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Expert
Boyd Carter
Having just made - actually in the process of making - the transition from a working person to a retired person, I wouldn't consider myself an "expert" in the process, but I can address the challenge. To some degree, I plan to do this with my web site: http://www.mybabyboomers.com. The site's sub-title expresses the i…

Expert
Cara Havens
My name is Cara Gilmore. I have dealt with family alcohol issues for almost my whole life and I am 26 years old. I, myself, have been in recovery from alcoholism for over 5 years. I have dealt with my fair share of issues over the years. However, through recovery I have also gained significant knowledge of fitness, he…

Expert
Carolyn Bates
* Are you 50 - 75 yrs. old and wondering what's next? * Is this the time to retire or just do something different? * How do you retire successfully? * Do you spend your days never having time for your Life? * How do you take care of your own family, your parents and yourself, all at the same time? For the past t…

Expert
Diane Keefe

Expert
Ettie Steg:
Ettie Steg The Whole Works® www.DanceForMyLife.com email: thewholeworks@mac.com Ettie Steg helps people look and feel up to 10 years younger using modern dance exercise. She is a Pilates Specialist, Biomechanics Specialist, Core Specialist, Dancer, Speaker, Writer. __________________________________________________…

Expert
Fred Horowitz
With my partner, Dr. Frank Bonkowski, we have developed an information products-based website that offers a new paradigm of aging based on what's referred to as the Rising Energy model that includes revitalization, regeneration, rebirth and renewal. We particularly address midlife coping strategies and resilience as t…

Expert
Laura Nash
“When we understand that our circumstances and personal life experiences are the result of our inner life and not the cause, we will pursue peace of mind at all cost.”— laura nashLaura Nash is a consultant and instructor, guiding both individuals and groups to attain their goals using a surprisingly simple and effecti…

Expert
Lindsay Engle
As a healthcare specialist, Lindsay weighs in on issues relating to senior health care and Medicare. As a healthcare coach, manager, and business owner herself, she has the insider’s perspective and insight into common issues these industries face. Her extensive and varied knowledge-base enables her to dissect complex…

Expert
Mike Murray

Expert
Nancy Ackerman Hirsch
Nancy Ackerman Hirsch is the founder of Transitioning Lifestyles & Changes (TLC), LLC. An Elder Care advocate, she is committed to working with seniors and their families. Nancy is a member of NASMM (National Association of Senior Move Managers), the Advisory Council Area Agency on Aging, and the Dade County Coalition…

Expert
Natalie Tucker Miller
Natalie Tucker Miller is an internationally recognized certified coach, instructor and coach certifier. She is the founder of Ageless-Sages.com, a publishing company specializing in Picture Books For Elders. Additionally, she heads UnParenting.com, a company that works with parents who are looking for alte ative ways…

Expert
Susan Dunn
Susan Dunn has been coaching for over 20 years. She has a master's degree in clinical psychology and coaches in all areas of personal and professional development. Career, relationships, dating, retirement, leadership, physicians and lawyers, transitions, wellness, emotional intelligence, parenting, grandparenting, st…

Expert
Topmale Enhancers
Get Valuable Information about the Best Male Enhancement Pills at Top Male Enhancers. Learn about the treatment options for sexual health conce s.

Expert
Warren Redman
WARREN REDMAN BA is an author, counsellor, coach and facilitator. He founded the Emotional Fitness Institute (formerly known as the Centre for Inner Balancing) in England, and practiced in Calgary until 2008. He now teaches Emotional Fitness from his base in New Brunswick, Canada. He holds a degree in philosophy, soci…
Article
Elder Years: The Best Is Yet To Be
For too long the mystery, fear and trepidation surrounding the elder years have kept us from maintaining meaningful relationships. Let’s start a movement to reframe our misguided perceptions and let the elder years be a time of continued living, not a time of waiting to die! Connection. Some family members have a hard time accepting that their elder relatives are not the “same” as they used to be, and hang on to that outdated vision of how they were. Relating during this new developmental phase requires a specific skill set for strengthening connections.
Article
Services Needed By Seniors And The Disabled
Transitioning Lifestyles and Changes handles everything. TLC will arrange transportation, run estate sales, move you out and then, move you in. We'll pack, un-pack, ship, or, put unwanted items and furniture out for consignment. We 'll handle ANYTHING you need done, to make the transition, as ...
Article
Mom, Is That You?
After spending several days hanging out with my eighty-nine-year-old mother, she was quite pooped and in a deep sleep when I arrived at the nursing home the next morning. My sister, Sharon, and I checked in on her periodically. Later in the morning, Sharon announced that mom was awake, and ...
Article
A Simple Legacy
Her hair was disheveled, which was unusual for her. The mini stroke she’d suffered after the sudden death of her longtime friend (right at the breakfast table. Put her head down and BOOM. Transitioned into whatever awaits us upon death with nary a peep) was evident in her slowed speech and ...
Article
The Importance Of Knowing Old
Her hair was disheveled, which was unusual for her. The mini stroke she’d suffered after the sudden death of her longtime friend (right at the breakfast table. Put her head down and BOOM. Transitioned into whatever awaits us upon death with nary a peep) was evident in her slowed speech and ...
Article
I'm Here For The Party
I just received word that my new friend passed away this weekend. Death announcements have been coming my way with great regularity. You see, I’m at that phase in life where aging family members are shifting the way and where I spend my time. In the past year I’ve said goodbye to my ...
Article
The Mother of All Transitions
Years ago I read a book called Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss with the desire to better understand my mother, whose own mother passed when she was just under 4 yrs. old. It did indeed shed some light of understanding for me. Additionally, it helped me gain insight into some of the experiences I’d had as a teenager after my father passed. At the time I felt the book could have been called “Fatherless Daughters” or “Parentless Kids”.
Article
Do You Think Too Much?
You’ve probably had moments where it suddenly hits you that you’re capable of far more than what you’re currently doing. You have no proof of this, yet you instinctively feel you could be “doing more” with your life.
Article
How Does Change Happen?
Natural law applies to every sentient being. It allows you to tap into your true potential more easily and lead a more fulfilling, successful life. This law guides your destiny every moment of your life, and acts according to the choices you make. So what is this “natural law”? It’s the process through which change happens, when potential is actualized. According to Deepak Chopra, it’s “the process by which the observer becomes the observed and…by which the seer becomes the seen.” The definition of this law assumes the following:
Article
Focusing On Your Life
The first step to enjoying a more successful life is to understand your current behavioral patterns, and determine if you're living up to your maximum potential in the areas of life that are important to you. In other words: what do you really want in life? “Your Life Focus” is a tool that will help you identify both the strong points in your life and behavior, as well as areas where you may not feel as fulfilled as you'd like. In this exercise you'll be able to clearly see the areas that could use improvement.
Article
Do You Think Too Much? Part 2
As mentioned in part 1, the rational mind we rely on so much to protect us is our main obstacle preventing us from reaching the potential we know we’re capable of. If we want to access this maximum potential inside us, we need to go beyond the rational thought process. Because we spend so much time inside the rational mind, we act as though the silent, intangible “gut feeling” inside us doesn’t exist. The problem with this is that, by choosing a tool with limited power (the rational mind), we never realize there’s a more powerful resource at our fingertips.
Article
"AWFUL-IZING"
The other day I received a phone call that gave me pause. Someone I know quite well was pleading with me to vote for the presidential candidate of their choosing. They had seen videos and heard expert testimony about the perils that will befall our country if the other guy wins the election. I have seen this sort of projection on myriad topics, many of which fall within the purview of a candidate’s platform. Topics ranging from healthcare, to global economics, to environmental policies, education and morality are a wellspring of catastrophic predictions on either end of the spectrum.
Article
ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE AWAKE?
When we are not living consciously we run the risk of making choices that we don’t realize are choices – on autopilot. We become victims of our own conditioning. Unconscious living makes us susceptible to making choices for the wrong reasons – without checking our motives. Exhaustive research reveals that about 96% of humanity does not even realize that this is an issue, which is to say that 96% of humanity is sleepwalking. Fewer realize that present moment conscious awareness is the single most important factor of success in life – whatever success means to each of us.
Article
CONTROL ISSUES
Just before Christmas when I was 7 years old my dad died and I experienced a life altering paradigm shift. It was as if the curtains closed at the end of an act on the stage of my life and when they reopened, the scenery had completely changed leaving me feeling unsafe and bewildered. As a result, I can rationalize, deny and forget anything. It is a mechanism I employed to make sense my unfathomable reality. It helped me survive the grief and terror that threatened my sanity for decades and felt life threatening.
Article
ATTENTION! Differentiate EOS from IGS
Our Emotional Operating System (EOS) is not the same as our Inner Guidance System (IGS). But, the two systems work so similarly that they are easy to confuse.
Article
Your Path to Peace of Mind (Post 1)
“Knowledge has infinite organizing power.” −Deepak Chopra I will be posting some important points to ponder over the coming days as you expect my next video blog, when I will introduce the first tool/discipline required to gain control over your thoughts, words and deeds: The first point: THOUGHTS ARE NOT FACTS.
Article
Tapping Into the Source of Your Life
My previous articles have discussed the Source of power in your life and the neutral role it plays in the universe, returning both the positive and negative energy you pour into it. Here are a few ideas you can incorporate into your life that will help you focus positive energy and tap into that Source of power on a regular basis. Daily Practice of Meditation We discussed how to set up a daily practice of meditation in the last entry. The more you meditate, the more you activate your creative potential through connecting with the “silent source” of potential. Practice Non-Judgment
Article
Taking Your Life Back From Yourself
Have you heard people say “It’s not my fault I’m unhappy, I had a bad childhood/spouse/employer”? Or maybe “I can’t ever be happy unless <insert name> changes their attitude.” Well, it’s time to put your life–and happiness–back in the hands of the only person who really understands you. Yourself. When you know the true source of everything in life and are able to access and use it, you are empowered. You are no longer at the mercy of chance and fortune. You are not a victim of circumstances; instead, you are the creator of your own life, responsible for everything you experience.
Article
The Forts of ‘The French and Indian War
Whilst Washington was a Lieutenant Colonel on a campaign to rid the Ohio region of French, they were stalking his men one night. Washington had allied with Tanaghrisson, a Mingo Indian who had agreed to scout for him, and it was this night he forewa ed Washington of his being stalked. Washington ambushed them with a surprise attack and one of Frances’ commanders was killed during combat. Naturally, Washington expected retaliation so they retreated the Great Meadows, PA, where they built what is now known as Fort Necessity.
Article
New York Medicare Supplement Plans
There are some benefits in becoming a senior. This is a time when many people get to retire and reap some of the rewards of their labor during their working years. One such benefit is Medicare coverage. Throughout a person’s working career, Social Security and Medicare taxes are deducted from their earned income.
Article
Meditation for Beginners
Meditating on a consistent, daily basis shouldn’t be viewed as “taking time away” from your schedule. Rather, it’s an opportunity to honor your life by devoting the time needed to center yourself every day so you can face the obstacles around you with a vivacious, courageous spirit. It’s just as important in your life as eating and sleeping. Let’s look at what meditation can accomplish for you, and how you can start meditation today. *Benefits of Meditating on a Consistent Basis *Experience peace of mind (reduce mental chatter) *Increase your ability to focus and concentrate
Article
How To Get What You Want
We can tap into the source of everything by overcoming the constant internal monologue of our rational mind through meditation. We can utilize this connection once we’ve established it in our lives by focusing our attention and energy. We can and do influence the source whether we have established a conscious connection or not. This connection strengthens our ability to remain grounded and self-empowered—relying on the real source inside ourselves. By maintaining this connection to the source, our desires are realized with diminishing effort on our part.
Article
Do Your Emotions Rule Your Life?
We all go through times of emotional suffering. Some of us run from our emotions, while others cling to them for an unhealthy period of time. But for many of us the thought never occurs that we have the tools to overcome this suffering, or we simply don't know how to use those tools. Let's look at some ways in which we can take back control of our emotional state. First, remember rule #1: You are not your emotion. You are not one with them, and although you experience that emotion, it does not mean you and that emotion are the same being.
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How Baby Boomers are Fighting Dementia
More than likely, you know someone who's been, or going to be, diagnosed with Dementia or Alzheimers. Watching a loved one slowly forget how to take care of themselves, as well as possibly forget who you are, is one of the hardest things to go through. Thankfully, new statistics are showing a decrease in dementia patients. Figuring out what's working effectively for each baby boomer is crucial for the health of future seniors. Keeping the rate of diagnosed dementia patients on a downward spiral is key.
Article
The Importance of Networking as a Seniorprenuer
For those of you over the age of 50 who are starting a new business or career venture, you can proudly call yourself a seniorprenuer. At this point in your career, you’re aware of the importance of networking... but what exactly does networking mean as a Seniorprenuer?
Article
The Average Age of Retirement is Rising
People have different views about retirement age. Does your view hold that you should work beyond the typical retirement age, or even fail to retire at all? Whatever the view you may have, one thing is for sure: a significant working population of the Americans would wish to delay retirement beyond the traditional retirement age because of various factors.
Article
Enrolling in Medicare Can be Complicated
Currently, a number of people who are enrolled in Part B are expressing conce s regarding the enrollment process. The people are requesting for the Congress to help them be informed on when and how they are to enroll in Medicare.
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The Greatest Real Estate Deal in History
I read an article this week dubbed “The Greatest Real Estate Deal in History”. Any clues to what that might be? Well, what was known as the Louisiana Territory (a whopping 828m square miles) was sold to America from its’ French owners in 1803 for a mere… $15m! That’s a few cents an acre! So why did they sell it so cheap?
Article
Managing Your Personal Health Record
The importance of managing your personal health record cannot be emphasized enough. If there is a health crisis and a patient goes to an emergency room, the doctors do not have access to your personal health information. They could administer drugs to which a person is allergic or refuse to provide care without the proper information. Caregivers must organize the information and keep it handy so that it is available in a crisis. This is true especially for older adults who often have multiple medical conditions and a lifetime of medical history.
Article
Midlife Crisis Coping- Don't Believe All Your Thoughts
Do we have thoughts or do thoughts have us? We as human beings believe that who we consider ourselves to be are our thoughts (also our emotions, bodies, relationships, possessions, history). We also believe that we have thoughts. Neuroscience and the wisdom traditions say something else – our thoughts have us. In a new free e-Book 25 Reflections on a Happier Midlife and Beyond, Dr. Frank Bonkowski and I explore this question and many others touching on "midlife crisis" and happiness. A recipe for depression Here's a recipe for depression...
Article
Aging and Happiness: Getting to the Heart of the Matter
Recent findings show that as we get into our fifties and beyond, our happiness tends to increase. There are a number of factors that could contribute to this relationship. Currently, the field of happiness has grown rapidly with many resources dealing with the subject, particularly the ...
Article
Getting to the Heart of the Matter
Recent findings show that as we get into our fifties and beyond, our happiness tends to increase. There are a number of factors that could contribute to this relationship. Currently, the field of happiness has grown rapidly with many resources dealing with the subject, particularly the ...
Article
Dance, The Warm-Up, and You
The warm-up, simple as it sounds, is one of the most misunderstood aspects of exercise, and it helps keep our bodies youthful. To me, it’s the most important part, for two reasons—it gets the lubrication going in the joints and muscles and it minimizes the possibility of injury during the ...
Article
Massage for the Baby Boomers
Massage can be effective to not only maintain health, but to even regain some functions that seem lost forever. One of the best prevention to most issues that Mature adults face is incorporating massage into their weekly regime. Geriatric Massage can increase blood circulation, combat depression, improve balance and flexibility, reduce the pain of arthritis, increase joint mobility, improve posture and encourage overall well-being.
Article
Why Write for the Internet
There's no better way to promote your business for free than to write articles on the Internet. It is particularly good for promoting services where advertising doesn't work as well even if you can afford it. All business is about relationship. You can't meet face-to-face with each person, or ...
Article
WHEN YOUR RAGE TURNS INTO TEARS, YOUR SOUL IS TRANSFORMING
My guess is that our souls are transforming all the time, even though, like our bodies, they still remain identifiably us. There are occasions when we may consciously recognize a shift in our very being, that is to say, in the soul. Those occasions are usually traumatic or highly significant ...
Article
There Are Four L’S In Life: Love, Laughter, Listening And Learning
Quote from The 9 Steps to Emotional Fitness also by Warren Redman One of the processes we use in Emotional Fitness is called the Lifescale. It consists of ten questions, which together helps us make sense of the balance we have between our satisfactions and frustrations in life. Each question ...
Article
The Aco And The Oak Tree
Now that summer – in the Northern hemisphere anyway – is truly here, it’s harder to stick to writing at my computer. With a new book in the works I content myself with gazing wistfully out of the window and, when the urge takes me, simply stop mid-sentence and wander out into the garden for ...
Article
Antidotes for a Depressing Time of Year
Around the end of January, post-holiday blues combine with bad weather, debt, allergens, failed resolutions, and long hours of darkness. In fact last year a scientist, using a formula of things that make us feel bad, labeled January 24 the most depressing day of the year. It’s a nasty ...
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“A Dozen Ways to Celebrate Valentine’s Day If You’re Not Part of a Couple,”
When we think of Valentine’s Day, we tend to think of two lovers celebrating together. If you aren’t paired at this time, don’t let yourself get left out! Here are 14 great ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day YOUR way. 1. Celebrate with a child! If you don’t have one, borrow one! Invite ...
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“How’s Your New Year Feeling So Far?”
What's the pulse out there? Many of us opted for a quiet New Year's Eve choosing Mozart and a glass of wine in front of the fireplace over getting drunk, hanging off the rafters, and negotiating a statistically dangerous drive back home in a sort of mad compensatory gesture. It’s really just ...
Article
“It’s Time for SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Take care!”
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) affects about 5% of us severely and perhaps 25% of us more mildly. Women and young adults are more likely to suffer from it. It’s a form of depression that, according to the National Mental Health Association (NMHA), is a real illness with sometimes severe ...
Article
Are You a Victim of Your Own Christmas?
We’re coming down to the wire. How’s it feeling to you? Why do I ask that? Well, whatever you’re celebrating, and whatever your religious orientation, Christmas is a celebration, a celebration that for many has a spiritual basis to it. That is, it’s supposed to be merry, at the least, and ...
Article
Christmas and the Single Person
Did you know that more than 47% of US households are headed by unmarried individuals? The American Association for Single People projects this figure will continue to rise in the coming decade. Therefore, if you are single you are not alone. And … if you have single adults in your social ...
Article
Holiday Party Etiquette
Introduce interesting topics of conversation - good movies you've seen, places you've visited. If you're stuck, ask the other person something - Do you have children? Did you get away over the [holidays]? Have you read [the latest bestseller]? Where do you work? Any of these questions will get ...
Article
How to Find the Right Man for You
Sarah Wilson, a dog trainer, was recently interviewed in a magazine article in reference to her master’s thesis which is about women and their dogs. She feels that what women are intuitively attracted to in a dog are the same things she’ll enjoy in a mate. (I’m sure this applies to men as ...
Article
Step-Parenting Problems at the Holidays
Dear EQ Coach: My husband and I have been together for 10 years. We have 4 kids, his and mine. I love his youngest one like she were mine, but the oldest one I just can’t stand. He’s favored her in the past, which irks me, and she’ll always doing things that get on my ...
Article
Mafioso Does Emotional Intelligence
I love Mr. Mafioso on AskMen. “Look, college boy,” he writes, “there are certain lessons that all the books in the world couldn’t teach you.” Strikes a chord with me. I came out of college quite the college girl. It was a college in rural Minnesota, very ...
Article
Ho-ho-Holiday Office Party with Emotional Intelligence
Are you bracing yourself for December, unsure what to celebrate and how? Here’s what you can do: D ... iversity In today’s multicultural world, and office, there will likely be many faiths represented during the holiday season. You can’t assume any longer that ...
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Holiday Office Party: Safety First
In today’s litigious society – and simply because you care – planning the holiday office party must include thoughts toward the safety of guests, especially if you’re serving liquor. Here are some tips to aid your planning: First of all, someone always gets assigned to PLAN the party, but you ...
Article
The Big Question: Why Don’t Middle Managers Know How to Lead?
This question appeared on a blog recently, and of course it caught my interest as it was framed in terms of Emotional Intelligence. I maintain the answer is quite simple: because no one ever taught them how. Now, let me say that I don’t know that middle managers don’t know how to lead. In ...
Article
9 Myths About Being Single at Christmas
More than 48% of US households are headed by unmarried individuals. The American Association for Single People projects that by 2010, 47.2% of adults will be unmarried. Being single does not mean being alone, not does being in a couple for the holidays insure happiness. Let’s dispel some ...
Article
Acknowledging the Team
This article is for you if you’re a behind-the-scenes kind pf person: the administrative assistant who gets the presentation ready for the guys in marketing but doesn’t get to go to the meeting; the PR pro who writes all the CEO’s speeches and answers all the complain letters; the at-home ...
Article
Keeping Your Pet Safe This Christmas
Things change at Christmas time - new people come to your house with strange new things, you rearrange furniture, add new things like trees, get more tired, and pay less attention. All these things can confuse your animal companion causing them to do things they ordinarily wouldn’t do, and ...
Article
I'm Dating This Guy Who is in the Process of Divorce
I get letters. As a Relationship Coach, and the “How to Attract the Man of Your Dreams” expert on a major website, I get letters. “I’ve been seeing a guy for a year who’s in the process of a divorce,” writes Anne (not her real name). She goes on to ...
Article
10 Ways to Avoid the Landmines of Thanksgiving
The holidays are coming. It means festivities and joy, but it can also mean stress, anger, resentment, family dynamics you're sick of, extra work at the office, grinding travel, amped-up kids, weather problems, and, because of all this stress on your immune system, illness. What can help? ...
Article
Labor Day and Hurricane Katrina
I don’t know anyone who isn’t riveted on the Gulf Coast situation and the devastation of New Orleans, deeply conce ed, thinking and praying for the survivors, the ones who didn’t survive, the helpers, and those who have loved ones not accounted for. I do know individuals who are handling it ...
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World Cup: Azzurri, Materazzi, Zidane and EQ
Bravi Azurri! The Italians deserved to win. They outplayed and outmaneuvered the opponents, including using what they call “furbo.” It means being wily, cunning, or tricky. It’s an integral life skill as well as football skill. It works and it’s part of emotional intelligence. As you ...
Article
Where Do You Turn?
When my client Lorena was going through her divorce, she said she played the piano every night "until there wasn't an ounce left in me." John went out on his boat and listened to Rachmaninoff. Many of us turn to music when words are not enough, or there are no words. We listen to an opera, or ...
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When It's Time to Say Goodbye
One of the things we all dislike about psychologists is terms like "vulnerable to loss." Who, pray tell me, is not "vulnerable to loss"? It is devastating to lose someone who made your world a better place. Or some thing that did, like a career, a special house, your left leg, the ability to ...
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"When It's Emotional Intelligence and When It's Not,"
As we all race to understand Emotional Intelligence, arguably the hottest thing on the business scene globally, there are many questions. As ‘Ask the EQ Expert’ for a business website, I’ve been asked:nn· Isn’t ‘Emotional Intelligence’ a ...
Article
How a Manager Uses Emotional Intelligence Like Map Coordinates
If you’ve read my articles, you know I sometimes talk about knowing your time zones. Sometimes we can get stuck in the past, or treat current situations as if they were like something from the past, or spend all our time dreaming about the future and miss the opportunity that would get us the ...
Article
Why Increase Your Emotional Intelligence?
First of all, what is emotional intelligence? I bet you’ve read some fancy definitions, and maybe even some of the academic articles trying to distinguish between emotions, feelings and moods. Part of emotional intelligence is what we could call “common sense.” So, some common sense ...
Article
Thinking of an Emotional Intelligence Program for Your Office?
You’d have to be living under a rock not to have heard of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). More and more businesses are recognizing the need for an EQ culture. Businesses have used it to ease the strain of diversity, multicultural and global offices; to decrease negative friction in the ...
Article
Why Become a Certified EQ Coach
Coaching developed because it met a need. People who weren’t in need of psychiatric therapy needed more in terms of advice and guidance than friends or family could, would or should provide, and were seeking this from various professionals in their lives – doctors, financial advisors, ...
Article
Do You Have Adrenal Fatigue?
It can present itself as depression, aching and exhaustion, burn out, fibromyalgia, auto-immune deficiencies, low sex drive, insomnia, hair loss, and a host of other things that make life a struggle every day. Adrenal fatigue will ultimately compromise your immune system, which is your health. ...
Article
A Pep Talk for Single Women Over 50 Who are Looking
There are 97 million Americans over the age of 45, and of those, 40%, or 36.2 million, are single. If you’re over 50 and looking, I have some good news. Like a good coach, I’m going to pump you up! The ratio of females to males increases with each decade, but does it really matter? No, for ...
Article
How to Make a Relationship Work
Arthur and Samatha are going at it again. It’s hard to watch from the outside, because it’s obvious they love each other, and obvious that they’re quite compatible. They’ve both been divorced, though, so they’re leery, and what they’re doing is finding sore points – even manufacturing them, ...
Article
Recipes For Inner Peace. Learn From Experience
Last time I introduced you to the first of my Recipes for Inner Peace from the book of that name. The first Recipe is Listening Power. Now let’s look at the second recipe called Learning from Experience. In the book Jenny is developing a new relationship. She badly wants it to work but is ...
Article
How Do You Help Your Child Develop Emotional Intelligence?
In her book, “Taking Charge: Your Life Patterns and Their Meaning,” Gudrun Burkhard writes: “It is important that the child’s feeling life should find fertile ground on which to grow. Such fertile soil can be provided by art or religion, but above all by loving authority which comes from ...
Article
How to Choose the Right Coach for YOU, Using Your Emotional Intelligence
More people are hiring a coach every day. Choosing a coach is an important decision. To choose wisely, use your emotional intelligence - all parts of your brain, emotional as well as cognitive. HOW TO START YOUR SEARCH Start by doing the research. n· Enter "EQ coach" on a search engine, ...
Article
How to Become Change-Proficient
In today's fast-changing world, there's hardly a more important emotional intelligence competency to have than resilience. Resilience means being able to bounce back after setbacks, failures, disappointments and losses. It means not giving up, and continuing to face the future with optimism ...
Article
Teaching Emotional Intelligence to Your Kindergartner
Casey’s 5 years old and reminds me of Edith-Ann. She sometimes even stomps her foot and tosses her head. And that’s the truth! Casey’s what you’d call “high-maintenance.” She likes things to be just so, reacts strongly to what’s going on, and tends to get wound-up. We’ve been working on ...
Article
How Do You Get Them to Buy-in to Your Idea?
“How can I get them to buy-in to this idea?” Anna, a bank manager, asked me. She had an idea for restructuring the department. She knew it would work, but only if everyone would agree to it. She talked about different department members: Bob, who disagreed with anything anyone proposed. ...
Article
About Formal Nights on Cruises
Much excitement and mystery surrounds the “formal nights” on cruises. It’s customary to have one formal night on a 5-day cruise, more in proportion on longer cruises. On my first cruise, I wondered what it would be like, how dressed-up people got, and what I would feel comfortable in. Let ...
Article
How Immune Are You?
Currently, the leading causes of death for women in the US are: 1. Heart Disease, 29.9% 2. Cancer, 21.8% 3. Stroke, 8.4% 4. Chronic lower respiratory diseases, 5.1% 5. Diabetes, 3.1% 6. Influenza and pneumonia, 3.0% 7. Alzheimer’s disease, 2.9% 8. Unintentional injuries, 2.8% 9. Kidney disease, ...
Article
Plant A Garden in Your Soul This Spring
Have you considered having a personal rebirth this spring, recreating your life, planting new seeds to bring about a different harvest? A coach can help you do this. "A garden in the early stage is not a pleasant or compelling place: it's a lot of arduous, messy, noisome work -- digging up ...
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Motivation: It's an "EQ" Thing, not an "IQ" Thing
"Motivation is not a thinking word," say John P. Kotter and Dan S. Cohen, in their book, "The Heart of Change." (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1578512549/susandunnmome-20 ) They go on to say ANALYSIS HAS 3 LIMITATIONS: 1. In a remarkable number of cases you don’t need it to find the ...
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Let's Celebrate National Women's History Month!
March is National Women's History Month and this year's theme is "Women Pioneering the Future". According to the National Women’s History Project, this includes both “pioneering women from US history, who led and won struggles for equality and civil rights, created and advanced educational ...March is National Women's History Month and this year's theme is "Women Pioneering the Future".
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Emotional Intelligence and the Gentle Art of Conversation
Having just returned from a cruise, where I was seated nightly with a table of 10 stranger, I was reminded of the many definitions of ^emotional intelligence.^ When I ask laypeople what EQ means, they respond “common sense,” or “manners,” or “knowing how to get along.” These are good ...
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10 Emotionally Intelligent Ways to Use Drive Time
Safety first whenever you're in the car, but for most of us, it's a pocket of time, and time is what we have the least of. Know yourself. If you're the kind who can't do two things at once, don't. Driving time can be a great source of stress if you let it be, but if you are intentional, and ...
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How to Get Something Done
Emotional intelligence involves many separate competencies. One of them is compassion or empathy. You might think of it as ^soft.^ Well, actually some people think of emotional intelligence as ^soft.^ Which brings up an interesting point. In the Strengths e-course I offer, I ask the ...
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10 Emotionally Intelligent Questions to Ask Before You Marry Someone
1. Is it just sexual attraction? Sexual attraction comes from the reptilian brain and is automatic and powerful because it relates to our survival. It's not always a basis for living with someone happily. Don't let it "hijack" you. Find out what else is there. 2. Do they like to touch and ...
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Coaching is Like Gardening
"A garden in the early stage is not a pleasant or compelling place: it's a lot of arduous, messy, noisome work -- digging up the hard ground, putting in the fertilizer, along with the seeds and seedlings. So with beginning a story or novel." --Ted Solotaroff That's like the beginning of ...
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Out of Sight, Out of Mind? Will He Remember You ... the Way You Want Him To?
If you've ever had a long-distance relationship with a guy, and lose ou t to a new woman he finds in his hometown, even though you two had a phenomenal relationship, you might find some new research interesting, hopefully even consoling. nnfMRI, functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging, lets ...
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Tips for Making the First Date Bearable
The first date is a high-stress time. Here are some ways to make it work better for you. 1. Keep it in perspective. If it's going well, no problem, but if it isn't, remember it's just a date and it'll end. Make the most of it. 2. Keep your expectations in line. Consider possibilities rather ...
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Life Strategies from Mister Rogers We Can Still Use as Adults
Knowing how you feel, having personal power, managing anger, being creative, focusing on your strengths and having Intentionality - these are all emotional intelligence competencies. 1. You can never go down, never go down, never go down the ndrain. 2. You can stop when you want to, stop ...
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Is It Possible to Have Too Much Emotional Intelligence?
Someone emailed me recently, "Do you think it's possible to have too much emotional intelligence going on? To the point that perhaps logic takes a backseat?" Good question. The fact is, we need both IQ and EQ. You can't have "too much" emotional intelligence, but that doesn't mean atthe ...
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Are You Staying True to Your Strengths?
I stopped by a preschool the other day, and met Sam. He caught my eye right away because he had presence. We call him “Mr. President,” the teacher told me. “He’s bossy.” Sam was focused on a car he was playing with. When I walked up to him, he looked up slowly, with confidence. Something ...
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I'm Not Looking for a Friend, I'm Looking for a Jedi Master
Coaching's been around for about 10 years but there are still lots of people who haven't tried it yet, and don't know what it's about. Two major confusions in people's minds are: nn· What's the difference between coaching and therapy, and;nn· What's the difference between coaching and a good ...
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The Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Live as if There Is No Tomorrow
In Memoriam, Thomas Leonard, the Founder of Coaching, who died February 11, 2003 1. Because we never know when we may die. 2. Because we never know when's the last time we'll see a loved one. 3. Because it's the worst thing in the world to have someone die and not have told them you loved ...
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Whose Fault Was It Anyway?
One of the hardest things for some people to do is to accept the blame for something they did, as in admit they made a mistake. This has to do with authenticity, with being honest with yourself, and with your self-esteem. Perfectionists have the hardest time owning up to a mistake; in fact ...
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Inspirational Quotation about Fear
"I've been terrified every day of my life but that's never stopped me from doing everything I wanted to do." ~ Georgia O'Keefe, American painter Go to: http://cgfa.sunsite.dk/okeeffe/p-okeeffe4.htm to see one of her paintings, called "Music - Pink and Blue II"
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Examples of Reptilian Behavior in the Workplace
The reptilian brain, our oldest brain, operates at the level of survival instinct. It's the life of easy choices -- Can I eat it? Will it eat me? Can I mate with it? This brain regulates basic life functions, generates strong primitive emotions needed for survival (lust, fear, aggression), ...
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Hate It? Gotta Do It? Not Good At It? Whatcha Gonna Do?
The Equalizer doesn't seem to be answering the phone so it looks like its up to you. What? Oh any of those nasty chores we all hate to do. For me its keeping lists, keeping records. Of course I can DO them. I was an event planner - it's nothing BUT details - but it's not my strong suit. ...
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How To Be The Perfect Guest
Being a good guest is important to both your business and your social life. When you’re invited somewhere as “the guest,” you really have a role to play, and it’s an active one, not a passive one. You’re there to enjoy yourself, but it’s also up to you to make a positive contribution to the ...
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What I've Learned from Mister Rogers
Fred Rogers is one of my heroes. He was gentle "before gentle was cool". 1. You can never go down, never go down, never go down the drain. When life can involve divorce, layoffs, losing a child, being a single working parents, or starting a new career at 55, it's good to know you can never go ...
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How to Stay Motivated in Hard Times
A few years ago, psychologist Al Siebert, who's studied resilience and is the author of "The Survivor Personality: Why Some People Are Stronger, Smarter and More Skillful at Handling Life's Difficulties" ( http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0399522301/nsusandunnmome-20 ), wrote an article ...
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When Are You Planning to "Get Old"?
When are you planning to get old? According to a recent study, you'd better move the date back. "Contrary to common belief, many people can live well into their 90s without becoming cognitively impaired, study findings indicate." - Neurology 2003; 60: 477–480 But statistics are ...
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How to Stay Motivated When You Don't Feel Like Doing Something
How do you stay motivated when you don’t feel like doing something? There’s the ‘carrot and stick’ philosophy which works for children. How do you “motivate” your 10 year old to clean up his room? Either punish him for not doing it, or hold out a reward for him when he does do it, the ...
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Coping When Someone You Love is Deployed
Having someone you love deployed, whether child, partner, relative or close friend, is extremely stressful. As on military spouse told me, “Why am I acting like this? STRESS When we must separate from a loved one we have reactions that are physiological and emotional that are beyond our ...
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How Do You Feel About Cell Phone Abuse?
Remember the British noble-woman who said, re: sex, “I don’t care what two consenting adults do as long as they don’t do it in the street and frighten the horses”? She may have said “embarrass,” I can’t find the quote. Either will do, as I proceed to apply this to cell phones. I agree they’re ...
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How to Handle a Mid-School Year Move
Q: What’s worse than moving ? A: Moving in the middle of the school year. My family did it more than once when I was growing up. I still remember some of the incidents-being introduced in the front of the class, having to share a locker until they could find one for me, breaking into the ...
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Valentine's Day is Coming. The Pressure is On. Are You Ready?
It's heating up. Lingerie, perfume and flower ads are flooding your email. The radio pumps out dining specials at various restaurants. In San Antonio, where I live, it shares airtime with the rodeo, and my thoughts wander ... I'll take my love to the rodeo and kill two birds with one stone! ...
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Spring Cleaning: How To Do It with a Preschooler By Your Side
Most children love to clean up along with you. In fact, much of the Montessori Method of early childhood education makes use of this fact. If you notice their "work", praise it, and take it seriously, you'll keep them interested and you might also instill some good future work habits. Don't tune ...
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Got Employees? Look Who's Coming to Stay
There is a demographic trend you need to be prepared for if you have employees. According to demographic trends analyst, Cheryl Russell, by the year 2005, the most common household in the US will be single-person households. "Never before in American history has living alone been the ...
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Business Success? This Organization Has Produced 48% of US Presidents
In a recent article in Forbes magazine, Wachovia CEO G. Kennedy Thompson is quoted as saying that Beta Theta Pi, which he joined while an undergrad at the University of North Carolina, gave him "the opportunity to meet people from different backgrounds and places, and the connections have ...
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Why Would a Manager Want to Learn Emotional Intelligence?
The best managers are the ones with emotional intelligence! Here's why. 1. Managers are called upon to make decisions. Primitive emotions, unmonitored, automatic, powerful and not always conscious can “hijack” us making us react thoughtlessly to people and situations instead of thinking ...
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How to Choose a Good Partner
The best way to choose a partner is using your emotional intelligence. Here are ten tips. 1. Sexual attraction is based on a primitive and powerful feelings that can "hijack" us. It comes from the reptilian brain and is automatic and powerful because it relates to our survival. It is ...
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The Top 11 Things That Might Surprise You When You Become an Entrepreneur
If you've always worked for someone else, you may harbor fantasies of what it would be like to "be your own boss." While working for yourself has major advantages; if you choose this route you may find some surprises. 1. MYTH: I won't have to work as hard. REALITY: You'll probably work ...
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Want to Know How to Feel Better?
We tend to think of feeling angry as being caused by rude drivers, people we don't like, or 100 degree temperatures, and feeling good as being caused by kind people, successful projects, or ice cream cones. When we're working on our emotional intelligence we work on our self-talk and ...
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Express Yourself and Help Others Too!
One of the surest paths to personal growth and well-being nis expressing yoursel. You can do this through jou aling, nbut there's a more fun way: write articles for the Internet. The web is hungry for information! Webpublishers looking for content for their websites and ezines and you could ...
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A Way to Find More Happiness Through Your Work
Our mantra is “if you keep doing what you’ve been doing, you’ll keep getting what you’ve been getting.” With that in mind, let’s talk about “happiness.” If you're into professional development, you've heard of Martin Seligman, Ph.D., who developed the theory of Learned Optimism. Optimism is ...
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Are You Overdue for Some Changes in Your Life?
“The Life Coaching professionals at the Life Coach Clinic helped me beyond measure,” says Dr. J. Jordan, a senior management consultant,” to achieve those overdue changes in my life and provided the foundations for successful new directions and personal fulfillment.” It’s for sure life isn’t ...
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Lady Will Power ... It's Now or Never: An EQ Tale
If you’re familiar with the lyrics to “Lady Will Power,” by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap, you understand this woman is under some pressure. Just what is “will power”? In emotional intelligence language, we would call it Intentionality. Emotional intelligence means being able to understand ...
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Get a Coach and Make Your Resolutions Happen This Year
How's your list of New Year's resolutions coming? Studies show that most people have already failed by the 15th of January. Has this happened to you? If so, you may have nleft out the prime ingredient for your success - a coach! Coaching is a new field. Until you've talked to someone who's ...
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Grandmother, What Big Eyes You Have: An EQ Tale
Well, you know how the fairytale goes … Little Red Riding Hood heads out into the woods to see her grandmother. First she fails to notice the wolf when he approaches her in the woods, but goes gaily on her way. Then, when she arrives at her Grandmother’s house things look suspicious and she ...
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It's 'Cause I Have To, Mr. Elmer: An EQ Tale
Elmer builds roofs and runs construction crews. One afte oon he went fishing with one of his employees. Same bait, same hole, same fishing pole, but he was catching nothing, and his buddy was raking them in. “How come you’re catching all the fish?” Elmer asked. “It’s ‘cause I have to, Mr. ...
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The Top 10 Ways to Get Organized
Studies show that most New Year’s resolutions are broken by January 15th. Getting organized is most people’s number one priority, yet it never seems to happen. Here are the top 10 ways to get organized. 1. Hire a coach. USA Weekend says: “Coaches help clients navigate their warp-speed lives ...
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Express Yourself with Internet Articles
Self-expression is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. It helps you solidify your thoughts and feelings, gives you a chance to pass on the knowledge and wisdom only you have to give, and nourishes your creativity. Perhaps you’ve seen an article on the Internet and said, ...
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10 Ways to Celebrate Valentine's Day
When Valentine’s Day comes around, I remember the year when I left a card shop, having mou ed the fact I had no “honey” at the time, worried about whether I was spending too much or too little, whether I’d gotten it right or not, cursing Madison Avenue for the commercial thrust, and thinking of ...
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How to Have an Emotionally Intelligent Valentine's Day
Every time Valentine’s Day comes along, I think of the day before Valentine’s Day a couple of years when, as I was leaving the card and gift shop where I’d selected some Valentines, while cursing the materialism dictated to us by Madison Avenue that demanded the expression of feelings with ...
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It's Late September, Maggie, and I Really Should Be Getting Back to School: An EQ Tale
The young man in this song, who lets Maggie keep him away from things he should be doing, is not practicing Intentionality. Intentionality is one of the higher level emotional intelligence skills. It means saying what you meaning what you say. Keeping your word, in other words, and doing ...
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What Does an Innate Strength Look Like ?
Martin Seligman, Ph.D., noted Optimism researcher, who’s now studying Authentic Happiness, has proposed that one of the surest paths to happiness is to know your signature strengths and build your life around them, particularly if it’s in a way that has meaning to you. Management gurus, ...
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Traits of Highly Intuitive People
Want to be more intuitive? From an extensive study of intuitive people reported by Belleruth Naparstek in "Your Sixth Sense," this is what the highly intuitive person is likely to look like. 1. A woman over 40 with an advanced degree in one of the mental health professions. 2. Says she was ...
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Reflections After Christmas, and Thoughts for Prosperity and Health in the New Year
Another Christmas come and gone. What a workout for the emotions! I’m the EQ Coach, but that doesn’t mean I know all there is to know about emotional management – it’s a lifelong proposition; and it doesn’t mean my emotions don’t give me a ride for their money – remember, 2 of our 3 brains ...
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Make New Year's Resolutions That Work This Year
Making resolutions means resolving to do something, committing to do something. In Emotional Intelligence terms this is called Intentionality. It means saying what you mean, and meaning what you say. What are your intentions for your life this coming year? What do you intend to do to make this ...
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Credit Card Company Tricks You Need to Know About
There are lots of things credit card companies can do legally that are unfair and that leave you in the lurch if you're not aware of them. For more information, go to http://www.bankrate.com where these facts come from. 1. Bait and switch. You think you're applying for a credit card with ...
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About Those New Year's Resolutions
If you’re sitting down to write your New Year’s resolutions and they're looking a lot like last year’s, it’s time to try something different! What to do? How about developing your Intentionality? It's an emotional intelligence competency. It means saying what you mean and meaning what you ...
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Thanksgiving Thoughts
When you gather with your family this Thanksgiving and experience the joy and the pain ... those who loved you and those who wounded you and still do, those who hurt you and those who healed you and still do, those who gave you hope and snuffed out your dreams and still do, those who picked you ...
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Christmas Has A Knob. Use It!
Christmas has a knob. Use It! What does this mean? It means you have choices. It's your holiday and you can have it just the way you like it. Turn it on, turn it off. Turn it up, turn it down. Adjust the dial. Get rid of the static. It means you're free to celebrate or not, in exactly the ...
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All I Want for Chritmas Is My Son Back
The holidays are upon us … and how they chu up our emotions. The expectations … the memories … the empty chairs … Somewhere there’s the Norman Rockwell family celebrating, but it was never at my house. Was it at yours? A client and I have in common the loss of beautiful young men on the ...
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Let's Take Another Look at Reducing Stress & Feeling Good
We tend to think of feeling angry as being caused by rude drivers, people we don't like, or 100 degree temperatures, and feeling good as being caused by kind people, successful projects, or ice cream cones. When we're working on our emotional intelligence we work on our self-talk and ...
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If You Want People's Business, I Mean REALLY WANT People's Business, Do This!
I've been planning to move for some time, but first I had to repair the foundation on my house (a common problem in south Texas) and also get a new roof because of hail damage (another common problem in south Texas. I finished getting those major projects done, and turned to the tweaking of the ...
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Stop Torturing People With Terrible Meetings
Q: What do most employees hate the most about work? A: The meetings. Here are some ways to apply your emotional intelligence to running the kind of meetings people would actually like to attend. 1. Intentionality. Intentionality is one of the highest-level emotional intelligence competencies ...
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What To Do If Your Boss Asks You To Do Something Unethical or Illegal
You're the new secretary and your boss asks you to become a Notary Public. He then walks back into his office and you can hear him on the phone talking about a contract he wants out of, and the fact that he's going to falsify a date and signature -- "No problem, my secretary will do it." It ...
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Thriving Tips for Introverts
Introverts make up about 10-30% of the population, but they're highly represented on the Internet! However much of the world is designed for extraverts, who predominate. Being an Introvert can be like being left-handed and living in a right-handed world. Sometimes it can feel like the ...
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The Top Ten Optimistic Attributions to Holiday Happenings
Remember your Optimism rules: Attribute bad things to something that isn't permanent, pervasive, or personal. Attribute good events to things that ARE permanent, pervasive, and personal. Learned Optimism is the emotionally intelligent way to reduce stress, live longer, be healthier, recover ...
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How to Have a Holiday Catered to People
When we apply our knowledge from the DISC, the StrengthsFinder(tm) profile, the Keirsey, and the EQ-Map, we can eliminate a lot of the stressnin the holidays. How does this work? Well, if you're going shopping for the tree with someone who is ambitious, forceful, decisive, strong-willed, ...
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The Introvert's Holiday Survival Plan
If you're an introvert (about 10% of the population), the holidays can be a stressful time. Here are some things to keep in mind to make it more enjoyable for yourself. 1. Be sure and plan plenty of time for extra rest and time alone for recharging your batteries. 2. Don't accept every party ...
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Traits of People with Good Intuition
Intuition is a great emotional intelligence competency to have. It expedites decisions and is a very sure way of knowing. It also helps us stay safe. From an extensive study of intuitive people, these are the traits they're most likely to have. 1. A woman over 40 with an advanced degree in ...
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How to Build Your Career with Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Building your career with emotional intelligence is one of the smartest things you can do! How do you begin? 1. EQ starts with self-awareness. Know your strengths. Take the StrengthsFinder(tm) profile and find out what your innate abilities are so you can build your career around them. This ...
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Coaches: Everyone's Got One, You Think You Might Want One, What Do They DO?
Personal coaching has burst upon the scene. Everyone’s got one--even Jamie Lee. You think you might want one. But what do they do? Here’s one example of what coaching is all about. Charles M. Schultz, Creator of “Peanuts,” said: “I have always been grateful for the tolerance my parents showed ...
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How to Find the Work You Were Meant To Do
I'm using "Now, Discover Your Strengths" by Buckingham and Clifton, for career coaching for clients with marvelous results. It was published this year and based on a survey done by The Gallup Organization of over 2,000,000 people who were excellent at what they do. The usual premises in ...
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Define Yourself!
People have emotions and emotions are contagious. How you conduct yourself and what values you live by define your culture, just as they do the other person's. Businesses have cultures and so do groups, committees, clubs, organizations and any situation where two or more people are together. ...
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How to Chart a Course Through Rough Waters & Reach a Safe Harbor
When the sea of life gets stormy, how can you stay shipshape and ride the waves? You’re the CAPTAIN of your ship. Being empowered means having a deep sense of confidence that you can take charge of your ship and handle whatever comes up. Use your personal power and intentionality to keep your ...
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How to Make Your Single Guest Comfortable at the Holidays
Whether you've invited a military person, divorced friend, friend whose children are holidaying with their other parent, or a widowed or widowered parent or friend to your table for the holidays -- when everyone else is paired -- here are some things you can do to make your single guest more ...
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How to Be A Good Guest
Being a good guest isn't a passive affair. It means actively participating in making the party or gathering a success. There are certain people I like to invite to anything I give because I know they'll show up and leave on time, they'll be able to talk to anyone, and they'll help me with little ...
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The Top 10 Things I Learned Being An Identical Twin
Every couple of years the topic of identical twins hits the front cover of Newsweek. In fact it's about time now--be watching! Most people find the topic fascinating. The relationship between identical twins looks good from the outside; a seamless interface, and they seem to enjoy one ...
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The Hidden Meaning in Their Summer Vacation
Everyone’s big on emotional intelligence now, because we’ve learned the hard way that a person’s people skills can make or break them in the workplace. If the person is highly exceptional in their field, it can be a close call, but all things being equal, we prefer to work and socialize with ...
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What to Look for in the Person You Marry
Keely is 30 and has been married for about 6 months. Last time we talked, she was expressing dissatisfaction with the man she’d married. They had disagreements over political issues that were influencing where they shopped, where he worked, and what TV shows they watched. She was wondering if ...
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Midlife Dating: Where to Find the Men
The recent proliferation of dating websites makes it clear that you’re looking for him, and he’s looking for you, so how do we get the two of you together? AT WORK Most people meet their future mates in the workplace, despite the distinct possibility of Double Jeopardy: you could lose both ...
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The Common Denominator in Today's Fast-Changing, Multicultural World
Perhaps you’ve asked yourself this question in the past few years, or asked someone else whom you thought might have the answer. You’re wondering what you can hang on to, where you can find an anchor, or at least a marker bouy, in a world that’s never the same, and more not the same all the ...
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Emotional Intelligence Coaching: Not Just for Athletes Any More
It’s common knowledge that athletes must have trainers and coaches. It’s a long tradition, not even questioned. The results of the coaching are also obvious … athletes engage in physical actions, and one can easily see the results. They are using what’s called “gross motor skills” – hitting ...
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Drive Gently Over the Stones
I’ve been studying proverbs from around the world in order to produce an inspirational PowerPoint. There are some beautiful slide shows out there, and as far as I’m conce ed there can’t be enough of them, and I’ve not seen one with great proverbs, of which there are plenty. They are a ...
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Breaking Bread, Making Money
“Let’s break bread,” was once a popular phrase but you don’t hear it too much any more. It’s still the preferred way to get to know people in the business world, to bond with colleagues from other departments, close deals with clients, work out issues with partners, and build trust. It works, ...
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The Midlife Question: Did You Factor Yourself In?
It’s common at mid-life to have the feeling that you didn’t factor yourself into your own life. In fact I got that phrase from a client who, at 47 years, had noticed that she hadn’t. You think your goals and plans were all about you, but at mid-life we often have the feeling that we were ...
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EQ: Theoretically It’s a Good Idea, but Practically?
Chances are you’ve heard about Emotional Intelligence, the ability to understand and manage the emotions of yourself and others, and to apply this understanding in conjunction with your understanding of cognitive thinking for better people skills, better decisions, better relationships, more ...
Article
The Worst Thing to be Addicted To
Shelley is worried about her financial situation. She has a home business that seems promising but is still barely producing and her credit card bills are starting to pile up. She picks up the newspaper to look at the want ads, thinks about doing some marketing for her home business, wonders ...
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7 Steps You Can Take to Avoid Panicking (It Doesn't Help You Know)
Something’s making you anxious. In today’s world it could be any number of things, and sometimes several in combination. Maybe it’s a big assignment at work with a pressure deadline you’re not sure you can do it all and you feel your job depends upon it. Or you suspect your husband’s having ...
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Reflect Upon Your Harvest at Thanksgiving
I don't know about you, but at this time of year I always think of work. It’s harvest time. Because of the years I spent in the MidWest, I was around people who were harvesting produce, bringing in the crop for the year. The quirks of nature notwithstanding, they would be reaping what they ...
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Halloween Safety Tips
Halloween is an exciting night for children and a busy time for their parents. With such excitement, it’s easy for children to forget basic safety rules. n When emotions are running high, it’s a good time to remember to “use your head.” Plan ahead and plan to have a safe Halloween. Raise ...
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Waiting for the Medical News
As we navigate the continuing maze of medical care, the wait between medical tests and results seems to be taking longer all the time. Routinely we go in for the test, the results of which will be important to us, and wait in the hospital or at home for hours, days, sometimes even a week or ...
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Bend or Break: the Lessons of Hurricane Frances
Surveying the havoc wreaked on a Florida island by Hurricane Frances, a landscapist assessed the damage and began to start restoring the foliage on this island paradise for her clients. She also used the opportunity to note what plants do well in a hurricane and what plants don’t. Her ...
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Is Your Child Playing with Fire?
I grew up with the Edwards boys, Eddie, Freddie and Paulie, I’ll call them. Paulie was the youngest and his face and hands were terribly scarred. Eddie and Freddie had found some matches and gone out back and set a fire, bringing Paulie along to watch. Somehow Paulie was the one who ended up ...
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Things to Know About Learning
Lifelong learning is one of the things that makes us resilient. The older you get, the more important it is to learn something entirely new. It literally regenerates the brain, and makes it more resilient to insult and injury. The most important thing to learn about learning is that old dogs can ...
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When the Seas of Life Get Stormy, Use These Tips to Ride the Waves to Run and Happiness
When sailing through life, sometimes you’ll encounter rough seas. Here are some of the things you’ll need to ride the waves to fun and happiness. You’re the CAPTAIN of your ship. Be empowered means having a deep sense of confidence that you can take charge of your ship and handle whatever ...
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What Makes a Manager Effective?
THE MONDAY FROM HELL Keely was the last person to arrive at the office Monday morning and when she walked in, she could feel the tension in the air. As she walked back to her office, others looked up and rolled their eyes or shook their heads, and she knew what was going on. Their boss, the ...
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The Top 10 Reasons to Give Us All a Break and Quit Using Your Cell Phone in the Car
Yes, USING it. Read the data about just the conversation part. Read the data about the hands-free part. Go here http://www.nysgtsc.state.ny.us/phon-ndx.htm for tips for safe cellular phone use in the car (if there is such a thing). 1. Interrogatory No. 2: Was a cell phone in use in your ...
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How to Protect You and Your Children from West Nile Virus
TAKE THE MOSQUITO-BAIT QUIZ: Who is most likely to get bit by mosquitoes?nna. Tom, who goes jogging at dawn in his shorts and tank top.nb. Mary, who sprays her hair, puts on deodorant, perfume, sunscreen, and her sharp-but-scanty black patio dress, and heads for a late afte oon lawn party, ...
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So You're Planning an Outdoor Wedding or Reception?
The best advice I can give you is to test your ideas in the actual location under realistic conditions to eliminate unpleasant surprises. Work with an experience coach or wedding consultant if you can, and then keep in mind the following things: 1. THE WIND. Wind can affect the temperature, ...
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Use EQ to Make Yourself a More Attractive Job Applicant
I’ve counseled some truly beautiful people – I mean physically beautiful. People whom anyone would term “stunning.” I’ve also know some personally, and worked with some. Aside from being beautiful (which is a big “aside), I’d say the “other things” we look for in life (or that hunt us down) ...
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10 Things to Know (and Do) About Special Needs and Cruising
I speak on cruises and have found them almost amazingly accommodating to special needs. From disabilities, to medical needs, to family reunion celebrations or weddings...in many cases, you need only to ask. Here are some things to consider beforehand. Don't be like the gentleman traveling with ...
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How to Choose the Best Partner for Life (and Make Other Important Decisions)
How to choose the best partner for life? Let’s use the investment analogy. Here’s how it works. I’m a fan of Warren Buffett, the world’s greatest investor. He took $100 and turned it into a multibillion-dollar company. In the latest Forbes “richest ...
Article
Looking for That Perfect Relationship?
If you ARE looking for that perfect relationship, stop reading this article and do one of two things: (1) Go to one of those websites that promises something like that and be “taken” again, or (2) Brush up on your emotional intelligence skills. Looking for anything perfect is an ...
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But How Can I USE Emotional Intelligence?
I’m sure you’re hearing the term Emotional Intelligence. It’s being talked about a lot these days. For most people there’s an immediate “click”. We recognize it as the missing piece! It’s like that cartoon of the girl saying, “Oh, I knew I forgot something. My career!” Well, in this case, ...
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About Your Copyright
With the easy access of the Internet, more people arewriting and creating and displaying their art publicly thanever before. As a marketing coach, I receive many questionsabout copyrights – how to get your own, and how to knowabout someone else’s work. WHAT EXACTLY IS A COPYRIGHT? According ...
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Planning for Success? Don't Leave Out the Most Important Ingredient!
According to research by Martin Seligman, Ph.D., pessimists are more often right, but optimists accomplish more. Optimism is an emotional intelligence competency, can be learned, and it can be twice as important to your success and happiness as your IQ. Take a look at some of this exciting ...
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How to Learn What You Need to Learn in Order to Succeed
It used to be a college education was enough, and then you would learn a few job skills and be on your way. People often stayed in the same job, much less career, for their entire working life. In today’s fast-paced workplace, the college education is just the beginning, and you must ...
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The Pros and Cons of Dating Online
I’ve had more potential partners through eharmony.com ( http://tinyurl.com/2lyea ) than I ever did dating around my hometown,” says my client whom I’ll call Mary. She’s over 50, single, and interested in finding a life partner. “I’ve always done better with some sort of introduction,” she ...
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EQ vs. IQ
DEFINITIONS EQ - is a measure of your emotional intelligence, or your ability to use both your emotions and cognitive skills in your life. Emotional intelligence competencies include but are not limited to empathy, intuition, creativity, flexibility, resilience, coping, stress management, ...
Article
Is Email Dead?
If not “dead,” it’s certainly in extremis. That’s a medical term meaning “at the point of death,” but the gist of the phrase will work. Email is in trouble, perhaps extreme, but we do not know. Is it stressed, or has it moved into strain? What will be the future? Of course no one knows. ...
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Stay in Touch - for Stress Relief
Staying in touch … we say it so lightly, yet it’s an important concept for our wellness. Staying in touch with others, staying in touch with ourselves, and staying in actual physical touch with our lives are all important. One of the ways to reach relaxation and give ourselves some relief from ...
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Why Time Management Seminars Don't Work - and What Does
Time Management Seminars don’t work, and here’s why: They are treating the symptom and not the cause. They’re based on two assumptions that no longer work. The first is that you don’t know how to manage your time. Let’s say you’re asked to attend a Time Management seminar at work. You’ll ...
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What Sex over 60 Can Teach You About Sex Under 40
Got your attention? Everyone’s favorite subject. I’ll begin by stating again a myth that dies hard: That people over 50 [substitute your own age] aren’t having sex. Part of this is that we just don’t want to think of our parents as actually having sex, no matter how old they are, no matter ...
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Some Reasons Why People Hire a Coach (And You Might Too!)
1. You’re stuck in your career. It isn’t pleasing you any more, you aren’t getting the promotions, it’s a drag to get up every morning, you’re missing deadlines, failing to produce at your best level, or being less effective. Or you’ve been “written up.” 2. You want to increase your ...
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How to Help Someone on Crutches
This is from my personal point of view, having just broken my ankle, but what other point of view is there? People have offered to do every one of these things for me, and I’m so grateful and will be passing it on. I should preface this with the fact that I’ve offered people help from ...
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Can A Coach Help Me with This?
If you’re stuck with something you’d like help with and no one else comes to mind, you might try a coach, and here’s why: Coaching developed to fill a need that wasn’t being met. Actually it developed to meet a number of needs that weren’t being met, and it’s still evolving. If there’s ...
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What You Must Know If You’re Taking a Cruise
Being a coach, I speak on cruises. I took my first cruise about 4 years ago. I asked a friend who’d cruised a lot what I needed to know and she said, “Nothing. Just have fun.” I disagree. Having cruised many times since then, I’d like to pass on some tips I wish someone had told me, to help ...
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What the Smart Vacationer Knows
VACATION 101. It’s about having fun, peace of mind, not working and not worrying. Do these things and increase those chances! And remember that the watchword today is not that it changes, but how fast it changes. PACK THOSE “SMALL” THINGS. They get really "large" on a trip. The nail ...
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The Roses Won't Be There to Smell if You Don't Do the Weeding
Saul's mastered enjoying life and smelling the roses, but his job is in jeopardy because he doesn’t get enough done, and so is his marriage, for the same reason. What can Saul do to improve his efficiency? Well here at EQ Central, we teach Emotional Intelligence, not just a list of to-dos, ...
Article
The Top 10 Things to Know About Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
Difficult to diagnose, with no known cause (and/or multiple causes), and no known cure, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (or Myalgic Encephalomyelitis or ME) plagues over 1,000,000 people in the US. Here are some of the latest findings about this syndrome: 1. About 1.3 million people in the US have ...
Article
After Christmas Letdown?
“You gotta pay the price,” one of my clients is always telling me. She’s referring to what is a law of physics, and also the way things work – what goes up must come down. The higher your Christmas, the more exciting, chaotic and tumultuous, the more likely you’ll be tumbling down just as far. ...
Article
The Top 10 Smoochy Love Songs
1. Lay Lady Lay - Bob Dylan 2. I Will Always Love You – Whitney Houston 3. Take My Breath Away – Berlin 4. Can’t Help Falling in Love With You, It’s Now or Never – Elvis 5. O Elizabeth - the Statler Brothers 6. Unchained Melody - the Righteous Brothers 7. Blue Velvet - Bobby Vinton 8. ...
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Interview with a Psychiatrist and Coach: What To Do As Christmas Accelerates
As Christmas draws closer, and emotions escalate, we asked a pro for some tips. Anne Dibala, M.D., is a psychiatrist, addictionologist, and The Recovery Coach™ (http://www.responsiblerecovery.com ) SD: Anne, we’re into the home stretch, and the pressures are getting worse, not better. Can ...
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<img src=http://www.webstrategies.cc/bluehappy_mnm.gif>Excerpts from the New eBook Released Just in Time: "How to Choose the Pe
The flareup was immediate. "I'm writing a book called 'How to Choose the Perfect Gift for the Woman You Love,' I told my friend Sam, and he replied immediately, "If any woman doesn’t like what I get her then…” and his voice trailed off in… what was it? Anger? No I think it was more ete al ...
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Thanksgiving, an Occasion of Civilized Dining
The days of dining by plucking fruit from trees and roasting small animals over the fire, eating with fingers, and perhaps fighting with others over the scraps are long gone. Or are they? More and more we swing our car through the drive-in, grab our food from the window, and proceed to eat ...
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How to Beat Procrastination
“In the time you spent complaining about this, Susan, youncould’ve had it done.” Did anyone else’s mother used to say that? She also might’ve added that if I’d just gone ahead and donenit, I would: 1. Feel good about myself, with a sense of accomplishment 2. Free the energy of feeling like ...
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Excerpts from Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach’s New Book, “How to Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence”
HOW JEN USES EQnJen is a manager for a department storenn“If you don’t learn how to get along with the Accounting Department,” Bob the Boss yelled, “I’m going to fire you. I’m tired of them coming to me…” Jen got up and closed her office door. Mercy was getting raked over the coals for the ...
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Has Everyone in Your Office Been Grafted, So There's No More Evolving?
Has everyone in your office been grafted so there’s no more evolving? Let’s say the “party line” is demanded of everyone, like a graft on a plant, so eventually everyone’s thinking the same way. New people are hired, chosen to be as similar to the old as possible, and then they get grafted. ...
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How is Coaching Different from Therapy?
“Oh,” said Bob, after listening to me explain what I do, “So coaching’s like therapy for healthy people?” No, because for one thing there are healthy people in therapy, and for another, coaches aren’t doing therapy. In fact this strikes many of us coaches as funny, because we intentionally ...
Article
What's Your Definition of Fun?
“What you need to do is to have some fun,” a therapist friend of mine told me last month. I wasn’t there as his client, but I could be, if that sort of conversation continues. You see, I’d just had what I call “fun”, in visiting with him. He’s funny, he listens to me, he has interesting ...
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Grasso, Kennedy, Frost, Public Service and You
“Something we were withholding made us weak/Until we found out that it was ourselves," wrote Robert Frost, in "The Gift Outright." Frost recited this poem at John F. Kennedy’s inauguration in 1961. With the words, “And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you -- ask ...
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What Makes Us Feel Good/What Makes Us Feel Bad
Emotional Intelligence is all about self-awareness, understanding how emotions work within you and others. Our feelings are regulated by neurotransmitters such as serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine. Here are some things to know about serotonin, called the "feel good" ...
Article
The Fable of the Elephant and the Woman Who Wasn't Blind
This isn’t the story about the four blind men and the elephant, this is the story of me looking at that 6 ton elephant in the zoo, tethered to that tiny stake, and wondering why on earth she doesn’t break loose. Instead she rocks back and forth when it should take an electric fence, iron bars, ...
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There Are Times When We Aren't Open to Reason
The reptilian brain takes over sometimes; it's there to keep us alive, and it's instinctual messages are strong. The limbic brain can also "flood" us with emotions. Have you used the phrase, "talk til you're blue in the face"? These are some of the times when our neocortex (thinking brain) shuts ...
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The Question Freud Couldn't Answer
Have you received “King Arthur’s Dilemma: A Wise Lesson for All Men to Learn” in your email? (I have no idea to whom to attribute it.) Here’s how it goes: As a test, young Arthur was asked to answer the question, “What do women really want?” (Freud’s ete al question.) He finally went to ...
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If the Floor's Dirty, Don't Call a Meeting, Pick Up a Broom
Mother Theresa. How would you describe her? Compassionate? Kind? That’s not what people who knew her said. In my Strengths course, I ask the learners to name the major strength of different well-known people. Here’s what Pamela Sheppard replied: “The standard is compassion, but, having ...
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How Do You Know What Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence) Is?
If you’ve been reading about Emotional Intelligence, the Catch-22 has probably occurred to you: Since EQ begins with self-awareness, the people who have the worst EQ are also going to be the worst at assessing their own. Top EQ performers, said Daniel Goleman, Ph.D. (author of “Emotional ...
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Lessons About Life from the Apple
We transform ourselves and our lives when we look at things differently. Take a new look at THE APPLE and what it can teach us. "The Botany of Desire: A Plant's Eye View of the World," (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0375760393/susandunnmome-20 ) is a delightful book full of fascinating ...
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When Something's Wrong About Your Career, Part I/VI: How Do You Fix It?
How do you figure out what you were meant to do? How do you know what you're really good at? What can you do that makes you shine? One obstacle most of us have is that we really don't know. People are quick to point out our weaknesses and most of us in childhood and onward were pushed toward ...
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The Dignity of Labor
I love artists, because I’m a wordsmith and they say things I can never say. Here are two of my favorite paintings about work, both by Caillebotte: nhttp://www.webstrategies.cc/caillebotte1.jpg ;nhttp://www.webstrategies.cc/caillebotte2.jpg . My mother was full of aphorisms. I grew up with ...
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Gut Instinct: How to Develop Yours
He did it again – my stockbroker. He rolled a ten-bagger into my lap. That means the stock he picked for me went up x10. Then he had me sell just before it started its decline. I bought low and sold high. Or rather he did. Making me (and him) that kind of money isn’t what I’d call ...
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When You're Traveling Abroad, Don't Forget to Pack Your EQ
What do you do when you don’t know the language or customs? That’s when your EQ, or Emotional Intelligence, comes in handy. On my recent tour to Russia, the people in large cities (Moscow, Saint Petersburg) knew English, but not in the small villages (Yaroslavl, Uglich). I thought I’d pick ...
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How to Plan a *Super* Family Reunion
My years in public relations taught me a lot about settingnup successful events – and that’s what you family nreunion can be. Here are some tips. 1. You take the lead. Maybe your family’s never had a family reunion. Probably nthey’d all like it, but someone has to get the ball rolling. It ...
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Things to Do Before Your Granddaughter Comes to Visit
1. Get caught up on all details requiring thoughtful attention so you can devote your attention to her and to the moment. 2. Check to see what movies and attractions are in town, and schedules for amusement parks, skating rinks, library, Sunday School, etc. Check newspaper and with friends for ...
Article
Things to Think About Before You Move
DECLUTTER Consider anything that might be more costly to move than to rebuy. Have a garage sale, take things to Goodwill, call Habitat to come pick up big items. When you come across something you haven’t used in a couple of years, unless it’s sentimental, get rid of it. TRANSFER ...
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Over 50 and Looking for Work?
As a midlife transition career coach, I often encounter clients are are initially afraid they won’t get hired because of their age. They’ve all gotten good jobs, but I decided to verify my experience with some senior HR professionals. Here’s what they told me: Q: Is age an issue? A1: "Age ...
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Okay, So Now I’m Supposed to Develop My Intuition? How Does That Work?”
“Intuition is vital to the empowered employee,” says Garrett Boone, CEO of the Container Store, in “Fast Company,” but intuition certainly doesn’t come to the unprepared mind. The more knowledgeable you are, the better informed you are, the better prepared you are to use your intuition.” So ...
Article
It's Okay if Things are a Little Different at Nana's
My granddaughter has great parents and also great grandparents, and we all do things differently. As parents, we love our children and also are responsible for emotional intelligence training and also character training! We want them to grow up to be responsible adults, contributing members ...
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Multicultural Chaos
There we were, newly married, living thousands of miles from either of our homes, in Durham, NC where he was in medical school. My husband was from Texas, and I was from the North Shore of Chicago. We came from two different cultures ourselves, and now were together in a new one. It turned ...
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How to Celebrate Mother's Day with Emotional Intelligence
I am a mother. I had a mother. I write about emotional intelligence. There is nothing more emotional than "mother." Be prepared to welcome some visceral emotions. We depend absolutely on our mothers for survival, and this sort of feeling, or instinct resides in the reptilian brain, hundreds of ...
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Emotional Intelligence & Feeling Good
Two emotions, or ways of feeling, are especially troublesome to most of us – anger management and depression. Depression appears to be epidemic now, globally, and without going into the etiology (the causes), or pinpointing definitions or degrees of severity (they vary; there are many) lets ...
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Emotional Intelligence & Addiction: 10 Key Points
"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom." -- Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning Emotional Intelligence creates or extends that space between stimulus and response, which ...
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Multiculturalism: The New Reality
Multiculturalism is a reality in the US and for those of us who do business globally. The US has more legal immigrants yearly than all the other countries in the world combined. Also there are vast cultural differences among "native" Americans living in the US for several generations, as you ...
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The Top Ten Things Employees Say They Want & How Managers Miss the Mark by Low Emotional Intelligence
A major problem for employers today is getting the best employees and then keeping them. How do you do this? By understanding what it is employees really want. Being able to sense what others feel and want is empathy, an emotional intelligence competency. SOMETHING THAT HASN’T CHANGED IN 50 ...
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Does It Take "Soft" Skills to Win the BT Global Challenge?
Have you heard of the BT Global Challenge? It’s known as the world’s toughest yacht race because it’s sailed “the wrong way” ‘round the world—against prevailing winds and currents. All kinds of waves and weather conditions are likely to be encountered. The originators have designed it crewed ...
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Destructive Emotions and What We Can Do About Them
“Anger kills,” says Redford Williams, director of Duke University Medical Center's Behavioral Medicine Research Center. He references studies of cancer and cardiac patients. He has also authored the book, "Anger Kills". And “Prayer saves lives,” says Harold Koenig, director of the medical ...
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Is Emotional Intelligence Just the Fad du Jour?
“I’ve been doing this for 15 years,” Annette told me. “It just wasn’t called this.” I was explaining to a counselor in Australia about the field of emotional intelligence, and she was sure she’d found it first. Likely you'll feel the same way. “Oh, I know what you’re talking about,” James ...
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Talking About the War
Matthew is not ambivalent about the war. He’s for it, 100%. This is his “first” war, being 30 years old. He’s watching the news avidly on t.v., is glad we’re over there, and sends me emails to that affect. My client in Australia has strain in her voice when we talk. She assumes I’m “against ...
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Emotional Intelligence: The Shot Felt 'Round the World?
I just hung up the phone with Li-Yan, who wants me to come to Malaysia and present a workshop with her on emotional intelligence for businesses. She quit her corporate job there, because she found the work environment stifling, unethical and demoralizing. Now she wants to help businesses in ...
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Answers to Your Questions About Executive Coaching
What is executive coaching? Coaches help executives increase their productivity, work relationships and work satisfaction, and the quality of their lives and that of the organization by increasing their emotional intelligence. They also help the executive define authenticity and values. ...
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Corporate Ethics, Your Ethics, Intentionality & Emotional Intelligence
My granddaughter is 5. Last time she smacked her little brother and I had words with her, she said, “I didn’t mean to hit him.” A preposterous statement since I’d seen her walk over, pick up a book and whack him with it. But then she’s only 5. It continued, as I comforted both the offended ...
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Are You an Entrepreneur Who’s Not Afraid to Think Outside the Box and Make Some Money?
“It’s called Companion Air,” my client Sarita bubbled. She wants to take a trip and doesn’t want to leave Rudy, her dog, at home. So there she is, with lots of money and time, staying home. I LOVE MY DOG AND I WANT TO TRAVEL What is Companion Air? ( http://www.companionair.com ) ...
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Emotional Intelligence & Your Toddler
I was in the grocery, knew I was approaching the toy aisle, and braced myself. Adam was sitting happily in the grocery cart, but I knew what was coming: a tantrum! I knew he was tired and hungry – this was an emergency run to the grocery. I knew I was tired and hungry, too. Adam and I were ...
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Olivia is 5, and Learning Emotional Intelligence
Olivia and I returned from going to the rodeo, and we’d been talking about going swimming. “That would be fun,” I said. “We’re hot and sticky. Let’s ask your Dad if you can.” When we got to the house, Olivia ran ahead of me. While I was talking to her Dad, she came running out in her ...
Article
10 Things to Learn about Learning
Lifelong learning is one of the things that makes us resilient. The older you get, the more important it is to learn something entirely new. It literally regenerates the brain, and makes it more resilient to insult and injury. The most important thing to learn about learning is that old dogs can ...
Article
The Evolution Of Gift Giving
Homemade Struffoli makes a great Christmas Gift. Here's a photo of mine: http://tinyurl.com/susandunn. We are entering that sacred time of year. In every culture around the globe there is a celebration this time of year with different names, but the purpose is to bring people together for ...
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Can EQ Help You Win at Negotiating?
“Don’t ask your father the minute he walks in the door,” my Mom used to tell me. “Wait till he’s in a good mood. Let him unwind a little.” Then some time later, she would alert me that “the good mood” had arrived, and it was time to ask him. It was a mystery to me, but gradually I began to ...
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What Grandparents Must Know About Driving the Grandkids
One of the greatest joys of grandparenting is taking the grandkids for an outing, yes? And of course you buckle them into their car seats. But even the best car seat on the market can’t protect the grandkids in case of an accident, so there’s one other thing you need to be doing. Driver ...
Article
What to Do When You’re Worried
Worrying? Who doesn’t these days? There’s such a great choice of things to worry about – terrorism, the economy, the rising cost of health insurance – and then there’s our more personal list – the difficult teenager, an aging parent who’s not doing well, the threat of being downsized, the ...
Article
When You’re the New Employee or Temporary
It’s amazing what people don’t think to tell you when you’re new to their place of business. Everyone should be required to work somewhere new for a “first day” about once a year to remember what it’s like. Someone who’s worked in the same office for months of years forgets, so you’ll have to ...
Article
How to Date When You Want a Husband
Finding a husband at midlife is a challenge. Since people date for different reasons, if you want marriage, you must differentiate yourself, select men accordingly, and behave differently. n Some of the problems are that there are more women than men at this age, some men prefer to date ...
Article
Holding Your Own When They Can't Handle Their Anger
If you want to stay well, the best path for handling anger is to experience as little of it as possible. However, we aren’t all lamas, we live in increasingly stressful times, and to be numb and feel nothing is no solution either. We need our emotions for the information they give us and to ...
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Dating & Religious Beliefs
You’re dating and your religious beliefs are different. How much difference does this make? The answer is: Another person’s religious beliefs are important to you to the degree they re important to you. This may sound like begging the question, but it’s an important thing to get . Assuming ...
Article
Cruising is Great for Families Who Get Along, and for Families Who Don't
Let's face it, some families live in each other's pockets and love it, while others prefer a little distance. But parents, especially, like to get the whole gang together once in a while. Also you might be hosting the step-kids for the summer. What venue you choose for these occasions makes ...
Article
How to Grow Old
"To know how to grow old,” wrote Henry Frederic Amiel , “is the master work of wisdom, one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living." One of the most important things you can do to assist in this process, is to work on your emotional intelligence. It includes competencies such ...
Article
Four Things Greater Than All Things Are: The Successful Seduction of Women
Serving as “Attract Your Dream Partner” expert for a major website, I get questions. I get the same questions in my coaching practice. “I saw this girl in the bookstore and I want to ask her out. What do I do?” “I want to ask this woman out but I can’t get her attention.” “There’s this woman ...
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Past Experience, New Relationship: Is it Baggage?
We are nothing, if not the sum total of our experiences, but when is it "baggage" and when is it not. Baggage is when you’re weighed-down by past experiences, stuck and unable to move forward from the weight. We think of it along with such terms as dumping it, getting rid of it, carrying ...
Article
La Vie en Rose: Edith Piaf’s Transformation
I have been a fan of Edith Piaf’s for many years. Among her esoteric US following was the basketball team at my college, which used to warm up to her song, “Milord.” I was also a student of French, and learned to sing along with many of her songs. Even though I knew nothing of her life, and ...
Article
What Does It Mean to Have Boundaries?
“The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves,” writes Robert Burney, in “Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls.” The term “boundaries” has been around for some time, and if ever a term needed an adjective before it, it would be “boundaries.” For instance, we ...
Article
Effective Communication: Tell Them What Time It Is, Not How to Build a Watch
We’ve all had people like this working for us, or with us. People who couldn’t communicate their knowledge in a way that was effective, engaging, informative and interesting. What a waste of talent! Do we have an obligation to make what we say interesting? No, but if we want people to listen ...
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After a Crisis or Trauma
Crises and traumas change our lives. We talk about Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, but did you know they can also change us for the better? There is also a Post traumatic Stress Growth Syndrome. Many people come out of crises stronger and more resilient, and have learned many new life ...
Article
10 Things to Know (and Do) About Special Needs and Cruising
I speak on cruises and have found them almost amazingly accommodating to special needs. From disabilities, to medical needs, to family reunion celebrations or weddings...in many cases, you need only to ask. Here are some things to consider beforehand. Don't be like the gentleman traveling with ...
Article
3 Things to Count on the First Weeks in a New Job (and What to Do Around Them)
Here are three things typical of your first weeks on a new job. 1. You will get sick. 2. You will find out you were lied to. 3. You will have a mini-crisis at home. There. Now that you have the proper expectations, it will be easier. If these don't happen to you, be pleasantly ...
Article
Goals That Help and Goals That Hinder
Short-term goals, long-term goals, decisions and choices. What to do? Have your goals, and yes, write them down. The short-term goals should get you to your long-term goal, but keep your eye on the long-term goal, as if you were jumping hurdles. The long-term goal is the line to cross at the ...
Article
How Can I Improve my Self-esteem?
“Having decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all costs of tedium and distaste. The gain in self-confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense.” ~ Thomas Bennett You can’t talk yourself into self-esteem, and neither can your coach, your best friend, your boss or ...
Article
Put Yourself Out of Your Misery and Quit
It happens. You hate your boss, but you love your job. Or you love your boss, but hate your job. Or you’ve seen a colleague in that position, or you have a client so encumbered. I’ve seen it play itself out in more than one work situation. In fact, in one situation, I accompanied the ...
Article
Can Studying Emotional Intelligence Change Your Life?
Emotional Intelligence is the study of “the wider range of qualities which enable people to excel – self-awareness, impulse control, persistence, empathy, etc.” (Daniel Goleman). Emotional Intelligence (EQ) refers to your ability to understand and manage your own feelings and those of others, ...
Article
Does It Matter What You Wear?
Does it matter what you wear? Of course it does! We want to be appropriately and comfortably dressed so it isn’t distracting. How can you court your honey when your waistband is too tight? How can you represent your client if the judge doesn’t allow women lawyers to appear in court in ...
Article
How Emotionally Fit Are You?
A few months ago I traveled from Canada to a school reunion in England. As events go, maybe this does not rank as amazing. But amazing it was and taught me more about how we develop as adults than reading a ton of books on the subject. Here was a group of fifty or more men and women, most of ...
Article
Emotional Fitness: The Surprising Secrets About the Healthy Man
When I first met Tom, more than ten years ago, he was a single man of 32, who sold vending machines for a living. He was successful at this, one of the best salesmen in the company, despite being unable to write because of his dyslexia. But he felt himself to be a failure, and that he had not ...
Article
Emotional Fitness at Work
It is well known by now that work-related stress is a major contributor to loss of productivity. What isn’t so well understood is how leaders within the organization can make simple changes to decrease stress and bring quantifiably better bottom-line results. Even where stress doesn’t appear to ...
Article
Great Wealth Is No Substitute For Richness Of The Soul
Money isn’t everything, as the saying goes, but it sure helps. Sadly, the amount of energy put into attaining money does make it look as though it is everything to most people. The very fact that wealthy people always seem to seek more money reinforces that image. I have worked with some ...
Article
Spirituality Unifies Humanity. Religion Divides Humanity.
Little causes more heated debate and potentially hurt feelings than the topic of religion between people of differing opinions and faiths. While religious values and tradition have been of great comfort to millions of people, it has also caused enmity between neighbours, civil strife and even ...
Article
Don't Be A Back-Seat Driver In Your Own Life
Some months ago I listened to a woman (let’s call her Kate) calling me long-distance. “I should have taken that opportunity when it came up,” she told me. “Now I feel it’s passed me by.” A few minutes later she wondered out loud if she should leave her current comfortable but far from ...
Article
Without Any Change We Are Destitute
Change is, as the saying goes, the only constant. It is also the thing that most of us resist, even when the change appears positive, and certainly when the change seems out of our control. And yet every change, large or small, is another opportunity for growth, for learning and for a new ...
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There Is Always Another Hand
Remember the line in “Fiddler on the Roof”? Tevya debated endlessly with himself about his daughters (on the one hand this, and on the other hand that) until he finally lost patience and declared, “There is no other hand!” For him, at that point of his frustration, there appeared to be no ...
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The Less That I Know, The Wiser I Become
To many people this is the Knowledge Age and knowledge workers have been in high demand in industries of all kinds for almost a generation. All the signs are pointing to a change. If you haven’t noticed it, this is because it has crept upon us and has hardly entered the consciousness yet. ...
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When All Is Said And Done, There’s A Lot More Said Than Done
Here’s one of the quotes that I didn’t think up – it’s an old one that I recall from my childhood and one that has become more pertinent the more I hear people talk without the evidence of any action. One of the key elements that constitute the 9 Steps to Emotional Fitness is that each one of ...
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The Point Of Life May Just Be To Experience It
In the universal human search for meaning, there are almost as many answers as there are people. This is often organized into our religions, cultures, nations and communities. Victor Frankl, wrote much of his book “Man’s Search for Meaning” while encarcerated in the Nazi concentration camp of ...
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Put Your Buts Into A Can
There is nothing wrong with that little word “but”, but I take care how I use it, since an over or inappropriate use gives the message that I negate myself. Emotional Fitness includes the ability to consciously choose our language and how we use words to express ourselves. Words are powerful. ...
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Love Doesn't Come With An “If”
Sure, there are some things that are conditional, and are entitled to be. Trust counts among them; entering into a business contract is another; agreeing to take on another responsibility a third. Love is not one. There can be nothing conditional about love, or it is not love. We humans have an ...
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We Can All Win The Human Race
It’s not a race. We are, but it isn’t. Oddly we do often appear to act as though we are not from the same species and that, indeed, the race is on to be better than the other guy or to have more and show more success in whatever way we deem it. The fact is that there are comparatively few ...
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Your Secret Life Is Safe With Those Who Love You
We all live inner lives. Thoughts and feelings that sometimes we are hardly aware of exist almost independently of our outward existence. Occasionally, when we become more conscious of what is going on within us, we might express the idea, the thought, the feeling. Often we will suppress it, ...
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The Moment Of Truth Comes Any Time You Want To Hear It
Quote from The 9 Steps to Emotional Fitness by Warren Redman There comes time when we will each be confronted by a life-changing event or decision. Perhaps you have already faced one or two of those in your life. You will understand what I mean if you have. Frequently, the people who ask for ...
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Next Time You Breath, Notice It Is A Miracle
Quote from The 9 Steps to Emotional Fitness also by Warren Redman Taking things for granted is the way most of us live our lives; right up until we see or experience something that brings us up sharply. Flicking on a light switch or turning on the tap for a kettle of water may be an automatic ...
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Something To Read This Summer
If you enjoy reading fiction, I invite you to read an as yet unpublished novel of mine. It’s called “State of Flux” and is about four people searching for meaning in their lives. It involves romance, spiritual growth, intrigue and mystery. I will send you an electronic copy if you let me know ...
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Having No Choice Is Always A Personal Option
Quote from The 9 Steps to Emotional Fitness also by Warren Redman Last week I was in the UK spending time with family members – something that doesn’t happen often for me these days. It was the occasion of my father’s 90th birthday. He was surrounded by his children and most of his ...
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ASSUMPTIONS ARE THE DEATH OF COMMUNICATION
Quote from The 9 Steps to Emotional Fitness a book also by Warren Redmannn“I thought you said you’d done that.” “No, I said I’d need more time and some training before I could complete it.” “Well, I assumed you were getting the training.” ...
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This Swamp May Not Be Much, But It’s Mine
Quote from The 9 Steps to Emotional Fitness a book by Warren Redman This is, perhaps, another way of saying “wherever you go, there you are”. Since you were born, you have been in your own place, and always a place of your own making. Like it or not, it’s yours; and here’s the point, you can ...
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Random Acts Of Peace
The forces of nature have caused immense destruction over the past twelve months. A tsunami devastated huge parts of S.E. Asia; hurricanes and subsequent floods inundated New Orleans, and most recently an earthquake wrecked people’s lives in Pakistan. We may look for meaning in such events or ...
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2006 - Your Year Of Fulfillment
I wish you all the fulfillment that you desire in this new year of 2006. Before we get into too much of this year, and perhaps even before any resolutions have already been washed away in the tide of duties and responsibilities and all the flotsam of life, I invite you to take a moment and think ...
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The Ripple Effect
We have had a lot of conversation at the Centre recently about the ripple effect. Like dropping a pebble into a pond and watching the ripples radiate out for a while, the impact you have on a person’s life spreads further and wider than you can imagine. Someone, somewhere whom you will never ...
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Recipes For Inner Peace, The Lifescale
Our third Recipe for Inner Peace is a unique set of ten questions. The Lifescale will help you to understand the balance you have now in your life between your positive and negative emotional energies – those things that cause satisfaction and frustration. Since I developed and began using the ...
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Recipes For Inner Peace; Storytelling
Storytelling is a uniquely human trait. It’s how we learn about our world and ourselves, and how we pass on to others the lessons of what we have discovered. In Recipes for Inner Peace, Jenny’s coach Nicolas asks her to write two stories. The first is the story of an object that Nicolas brings ...
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Recipes for Inner Peace; Group Dialogue
If you’ve ever wondered how you could change the way people behave in a group from being either passive or aggressive into one where they actually listen positively to each other, here’s a recipe for you. Whether the group you are thinking about is a family or an executive board, or ...
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Reunion of Wanstead County High, United Kingdom
It took nearly fifty years, but I can honestly say at last that I learned something really important from my time at WHS. Accepting the invitation to attend the reunion of the 1951 intake was itself a major decision. It entailed travelling from Calgary in Western Canada to take part in an ...
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Emotional Fitness, The surprising secrets about the healthy man
When I first met Tom, more than ten years ago, he was a single man of 32, who sold vending machines for a living. He was successful at this, one of the best salesmen in the company, despite being unable to write because of his dyslexia. But he felt himself to be a failure, and that he had not ...
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Start Retiring Now
John took early retirement after 23 years in the same corporation, by then a highly respected oil executive. At 55, he had looked forward to this day for years. He had a plan. He took his wife and teenage children on a world trip for a year. The second year, he played golf every day he could. ...
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Emotional Fitness At Work
It is well known by now that work-related stress is a major contributor to loss of productivity. What isn’t so well understood is how leaders within the organization can make simple changes to decrease stress and bring quantifiably better bottom-line results. Even where stress doesn’t appear to ...
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Equilibrium December 2004
The invitations have started arriving, the lights are going up, the stores are playing Christmas music and people appear to be bracing themselves for family reunions. There is an air of unreality about all this: a case of people seeming to try too hard, of going through the motions without ...
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Equilibrium January 2005
If we did not fully understand the connectedness that we have to each other and to the earth, the effect of the tsunamis on millions of people in eleven countries bordering the Indian Ocean has demonstrated that connectedness. Who has not been touched in some way by this disaster? At a very ...
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Equilibrium February 2005
Already a month into 2005 – and what has the year brought so far? A sociologist in Britain has observed that January 24th is “the worst day of the year” – presumably in the Northern hemisphere. The excitement of Christmas and anticipation of the New Year has worn off, credit card bills have ...
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Spring Into Spring
As Spring bursts into being, new things emerge. I always found it hard to understand why January would be the start of a New Year, when April makes so much more sense – in the Northern Hemisphere anyway. Newness in the plant and animal world is all around us and that newness is so often mirrored ...
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The Joy Of Listening
One of the joys and privileges of being an Emotional Fitness Coach and teaching Emotional Fitness courses is that I get to hear the inner thoughts and experiences of others. Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I want to spy on other people’s lives; it’s that as I hear their stories two things ...
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Equilibrium June 2005, A Summer Special
This month I am making a special offer, in preparation for the launch of three new projects that will be coming on track over the next few months. The first project is the publication of my next book, title under wraps so far (until I decide what it is!). The theme of the book is recipes for ...
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Some Retirement!
As you read this I will be miles away from home, enjoying a reunion with my daughter and family and friends in England, after which Nicole and I will be flying to Rome and spending twelve days cruising in the Mediterranean. This is not meant to make you envious. The trip is my retirement. After ...
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Catch A Falling Leaf
Have you ever tried catching an autumn leaf as it falls from the tree? It’s something I like to do each year. Imagine – a 65 year old man, a serious author, psychotherapist and coach, running around like a five-year-old trying to catch one elusive, capricious leaf as it sails unpredictably ...
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The Less I Know That I Know, The Wiser I Become
How much more at ease might we be with ourselves once we discard the need to have more information, knowledge and understanding? Whatever we may know, it can never be more than an infinitesimal fraction of what there is to know. Let us relax into ourselves, knowing how little we really know and ...
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The Point Of Life May Just Be To Experience It
Doesn’t seem much does it? But delve deeper and we will discover that when we experience life to its fullest, we find a treasure trove of immense wealth. When we experience the depth of our emotions, the richness of our senses and the extent of our wisdom, we become aware of the meaning and ...
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We Can All Win The Human Race
So much of life seems to be a competition. We need to have more or be better than everyone else, or at least those in our immediate circle, and if we’re not there is that feeling of dissatisfaction and insufficiency. So when we are able to see the wonder of who we are and the completeness and ...
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The Best Time For What's Important Now
At times of crisis, such as when a loved one passes away, we are more likely to reflect on the things we haven’t done, the places we haven’t visited, the words we didn’t say, and wish we had done them, gone there, said them. I cannot be certain how or when I learned to follow my deepest desire ...
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Having No Choice Is Always A Personal Opinion
At first glance this statement may appear to be gratuitous. After all, some people appear to have little or no choice in the circumstances in which they find themselves. Sometimes, it’s true, we are subject to events outside our control. I know of one man who became a paraplegic after an ...
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Assumptions Are The Death Of Communication
Almost all of what I teach is, in one way or another, how we can listen at a deep level to others and ourselves. Part of listening – or Listening Power as I call the process – is to understand what the other person is trying to say. Understanding ourselves is sometimes a tough call; to ...
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How You Feel Is What We Get
How do we know anybody else? How does anybody else really know who you are? The truth is that we can only ever know what is in our own perception, so that I may see you through my own eyes differently from how someone else might see you. There is another, very important factor in my ...
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The Only Coincidence Is That You Noticed It Again
There is no coincidence. When we see the same thing a few times, or meet the same people, or bump into someone we have just been talking about, we tend to call it a coincidence. It happened to me today. I had just left a message for someone at an organization I am working with and left my ...
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When Something Hurts, You Know You Are Alive
Pain, whether it’s physical or emotional, is an inevitable and vital part of life. It is clearer that physical pain is an important signal to us that part of our body is under attack, whether from an exte al source (“ouch, I just scraped my knee”) or an inte al one (“my stomach really aches”). ...
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A Smile Today Could Save Somebody's Life Tomorrow
Mostly, we have no idea of the effect we have on other people’s lives. How a kind or an unkind word to a stranger can improve or damage their day; how an angry glance can upset a child, or a nod of encouragement help that same child to strive for something great. Mostly, we are conce ed only ...
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The Present Is The Gift
I constantly hear people talk about how they would love to let go of their attachments, not so much to things, but to their expectations. “If only I didn’t worry so much about how things will turn out, I’d feel a lot less anxious,” is a common cry. Letting go is easier said than done, ...
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You Are The Greatest Expert On Your Own Life
There are experts all around us. Professionals who can, and will, tell us how to handle our finances, our health, our children, our garden, our golf – even our sex lives and our funeral arrangements. Psychologists and job interviewers will hand us personality assessment tests and tell us where ...
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Everything Is Simple. We Just Make It Complicated
Ever felt that life dealt you so much that it was too complicated to handle? There’s the new project at work that you just got handed to add to the myriad of others things that you have to handle. Your spouse wants you to help plan that vacation you’ve been putting off talking about. The kids ...
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Equilibrium July 24th 2008, Calling All Dads! New CD Out Now!
BE A GREAT DAD – building your legacy is the title of a new CD produced by Warren Redman in conjunction with Families Matter, a Calgary-based not-for-profit organization dedicated to the healthy development and well-being of families. The CD is a series of interviews with dads, kids and moms ...
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The Most Beautiful Sound Of All Is The Sound Of Someone Listening
It still amazes me. No matter how many times I hear it, when someone tells me that nobody ever listened to them before, or that being listened to was the most powerful experience that they had, I feel a surge of emotion. It’s a mixture of sadness and anger tinged with elation and determination. ...
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It Is More Important To Ask The Questions Than To Have The Answer
We love to have the answers. Today’s society seems focused on problem-solving and coming up with the “best” way to do things. Look in the bookstores. They are filled with self-help books by self-styled gurus who tell us how to live our lives, as though they have the answers for us. And millions ...
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You Know What's Wrong With You? ….…. Nothing
There never was anything wrong with you – or with any of us. Unfortunately, too many of us received messages as children that there was something wrong, or at least not good enough about us. Enough of those messages, even if they come from well-meaning parents and teachers, and we get to believe ...
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Beyond Therapy …. Is Growth
“Emotional Fitness Coaching; what’s that?” That’s a common reaction when I describe what we do at the Centre for Inner Balancing. Another reaction is, “but I don’t think there’s much wrong with me.” Indeed, there’s nothing wrong with any of us, and it’s also true that we could all grow beyond ...
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Without Frustration We Have No Potential
We all have some frustrations in life; the things that bring us our pain or our problems, our feelings of pressure or powerlessness. They can drag us down and submerge us. And they will, until we recognize them as the source of our inner strength, our creativity and our potential to make ...
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ACT AS THOUGH YOU ARE THE WORLD'S MAJOR POWER WISELY
This could, perhaps, be a message to George W. Bush. But it’s to all of us, since we are each accountable for the world around us, whether we influence a few people or a few billion; whether we oversee a small flower-pot or a huge acreage. Nobody acts with foolish intention. In fact most ...
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Time Will Only Run Out When You Do
Sometimes, like today, it seems that there is not enough time to do the things I want to do, or rather, that I have set myself to do. That, of course, is an illusion. There is always time. There is always all the time in the world. We humans, after all, invented time, or at least subdivided the ...
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To Love Your Enemy, Understand Yourself
It is perhaps one of the greatest challenges. How do we find it within ourselves to love our enemies? Why would we even want to? These days, I can think of nobody I know who I can see as my enemy. That wasn’t always true. Many years ago I had a boss who was in complete control of his emotions. ...
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LIFE DOESN'T COME WITH A TOOL-KIT, YET WE STILL HAVE TO MAKE IT
The collection of skills that adds up to Emotional Fitness is not easy to quantify or even define. In the corporate world they are often obliquely called “the soft skills” for that reason. This distinguished them, I suppose, from the “hard skills” that are more ...
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To Be The Best You Can, Just Be Yourself
My wife taught me this. One evening a couple of years ago, as I was leaving to give a presentation to an audience of professionals, I said to her that I hoped I would do a good job. “Just be yourself,” she told me. The affect on me was amazing, and it resulted in the best presentation I had ...
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If You Want To Change The World, You’d Better Know What You're Doing
It’s a new year and I have an announcement to make. But first, let me wish you all fulfillment, health and serenity in 2007. It has been a delight to hear from you and work with many of you during the past year and I look forward to the road ahead. It has been eleven years (January 1st 1996) ...
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There's Nothing New, Just Different Ways Of Experiencing The Same Thing
Do you feel bombarded sometimes by the dozens of amazing, powerful, mind-blowing and – of course – NEW offers that come through your mail-box, TV screen or Inte et every week? Whether it’s a brand of cleaner, a book or movie, political idea or even partner, it is the very “newness” that seems ...
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Who Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?
Here’s a question with a lot of mystery to it, because the answer seems so obvious at first. Of course I want to be me; or I am me already, whaddya mean who do I want to be? I have to admit that for years, as a young boy, a teenager, a young and then a middle-aged man I yearned to be like ...
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Whatever You Do Will Have Unexpected Consequences
As conscious as we may wish to be in life, the difficult awareness to have is that of the unknown power that lies within us. Whenever we take some action, there is always a consequence. Most of the time, we plan it that way and generally hope that the consequence will be the one that we ...
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I Think, Therefore I Am; I Feel, Therefore I'm Human
Being is not only thinking. For us, much of our existence is experienced though our feelings. Odd then, that so much of what we talk about, read about and see going on in the world is dealt with through the realm of thinking and logic. What a huge piece of the human condition we miss when we ...
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Change Someone's Life Today. Smile
We don’t always feel like smiling. Sometimes I find myself walking from my house a few blocks, my head full of thoughts about what I have been doing or am about to do, when I pass by somebody who smiles and nods a greeting. Almost instantly, my life in that moment is transformed. I start ...
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When You Mee Your Sage, You Have Met Your Inner Child
In Emotional Fitness coaching, we often use the Time Capsule, which is one of the most empowering of all our tools. In the Time Capsule, we invite you to take a look at a current incident, behaviour or feeling that is having an impact on you through the eyes of your own inner child. The dialogue ...
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Laughter Is Contagious. Spread It Arund
Over the past few weeks I have been surrounded by people who have colds, coughs and flu-like symptoms. Fortunately for me, I have not succumbed to the germs and viruses that have been spread around, partly secure in my belief that being emotionally fit is what protects me. I am not immune from ...
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Talking To Yourself Is The First Sign Of Sanity
I remember my grandmother saying to me, in her jovial and gentle way, that talking to yourself is the first sign of madness. She’d say that when she caught herself chatting to herself as she mixed yet another floury concoction into a bowl with her oversized wooden spoon. At seven, while I knew ...
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Birth And Death Are Certainties; It’s The Bit In Between That's Unclear
It seems odd to me that most people go through life imagining that they know exactly what will happen and get shocked or surprised if things don’t go the way they expect. It is even stranger to me that those same people appear to believe that they are immortal. Today I had a conversation with ...
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Laughing And Crying Are Good For The Soul; Try Them Both
Any expression of emotion is good for the soul if we allow it. Withholding our laughter can be as damaging as suppressing our tears. There was a time in my life when I held back both. At a level just below my consciousness I knew that they were there. It felt as though I was punishing myself and ...
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We Recreate Our Childhood Until The Child Says "stop"
Time and again when I am coaching someone, or during one of our Emotional Fitness training sessions, I hear the same pattern coming up; the same theme song of that particular individual. And, as the coaching or training continues, that person will say “enough; I have had enough of doing the same ...
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One Hug Makes Two People Happy
As long as both are willing, of course, one kiss, one hug, one look into the eyes, one smile, brings happiness to at least the two people involved. I wonder, then, why so many people shy away from those small intimacies that can help to bring joy to the giver as much as the receiver. What ...
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A Secure Border Needs No Barbed Wire
Occasionally, very occasionally, it may be prudent to take precautions and put up some kind of defensive wall against potential marauders. But our society and communities today appear to have moved to extremes in reaction to the fear that is sweeping into many corners of our lives. Do the ...
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Who Would Ever Believe Your True Life Story?
Truth, the saying goes, is stranger than fiction, and I am witness to that in my own life and from the thousands of stories that I have heard from people over the last thirty years that I have practiced as a counsellor, a coach and an Emotional Fitness trainer. If you believe that your life is ...
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My Ten Seconds With Gandhi
Last week I met with Gandhi. He was standing, wearing his familiar white cotton robe, his bare feet on the old cobbled pavement of a market square. People were going about their business, occasionally greeting him politely but otherwise taking little notice of the great man in their presence. I ...
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Creativity Is The Singing Of The Soul
We all have a creative spark. Some of us allow that spark to light a flame that burns brightly. Others let it fizzle and splutter. A few weeks ago Nicole and I stood gazing up at the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, that marvel of artistic endeavour created by Michelangelo, wondering at the ...
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Do Not Ask “Why The Pain?” Ask “What May I Do Wity It?”
This was a favourite quote of my mentor, teacher and friend John Heimler. He had some experience with pain, both physical and emotional, as a survivor of Auschwitz and other concentration camps; pain that is unimaginable to most of us. We all have our own pain to bear at different times during ...
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Once You've Lived A Little, Why Not Go The Whole Way?
Last week I received in the mail a copy of the latest newsletter from my old school, a place I last attended over fifty years ago. It was filled with reminiscences from past students and obituaries of contemporaries. I was struck with the seemingly mundane existence of some of them, although the ...
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If Problems Are Opportunities, How Unlucky You Are To Have Missed Some
Problems seldom feel good when you are in the midst of them. Most inspirational speakers and books, and many bosses, encourage us to see problems as opportunities, which is fine if at that moment you don’t feel weighed down by them. The interesting thing is that looking back at what seemed ...
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EVERY CHILD'S BIRTHRIGHT IS TO KNOW THE LOVE OF ITS MOTHER AND FATHER
It would be a different world if we each received our birthright of knowing love from our parents. The fact is that not enough children do know that they are loved. As parents, our most important legacy is to offer our children that love. If they know they have it, they can deal with almost ...
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Just Think What God Could Have Done With An Eighth Day
The story of Creation in the Old Testament tells us that God created heaven and earth and all that’s in it in the space of six days, and rested on the seventh. Whatever you believe, just imagine for a moment that God had used an extra day. For a start, we would have eight day weeks now and ...
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Life: A True Story - Connecting With Your Inner Child
The strangest stories are usually the true life ones. Take Marnie (not her real name), who recollected as a child ingrade 3 how she would roll a large piece of art paper around herself and stand in a corner. Her teacher would try to get her to come out; the other children would make fun of ...
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Dads - Celebrating The Difference
I‘ve heard a lot recently from dads who have felt displaced inside their own family. This is how a typical conversation has gone: “For years I did what I thought was expected of me. I have been the chief bread winner, and my wife has mainly taken care of the children. I realize now that I ...
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Finding Your Emotional Balance
Our Emotional Fitness has a significant bearing on the rest of our health. If you have any doubts about that, simply look at how you are affected when you become anxious, or overly angry, or very joyous, or feel a lot of stress. Do you experience mental or physical reactions to those emotional ...
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Five Things Great Dads Do
For many years we have been, quite rightly, acknowledging moms and the balancing act that they have to maintain to do all the things that good moms do. More recently attention has started to focus on the vital role of dads in the healthy and positive upbringing of their children. At last, one ...
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How Emotionally Fit Are You?
A few months ago I went to a school reunion in England. As events go, maybe this does not rank as amazing. But amazing it was and taught me more about how we develop as adults than reading a ton of books on the subject. Here was a group of fifty or more men and women, most of whom were fairly ...
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Dads - The Inside Story
My daughter came from England to visit a little while back. It was the first time I'd seen her for nearly four years, and this had felt far, far too long. I had missed the closeness of her. Phone calls and e-mails are fine, but never the same as being there. Lin is 34 and still my little girl ...
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Recipes For Inner Peace
In 2005 I was involved with a wonderful group of people in the development of a peace conference in Calgary. We called it “The Art of Peace Leadership.” One thing that we all agreed upon was that peace starts right here – within each one of us. Until we have a sense of inner peace, how can we ...
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Learn From Experience
In the Jan/Feb 2006 article I introduced you to the first of my Recipes for Inner Peace from the book of that name. The first Recipe is Listening Power. Now let’s look at the second recipe called Learning from Experience. In the book Jenny is developing a new relationship. She badly wants it ...
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Did life just change?
It’s the morning after you’ve been to the doctor’s office, you have high blood pressure. Your “youth” is over. It’s the morning after you played three days of golf in a row; your “take-off” knee is double its size. You know that it’s time to schedule the replacement; you’re not thirty anymore. It’s the morning after you’ve just moved from your big family home to your new condo, in another city, closer to the children. Boxes to unpack; new friends to make. It’s the morning after the Memorial Service and all of your family has gone home. You’re on your own.
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You aren't what you think!
A common phrase used in Coaching and therapy is experiencing an “Ah Ha” moment. A thought occurs to you that shifts your universe, you get a different perspective. A basic value that you live by is changed or altered. Everything concerned with your life, relationships, faith or even who you think you are can be effected. It happens in an instant. The roller coaster just reached the top of the ride and then, you just took off! This was mine, yesterday.
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Taking care of my loved one is killing me
Home care or dealing with assisted living, is one of the most difficult roles any of us can play. Physically exhausting, mentally confusing and frustrating, the demands of care giving can become overwhelming. Strokes, paralysis, Alzheimer’s or extended illness; these carry long term challenges and tolerations. Are you taking care of a spouse who has a major illness, a sick child or your aging parents? Are you the primary caregiver, even though you have siblings and others who could help? Are you living in another city and dealing with the issues of long distance caregiving?
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4 Steps to Finding Courage
We all have had to face very difficult challenges, make life changing decisions or pull our boot straps up and pick a direction. Baby Boomers, those over fifty, are beginning to face the onset of creating their future and dealing with retirement issues. This is new territory for this historically huge group of consumers. They are living longer than the generations before and are known for thinking outside of “the box”. The last stages of their lives will not be typical. They are the “Leaders of the Pack”, willing to look at life in non-traditional ways.
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Living Life, but Missing Life
The Adrenaline Lifestyle, Adrenaline Addiction, can be very difficult to acknowledge and to balance. It’s a form of compulsive behavior, sometimes leading to substance abuse and depression. A busy lifestyle can be compelling because society seems to admire and promote this. People who are perceived as popular. People who are the president, chairman, organizer. People who always seem so busy. People who are invited to everything. People who seem to be able to balance many plates in the air at once.
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Are you who you look like?
“She can’t possibly be that smart, she’s too pretty.” “He’s too old to think he can do that.” “She wasn’t raised to really work.” “Doesn’t he know that he’s handicapped; there’s no way he’ll be able to get there.” “My years won’t let me try that.” “I’ll stand out too much if I do or say that.”
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Not your Same New Year's Resolution
No more New Year’s resolutions!! No more thinking about projects to finish, exercise classes to start or diets to loose that same ten pounds. Baby Boomers, parents, career professionals; we all strive for better health, less stress, being more organized. A great solution for a Great New Year is to clear the air and to forget about you, start thinking about others. To do this, you have to put two things in place.
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Peace + Joy = Meaning of Life
So here we are once again celebrating Christmas. How fast this seems to come around, especially the older I get. Peace and Joy, these are the tools for a meaningful life. I wish you PEACE. Peace in your heart, with your families and friends. Peace in your mind, especially looking toward the future. I wish you JOY. Joy to continually fill your heart. Your mind thinking of joyful things to do with those you love and care about, giving you a reason to get up everyday. This is truly one of the secrets to creating the memories that slow down the passing of time.
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Got the Holiday Blues
Are your holidays filled with loneliness? Do the days just feel like a lot of work? Is the meaning of the holidays lost? Has this just happened now that your children are out of the house and maybe you have been on your own for awhile? Holidays are definitely one of the most difficult times of the year, especially as we live out the last quarter of our lives.
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Caregiving, an emotional roller coaster?
Caregiving is definitely one of the hardest roles any of us can play, especially as Baby Boomers. The constant variety of emotions attached to it and all of the “shoulds”, “why don’t you’s” and “why aren’t you’s” that keep bombarding our decision making can often be overwhelming. Everyone concerned, you, other family members, close friends and the patient, has to deal with their own fear, anxiety, confusion, guilt, helplessness, frustration, depression, loss and powerlessness.
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Fun! Where is This and Why Do I Need It? Part # 3
Life balance, emotional health, reducing stress, these are all current topics for everyone, not just Baby Boomers and those over 40. One of the most effective antidotes to these realities of life today is to create memories, especially with those you love and care about. FUN? Always a good thing. Be creative!! Stop following all the rules. Stop thinking about all the things you "should" be doing. Don’t limit yourself with what people say you're too old to do. This really is your life and this really is the only chance you get at it. Re-create yourself - again.
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Now That I Know Why I Want More Fun, What Would Be Fun? Part #2
Now that I know why I want more Fun, what would be Fun? How can I have Fun? What do you stand for? What are your values? Some of mine are that I want to cherish each day and have great times with friends and my family. To do this, I have to take the time to make the plans. Who do I want to see or call on the phone, maybe an old friend or a grandchild? Look around at all of the activities that are available – places to see, things to do – not just within a five minute drive. Look at everything that is an hour or so away.
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FUN: What is This; Why Do I Need It? Part #1
"If you don’t have any Fun in your Life, then all you have is a bunch of Thursdays?" (Movie, Rumor Has It) Starting with the end of childhood, moving into being a working adult and, finally, into the fifty plus stage with retirement on the horizon, our amount of Fun typically decreases. Why do we loose Fun? Why do we need to have Fun? What is Fun to you? Fun is something that is non-competitive, takes your mind off of responsibilities or worries; something you really enjoy doing. Playing tennis, writing, traveling, being with friends or family, working on a creative project.
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Balancing Your Emotions
When you find yourself crying a lot, getting angry a lot, complaining a lot, feeling depressed a lot (you get the idea); your emotions are out of check. You’re being flooded with emotion, which makes “thinking”, good judgment and decision making impossible. This so frequently happens as ...
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Is it Time for Some R&R?
What does R&R really mean and have you ever taken the time to do it? I think of "R&R" as "Rest" and "Reassess"; a little different spin on what we usually hear. Are you finding yourself caught just putting out fires? Is your desk piled with projects? Is your calendar full of appointments? ...
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So, You Made New Year's Resolutions...Again?
No more New Year's resolutions!! No more thinking about projects to finish, exercise classes to start or diets to loose that same ten pounds. Baby Boomers, parents, career professionals; we all strive for better health, less stress, being more organized. Truthfully, the best way to have a Great ...
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Got the Holiday Blues? Bah Humbug
Are the holidays filled with loneliness for you? Do you feel like it’s just a lot of work for you? Is the meaning of the holidays lost? Has this just happened now that your children are out of the house and maybe you have been on your own for awhile? Holidays are definitely one of the ...
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My Children: "When can I Stop Worrying?"
One of the age old questions for all parents!!! It’s the same as when a friend asked me “When do your children sleep through the night?” My answer, “Never! You can be ready for that after midnight call for the rest of your life.” Baby Boomers and those over ...
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Blam!!! Laugh, Cry, Anger
You’re thinking your life is wonderful, no current crisis is on the horizon, no big decisions to make, everything seems to be rocking along. Then, out of the blue, something happens in five minutes, your world is turned upside down, you have to make some instant decisions. Your ...
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Are You Estranged From A Child?
One of life’s most difficult situations is when someone you love is no longer present in your life, especially if that someone is a child. It’s a given thing that sometime, as a parent, you and a child are going to have a major disagreement. This so frequently happens with life ...
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Is Your Home Grandchildren Proof? 24 Things You Should Know!
The 13 basic things you need to grandchildren proof your home. Baby Boomers and those retiring have probably already heard these before, but just in case you haven’t: 1.) Pick up all breakables that little hands could reach or knock over 2.) Get baby locks for lower cabinets or drawers that you don’t want opened 3.) Secure any outside doors; especially those that go to the street or to a pool?
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Have You Connected with Your Spirituality Lately?
As the thoughts of reaching the later stages of life start to creep into your mind. As the final years, months, days of your 30 plus career start to come to an end and you’re starting to wonder what retirement is really going to look like. The more mornings you wake up with hips, knees ...
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BLAM!!! Laugh, Cry, Anger
You’re thinking your life is wonderful, no current crisis is on the horizon, no big decisions to make, everything seems to be rocking along. Then, out of the blue, something happens in five minutes, your world is turned upside down, you have to make some instant decisions. Your emotions ...
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Are You Estranged from Someone You Love?
One of life’s most difficult situations is when someone you love is no longer present in your life. It’s a given thing that sometime as a family member, a good friend or a parent, you are going to have a major disagreement. This so frequently happens with life transitions and as we approach ...
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Secrets To Staying Happy While Growing Older
My maternal grandfather was the greatest! He could fix anything, from a wonderful breakfast with Mr. McGinty (the fairytale man who lived in the toaster); to refurbishing the old upright player piano I had to have. He rebuilt a collection of three vintage Rolls Royce’s from parts he ...
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Crisis = Believe, Patience, Faith
Crisis = Believe, Patience, Faith Part #1 Believen * excerpt from our popular book = Crisis, Call 911….Now what? n n You’re in severe pain and don’t know why. You just fell over a piece of furniture, after passing out. Your child broke his arm. You ...
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Balancing Your Emotions
When you find yourself crying a lot, getting angry a lot, complaining a lot, feeling depressed a lot (you get the idea); your emotions are out of check. You’re being flooded with emotion, which makes “thinking”, good judgment and decision making impossible. This so ...
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