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ARTArticle***Blaming Others Can Ruin Your HealthThis article on CNN Health - http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/08/17/bitter.resentful.ep/index.html?&hpt=hp_c2-by Elizabeth Cohen, is very interesting, regarding the negative health effects of blame and resentment. "Feeling bitter interferes with the body's hormonal and immune systems, according to Carsten Wrosch, an associate professor of psychology at Concordia University in Montreal...."ARTArticle***Caretaking: A Covert Form of NarcissismI used to think that caretaking was the opposite of narcissism. I thought that narcissists were people who demanded that others give themselves up to care-take the narcissist. I thought that caretakers were people who were programmed to take care of others instead of themselves. I thought that caretakers needed some healthy narcissism and that takers/narcissists needed more compassion for others.ARTArticle***Do You Isolate?In my counseling practice, I often have clients who tend to isolate as a way of protecting against their fears - especially their fears of rejection and engulfment. They are so afraid of being disliked, disapproved of, attacked or having demands made on them, that they choose to avoid relationships, rather than learn how to deal with these challenging situations. These people have never developed a loving Adult self, who knows how to take loving care of them when others are angry, rejecting or demanding. They believe they prefer loneliness over the challenge of relationships.ARTArticle***Does Crying Make you Feel Better?A recent study indicates that crying does not make people feel better. But there is a problem with this study. (Crying shame: Tears don't make you feel any better, study shows, By Cari Nierenberg, http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/07/29/7190543-crying-shame-tears-dont-make-you-feel-any-better-study-shows#.TjR9l8uTx0A.email) The study indicates that:ARTArticle***Giving To Others: Draining Or Fulfilling?Giving to others can be one of the most fulfilling experiences in life, or it can be one of the most draining. What makes the difference? The difference has to do with WHY you are giving to others. Giving From A Full Heart When we give from a full heart, we are giving because we are so filled up with love that it is overflowing, and we receive great joy in giving to others.ARTArticle***How do you Make Others Responsible for Your Painful Feelings?We have all learned many ways of trying to avoid or get rid of our painful feelings. Many of these ways are fairly obvious: addictions to substances and activities, staying in your mind rather than in your body, or judging yourself.ARTArticle***How to Connect with OthersWe are inherently social beings, and feeling emotionally connected with another is one of the great joys in life. Yet, all too often, we feel lonely around another or others, wanting to connect and not knowing how. We may have learned numerous dysfunctional or unsatisfying ways of connecting, and wonder why we still feel lonely around someone when we are trying so hard to connect. Emotional connection is an experience of the heart, not of the head. While you may feel a certain kind of connection when you are in your head, this form of connection may leave you feeling unsatisfied.ARTArticle***How to Save a Marriage After an AffairDivorce breaks the hearts of those involved — couples, children, parents, friends, church, and the heart of God. One of the greatest underlying events destroying marriages today is adultery. The following is a frank and spiritual message on how to save a marriage after an affair. My fervent passion is in saving marriages and making them healthy and holy again. I encourage you to at least make a commitment not to remain at a disinterested distance when couples you love have their lives coming apart. So let's get started.ARTArticle***Intimacy and Connection - The Aliveness of Life"Intimacy begins with oneself. It does no good to try to find intimacy with friends, lovers, and family if you are starting out from alienation and division within yourself." - Thomas Moore, author, Care of the Soul Most of us would love to have intimacy and connection in our lives, yet we often find this elusive. Why? Thomas Moore puts it in a nutshell. Until we are intimate and connected with ourselves, we cannot experience the greatest joy in life - intimacy and connection with others.ARTArticle***Is Divorce The Answer For You?In my work with individuals and couples for the last 43 years, I've had two very different experiences regarding people who have divorced: - One group of people are happy that they finally left a marriage where they were very unhappy. They feel that they have their life back, and sometimes even their health back. They feel relief and freedom and are proud of themselves that they finally got themselves out of a bad situation.ARTArticle***Life: Security or a Daring Adventure?"Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable." ~ Helen Keller ARTArticle***My Spouse is in Love with Someone ElseYou suspected it long before you knew it for sure.ARTArticle***Persistence: Playing a Poor Hand Well"Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well." - Josh Billings, 1818-1885 ARTArticle***Self-Pity or Self-CompassionThere is a vast difference between feeling sorry for yourself and feeling kindness toward yourself. Self-Pity When you see yourself as a victim, you indulge in self-pity. You are a bottomless pit of misery, and you may find yourself crying endless victim tears. You might say things like:ARTArticle***Sexless MarriageThe extent of the research and the methodology employed far surpassed any study before it. Published by the University of Chicago in 1994, the “public” version of the report was provocatively titled Sex in America. The scientific version carried the duller title of The Social Organization of Sexuality. Though all sex studies are controversial, this one did its homework in its attempt to avoid research flaws and to get as true a representation of America as possible.ARTArticle***Should I Stay Married or Get Divorced?“She’s pregnant by her lover. But she says she has come to her senses, loves me, and wants to save our marriage. My family practically hates her and wants me to divorce her and have nothing else to do with her ever. I don’t know what to do.” Call him Jim. Call her May. Every year situations such as theirs are repeated more times that one might imagine. One person does wrong, consequences arise, penitence hits, and the straying spouse begs for forgiveness and reconciliation.ARTArticle***Stop Taking the Bait of Projection!All of us have projected our own thoughts, feelings, motivations and desires onto others, and have been at the other end of projection. Many of us learned to project onto others as we were growing up, when our parents, siblings or caregivers projected their unconscious feelings, thoughts and motivations onto us. We might project onto others when we have judged our own feelings, actions, desires and motivations as bad, wrong, shameful or dangerous. This article is about being at the other end of someone projecting onto you.ARTArticle***The Challenge of Accepting Our Helplessness Over OthersHelplessness is a very difficult feeling. It can even feel like life or death to those of us who were left to cry for hours as babies, with no one coming to help us. Because we were so helpless over ourselves as babies and small children, it can trigger feelings of panic. It's hard to remember, in these moments when fear is triggered, that as adults, we are not helpless over ourselves. For many of us, the deep fear that got programmed into us as young children can trigger our wounded self's desire to control, when we feel helpless over another's choices.ARTArticle***The Vital Importance of CommunityI've been reading in many different sources about the research involving community and well being. In his best-selling book,"Outliers," Malcolm Gladwell opens with a study done in a small Pennsylvania town called Roseto.ARTArticle***What Does Having Sex Mean to You?I’ve been counseling individuals and couples for many years. More than half the time, when couples are having problems or the relationship is dissolving, sex is one of the major issues. There are a number of common scenarios:ARTArticle***What is Enlightenment?"If I could define enlightenment briefly I would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is." - Dr. Wayne Dyer As simple as this definition seems to be, how often do you quietly accept what is? Instead, what do you say or do? - I say things like “It’s not supposed to be this way.” “It should have been different.” “It should be this other way.”ARTArticle***What Will Love Give You?Did you grow up believing that if only someone REALLY loved you in the way you needed to be loved, then you would feel happy, safe, lovable and worthy?ARTArticle***When You Love Yourself, You Let Others Off the HookFrequently, when I start to work with a new client, they believe that loving their self is selfish. Nothing could be further from the truth. A more accurate definition of selfish is expecting others to give themselves up and do for you what you can and need to be doing for yourself. Letting Others Off The Hook How are others let off the hook when you love yourself? Let us count the ways!ARTArticle***Who Am I?I recently attended a conference and one of the speakers was David Stanley, who lived with Elvis Presley as his stepbrother since David was four years old. His book, about his experiences with Elvis, called "Conversations With the King," just got published. The book is co-authored by my good friend, Dr. David Gruder. In the book, and in David Stanley's presentation at the conference, we learn that Elvis constantly asked David, "Who am I?" He asked him this for the last time, just two days before he died.ARTArticle***Why Do We Seek Approval?Many years ago, I became aware of feeling anxious much of the time. Since this feeling had been with me as long as I could remember, it had seemed normal - until it stopped being okay with me. It stopped being okay when I went back to school to become a psychotherapist. I realized then that, normal or not, I didn't want to continue to live my life with this anxiety.ARTArticle***Will Your Next Marriage be Better?"It's time for me to move on. I've learned so much - I just know that next time it will be better." "Our new relationship has a great chance, because we've both been married before and have learned a lot. We know that this time around we will do it so much better." Is this true? Apparently not! According to research by Jennifer Baker, of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri, while 50% of first marriages end in divorce, 67% of second marriages and 74% of third marriages end in divorce.ARTArticle***Your Own Inner Work Affects the Whole World!"Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe What would happen if we each learned to take 100% responsibility for our own feelings and needs - learning to attend to our feelings with compassion for ourselves, and extending that compassion to others? What would happen if each of us were conscious enough to sweep in front of our own door - which means we would be conscious enough not to dump our filth on the rest of the world? I love to imagine the possibilities!ARTArticle10 Warning Signs That Your Teen is Becoming "That Teen"Did’ja hear about the Petersons? Their son Skeeter was kicked out of school, caught smoking something illegal and now he just stays up ‘till all hours of the night in his bedroom day in and day out in his Snuggie! So, when did the Petersons’ kid become “that kid” and what could the Petersons have done differently? So many young people today have too many temptations at their fingertips. Does that put them in danger? No. Can it be a sign of becoming a Skeeter Peterson? Not necessarily.r ARTArticle10 Ways to Build a Great Relationship with Your ChildA Deeper Look at How Parents Show Encouragement.ARTArticle3 Very Important Areas in MarriageThe nine basic areas of marriage introduced by Worthington Jr. are central beliefs and values, core vision, confession/forgiveness, communication, conflict resolution, cognition, closeness, complicating factors, and commitment. Central beliefs and values can be cultural or social. A couples values or beliefs can cause conflict between the two if misunderstood. If you hold your values to a certain standard, your partner can interpret this stronghold wrongly. Core vision of a marriage is how each partner views the marriage or what they want the marriage to be.

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