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ARTArticle*** Relationship Breakup: Heartbreak and HealingLindsay called me for counseling because her boyfriend of 18 months had just ended their relationship. Lindsay, 28, had been sure that Jake was "Mr. Right." "I am so heartbroken," sobbed Lindsay. "I don't know how I'm going to get through this. It feels like my heart is breaking apart. I love Jake so much and I thought he loved me too. I don't get how this could have happened, or why it happened. I feel like I can't live without him." "Tell me about your relationship with Jake."ARTArticle*** Relationships: Giving Yourself Up Can Kill YouYears ago, when on a book tour for our book, "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", my ex-husband and I had dinner with a couple on the East Coast with whom he had become friends. I connected with Allison (not her real name) immediately. Warm and open, I could see that she was a deeply caring woman. On the other hand, her husband Ken, while overtly charming, had a huge black hole inside that felt like a vacuum cleaner sucking the energy out of everyone. His need for attention was overwhelming to me.ARTArticle*** Relationships: The Art of ListeningIn 1974, Dr. Virginia Satir presented the concept of mirroring in her groundbreaking book, "Conjoint Family Therapy." In 1975 Dr. Thomas Gordon wrote a best-selling book called "Parent Effectiveness Training." In the book he taught parents to "active listen," which ...ARTArticle*** What Creates Confidence?The Encarta World English Dictionary defines "confidence" as "a belief or self-assurance in your ability to succeed." We all know people who appear to be very confident professionally, yet when it comes to personal relationships, appear to be very insecure. Personal confidence is totally different than professional confidence in that personal confidence is about who you are and professional confidence is about what you do. Personal Confidence ARTArticle*** Why Don't I Have Friends?"Why don't I have friends?" asked Isabella in one of our phone counseling sessions. Isabella, 25 and very attractive, was having a problem that many people have. Sometimes, if people don't keep their high school friends or meet friends in college or at work, they may have trouble making friends. Yet there are many people who seem to be able to make friends wherever they go. What is the difference betwee Isabella and these people who easily make friends? Actually, there is a big difference.ARTArticle***"Can We Be Friends After A Relationship Ends?”Discover what you may need to address before deciding whether you can be friends with an ex partner. Elise writes: "My partner and I separated a year ago. My partner now wants to finalize the relationship but work on being 'friends'. I am having difficulty connecting as just 'friends', it seems to trigger all my old wounds of rejection and abandonment. Do you have any advice?"ARTArticle***"I Don't Know How To Give Her What She Wants From Me."________________________________________ Do you sometimes feel like you try to give your partner the connection he or she wants and can't figure out how? ________________________________________ARTArticle***"I Feel Empty"If you feel empty, you are not alone in feeling this way. Many people feel empty inside, and most people who feel empty have some deep false beliefs regarding why they feel empty. Below are some of these false beliefs. I feel empty because: • My partner is not giving me enough love and attention. • I don't have a partner. • I'm bored because my partner doesn't provide me with enough stimulation.ARTArticle***"It's Not Fair!"________________________________________ Do you continue to believe, in the face of all evidence to the contrary, that life should be fair? Discover a new way of looking at fai ess. ________________________________________ "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian." - Dennis Wholey "It's not fair!" yells eight-year old Calvin when his six-year old sister gets a bigger piece of pie.ARTArticle***3 Steps to Healing from Betrayal________________________________________ Betrayal is one of the hardest things to go through, and it is vitally important that you deal with it in a way that doesn’t cause you even more pain. ________________________________________ It is devastating when someone whom we believe cares about us betrays us – lies, cheats, breaks a sacred promise, hurts us behind our back, steals from us, turns others against us and so on. The Steps to Healing From Betrayal 1. Releasing the feelings rather than staying stuck with them ARTArticle***Addicted to Porn?________________________________________ Are you addicted to porn and not feeling good about it? Discover the likely underlying cause and what to do about it. ________________________________________ I received the following question when I was conducting a webinar on sexual addiction: "I have had a pornography addiction since I was a teenager. I am now in my mid 30's. For the past four months I have abstained through Inner Child work, but two days ago I visited a porn site and masturbated. I feel really sad about this. What is the best way to address this?"ARTArticle***Addiction To Getting Things DoneDiscover when getting things done is healthy, and when it is unhealthy and obsessive. There are many addictive ways that most of us have learned to avoid our painful feelings, and focusing on getting things done is often one of these ways.ARTArticle***Anger PowerDoes anger have power? Are you being powerful when you are angry? The answers to these questions depend on what you mean by power.ARTArticle***Are You Hiding?Do you hide from your feelings when you are challenged by life? Or do you allow your feelings to overwhelm you? You CAN learn to manage them and learn from them. "The art of living lies not in eliminating but in growing with troubles." ~ Be ard M. Baruch "How can I get this pain to go away?"ARTArticle***Challenges of The Dating SceneDating provides many opportunities to learn and grow. Discover some of what you can learn that will be very valuable for you. Franklin writes:ARTArticle***Connection: Our Deepest Desire________________________________________ We all deeply desire connection with others, but what is necessary for us to have this? ________________________________________ When we were born, the most important thing to us was connection with our mother. We needed connection with her body for adequate sustenance. We needed emotional connection with her, or with someone, to feel safe, and to develop the ability to regulate our feelings. Connection with someone was essential to our physical survival and our emotional well being.ARTArticle***Disengaging From Your Family of Origin"Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother." But what if your father and mother didn't honor you? What if instead of loving and honoring you they physically, sexually and emotionally abused you? What if you were scared every day of your growing up years? And what if, when you finally grow up and start to face the fact that your family of origin abused you, and through some therapy finally gain the courage to confront them with the abuse, they completely deny it and tell you that you are crazy? Do you stay in that family system or leave it?ARTArticle***Do You Wake Up Happy or Anxious?"I can have a really great day, but when I wake up the next morning I feel anxious. Sometimes the better day I've had, the more anxious I am the next morning. I can't figure it out." I hear this over and over from my clients. What is happening here? The Tyranny of the Ego Wounded Self ARTArticle***Does Psychotherapy Work?Many years ago, when I became a psychotherapist, all I knew was the traditional psychotherapy that I had learned in school, and that I had personally experienced with many different therapists and many different forms of therapy. For 18 years I practiced what I had learned, and I was never happy with the results.ARTArticle***Finding The Partner Of My Dreams________________________________________ Are you seeking the formula for attracting the partner of your dreams? Here it is! ________________________________________ Rochelle asks:ARTArticle***From Casual To Committed: Secret Of Capturing His Heart through Personal TransformationA lot has changed since the publication of my book. I shared my personal story dealing with an emotionally unavailable man (EUM) I was seeing at the time. The friendship was great -we couldn't have bonded any tighter- but true to my own integrity as an author and coach (as per my own advice in the book), I moved on when I saw a greener pasture. No drama. No crying. No emotional mess.ARTArticle***He Says He's Not Ready For A Relationship, Should I Agree To "Friends With Benefits" Instead?A fan wrote me a heartfelt email: Hi Katarina, me and my bf of almost 2 years broke up about 3 and a half months ago. It was not a bad break up, but he felt like he could not handle the pressure of a full-blown relationship. In the time that we have been apart I have learned a lot and recently we have started talking again.ARTArticle***Healing From InfidelityInfidelity is a huge challenge, but relationships can heal from this and actually become stronger. Sheldon wrote this question to me during one of my free webinars:ARTArticle***How to be 'Free' to Attract Your Ideal MateI imagine that you are someone who has a strong desire to share your life with another. You want the camaraderie; love, passion and partnership Manifest the Love of Your Life that you imagine could be possible in an intimate relationship. However, given the fact that you are not in a relationship, I would assert that something is in your way. Perhaps you have loved and failed, or loved and lost in the past, and you are afraid of repeating the same mistake. I could say that you are not "FREE" to Attract Your Ideal Mate.ARTArticle***How To Become Irresistibly AttractivePart 1: Getting Down to What Really Matters The foundation of attractiveness is not exte al but internal and it is based on being clear and centered in your Self and your Purpose in Life. Often people think that there is a Purpose buried deep inside of them that they need to search a lifetime for and uncover. I believe that your Purpose is something you create and declare. It should light you up inside and inspire you to get up each day. Try this exercise to help you develop your Purpose. Recall a time when you were ecstatically happy.ARTArticle***How to Talk about SexAre you stuck in your relationship not being able to talk about sex, or getting into power struggles about sex? Sean wrote in the following question on one of my free webinars about sexuality:ARTArticle***I'm Not Appreciated________________________________________ Learn what you can do when you don't feel appreciated by your partner. ________________________________________ Chris wrote this question for one of my relationship webinars: "What do you do when you feel you are not loved for who you are? How do you accept your relationship when you don't feel appreciated, or you think it's your fault for what happens in your life? How can you change your relationship? How can you make it better?" There are two ways of dealing with this issue. Explore Within ARTArticle***Is He Really Not That Into You Or Are Your Expectations Too Skewed?My editor Brenda who helped me edit my book out of her gratitude for the advice I have given him in the past dealing with her own emotionally unavailable man, told everyone how profoundly transformational my book is.ARTArticle***Is Your Partner Always Pointing Out Your Flaws?Some people believe that it is caring to point out their partner's flaws - that it will help to make that person a better person. But the intent behind pointing out flaws is not loving - it is controlling. Pointing Out Flaws By pointing out flaws, you hope that your partner will let go of the things that you don't like and become more the person you want him or her to be. Now, be honest with yourself - is it working? Your partner might have one of two major responses to your judgments.ARTArticle***Living Alone Can Kill You________________________________________ Loneliness is a huge problem in our society. It doesn't have to be this way. ________________________________________

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