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ARTArticle***Healing Love and Approval AddictionAre you love or approval addicted?ARTArticle***Healing Social PhobiaWhat is Social Phobia?
Social phobia - or social anxiety - is the fear of interacting with others in various situations: groups, work, school, parties, on the telephone, in a market or store, and so on. People with social phobia experience extreme anxiety or panic when they know that they have to talk or interact with others. They often find themselves isolating rather than risk the rejection or ridicule that they fear.ARTArticle***Healing the Fear of IntimacyWhy would someone be afraid of intimacy? Don't we all want to feel close and connected with someone?
Yes, of course we want that, but there are very real fears that keep us from opening to emotional intimacy in a primary relationship.
The Fears
What is the first fearful thought you think when you think of feeling close to someone?
"I'm going to be rejected or I'm going to be abandoned."
"I'm going to be smothered, engulfed, controlled. I will lose myself."ARTArticle***How Do I Stop Sabotaging Myself?Discover why you may be sabotaging and punishing yourself with your self-judgment and self-rejection.
Would you love to manifest your dreams and have the life you want? Most people would unhesitatingly respond with a resounding "YES!" Yet, do you sometimes find yourself sabotaging yourself in achieving this? Georgette finds herself in this position and wants to know how to stop.ARTArticle***How State and Local Mental Health Associations Can Afford to Get High-Priced SpeakersMany smaller associations do not have the membership base to afford paying a “big name” speaker to present at a training or convention. The speakers who present for these associations are usually members of that group and present for free. While this system is cheap, and sometimes can provide for an interesting presentation, over time the “same cast of characters” are presenting at most meetings. This situation leads to lower registrations at conferences--which worsen the association’s financial position.ARTArticle***HOW TO EFFECTIVELY COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR TEENMany parents struggle with conversing with their adolescent. Attempts at communication often result in yelling, slamming doors, feelings of resentment, and a sense of hopelessness that issues can be resolved. Below are nine strategies to enhance communication with your teen.ARTArticle***How to Play Hard To Get The Correct WayThere is an excellent discussion going on in my private group: "For years we read from women that we should play hard to get. There are countless books written by women on this topic. What are your thoughts on why women believe we should play hard to get and men believe we should not? Do you believe women who hold the idea of playing hard to get contribute to their own demise?"ARTArticle***I Fall Too Hard In Love________________________________________
Do you find yourself getting hurt over and over in relationships? Discover why.
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Do you find yourself falling hard for someone and then ending up feeling rejected and not good enough when it ends? This is the problem that Sabrina is having:
"Why do I fall so hard for men? How can I get over this without pain and the feelings of dreadful rejections and feeling less than?"ARTArticle***Intimacy With Others Starts From WithinHave you wondered why you may be having a hard time connecting with others?
"Intimacy begins with oneself. It does no good to try to find intimacy with friends, lovers, and family if you are starting out from alienation and division within yourself." - Thomas MooreARTArticle***Is It Important to you to be Healthy?How important is your physical health to you?
Of course, most people will say that they really want to be healthy, but what are you willing to DO to be healthy? And what are you willing to NOT DO to be healthy? In other words, what is more important to you than being healthy?
Is more important to:
• Eat fast food, or packaged, frozen and processed food, than take the time to cook healthy meals with fresh, organic healthy ingredients?ARTArticle***Loving Yourself First"I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line."
--Lucile Ball, 1911-1989, Comedienne and Actress
Lucile Ball was a very smart woman!
Do you believe that if you put others first, they will love and value you and you will feel loved? Has this worked for you?ARTArticle***MAKING YOUR PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCE MORE EFFECTIVEThe parent-teacher conference can be an efficient tool to communicate with your child's teacher. Below are a few tips on how to make that meeting more productive:
1) Show up: My wife, now retired from teaching fourth grade for 28 years, often said that the parents with whom she most needed to talk rarely scheduled a conference. Children perform best in school when their parents are involved in their kid's education.ARTArticle***Manifesting Your Next Year________________________________________
There is no time like right now to get clear on what you want to manifest in the coming year.
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What do you want in the coming year?
One of the things I've done for many years is to write down what I want for the next year. Of course, I don't always get what I want, but often I do. I think it's because knowing what I want helps me to focus on taking the loving actions that will take me there.ARTArticle***Must You Feel Like It to Do It?A parent tells their young child to brush their teeth. The child responds, "I don't want to; I don't feel like it."
It is perfectly normal for children to believe that they must be in a certain mood state (feel like it) to do something. Most parents, though, tell their child that they are sorry that they don't feel like brushing their teeth but go and do it anyway.
This child-like thinking continues for many adults. Unfortunately, as adults we often don't have someone making us do it anyway.ARTArticle***Overindulged ChildrenAn adolescent in Texas recently was in the news for killing and/or injuring several persons due to recklessly driving his new BMW while quite intoxicated. Apparently, this teen had an alcohol-related incident a few months before this tragedy. At trial a psychologist testified that this boy should not be incarcerated because he was a victim of his parents’ wealth and indulgence. The syndrome was coined “Affluenza.” Amazingly, the judge agreed and sentenced the teen to a 120 days in a posh treatment facility.ARTArticle***Relationships: Hanging in Through the Hard Stuff________________________________________
Do you have the courage to hang in through the hard times and do the learning and healing we all need to do to create a loving relationship?
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Are you committed to working through the difficult and painful issues that inevitably arise in relationships, or do you run when things get hard? If you want to have a long-term loving relationship, then you need to learn to hang in through the hard stuff.ARTArticle***Relationships: When To Let Go and Move On________________________________________
Are you staying in an abusive relationship because you believe you can change it or not be bothered by it?
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The question of when to leave a relationship comes up over and over with my clients and with the members of Inner Bonding Village. In fact, my YouTube video, "When To Leave A Relationship," is my most popular video.
Sonia asked:ARTArticle***Safety With an Open HeartDo you live your life with your heart mostly open or mostly closed? Do you spend most of your time protecting against rejection or being taken advantage of, or most of your time open to sharing love with others?
As children, many people had very heartbreaking experiences that caused them to close their heart. What experiences led to you closing your heart?ARTArticle***Single? What Are Your False Beliefs About Relationships?________________________________________
If you are single, do you relate to any of these false beliefs about being in a relationship?
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I have discovered that many of the single people I work with have a number of false beliefs about relationships. If you are single, do you identify with any of these beliefs?
People In Relationships Are Not LonelyARTArticle***Standing Strong In Your Own Truth________________________________________
Are you able to stand in your truth, or do you let others talk you out of what you know is right for you?
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When the biblical floods hit Colorado on September 12th, I texted my daughter to see if they were okay. "We’re Ok, the house isn't." I called immediately. "There's a six foot wall of water in our back yard. The creek is a huge raging river!" she shouted, panicked. Six weeks prior, we had moved from Durango, to Berthoud, Colorado, into a huge house.ARTArticle***TEENS AND THE VAMPIRE SYNDROMEHaving recently returned from a vacation back east, which included a visit to New York City, I found that it took me several days to recover from the jet lag due to the three-hour time difference. One of the first clients I saw upon returning to work in my practice involved an adolescent male whose mother remarked that with school about to start she wondered how her son was going to get to bed at a reasonable time and awaken early in the morning in time for school—given the summer schedule he has been living. My jet lag and this mother's comment caused me to think.ARTArticle***The Fear of Being Duped________________________________________
Is being duped something you avoid at all costs, or are you willing to be duped in order to keep your heart open?
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No one likes being duped. It feels awful to realize that someone has pulled the wool over our eyes – that we were so naïve we didn’t see that we were being duped, lied to or taken advantage of.ARTArticle***The Power of Appreciating Yourself________________________________________
Do you often feel unappreciated?
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"I'm a very nice person. I'm a good guy and I do nice things for people, but they never seem to appreciate me, and I feel angry about that," said Martin in one of our first phone sessions.
For me, this statement holds much information regarding how Martin was trying to control others and make them responsible for him, and how much he was abandoning himself.
Let's analyze this statement.ARTArticle***The Power of Immediate ReinforcementA basic tenet of behavioral psychology is that the closer the consequence is to the behavior, the more powerful the effect it has on that behavior. For example, if one could eat a sensible nutritious meal, immediately step on the scale and be down two pounds, dieting would be easy. Unfortunately, one has to eat healthfully for an extended period before any appreciable weight is lost. Thus, even though most adults know they should eat better (and exercise more) the delayed reinforcement sabotages their efforts.ARTArticle***The Silent TreatmentResearch indicates that children would rather be yelled at than ignored.
When prisoners are being punished, they are put in isolation, because being isolated is one of the harshest punishments there is - other than physical abuse.
The silent treatment is a form of punishment, a way to attempt to control children and partners into doing what you want them to do. It is a withdrawal of approval, and can cause much fear in people who are vulnerable to this.ARTArticle***The Way to HappinessAre you ready to discover the way to happiness? Are you ready to discover what Epictetus knew over 2000 years ago?
"There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will." ~Epictetus, AD 55-135ARTArticle***Valentine's Day and Alone AgainWhat will be my Valentine? Yes, you read that right!
We usually ask, Who will be my Valentine? - which can bring up a myriad of uncomfortable answers.ARTArticle***Video Games: The Newest PlagueA mother of a boy, 12, I was counseling recently spoke about a “play date” her son had. As had been arranged, the mother of the other boy brought her son over to the house around 1 pm. The two boys greeted each other at the door and immediately proceeded to the bedroom, where they began playing video games.ARTArticle***Watching pornography. What is normal?During the last 10 years, the sheer volume of pornography available on the internet has grown exponentially, along with how easy it is to access.
Often, Pornography’s promise of easy, commitment free, sexual gratification can be just too hard to resist for many men, when pornographic images, videos, chats and games are so easily found at any time of the day or night.
Many men also see pornography use as harmless fun, and part of being a man.ARTArticle***What Are You Waiting For?Is there something you've always wanted to do but have never done? What's stopping you?
"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now." –Chinese Proverb
How often do you say to yourself, "I wish I had…..?"