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ARTArticle***"I Can't Do It""He can who thinks he can, and he can't who thinks he can't. This is an indisputable law." - Henry Ford Have you ever noticed how often you say, "I can't"? "I can't lose weight." "I can't find my soul mate." "I can't find a job I love." "I can't take care of myself." "I can't heal this shame." "I can't get myself to exercise." "I can't find my passion."ARTArticle***"I Don't Deserve to be Loved"Have you ever said to yourself, "The reaso God doesn't love me is I don't deserve to be loved?" Have you ever looked inside to discover why you might not be loving to yourself and answered with, "I'm not worthy of love"? I hear this all the time from my clients. It is often one of the major false beliefs of the ego wounded self. What exactly does this mean? When I ask people the question, "Why don't you deserve love?" they say, "I don't know. I guess if I deserved love, I would have been loved."ARTArticle***"I Feel Trapped""I can't seem to stop snacking," said Linda, in our phone session. "And I can't figure out why. I don't overeat during meals, but then I snack on things that I don't need to be eating. I've had this issue on and off since adolescence and I want to resolve it." "Linda, right now, take yourself back to the last time you snacked. See if you can tune into what was going on and what you were feeling."ARTArticle***"If You Really Loved Me, You Wouldn't..."How often have you had the thought, "If you really loved me, you wouldn't... - Get angry, yell, curse, call names, say mean, untrue things about me - Project your behavior onto me - Withdraw, run away, shut down, sit spaced-out in front of the TV - Resist doing what I ask you to do - Look at other women, have an affair - ____________________ (fill in your own) I used to have this thought all the time.ARTArticle***"No One Appreciates Me"Have you ever hear yourself say, or said to yourself, "No one appreciates me." I used to say this to myself all the time. I was constantly giving myself up to please others, and then ended up feeling completely unappreciated and resentful - until I learned how to take loving care of myself and appreciate myself. I encountered this recently with Jayden, a young man who consulted with me after his girlfriend left him and he got fired from his job as a construction worker. An alcoholic who had stopped drinking last year, he was back to drinking.ARTArticle***5 Reasons Why You Might Want to End Your RelationshipWhen I married my ex-husband in 1963, I was determined to create a stable, loving relationship. I wanted an intact family where we could raise our children and share the joys of our grandchildren. We did raise our children together, but ended the marriage after 30 years. We do get to share the joys of our grandchildren, but as friends rather than partners. Through the process of our difficult marriage, and my 43 years of counseling individuals and couples, I learned much about why it is better for some relationships to end.ARTArticle***Americans: More Self-Centered… and More LonelyOn April 1, 2011, Matt Cantor, Newser Staff, posted "As Americans Get More Self-Centered, So Do Lyrics Study finds increasingly narcissistic words in top 10 hits."Today's hit songs aren't about "us"-they're just about "me," a study finds.ARTArticle***Are You Making These 4 Mistakes?I, like many of you, was brought up and programmed to believe in a number of ideas that have turned out to be untrue. These false beliefs led me to make various life and relationship mistakes. I didn't like making mistakes any more than you do, but it is from my mistakes that I've learned so much. In this article, I'm going to discuss the 4 major mistakes that I used to make and that so many of my counseling clients make before working with me. Self-judgment ARTArticle***Are You or Your Partner Possessive?"I freak out when my husband even looks at another woman. I trust him not to wander, so I don't know why this upsets me so much." "My partner spends too much time with her friends and family. What's the point of being together if she's always gone a couple of nights a week?" "My wife wants to go back to school now that the children are older. She doesn't need to work, so why does she want to do this? It's going to take up way too much of her time."ARTArticle***Burned by Coffee or Burned by Heartbreak - They Feel the Same"Science has finally confirmed what anyone who's ever been in love already knows: Heartbreak really does hurt." www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/03/28/burn.heartbreak.same.to.brain/index.html"In a new study using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), researchers have found that the same brain networks that are activated when you're burned by hot coffee also light up when you think about a love who has spu ed you.ARTArticle***Discover Your Level of NarcissismAll of us have some characteristics and behaviors that fall into the category of narcissism. Narcissism is on a continuum from mild, occasional, and subtle to the more ubiquitous, obvious or extreme behaviors of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Since narcissism is likely a part of everyone's ego wounded self, it is helpful to your personal growth and development to be aware of your own level of narcissism. Be honest with yourself - but not judgmental - regarding the presence and intensity of the following characteristics:ARTArticle***Do You Believe What You Perceive?"Perception is a mirror not a fact. And what I look on is my state of mind, reflected outward." - - A Course in Miracles I remember many years ago seeing the movie "Rashomon" (starring Toshiro Mifune and directed my Akira Kurosawa) where three people saw a murder committed and each saw it completely differently. Of course, each believed that what they saw was the truth. It is hard for many people to understand that perception is a mirror of what is going on for them on the inner level, rather than what is actually going on.ARTArticle***Do You Chase When Someone Withdraws?A member of our website asked this question in our advice section:I've read several of the articles on the site, but have not seen anything mentioned about "chasing"after someone who is pulling away in a relationship. That has to be a form of protection against deeper feelings, though, right? If someone is pulling away and the urge to chase after them comes up, what is the best thing to do in this situation? Thanks!ARTArticle***Feeling Disconnected From Your Partner?"We can't seem to connect anymore." This is one of the most common complaints I hear in my counseling practice. We all know that it is generally easy to connect at the beginning of a relationship - before all the protections and defenses come up. But what do you do to reconnect once you feel disconnected from each other? In order to answer this, let's first look at what creates disconnection. Emotional Disconnection ARTArticle***Nothing Has Meaning Without Love and ConnectionGretchen is typical of many of the clients that I work with. In our first session she said: I've been depressed on and off throughout my life. Medication helped for a while, but now all it does is make me feel more flat and empty. Life seems to have no meaning for me. Nothing looks beautiful. Nothing is compelling to me. I can't think of anything I really want to do. I've tried many forms of therapy but nothing has worked to heal my depression. I don't know why I'm here on this planet. What is it all about?ARTArticle***Number One Parenting ToolThere is only one main parenting tool that must be used to develop your child’s emotional behavior. I know that sounds unreal. How could there be just one main thing to do with all of the information available that prescribes different methods and theories on how to parent your child. But it is true. Yes, each theory or book does offer good tips on how to help your child develop into a healthy successful adult with happy productive relationships. But in reality it all boils down to one major parenting tool.ARTArticle***Others Treat Us The Way We Treat Ourselves"Everybody is like a magnet. You attract to yourself reflections of that which you are. If you're friendly, then everybody else seems to be friendly too." --Dr. David Hawkins, Physician and Lecturer Have you ever noticed how true this is? I would change it a bit and say that we attract to ourselves what we choose to be in any given moment.ARTArticle***Relationships: Attract at Your Common Level of Self-LoveMarty tells me in a phone session,"Susan is always criticizing me. How do I get her to stop?" Fiona tells me in a phone session,"Jeff is often withdrawn. I feel so angry about this." It's always easy to see what your partner is doing that you don't like, but it's generally very challenging to see your end of a dysfunctional relationship system. However, your end of the system is equal to your partner's end, as we attract people at our common level of woundedness or our common level of health. What does this mean?ARTArticle***Relationships: Do You Have the Same Conflicts Over and Over?Kari and Rudy consulted with me because they kept having conflicts over the same issues over and over - primarily money, chores, and child-rearing. They were nearing the decision to separate, believing that they were incompatible. I asked them to pick one of the issues and they picked a recent conflict regarding setting limits for their children. I asked them to discuss the issue and I immediately understood why they could not resolve their issues. I explained to them that there are always two levels of communication:ARTArticle***The Devastation of Inner EmptinessOne of the sad truths in our society is how empty many people feel, and the devastation their emptiness causes others through their resulting addictive behavior. We have all heard about the sexual acting-out of Anthony Weiner, A old Schwarzenegger, Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton and John Edwards. We all know about the many famous people who end up in treatment centers for alcohol and drug addiction.ARTArticle***The Law of Attraction - It's About FrequencyMany of us have heard of the Law of Attraction - that like attracts like. However, many are confused about what this really means. In my experience, like attracts like means that like frequency attracts like frequency. My high frequency attracts the things I want and my low frequency attracts the things I don't want. The question then becomes, what raises or lowers frequency? What Lowers Frequency? Anything that makes you feel down lowers your frequency. Here is a list of what I have found lowers frequency:ARTArticle***The Law of LoveI have learned over my 43 years of counseling that no one heals without a personal connection to a spiritual source of Guidance. William was struggling with issues of shame and depression. He had struggled with feelings of insecurity and jealousy most of his life, despite years of inner work. While he intellectually knew that he was okay, emotionally he never felt it. This was his first phone session with me. "William," I asked, "what is your concept of God or a Higher Power?"ARTArticle***The Myth of Explaining and Defending"What's the matter with you?" "How could you do that?" "Explain yourself, young lady/young man." "Why are you dressed like that?" "Why are you late again?" "What did you do to your hair!"ARTArticle***Trying to Control Makes us MiserableHave you ever noticed how bad you feel when you try to control things you can't control - such as others and outcomes? Larry consulted with me because he was often miserable - despite running a successful business, and having a lovely wife and two daughters, whom he adored.ARTArticle***What to do When You Can't CommunicateWhat do you usually do when you get stuck with someone and can't communicate? Do you:ARTArticle***Why Don't You Speak Up For Yourself?My counseling clients often complain to me about interactions they had with a partner, friend, parents or co-worker. When I asked the question, "Why didn't you speak up for yourself?" here are the most common answers I receive: "I want to keep the peace." "I don't want to rock the boat." "I didn't know what to say." "It won't change anything." "He/she won't listen." "We will just end up fighting." "He/she will make it my fault."ARTArticle10 Tips for Surviving Your DivorceDivorce is a difficult decision and one that shouldn’t be entered into lightly. The success of your divorce will depend on how well you manage the process. There are so many questions, decisions and a great deal of uncertainty. As hard as it is to believe, you will get through this and you will have a life after your divorce. Even if you are on good terms and are working through things amicably you are changing the family dynamics and it won’t be easy. Yes, you read that correctly...you will still be a family. You will always be parents and have a co-parenting relationship.ARTArticle3 Easy Steps to Attract the Love You WantI’m frequently approached with the question “Kim, I really want a man in my life and I just don’t understand why I’m not meeting anyone!?” Attracting a man is not rocket science. Attracting the RIGHT one however can be a little trickier. Most women I coach are dating at a later stage in life - often after long marriages that kept them off the dating scene.ARTArticle500 Words500 Words: “If today were my last day on Earth and I could share 500 words of brilliance with the world, here are the important things I'd want to pass along to others… The first thing I would share would be to stop at nothing to know the truth. Particularly know the truth about who you are, your relationship to the Divine, real love, life purpose, what you respect, how you treat yourself, and what you stand for.ARTArticleA Wedding FeastIf you are planning the wedding feast for 100 people or more, you know already that it is a not an easy task, and trying to meet the needs and wants of everyone is difficult. At the same time, is a wedding feast party that you want people to remember, therefore, you want to get a caterer that has a very good reputation since the drinks and the food are something that people remember for years. Have you ever been to a wedding dinner and the food was so good that you remembered it many years later?

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