace with conflict. 1) Take time to learn and understand the various conflict resolution modes. What are the conflict resolution modes?

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And which one do you use most often? When you understand how you handle conflict, you can begin to understand when your approach is effective and when it is not. Then you can learn to adapt your behavior and draw from different conflict resolutions styles as-needed. There are five conflict handling modes and one of these is your preferred mode. These five modes come from the TKI or Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument. What is the TKI? The TKI is a questionnaire designed to measure how you tend to handle inter-personal conflict.

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Your Emotional Intelligence can help make or break you. After all your Emotional Intelligence or EQ is your ability to handle yourself and others. It is all about your ability to get along with others and build relationships. In today’s world it is not enough to be good at the technical aspects of your job, if you really want to separate yourself from the pack you need to get along well with others too! Getting along well with others also means that you can face conflict with the people around you and keep those relationships intact.

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Here is a New Year’s resolution you almost never hear: “This year I vow to keep everything the same, I am going to weigh the same, exercise the same, talk to all of the same people and be exactly the same.” New Year’s resolutions are about change and sometimes change is difficult. Let’s explore some of the reason you make and then avoid (or don’t keep) those resolutions. One reason for making resolutions is peer pressure. The people around us expect us to make resolutions for the New Year.

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The women next to me in line said to her friend, "I am so tired of people telling me what I should do. I just want to yell, STOP SHOULDING ON ME!" I could not help but smile a bit. Not at her annoyance and frustration, but at the phrase, 'stop shoulding on me.' I thought, "What a great expression." The expression stayed with me for days.

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Most of the times you do not want conflict to go unaddressed. It is your job as a leader to ensure that your team engages in healthy and productive conflict and to make sure that conflict is not ignored. After all desperately hoping that an issue will just go away is a great way to turn a small issue into a gigantic problem! Then why is avoiding conflict is one of the recognized modes of conflict resolution as defined by the TKI or Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument?

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My husband turned to me and said, "Everyone here is so nice and so relaxed and so happy". I thought about it for a minute and replied, "Well if you can't be happy here, where can YOU be happy?" The HERE in "Well if you can't be happy here..." was one of the most beautiful tropical islands in the world. My thought was how could a person be unhappy when they are in the middle of paradise?

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Mary Carol had a difficult decision to make. Her team had an important and risky system upgrade to complete. The upgrade definitely needed to occur over a weekend. The schedule was tight and many of the team members felt that the upgrade should occur over an upcoming holiday weekend. This would give them extra time just in case the upgrade did not go smoothly. Other team members hated this idea and were rebelling against the idea of giving up a weekend plus a Monday holiday. As the senior project manager, Mary Carol would make the final decision.

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No, we cannot all get along all of the time. It is unrealistic to think that all team members will absolutely agree with you or with each other all of the time. If every time you are together, there is never any disagreement, look out - you have problems. Sure, maybe the first time you meet you are on your best behavior. But if this persists, perhaps you have a tendency toward getting along. This means you value being agreeable over other traits. Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being accommodating.

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Maybe you've mastered conflict resolution and you like to help others. Maybe you are the one that others come to for help when they have a conflict or you work in an environment where conflict occurs regularly. But somehow you find yourself stepping in and helping to resolve the conflicts around you. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? It depends. It certainly makes more sense for you to be involved in healthy conflict as opposed to unhealthy conflict. And today we will focus on healthy conflict. What is healthy conflict?

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Recently we have discussed steps to take to when you decide to step in and step up to conflict resolution. In ‘You Decide to Resolve a Conflict’ Part I and Part II one of the underlying assumptions was that you had time to plan your actions and the steps you would take to resolve the conflict.

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You have observed a conflict between some of your team members and you realize you are the right person to help them reach a resolution. How do you KNOW this? You have carefully considered the situation, perhaps using “Can You SHOULD You Help Resolve the Conflicts Around You?” as your guide. Your next move is all abut the HOW, as-in HOW to move forward. The optimal scenario is that you are able to prepare in advance. Today we are going to look at the first few steps to take to help you prepare.

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In You Decide to Resolve a Conflict, Now What? (http://blog.melonicoaching.com/?p=818) we discussed some steps to take when you decide to step in and help resolve a conflict. These steps were designed to help you when you know in advance that you will be facilitating resolution.

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Last year there was an unfortunate incident at a military base in the United States. I am talking about Fort Hood. An individual started shooting people. Within hearing range of the shooting a graduation ceremony was taking place. Attending the graduation were medics and other trained personnel. In the midst of this sad crisis, something interesting happened. Many of the participants in the graduation ceremony heard the gunfire and dropped everything and ran towards it.

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The time has come. You have a conflict and it cannot and must not be avoided. Not everyone agrees on the solution and arriving at an approach that moves you and the team forward is absolutely necessary. Now what? This really does not need to be a big deal. But you do want to set the stage for a strong and healthy battle. Sure the word battle does not always have positive connotations, but when you have multiple factions arguing over an issue, you do have a battle. If it makes you feel better call it a competition.

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“I am too busy doing the work to worry about all that people stuff”, said one of my students.

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Sometimes conflict cannot be avoided and that is not a bad thing. When you and your team or you and a colleague resolve a conflict together, you build a better working relationship. When I say to you, ‘Don’t give in without a fight’; I don’t mean go have an ugly nasty altercation. I mean don’t just back down when you have a disagreement, don’t avoid a healthy debate and don’t give in because it feels easier or you think it is the peaceful thing to do. It isn’t the peaceful thing to do, because YOU won’t feel peace and neither will your team.

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Mary Carol arrived at the hospital too late, Lydia had just died. Mary Carol and her co-workers all knew that Lydia was dying. Lydia had been fighting cancer for several months and unfortunately she did not respond to the treatment. Mary Carol was coming to say goodbye. She said her good byes and helped the family as best she could. Then she placed a call to Gina. Mary Carol worked for Gina and so had Lydia. When Gina did not reply to her call, Mary Carol left another message. Gina never replied to Mary Carols call.

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Do you and the people you work with share the exact same beliefs, perspectives, priorities and goals? Probably not. Hmmm, I guess that means you are going to experience conflict. Conflict is a condition in which people’s conce s appear to be incompatible. In fact since you and your co-workers are not intellectual and emotional clones of one another, conflict is inevitable. Conflict is a natural byproduct of our environment. Conflict is not inherently bad or evil (although some of us have been taught to avoid conflict like the plague). Conflict does not have to lead to fighting.

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One of the more common definitions of conflict is that it is a clash between two (or more) opposing groups or that it is a power struggle or a battle between opposing forces. When you think of conflict, you may think of it as a negative (think power struggle or battle) or you may think that it must always be about other people. Some of you may go as far as to believe that if it were not for other people you would never have to deal with conflict. Today, I ask you to consider a few questions.

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Question: What happens when you take someone with empathy and place them in a meeting with someone who is pitching a fit? Answer: The person who is pitching the fit gets lucky because they have someone in the room who understands that sometimes others get upset in the workplace AND someone who can probably help them gracefully stop pitching that fit. Let's try another one. Question: What happens when you take someone who knows they are tired and crabby and then you invite them to a meeting to tell them bad news? Answer: If they are self-aware and they can self-regulate then you sho

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“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.” Do any of you remember that charming little childhood chant? It was meant to ward off the cruel verbal taunts we received from other children. Sometimes kids can be very harsh with their teasing. Sometimes adults can be very harsh with their words too. And the above childhood chant, well sometimes it may have helped you but most of the time it You see words are a very powerful tool. Expressing our thoughts as words is one of the strongest powers we possess as human beings.

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Sally looked at Mary Carol and said, "Wow how did you do that? How did you just brush it off, I mean Jim just got in your face and told you that he hates working with you. And you are just as calm and collected as ever." Mary Carol looked at Sally and said, "Well I am really not taking it personally." Sally was flabbergasted. "How can you NOT take that personally?" she asked. Mary Carol shared her beliefs about taking things personally: "What other people say and do, is really a reflection of them. The decisions people make about their own behavior is really about themselves.

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In one of the first classes I taught, I had a student who was always scowling at me. It would have been really hard to miss that scowl. He sat in the front row and it was a small class in a small room. He was friendly enough when he entered the class room and when he left for the evening. But invariably at some point during our class discussions he would scrunch up his face and start scowling at me. I had no idea what I was doing to upset him. I spent a great deal of time thinking about it. I can’t say that I changed the content of the course I was teaching because of his scowls.

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If you follow sports you have noticed that top athletes do not always perform consistently. A world class runner may break a world record in one competition and then not even place in the same event one week later. A champion weight lifter might break a record and then be unable to lift that same weight for several workouts. These are professionals, champions, stars - why can't they demonstrate peak performance every time? Aren't they giving it their all each time? Well, they are doing their best. There is nothing wrong.

Published · 1,863 views · Rated 3.6/5 from 5 votes

Most of you are your own worst critic. So when you make a mistake you are much harder on yourself than you would be on anyone else. It is completely normal to be disappointed with yourself, but the longer you beat yourself up the longer it takes for you to regain your confidence. If you were mad with a friend or a family member, that anger may not go away in five minutes. You might be angry for a little while. The same thing is going to be true with YOU. And again, if you are your own worst critic, you’re going to be harder on yourself than you would be with someone else.

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Is this you? You start working for somebody new and you want to make a good impression. Maybe you start carrying your BlackBerry with you everywhere and you answer them all night and all weekend. Every time they send you something, you answer them whether or not you are on call. As time goes by you find that you are becoming annoyed by the people you work with. What is up with them? They call you or text you all hours of the day and night. When you do not answer right away they keep sending you message after message. You find yourself become ever more irritable.

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Hi Everyone, The item below is not a new post, but it has become an ‘old favorite’ and it is appropriate for this time of year. Once again I bring you ‘Seasoning Our Behavior’. This week marks the Thanksgiving holiday in the United States. There are many traditions that surround this holiday and I am not just talking about overeating and hitting the mall for shopping the next day. Thanksgiving designates the beginning of the holiday season for many residents of the United States. And the workplace during this time of year can be very interesting indeed.

Published · 1,414 views · Rated 2.7/5 from 3 votes

One of the more common definitions of conflict is that it is a clash between two (or more) opposing groups or that it is a power struggle or a battle between opposing forces. When you think of conflict, you may think of it as a negative (think power struggle or battle) or you may think that it must always be about other people. Some of you may go as far as to believe that if it were not for other people you would never have to deal with conflict. Today, I ask you to consider a few questions.

Published · 1,761 views · Rated 3.1/5 from 9 votes

It’s the end of a long day. You started the day early in order to meet a deadline and you ended the day late to meet that same deadline. The good news is that you reached your goal. The bad news is that traffic on the way home was miserable. When you arrive home you can’t wait to sit on the couch and just be a vegetable. Some mindless entertainment sounds perfect. Now it is Friday evening and it has been one tough week. You had planned to attend a seminar Saturday morning, but now you think it would feel better to sleep late.

Published · 924 views · Rated 4/5 from 1 votes

Jeanette and Rusty left work early to compare notes. Both of them worked for the same director and both of them were unhappy with their performance reviews. Jeanette had tried to discreetly ask her peers about their performance reviews, but Rusty seemed to be the only other manager who was upset. Over a glass of wine, Jeanette began her rant: “I think that every year the boss has to have at least two people who receive poor appraisals or he just doesn’t think he is being tough enough.

Published · 900 views · Rated 4/5 from 1 votes

EQ is the acronym for Emotional Intelligence. So not only do you and I have an IQ (Intelligence Quotient), we also have emotional intelligence. Emotional Intelligence is not about traditional intelligence. It is about our ability to handle ourselves and others. It is all about our ability to get along with others and build relationships. The concept of EQ became popularized by Daniel Goleman in 1995. His book (also called Emotional Intelligence), helped us to understand that it is not just technical and analytical abilities that make a successful leader.

Published · 1,242 views · Rated 4/5 from 2 votes

Scene One: “Do you think you could stop surfing the web long enough to get me a latte? I would hate to think your horoscope for the day includes bad customer service.” For some reason, snapping at the coffee house barista made Jane feel just a bit better. Jane slammed some money on the counter and waited for her coffee. When it was ready she picked it up and marched out of the coffee house, letting the door close in the face of the person walking out behind her. Wow, Jane really seems to be in a bad mood.

Published · 707 views · Rated 3/5 from 1 votes

The scene below depicts Jane and her behavior while in a bad mood. In this potential scenario Jane is being really hateful: “Do you think you could stop surfing the web long enough to get me a latte? I would hate to think your horoscope for the day includes bad customer service.” For some reason, snapping at the coffee house barista made Jane feel just a bit better. Jane slammed some money on the counter and waited for her coffee.

Published · 806 views · Rated 3/5 from 2 votes

Jane had a tough decision to make. She had two strong candidates for her former Director of Software Development position. Newly promoted to CIO (Chief Information Officer) Jane needed to backfill her old position quickly. This was the first decision she would make in her new role, so selecting the right candidate was truly critical. While Jane was still in her previous position, she had worked with a leadership coach. The coach introduced Jane and her direct reports to the concept of EQ or Emotional Intelligence. The concept of EQ really resonated with Jane.

Published · 839 views · Rated 3/5 from 1 votes

So much of your life is a negotiation. At home you negotiate your children's bed times, what time dinner will be ready, whose family you visit for the holidays and many other items. At work you negotiate difficult deadlines, impossible budgets and over-allocated resources (including your own over-allocation).

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“Never compare your insides with someone else’s outside.” – Hugh Macleod It is not often that the quotes I share with you come from someone who is still breathing. Today’s quote does and this makes me a bit nervous. See I am not certain if I am using the quote the way that Hugh Macleod intends it to be used. (See http://gapingvoid.com/about/ to learn about Hugh). However, as he is all about being creative and has also written a book called Ignore Everybody I am going to proceed.

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"Do I have to be an extravert to be a good leader?" "Do I have to be able to walk up to strangers and strike up conversations to be a successful leader?" My answer to both of the above: no and no! I receive both of the above (or similar) questions all the time. For some reason people who are less outgoing think that if they cannot walk around glad handing people like politicians, that they will never be successful leaders. Funny thing, I have never had someone ask me “Hey, do I need to dial it down a bit and be less outgoing to be a good leader?”

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“But communication is two-sided - vital and profound communication makes demands also on those who are to receive it... demands in the sense of concentration, of genuine effort to receive what is being communicated.” Roger Sessions

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Sometimes your behaviors support you and sometimes they do not. The key is to identify the supporting behaviors or opportunities so that you can use them more and to identify the behaviors that are damaging or the threats so that you can learn to prevent them. When you pay close attention to your behaviors you can learn what causes certain behaviors and what is caused by those behaviors. In terms of emotional intelligence I would say that being self-aware is what leads you to exhibiting self-control.

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Communication is a skill that you can learn. It's like riding a bicycle or typing. If you're willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life. - Brian Tracy

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It was 4:45pm and the requirements review meeting had already gone fifteen minutes beyond the scheduled end time. Joe was becoming agitated. He needed to get out the door at 5:00 pm exactly in order to pick up his daughter from soccer practice. The meeting was not showing any signs of wrapping up. He let out a big sigh. He pointedly looked at his watch. Finally Joe blurted out “Who cares if the report displays in landscape or portrait format, just list the fields you need on the report and move on.”

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“It is better to be alone than in bad company.” - George Washington Other people do form opinions about you based on your group associations. This is also why good employees leave bad teams. They simply do not want to be associated with a group that has a bad reputation. They rarely hang around to try and improve that reputation; they get away from it as fast as they can.

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Scene 1, Take 1 In this movie version of 'The Life of a Team Member' (working title); the camera pans slowly across what appears to be a corporate office. We see workers dressed in business casual walking the hallways, coming in and out of conference rooms and sitting in cubicles. Two team members are talking outside a conference room door. As the camera closes in on the two we hear their conversation:

Published · 1,932 views · Rated 2/5 from 1 votes

“The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.” – Tony Blair No is not always negative. It is not a bad or incorrect response. Saying no does not make you a difficult or uncooperative person. Read that again, out loud. Saying no is more honest than a false yes, it will help you develop clarity about your intentions and it really sets you free.

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I need to tell you something. I hope you don’t mind. You see, what I have to tell you might not be something you want to know. But here goes, “You are not always right.” This is my polite way of telling you that sometimes you are wrong.

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There I was, brand new on the project, replacing a project manager who had vanished into thin air. I was beginning to envy him his vanishing act. I could see that the project had been ridiculously under estimated. I was not just new to the project, I was also new to the consulting firm I was representing. Oh and I had been told I would not be assigned to run any client projects until after three to four months of home office training and assisting other project managers.

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“Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication. “ Groucho Marx “I already know that.” Now there is a phrase that does not encourage conversation. In fact if someone approaches you to speak with you and you hit them with an “I already know that”; you might as well say “Go away” or “I don’t care what you think”. You just killed the conversation.

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So there you are in line at the grocery store or the hardware store or the bank. It could be anyplace really. You could be on hold waiting for a customer service representative or waiting for a meeting to begin. You have time on your hands, what do you do with that time? What time, you ask? You really do not plan on being in line or on hold or waiting for more than five minutes. It's not a large block of time. What difference can it make? The difference it makes depends on how you spend that time. Do you: - Spend it being annoyed that you have to wait?

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Over lunch, Jacob and Marilyn discussed some of the frustrations they were experiencing on one of their current projects. Jacob was a business analyst on the project and Marilyn was the subject matter expert. Jacob turned to Marilyn and said to her, “If you could say just one thing to Tom our project manager, what would it be?” Without hesitation Marilyn replied, “Please, make a decision.”

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Tom was not surprised when Jacob and Marilyn asked for a private meeting with him. He had a hunch that some of the team was displeased with him. He thought of Jacob and Marilyn as ‘unofficial’ team leaders. They seemed to be the two people who his team members looked to for professional guidance. Tom had mixed feeling about his upcoming meeting with the two of them. On the one hand it would be a relief to find out what was wrong and on the other hand, well he was going to find out what was wrong.

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“Tom I really think that when there is a technical decision to be made, it makes perfects sense for you to delegate the decision to Simon. After all he is our technical lead.” Marilyn chimed in, “I agree with Jacob. I think the trick is that you need to make it clear that you trust Simon to make the call.”

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“We can’t retract the decisions we’ve made, we can only affect the decisions we’re going to make from here.” As said by actor Jamie Foxx in the movie, Law Abiding Citizen.

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“I disliked working with those people so much that I don’t even know if I hate doing this for a living or it was just those people at THAT place.” - Anonymous Unfortunately this quote or versions of this quote are not unique to any specific individual. Isn’t that sad? I have heard it on more than on occasion.

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“The thing I have learned at IBM is that culture is everything.” Louis V. Gerstner, Jr. former CEO IBM Too often I have worked with people who have joined a new organization only to crash and burn. Too often a complete and total disregard for organizational culture has played a part in this unfortunate scenario. Here is what NOT to do: - Assume that because you were hired, you have something much more special than the people already employed at your new place of business - Complain about the way they do things, call them outdated or wrong

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It’s that time again, peace on earth and good will to all. Or at least it would be if you were not worried about those darned office parties. What are they anyway? Are they work or are they parties? Here are some tips to help you navigate the maze of professional pitfalls that lurk behind that innocent invitation to celebrate with your co-workers. Keep these tips in mind and emerge with your reputation clearer and stronger than ever before.

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This just in, you report to a human being! Whether or not she lets you see her human side or not, she has pressures, stresses, fears, and insecurities just like you do. So don’t think for a minute that just because someone has a director or a vice-president in their title that they have no worries. Take the time the time to understand the likes and dislikes of your management and do what you can to cater to them. There are some easy things you can do that some of the people around you are not doing.

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“Whenever you find yourself on the verge of losing your temper or falling into a bad mood, ask yourself, ‘Is this how I want to spend my day? Is it worth it to let this___________ (Fill-in-the-blank; person, situation etc.) take control of my day? Really?” – Margaret Meloni You are probably not surprised that the above comes from me. Yes, this is one of those points that I just will not give up. Perhaps you have sayings that you like to use or expressions that your family, friends and co-workers expect to hear from you. I guess this is one of mine.

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Have you ever looked at someone and thought, “I have no clue what this person is talking about.” Maybe you even have specifically thought, “Where is this person coming from?” You were not questioning their place of origin. What you were questioning was their perspective.

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“Jason, did you know we were waiting for you in the conference room down the hall?” Jason looked up from his desk and then at the clock and realized that yes he did know. Somehow he just forgot. He spent most of yesterday afte oon preparing for this budget meeting. He felt really odd about being late, there was no specific reason for it, he just kind of spaced out.

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Each day you bring strengths and weaknesses to work. You walk into the room (virtual or otherwise) with what makes you unique. Or as the saying goes, wherever you go, there you are. That is a good thing. It is all of the elements that make you, well you; that differentiate you from others. You cannot escape yourself, but you can GROW yourself. Remember that the definition of a risk includes both positive and negative events that impact the success of your project. Let’s update that in terms of what it means to you:

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Jarrod listened to what the team had to say and then he reached a decision. He was very comfortable making decisions and most of his decisions played out well for him and for his team. His decision making style typically involved soliciting input from his most trusted team members and then using that information to determine an action plan. His team knew how he liked to work, so they understood what to expect.

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Be skeptical but learn to listen. This seems like an interesting agreement to use in navigating today’s world. By agreement I mean a treaty or contract that you have made with yourself. I can’t take credit for this idea; it comes from ‘The Fifth Agreement’ by Don Miguel Ruiz and his son Don Jose Ruiz. Whether you acknowledge it or not you use agreements in each aspect of your life – personal and professional. You believe that you cannot write or that you cannot handle stress. These are agreements and based on them you make decisions.

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"As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might." Marian Anderson This is so obvious when you think about it from a physical perspective. If you were physically holding someone down, unless you have really long arms or really strong legs or some other technique; you have to adopt a posture which keeps you lower to the ground. I think this is only a good thing in wrestling or mixed martial arts fighting.

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Sometimes you find yourself working with someone and no matter how kind and compassionate you try to be, you still think they are a jerk. Maybe they yell all the time or they are condescending or a back stabber. It might be tempting to yell at them more loudly than they yelled at you or to answer them with sarcasm or to plot your revenge.

Published · 1,596 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

I do not know about you, but every once in a while when I think about all of the different causes I could join I start feeling overwhelmed. We have so much to do for our planet, our creatures and our people. Where do I start? Where do I place my focus? How can I make a difference? Then I remember this quote, a quote I love and use: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” — Margaret Mead

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You know that interrupting someone when they are speaking is really rude. If you have children you have probably worked very hard to teach them to say “Excuse me”, before they break into conversations. What about interrupting you? I wish you would.

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Likeability – That which makes someone likeable or easy to like, easy to be with, considered pleasant to be around.

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“The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.” – Tony Blair No is not always negative. It is not a bad or incorrect response. Saying no does not make you a difficult or uncooperative person. Read that again, out loud. Saying no is more honest than a false yes, it will help you develop clarity about your intentions and it really sets you free.

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We have so many different ways to communicate with one another. We can pick up the phone and call using either a land line or a cell phone; we can send an email or a text using our computers or our various handheld devices and we can ‘tweet’ and ‘friend’ and make all kinds of connections AND we can still send a written note on an actual piece of paper. Does having all of these options make communications easier? Not necessarily. Sometimes we still experience communication chaos.

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Question, what is the resource that you cannot acquire more of? Do you think it is money? Do you think it is a specific type of skilled labor or a certain type of raw material? NO! Although you or your company might be feeling financially challenged you can find ways to earn money, you can find labor and other resources. The answer is T-I-M-E, TIME!

Published · 1,366 views · Rated 4/5 from 2 votes

All of a sudden Sam had that ‘I think I forgot something feeling’, the feeling that makes some of us feel just a little bit sick to our stomachs or perhaps brings on a cold sweat. Then he realized what it was, he had completely forgotten to tell his project steering committee about the change request that the branch office had given to him when he visited their facility two weeks ago. The branch manager’s administrative assistant had handed him a hardcopy as he was leaving for the airport.

Published · 1,772 views · Rated 5/5 from 3 votes

Did you blink? Here it is again, another holiday season! Do you love this time of year or do you dread it? Perhaps your feelings are a bit mixed. Your holiday experience can be really upsetting, tiring and stressful OR your holiday season can truly be one of peace and joy. The choice is up to YOU. Your thoughts and actions during this time will define your holiday experience. You cannot control the thoughts and actions of others, but you can take control of your own thoughts and actions.

Published · 2,330 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

When you are facing a difficult decision sometimes the best thing to do is to sit back and analyze the potential outcomes from your decision. What path will each outcome create for you? Trace that path to its natural termination. Are you OK with this path? In other words: If you do X, what is the worst thing that could happen? Now, what is the best thing that could happen? Are you prepared for both scenarios?

Published · 1,300 views · Rated 3/5 from 1 votes

I remember it like it was yesterday. I still remember this supervisor looking at me and yelling, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WOULD NOT CHOOSE THE MINISTER?” Ok, Ok – this is a pretty old memory (from the late 1980’s), so it could be that I don’t have the details quite right. Maybe she did not really yell and maybe everyone in the room did not turn and stare at me and maybe I did not turn beet red. Or maybe some of this is how it really happened. In any case it was definitely one of my first lessons in how ALL of our various belief systems come to work with us.

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“Oh no, here we go again” thought Joe as his Quality Assurance Analyst Heidi approached him with his memo, complete with typos circled in red ink. He was not really annoyed by Heidi, she was just doing what she does; he mainly felt embarrassed. After all as the leader shouldn’t all of his work be perfect? He tried, he really did, but editing his own writing was just boring to him and not one of his strengths.

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Is an aggressive communication style always bad? Sometimes it appears that much of the information about aggressive styles or dominant personalities is presented using fairly negative words. Or is it that I interpret these words as negative? Here is a list, what do you think? • Domineering • Hostile • Uncooperative • Confrontational Of course I have a bias. So do you. We all come from different perspectives and different styles. These styles are shaped by our personality type, our preferred behavioral styles, how we deal with conflict and our cultural and emotional backgrounds.

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It sure is easy when everyone agrees with you and tells you what you want to hear. But sometimes what we want to hear is not what we NEED to hear. This is when you need a dose of conflict or opposition or a contrarian. Unless you and all of your ideas are absolutely perfect 100% of the time, it is unusual for everyone to agree with you. If they do, is it because they are afraid to tell you what they really think? Are they apathetic? Or have you surrounded yourself with ‘Yes People’ who are too much like you?

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“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” - Leo Buscaglia

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The act of compassion begins with full attention, just as rapport does. You have to really see the person. If you see the person, then naturally, empathy arises. If you tune into the other person, you feel with them. If empathy arises and if that person is in dire need, then empathic conce can come. You want to help them, and then that begins a compassionate act. So I'd say that compassion begins with attention. - Daniel Goleman

Published · 1,495 views · Rated 3/5 from 1 votes

It's the most wonderful time of the year... Or so they say. While the end of year holidays are supposed to be a time of peace, love, and joy, it often turns out to be a time of stress, depression and worry -- especially as people struggle to create some "holiday magic" for their friends and ...It's the most wonderful time of the year... Or so they say.

Published · 3,358 views · Rated 5/5 from 3 votes

When I first saw The Secret, I had some conce s. The Law of Attraction was presented, and much of the message was what I refer to as a sunny-side-up version of it.

Published · 1,238 views · Rated 4/5 from 1 votes

“Master, what is the answer to finding Inner Peace,” the student asks the teacher? “That is for you to find, within,” the teacher elusively answers. If I had a nickel for the countless times this question has been asked throughout time… well I don’t have to tell you that I would give Bill Gates a run for his money.

Published · 1,869 views · Rated 2/5 from 1 votes

Where Did All Our Happy Feet Go? Do you remember the feeling you used to get when you were little and saw a movie about the underdog overcoming the odds, a jou ey of believing in one’s self, or a movie that involved some magic and wonder? Don’t you still love the feeling you have ...

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It’s not a joke; most married men I know claim to have less sex than they did when they were single. This seems to be confirmed by the Durex Survey (2001), since couples living together claim to have sex 146 times per year, while married couples make love only 98 times per year. Yet going from ...

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Regardless of what you may think. Sex happens in the brain. Our ability to feel desire, the things that turn us on, the things that make us reach climax all happen in the brain. So, if you want more sex, it’s reasonable to assume you should know more about the brain. I’ll give you the primer ...

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It doesn’t matter how excited you are about your partner if you can’t stay on the same wavelength and keep a connection over time. Finding the right person is really less than half of what it takes to stay connected with someone. In working with couples and families over the past ...

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What does it mean to tell someone “I love you”? How many times have people said that to you in your lifetime? The words are great to hear. They make us feel all warm and mushy inside. Of course, there are different kinds of love. Our minister may say “I love you” but it means something ...

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All of us seem to have a craving for power. We call are driven to get control over the situations we find ourselves in, and mostly, of our partner. If she would only do what we want her to do, if he would only do what I need him to do, then life would be better. While in some ways, these ...

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I have a little experience with bad sex. I’ve been married three times. This last one took. To tell you the truth my first two husbands would say my current husband was lying if he told them how often and how amazing our sex life is. Honestly, I have been one of those fortunate women who have ...

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Generally speaking we choose to go into therapy when we can’t figure out how to make our lives work by ourselves. Maybe we’ve been aware of underlying sadness that doesn’t seem to go away no matter what we do. Or perhaps we have started having panic attacks for no noticeable ...

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How many times have you been in a situation with someone you know pretty well, maybe your spouse or your best friend, when you just couldn’t get through to them? For some reason beyond your understanding they just refuse to listen to what you are saying. They argue, they say irrational ...

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Resources on building healthy relationships out of highly conflicted ones.

creativeconflictresolution.org · Published

This is the home site for the Center for Creative Conflict Resolution, a source for nonviolent resources for individuals, couples, and organizations. A link to a User's Guide offers articles, worksheets, and a summary of our classes.

creativeconflictresolution.org · Published

HeartPeace Now offers simple, effective steps for dealing with conflict in any kind of relationships--at home, with friends, on the job, in volunteer endeavors, or anywhere life takes you.

heartpeacenow.com · Published · Rated 3/5 from 1 votes

This is a leadership development site dedicated to empowering individuals to become the person they were meant to be.

leadingfromwithin.net · Published · 1 views · Rated 2.5/5 from 2 votes

A sermon in a saying. Words and images you will never forget to get you straightened out and full of real life. The intro page is for bookmarking until the full web site is up. Check it out

affirmationsanequotes.com · Published · 35 views · Rated 2.7/5 from 16 votes

Did you know you can actually enjoy being out of work? You don’t need to face unemployment with fear and shame. What if you realized that this time was a gift? What if while you look for your next gig you allow yourself to enjoy this time?

margaretmeloni.com · Published · 3 views · Rated 3.1/5 from 18 votes

No one is perfect. You’re human and THAT means that one day you might do or say something in the workplace that damages your reputation. You don’t have to face this by yourself. Let me teach you the SIX steps you need so that YOU are back on track and that oops remains in the past - which is exactly where it belongs!

margaretmeloni.com · Published · 4 views · Rated 3.1/5 from 21 votes

Marcy Rubin is a Professional Life Coach working with the Bipolar Community. Her site offers information on the benefits life coaching for Bipolar, A Directory with 500 links & resources, a list of 100 famous people with bipolar, along with testimonials from clients, mentors & peers on Marcy and her accomplishments.

marcyrubin.com · Published · 308 views · Rated 3.5/5 from 23 votes

When couples have been together for a while some topics, that you learn to just not ever go there. You start to distance yourself rather than push to get what you really want. It just doesn’t seem worth it. I can help!

http · Published · 6 views · Rated 3.6/5 from 8 votes