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ARTArticleMOTHER LOVE / Female Abusers Part II - the psychological impact on daughters who have been sexually abused by their mothers“There is no other closeness in human life like the closeness between a mother and her child. Chronologically, physically and spiritually, they are just a few heartbeats away from being the same person” *ARTArticleMotivation: What to do When You Don't Feel ItOne of my clients, Janae, wants to start a new exercise program this summer. “I'm out of shape,” she said. “I know I have to do something. But how do I get motivated?”
Another client, Miles, has a big test coming up, but he puts off studying. “I have the time,” he says, “but not the motivation. How can I get myself to do it?”
I hear this a lot.
Whether you want to lose weight, clean the garage, prepare for a test, or finish a project, you have to find a way to start.
Sometimes motivation is elusive. If you don't feel it, however, you need to create it.ARTArticleMR. and MRS. right…and wrongThere is no Mr. and Mrs. Right, but there must be Mr. and Mrs. Right and Wrong. Your spouse is literally your other half. He/she is the person who completes you while you complete him/her. He/she attracted you because he/she has the qualities that you looked for and vice versa.
Your parents, experience, environment, even genes and evolution formed your Mr. and Mrs. Right qualities. These qualities often are the type of life that you wanted to live and share with someone.
Science claims that men often prefer women who have the good qualities of their mother.ARTArticleNo Sex, No MarriageRemember the earlier days when you and your spouse had sex almost every day—ok, every day. A gentle and simple touch can immediately spark sexual attraction. A simple kiss could instantly end you and your spouse in the bed, despite the day stress. You even made every sex extra special, kinky, and romantic. You and your spouse wore the sexiest lingerie and body scents. You romantically ado
ed your bed and room with candles, flowers, dim lights, and new bed sheets. You even looked for time and place to have sex. You had sex anywhere and anytime. You had sex in breakfast and lunch.ARTArticleOvercome Holiday Depression During & After Your DivorceThe holiday season can bring up painful memories of happier times, especially if you are divorced and have children.
When feeling yourself starting to sink into negative emotions keep in mind that with the pain comes a choice. You can choose to acknowledge the past for what it was. You can value the good times you might have had together. Then you can choose to move on and let go.
If you don’t, you will likely get stuck tormenting yourself with the "shoulds." We should still be a family today. He should be ashamed of what he's doing to us.ARTArticleOverworked and OverwhelmedDo you ever sit down and write a To Do list and at the end of the day you find that you couldn't get everything done that was on your list? Then you start the next day's To Do list with the items left over from the day before and add to it for the new day?
That is how I was taught to get things done, many years ago. I have since learned that those To Do lists can add additional stress to my life because they are My To Do lists, not God's To Do list. My To Do lists seem to carry on and on and never get fully completed. Can you relate? Would you agree, that can seem stressful?ARTArticleRecognizing Your Co-DependencyCo-dependency used to be a word reserved for those in a relationship with alcoholics or other addicted people. But the term has been expanded to include people with lopsided relationships—people who are partners, parents, family or friends with dysfunctional people. Dysfunctions can include all sorts of addictions from drugs to sex, and emotional, physical and sexual abuse.ARTArticleRELATIONSHIP CHECK UPThere are very few guarantees in life but one is certain, everything changes: day changes to night, morning to evening and summer to fall. People of course are no exception; we physically change from young to old. There are times we change for the better and at times the changes are undesirable.
Being in a relationship requires work, whether it is working on communication between the parties involved or works on other issues.ARTArticleRelationship HelpAfter dealing with thousands of people and their relationships, it became very obvious to me that the people who are looking for relationship help usually seek it after they have exhausted all the knowledge and tricks they themselves had up their sleeve. By the time they start looking for relationship help, it is often, if not too late, then at least more difficult to get the relationship help that would work than if they had started looking at the first signs of trouble.
So, what are the sources that people look for when they need relationship help?ARTArticleRemain True to YourselfNot being authentic is a big problem in dating if you’re attempting to be someone you’re not when looking for the love of your life. Many women are taught in childhood to be pleasers and to cater to their man’s wishes, and often that means we act as the person we think our man would want to be with instead of who we really are when in the courting process of a relationship.ARTArticleSeek Not Your Own“Love does not seek its own interest.”
This is the best meaning that love could bear. Love is never self-centered, but selfless. It transcends self and seeks others.
Research the favorite music, movies, and hobbies of your spouse. Be ready to discuss them. Constantly ask other interests and preferences of your spouse. It is important because people constantly change. Your spouse might be different today and before. Study their favorite food, colors, clothes, TV shows, books, drinks, travel, things, etc. Know also the people dear to your spouse.ARTArticleSeven Winning New Year’s Resolutions for CouplesLose weight, stop smoking, exercise more … all good ideas for New Year’s Resolutions … BUT … have you thought about a resolution to make your marriage better.
We could suggest a lot of different resolutions. The ones that we have listed below are our top 7.
Talk them over with your spouse. Of course, it will be much better if you both can commit and follow through; however, that if you are the only one who works at it, you can still make a difference.ARTArticleSigns of a Successful Blended Family1-You and your spouse have clear house rules that apply to all family members
Yes, this means that house rules don’t change when you are tired, or your spouse is out of town. Both biological children and stepchildren all follow the same rules. It really does help when the parents also follow the same rules.ARTArticleTactics Emotional Manipulators Use to Hurt YouLast week I talked about how Emotional Manipulators (EM’s) make you doubt yourself, make you feel confused, and even a little crazy yourself. The result is you depend a little more on the EM and that is the whole point. Emotional Manipulators use all sorts of tactics to control you. To dominate you. So they can be and do whatever they want. The trouble is, when they succeed, they diminish you to the point where you are no longer the strong, vibrant person you once were. It’s an insidious process that can leave you devastated.ARTArticleTake Back Your Time: How to Reduce Overwhelm in a Few Minutes a DayResearch shows that re-thinking how you use the small moments of extra time in your day might be better for you (and less expensive) than taking a big vacation.
Recently I spoke with Jenny, a client of mine who is a working mom, who said, “I need time for myself, but there isn't enough time in the day.”
With two kids in school and a part time job, she felt overwhelmed, exhausted, and in need of a vacation – preferably a long one.
While a vacation would have been wonderful, what Jenny really needed was something a little different. It had to do with how Jenny filled her time.ARTArticleTaking Care of the Elderly and Taking Care of YourselfTaking care of the elderly is becoming a reality for more and more people. Often frustration is an integral part of that task, especially if the elderly person is afflicted with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia. The question is, how do you deal with a certain amount of inevitable frustration and maintain your equilibrium while giving your loved one the care he or she needs?ARTArticleTalk is never cheap and action is never silentCommunication has always been essential in human relationship. It either builds or destroys relationships. It more often builds and rebuilds relationship because it bridges not only similarities but differences. Communication, in any form, connects us all. Without it, the world would be silent, humanity would not evolve through time and there would be no human relationships.
Communication is undeniably important, whether it is verbal or non-verbal. Some people would claim that emotions are better expressed in words. Some claim that actions are better than words.ARTArticleTalking to the One Who Makes You MadIf you hate conflict, you could spend a long time stewing in your anger before you express it to the person who caused it. By then, your anger may have built to levels beyond reason. Or maybe you zipped off an e-mail, comforted by the fact that technology helped you avoid a face-to-face confrontation. But sometimes your relationships need that personal conversation to clear things up and move on to more enjoyable interaction. The trick is to do it without becoming so angry that you lash out and hurt the person you love.ARTArticleThe Cheat and the CheatedHave you seen the TV episode, Cheaters? The show investigates cheats upon one of the partner’s request. The TV host, few TV production cameraman, and private investigators rigidly follow the cheating experience. They record all events in video and audio. They then show the records and ask confirmation to the person who requested investigation. Upon confirmation, the show sets to meet (and air) the cheat, the mistress and the spouse altogether in one place. The endings were often confrontational, violent, and sad.ARTArticleTHE IMPACT OF SEXUAL FULFILLMENT ON OUR MENTAL AND PHYSICAL WELL BEINGFor the patient, psychotherapy is the treatment of emotional or behavioral problems designed to encourage communication of conflicts and insight into their problems; the goal being relief of symptoms and changes in behavior leading to improved functioning.
Our expression, experience, and meaning of sexuality and intimacy are dynamic and fluctuate throughout the lifespan, changing over time as we age. At different ages the experience of sexual satisfaction changes. People that are 50 are not looking for the same things in their relationships of intimacy as they did when they were 25.ARTArticleThe Other ParentThe following is not an article but some preliminary thoughts on what may be expanded into one later on:ARTArticleTHE TRUE POWER OF WORDSCome inside; relax to take a load off and let's talk for a moment. I hope your life is good and fruitful. When words are shared that encourage, empower and construct, they serve to propel an individual to aspire to be the best that they can be.ARTArticleThree Ways to Stop Worry and Anxiety3 Ways to Stop Worry
Sofia wanted to stop her worry – worry about her job, worry about whether or not her husband will be laid off, worry about the news and the kind of world her kids will grow up in.
She can worry about the past or the future, big things or small – whether she volunteers enough, whether her kids get to school on time, whether her skirt has an unprofessional wrinkle.
Before lunch she can worry about dozens of things, and the day is less than half through.
She's not alone. Many of my clients struggle with worry.ARTArticleTips for improving your marriagePeople don’t get up in the morning with the intention of having an affair…it just happens.
You can have a friendly friendship for years and then one day something may occur like a breakup, finances, family issues, and a frustrated libido and suddenly an innocent situation could escalate to a point where your relationship has reached the danger zone.
So why risk it? Establishing boundaries or “building a fence” around your marriage will help you build a better relationship with your spouse.ARTArticleTips for Tiger Woods & All Families Facing Separation or DivorceWhether Tiger Woods gets a divorce or not, his family is experiencing the emotional turmoil resulting from any parental breakup. Celebrity or not, everyone in the family is affected by a separation or rift between parents.
Often Mom and Dad are so caught up in their own battles they tend to overlook the effects on the children, especially when those children are very young. However, kids come with powerful emotional radar.ARTArticleTransition Times-A Time For LearningTransition times are often stressful for parents and children. Your child may experience transitions in many different ways. Their response may be of great excitement and anticipation which puts them in an emotionally charged or at the other end of the continuum, they might be so engrossed in their current activity that they are not ready to stop and move to another activity. If you have more than one child they will likely not both be ready at the same time.ARTArticleWALKING THROUGH THE GAUNTLET OF THE ABYSS IN THERAPYFor a moment imagine that you are standing alone at the entrance of a deep hole, a gloomy dark chasm. Imagine in your mind's eye staring into a terrifying and ominous void…a murky hole! The opening is indistinguishable, and it's intimidating. What is even worse is that this sinister cavity, this deep crater has a severe tug on you. You are being sucked in.
In contradiction, although this place seems frightening, you feel convinced that you should enter.ARTArticleWALKING THROUGH THE GAUNTLET OF THE ABYSS IN THERAPY Part 2Trust in therapy only happens at step one, with the client's willingness to admit that there is a problem and by having the courage to consciously work on it. The ‘HOW’ in therapy are indeed HONESTY, OPENNESS and WILLINGNESS!
As the client begins to open themselves up in the therapeutic process their history is revealed. In turn, I am able to discover how they arrived where they are.ARTArticleWhat We Fear More Than DeathYou've probably heard that public speaking is feared more than death itself. It sounds crazy, but that's what people say. Is there any truth to this?
Certainly the vast majority of people rank fear of public speaking as number one – 75% according to the National Institutes of Mental Health. For some people, this means a fear of speaking to large groups. For others, it means speaking to even a single person if that person has the power to evaluate you, as in a supervisor, interviewer, or professor giving an oral exam.ARTArticleWhat You Never Knew Before About LoveWhat’s your idea of love? Is it when you want the best for someone else? When you give up putting your own self first to focus on another’s feelings, desires, needs? When you give your whole self—heart, mind and soul—to another?
Scientists have made great progress in understanding love through researching the brain. A few facts emerged:
- Romantic love is universal in humans.
- You can feel as ardently in love at 80 as 18.
- If you’re in love you’re as driven as an addict.