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ARTArticle*** If You Learn To Love Yourself, Will You End Up Alone?By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. October 03, 2016 If you learn to love yourself and you become happy and whole, will you end up alone? Will a partner want you if you are not needy? I had been working with Kathleen for a few months when we had the following discussion: KATHLEEN: I know that the Inner Bonding process really works to learn to love myself. It's really helpful to me when I do it, but I find myself being very resistant to doing it, and I don't know why. MARGARET: There must be a very good reason. What are you afraid will happen if you learn to love yourself?ARTArticle*** Loving Yourself Through Heartbreak and GriefBy Margaret Paul, PhDr December 05, 2016 ________________________________________ Learn how to love yourself through heartbreak and grief, rather than continue to abandon yourself in ways that are hurting you. ________________________________________ Take a moment right now to remember times growing up that were very painful. Very painful situations might have been: • The loss of a parent, sibling, good friend, grandparent or someone else very close to you • Emotional abuse – yelling, name-calling, criticism and judgment ARTArticle*** Loving Yourself Through Holiday StressBy Margaret Paul, PhDr December 19, 2016 ________________________________________ Do the holidays and other family events or gatherings stress you out? Discover what might be the underlying cause of this stress and what to do about it. ________________________________________ "OMG, I've got so much to do! How am I going to get all this done?" one of my clients said to me. "What happens if you don't get it all done?" I asked. "People will be upset with me." "So are you stressing yourself out in order to meet others' expectations of you, instead of loving yourself?"ARTArticle***"How Do I Know When The Issue Is Mine?"Margaret Paul, Ph.D. January 04, 2016 Do you sometimes get confused regarding whether a relationship issue is about you, about your partner, or about both of you? Alexa asked me the following question: "How do you know when you are self-abandoning and being needy versus setting off fear of engulfment in your partner that is about them and not about you having done something inappropriate?" One of the ways of dealing with this kind of situation is to assume that you are ALWAYS a part of it, and that there is ALWAYS something for you to lea ARTArticle***"I'm Not Important Enough To Want To Love MyselfDiscover what to do if you are stuck not being able to love yourself. When you were growing up, did you feel important to your parents? Did they attend to you in loving ways to show you how important you were to them? Or, did you often feel like a bother or a burden to them? Did either of your parents or caregivers role-model loving themselves? Did your caregivers think they were important enough to truly value themselves and take loving care of themselves?ARTArticle***"When Someone's Behavior Affects Me, What Can I Do?"When someone's behavior is affecting you, what can you do, other than blame them? We Are Not Separate Some authors suggest that, when we are healthy enough, we will not be affected by others' unloving verbal behavior. We will rise above it and not take their words personally – that "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me." I strongly disagree.ARTArticle****The Subtle Devaluation in a Narcissistic Relationship - When Jekyll Meets Hyde - Laney Zukerman, Relationship & Empowerment Coach, author, Lessons for an Urban Goddess & The Urban Goddess LessonA romantic relationship with a Narcissist can be an exciting, whirlwind experience. They are often charming and the life of the party. If they are interested in you, nothing will stop them from winning you over. They will flirt, entice, persuade and pursue until you give them a chance. They must win at all costs. That of course, is in the beginning. But soon after they have conquered you, the days of being placed on a pedestal where you could do no wrong and every quirk of yours is endearing will often be short-lived.ARTArticle***3 Keys to theSauciest LoveMaking of Your LifeMany people believe — wrongly — that great lovemaking is only for the young. On the surface, it seems to make sense:A pair of hot, impassioned 20-year-olds,deeply in love; the novelty of the experience, happening in an era of sexual exploration that only occurs before the stresses of “real” adulthood — careers, children, domestic life, financial worries — settles in.ARTArticle***Accessing Great Thoughts From Your Spiritual GuidanceBy Margaret Paul, PhDr December 27, 2016 ________________________________________ Have you discovered what connects you with your spiritual Guidance and supports you in downloading 'great thoughts?' ________________________________________ "All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking." - Friedrich Nietzsche ARTArticle***Addiction to Convenience________________________________________ Is convenience bringing you fulfillment and joy? ________________________________________ How did we get so deeply into instant gratification? How did we get so far away from receiving satisfaction from doing things that take some time? A good example of this is food. Fast food restaurants would never have flourished if people weren't addicted to convenience. What happened to the satisfaction of preparing delicious food from scratch?ARTArticle***Addiction to Spirituality: The Spiritual BypassBy Dr. Margaret Paul May 16, 2016 Are you using your spirituality as a "spiritual bypass" to avoid feeling your feelings and taking responsibility for them? Lian had been meditating for many years before consulting with me for his depression. He had been part of a spiritual community that encouraged their members to turn to God through prayer and meditation whenever they were feeling any difficult or painful feelings such as anger, hurt, anxiety or depression. He had been taught that Spirit would transmute his feelings for him and bring him the inner peace he sought.ARTArticle***Are You a Trash Can for Others' Negativity?By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. July 11, 2016 Do you allow others to dump their negativity - their complaints, judgments, anger, self-centeredness and sense of entitlement - onto you? Carmen, a client of mine, told me at the end of one of her sessions, "I'm no longer willing to be a trash can for others' negativity." "Wow!" I said. "I'm delighted to hear that! And I love that metaphor!"ARTArticle***Are You Addicted to Complaining As A Form of Control?By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. April 11, 2016 ________________________________________ Why do people complain? What is it they want or hope for when they complain? In this article, discover the answers to these questions, as well as what to do about it if you are addicted to complaining. ________________________________________ARTArticle***Are You Forgetting Your Guidance?______________________________________________________ Are you a person who has experienced being tuned into your spiritual Guidance, yet you frequently forget to check in, especially in times of anxiety and stress?_______________________________________________________ Gerald was raised in a family whose God was money and success. There was no religion practiced and neither of his parents had any spiritual connection. Gerald grew up focused on exte als only - looks, performance and material possessions.ARTArticle***Are You Loving Yourself Or Avoiding Conflict?-------------------------------------------------------------- How honest are you willing to be with yourself regarding your intent? -------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes, when there is conflict in a relationship, it's hard to tell if you are withdrawing to avoid conflict - or as a way of punishing your partner - or if you are lovingly disengaging to take loving care of yourself.ARTArticle***Are You Selling Your Soul?You might not think you are selling your soul, but is this true? What have you given up for money and possessions? - Have you given up kindness to get ahead? - Have you given up family time for a bigger TV? - Have you given up fun for a new car? - Have you given up hobbies for a promotion? - Have you given up vacations for prestige?ARTArticle***Can You Emotionally Connect With Your Family Of Origin?By Margaret Paul, PhDr October 31, 2016 Do you have major challenges in emotionally connecting with your family of origin? You are not alone! Are you happy with your family of origin? Can you emotionally connect with your family? If you can, you are fortunate indeed. Many people feel that if their family wasn't their family, they wouldn't spend time with them, because they feel no emotional connection with them.ARTArticle***Controlling Behavior: Are Your Eyes On Your Partner's Plate?By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. March 14, 2016 _____________________________________________________________________________________ It is often tempting to tell others what to do, especially when it is obvious that they are not taking care of themselves. Discover why this usually backfires and what to do instead. _____________________________________________________________________________________ARTArticle***Courage___________________________________________________________________Do you have the courage to do the things you are afraid of, or do you allow fear to stop you? ___________________________________________________________________ "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it." ~Nelson Mandela "He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life." ~Muhammad Ali ARTArticle***Developing The Habit Of LovingBy Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Like anything worth learning, developing the habit of loving takes practice. As you practice Inner Bonding, your brain develops the habit of loving. "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." ~ Aristotle All of us develop habits as we are growing up. Some of the habits are positive, such as the habits of being on time, being organized and being honest. But some habits can cause us many problems, both with ourselves and with others.ARTArticle***Do You Avoid Failure Like the Plague?"You may have a fresh start at any moment you choose, for this thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down."--Mary Pickford, 1893-1979, Actress and producer ARTArticle***Do You Experience Life As A Burden Or As A Sacred Privilege?Learn how to embrace life as the sacred privilege it is rather than be stuck just getting through. Peter experiences life as a burden - a sentence to get through that is filled with suffering. Peter trudges through his life, experiencing little joy. He works hard, makes enough money to feel financially secure enough to take care of his family, and spends little time in connection with others. To Peter, life has no real purpose other than to make money and do the best he can to feel safe.ARTArticle***Do You Give People The Benefit of the Doubt?Discover whether or not it is loving to yourself to give someone the benefit of the doubt. I was having a Skype session with Raul. He was feeling down because a woman he has recently met rejected him. He was confused because he hadn't actually really liked her on their first date, but he asked her out anyway. "Why did you ask her out again?" "I gave her the benefit of the doubt." "Raul, please look back on your relationship history and see how things have worked out with women when you gave them the benefit of the doubt."ARTArticle***Do You Have Patience?Has having patience been a challenge for you? Discover an underlying cause of impatience. Some people seem to be naturally patient. I'm not one of those people. I think I was born impatient. I have spent a lot of time cultivating having patience and trying to understand what triggers me when I get impatient.ARTArticle***Do You Have Problems Bringing Up Issues?Do you get stuck in not being able to resolve conflicts because you don't know how to bring up issues in a way that works? Bringing up difficult issues is often a major challenge in relationships. Laurie wrote to me about this issue:ARTArticle***Do You Have The Courage to Love Yourself?By Margaret Paul, PhDr January 31, 2017 Discover why it takes great courage to learn to love yourself, and why it's so important to make loving yourself one of your highest priorities. Loving Yourself"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." ~ Ambrose Bierce I find it sad that it takes courage to love ourselves. But the truth is that our culture has come so far from our natural way of being – which is to love ourselves – that now it does take courage, a lot of courage.ARTArticle***Do You See Your Essence and The Essences of Your Children?Do you really see your children? If you operate from core shame and cannot see the beauty of your own essence, your children will not feel seen by you. Yet they need to be seen by you to truly value themselves.ARTArticle***Does Your Life Feel Alive And Meaningful?Do you find that nothing really excites you or holds much meaning for you? Does your life lack aliveness, passion and purpose? Vera sought out counseling with me because her doctor advised her to discover the emotional causes of her chronic fatigue. Vera, a successful stockbroker, was in a loving 18-year marriage. On the surface, everything in her life was fine. She had enough money, friends and a good relationship with her husband. Yet Vera awoke each morning battling fatigue and depression. She didn't want to get out of bed because nothing felt meaningful to her.ARTArticle***Expert List for Narcissistic Survivors - Youtube Video - Laney Zukerman Empowerment & Relationship Coach, Best-Selling Author ~ Lessons for an Urban Goddess & The Urban Goddess LessonHi Selfgrowth Friends, Since I have been receiving a high volume of readers who are interested in more information on Narcissistic Abuse Recovery and Surviving Relationships with Narcissists, I have created a brief Youtube Video. I have spent many hours reviewing experts on Narcissism and put together a brief list of some of the best experts you can turn to for advice. This will help you sort through the thousands of pieces of information out there that may be overwhelming. Please check it out, pass it forward.ARTArticle***From Atheist To The Joy of Divine GraceBy Margaret Paul, Ph.D. February 15, 2016 _______________________________________________________________________________ The state of Divine Grace is a most wonderful experience, and it's available to all of us – even if you are an atheist. ________________________________________________________________________________

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