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30 resources
ARTArticleHow to deal with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)Those with borderline personality disorder (BPD) have an underlying fear of abandonment and often misinterpret interpersonal situations where they end up feeling worthless or mistreated. They can have a distorted sense of self and view of others. The see themselves and others as split, as either “all good” or “all bad”. They will either project that others are “all good” (loving, supportive, caring); and then when they are triggered they will project that others are “all bad” (uncaring, abandoning or mean). These internal positions prevent them seeing themselves or others clearly.ARTArticleHow to deal with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)Those with borderline personality disorder (BPD) have an underlying fear of abandonment and often misinterpret interpersonal situations where they end up feeling worthless or mistreated. They can have a distorted sense of self and view of others. The see themselves and others as split, as either “all good” or “all bad”. They will either project that others are “all good” (loving, supportive, caring); and then when they are triggered they will project that others are “all bad” (uncaring, abandoning or mean). These internal positions prevent them seeing themselves or others clearly.ARTArticleHow to deal with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)Those with borderline personality disorder (BPD) have an underlying fear of abandonment and often misinterpret interpersonal situations where they end up feeling worthless or mistreated. They can have a distorted sense of self and view of others. The see themselves and others as split, as either “all good” or “all bad”. They will either project that others are “all good” (loving, supportive, caring); and then when they are triggered they will project that others are “all bad” (uncaring, abandoning or mean). These internal positions prevent them seeing themselves or others clearly.ARTArticleHow to Find Hope in the Challenge of MarriageI recently read an article in The New York Times by philosopher Alain de Botton that ignited my thoughts on marriage. Among many things, de Botton expresses in the article a belief that “Choosing whom to commit ourselves to is merely a case of identifying which particular variety of suffering we would most like to sacrifice ourselves for.” Further, he supports pessimism rather than the romantic idea of marriage, stating, “Pessimism relieves the excessive imaginative pressure that our romantic culture places upon marriage.”ARTArticleHow to Fix A Struggling Marriage – Step #1Natalie had lost herself in her marriage. She was constantly running errands for her children, husband and checking in on both sets of parents, that she had neglected her own needs. By her own admission, she was far too busy and stressed to enjoy life. David her husband was also stressed, travelling and working long hours to pay for all the growing household expenses. Both felt unappreciated, drained of energy and frustrated at the lack of attention, love and care they were receiving. They were angry at each other, resentment and distance was building.ARTArticleHow to get over a cheating husband/wife and save the marriageAnne (name changed) emailed me after she discovered her husband had been having an affair. She was deeply hurt and angry at his betrayal. But she didn’t want to leave him and break up the family. They have two beautiful girls who dote on them both, plus the fact that deep down she still loved him. She discovered her husband was having an affair when she checked his phone at a friends BBQ. He had left his phone on the side, she picked it up and looked through his messages curious to what conversations he was having with his mates.ARTArticleHow to Heal From An Affair – Surviving InfidelityNothing is more painful and crushing than finding out the partner you promised to have and hold forever has cheated and lied to you. It can ton feel like your whole world has come crashing down like a ton of bricks. Feelings of anger, fear and hurt can flood your system. Along with the shattering news are shattered dreams, hopes, and expectations you had for your relationship and the future. It’s natural to feel lost, numb and change your mind or consistently questioning yourself about what you want next.ARTArticleHow to identify a toxic personHow to identify a toxic individual?ARTArticleHow To Restore Intimacy & Connection in a Struggling RelationshipWhy do couples struggle to stay intimate?
This is a question that baffled me when I started working in this field. Many women would say to me “what do I do when the feelings in a marriage are gone?” or men I work with to save their marriage would share “when a marriage is over to one person can you get it back?” I wanted to know why when the feelings in a marriage are gone can they not be restored with focus and effort. The good news is they can, the problem is 3 main things stop couples from reconnecting which I will explain in this article.rARTArticleHow to Restore Respect in a Relationship – Overcome Marriage ProblemsLack of respect is one of the key reasons many couples get divorced. It is one of the major marriage problem signs. It destroys love, connection and intimacy.
Many individuals and couples that join my online save my marriage program, share that respect has been missing or lost in their relationship. So I wanted to address what respect is in a loving relationship and how you can restore respect if it is missing.ARTArticleHow to Stop Defensive Behavior & Save Your MarriageWhen we feel that we have been wrongly accused of something a common reaction is to put up our defences so our partner will back down. But all this succeeds to achieve is to make our husband/wife feel that we are not taking them seriously. Where the real underlying issues in a marriage don’t ever get resolved.
Defensiveness is a way of avoiding the issues that were raised and can often lead to 2 problems rather than the one that started it.
When I discuss with couples how to save your marriage, I highlight these three common forms of defensiveness
Victim RetaliationARTArticleHow to Stop Disagreements From Escalating in Your Marriage – Relationship AdviceWhen couples begin my private online 1-to1 or group coaching packages, one of the first things they say to me is they have a problem with their communication. I often hear the following:
“We can’t communicate”
“They don’t listen”
“Everything ends up in a row.”
“We sometimes don’t talk for days/ weeks or months”
“I cannot remember the last time we had a good conversation.”ARTArticleHow to STOP the Same Arguments Resurfacing and Become CloserAre you exhausted of the same topics, issues or arguments resurfacing time and time again in your relationship?
Are you sick and tired of the emotional relationship rollercoaster you find yourself on?
If you have tried speaking to your spouse (or even tried marriage counselling) and nothing seems to be working?
If yes, you are not alone…
The problem is, the misinformation we are socialised to believe will fix our problems that never ever work.
Which of the below have your tried?
1. Making Reassurances or Excuses- saying “I’ll change” or “things will be different.”rARTArticleHow To Support a Partner Struggling with Symptoms of Depression – Relationship AdviceWhen one spouse is depressed, a marriage is depressed. As depression often erodes emotional and sexual intimacy. It also floods the relationship with negativity that can cause resentment, anger and isolation.ARTArticleHow Whiteboard Animation Can Spark Up Your BusinessSince business strategies took the online form, a lot of things are still missing about handling businesses for most profitability. The battle doesn’t end in getting ahead competitors but goes further to engaging your audience or visitors with captivating visuals as your major concern. Many business owners forget one important point in the marketing world … “you can lose your buyers anytime if they aren’t comfortable with you”.ARTArticleHusband or Wife Not Affectionate – How to Deal with a Lack of Affection in Your Relationship!Tips on How To Save An Affection-Starved Marriage and Keep Your Relationship Happy
Affection can be one of the first things to go after children are born or when a marriage is in trouble. BUT it doesn’t have to mean something serious and it can be naturally restored as I will go on to explain.
Why after children? Hundreds of couples have shared with me that the affection they used to give to each other over time has been transferred to their children. Whilst this can easily happen couples without children can go through periods of lack of affection too.rARTArticleI Now Pronounce You Connected for LifeAs I grew up, I was very open-minded when it came to matters involving sexuality. I was also very conscious of my spirituality and the sense that someone or something bigger tha
I was involved in my life. The two most intimate aspects of my identity, however, operated totally separate from each other...or so I thought.ARTArticleIf You Think an Ultimatum is Your Only Option… Think Again! Marriage AdviceAre you sick and tired of your spouse’s behaviour?
Do you have no more to give?
Are you at the end of your tether?
Do you think an ultimatum is your only way out?
We hear people giving ultimatums every day. “If you don’t stop doing X then Y will be the consequence.” However, more often than not these ultimatums are being issued by a parent to a child. This is a relationship where power and responsibility lie with the parent. It is the parent’s job to ensure that a child grows up knowing what is right and wrong, setting boundaries to ensure safety.rARTArticleImagine a Society Where the Highest Value Was Your Relationship with YourselfThe relationship you have with yourself is one of the most important relationships you will ever have during your lifetime. And even though we spend 100% of our time with ourselves, this relationship tends to be difficult...challenging.
Our society places a lot of value on exte
al relationships; judging others for whether they are "in relationship with someone else" or not; someone else other than yourself or God.ARTArticleInfidelity - 4 Steps To Affair Proof Your MarriageWhen it comes to infidelity and after the affair recovery in couple therapy, here are the top 3 common questions I often get asked:
Is it possible to avoid affairs and affair-proof your marriage?
Are there ways to ruin my cheating husband's / wife's affair and show them what they have with me?
I think about cheating often and get really tempted, can the marriage still work?
Yes is the answer to these questions.
I have answered them below in my 4 Steps to Help Avoid Affairs In Your MarriageARTArticleInfidelity - How to Help your spouse Heal from Your affair* If you’ve had an affair, are regretful and desperate to save your marriage, don't let another mistake-ridden day go by without reading these tips.
* If you are the betrayed spouse and your cheating partner is unintentionally hurting you in his/her attempts to make you feel better, put this article in their hands.rARTArticleIntimacy Differences – Low Desire V’s High Desire Partners in RelationshipsDifferences are an inevitable fact in any relationship. One very common difference is the difference in sexual desire. Low sexual desire or “low libido” as it is often called is actually very common for many men and women. They estimate about 40% of women will experience this and 17% of men (and estimate actual figures may be far higher). For men however it is less talked about as there is a societal expectation that men must live up to a reputation, that is that they are “always in the mood.” But that’s not true.ARTArticleIs Alcohol Ruining Your Relationship? Tips to Tackle It…Having worked with 1000’s of couples now either 1 to 1 or in my online empowered love program, conflicts over drinking are common. Nothing is more difficult or heart-breaking than being married to someone who changes personality and is horrible when they are drunk.rARTArticleIs Guilt a Reason to Stay in a Relationship? Marriage AdviceLast week a lady I’m supporting in the in the US said: “Nicola, I want out of this marriage but I feel too guilty to leave.” Many men have shared the same with me. Staying in a relationship because of guilt alone can be a miserable way to live. If this is really all that is keeping a couple and family together. However, I often find that it is used as an excuse to mask someone’s own dependency. As many individuals don’t want to admit to themselves that they really DO want to STAY in the relationship if only some key things would change.ARTArticleIs it okay to snoop on your partner’s phone?Snooping comes up time and time again in my work with couples from all over the world online. Arguments over discoveries after snooping on phones are frequent. This has included
1. Facebook messages to ex’s,
2. Whats app messages sharing intimate details or marriage complaints to friends, family or strangers
3. Flirting from work colleagues or old school friends.rARTArticleIs Love Enough?
3 Truths about Romantic LOVE…I hear people say all the time…
I love my husband/wife but I’m not “In Love” with him/her.
I’m just not sure if I love them anymore.
I love them but he/she said I don’t love you anymore, is my love enough?
These kinds of statements can be extremely confusing not to mention painful and disheartening.
So I wanted to share a few truths I have come to know about love after helping hundreds of individuals and couples get through various crises points and difficult times to have a more loving, happy and rewarding marriage.
Marriage Advice – 3 truths about loveARTArticleIs Resentment Harming Your Relationship? FREE Gift to Release It NowWarning: This Gift Might Be The Best Relationship Gift You'll Ever Get
Whether you are married, dating or divorced resentment will affect you and your relationship current or future if you do not release it.
What is Resentment?
Resentment is a sense of unfai
ess - that you are not getting enough attention, consideration, affection, reward or appreciation that you deserve for aspects of your life and relationship.ARTArticleLet’s Get Scholarly Before We Get Sexy: What is a पà¥à¤à¤¾?The word puja is a sanskrit word that translates to mean sacred ritual, or ceremony. It is used by the Hinkus, Sikhs, Buddhists and others for a variety of reasons. It is most often used to honor a deity (god or goddess) to celebrate her character traits (and ideally see them as a reflection of what we have inside ourselves, too). A puja happens on specific Hindu or Buddhist holidays. It is also used during specific celebrations like a birth or death, and is basically the prayer and ritual itself to honor the occasion.ARTArticleLet's Remove the Obstacles to Intimacy in Your Life!Are you feeling unfulfilled and disconnected?
Single and touch deprived? Feeling the need to share and have someone listen really deeply to you?
Ready to discover what it feels like to experience pleasure, passion, joy, and laughter again?
BUT JUST CAN'T FIND THE TIME?
Allowing other things to get in your way?
The simple, exquisite process of intimacy (or into-me-you-see) starts from within—and ultimately transforms every area of your life.ARTArticleMarriage Counselling Tip - How to Avoid Angry Silence & Outbursts in MarriageAnger is a normal, healthy emotion, it’s perfectly healthy to feel angry when you’ve been mistreated or wronged by someone you love, but when it becomes consistent or explosive anger or spirals out of control, it can have serious consequences for your marriage, your health, and your state of mind.