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ARTArticleEmotional HygieneRecently, I had a minor but difficult surgical procedure to lance an abscess on my leg. It was very painful, and while I recovered physically pretty quickly, I had some Post -traumatic stress reactions—bad dreams, flashbacks, and upset—after my recovery. I had to acknowledge my upset and feelings, and let them out before the stress reactions subsided. I often help my clients do this, too, not only with PTSD from shocking or painful experiences, but also with grief and old memories.ARTArticleEmotions as WeatherAlthough most people in the country wouldn't agree, we in Southern Califo
ia have been having extreme weather conditions for us: rain and mudslides. You could almost say we're so used to mild conditions that we become afraid of what others would call "real" weatherweather wimps.ARTArticleEmpowering Our Children Through Law Of AttractionThe parental journey has many paths, we as parents have walked down a few, sometime to turn around and say “that’s not my path”. The other thing that seems to happen is we walk down a path that resonates with us for awhile, and then seemingly abruptly, we look around and ask “Is this still the ...ARTArticleEssential Ingredients for a successful relationshipCriteria for evaluating one’s relationship with one’s partner
Creating a healthy environment for a mutually satisfying relationship became the most hard and tedious task that a couple has to face in the complicated society in which we live. Nowadays, divorce is the norm and ...Criteria for evaluating one’s relationship with one’s partnerARTArticleEveryone Comes Into Life WIth A PurposeLife on earth is an miraculous blend of spirit and matter, an expression of the universal force at the heart of creation. Whatever you call that force-- God, All-That-Is, the Ete
al, Prime Mover, Ground of Being, Allah, Yahweh, Shiva, Zeus, or Life itself-- you and I and every living thing is ...ARTArticleExpressions Of A Pure And A Profound loveAll my life, I was looking into the stars in the sky, captivated by the sight of the extremely emotional yet tranquil, peaceful soothing waves of the ocean. I was seeking the help of every creature of our great, creative and merciful God. I listened tentatively to the birds while they were ...All my life, I was looking into the stars in the sky, captivated by the sight of the extremely emotional yet tranquil, peaceful soothing waves of the ocean. I was seeking the help of every creature of our great, creative and merciful God.ARTArticleFair Fight GuidelinesARTArticleFamily HarmonyI believe the simple principles of family harmony are three fold, when you look at your family you must look at three key elements, body, mind, and spirit. A healthy family is like a healthy body, the system works together, almost effortlessly. The brain is functioning, the heart pumps, the ...ARTArticleFamily Lies are the Binding TiesDid you ever hear the old phrase "What you don't know can't hurt you"? Well, it can. In fact, family secrets can destroy your life in more ways than one.
There is usually one person who is the "keeper of the secrets". That person is privileged to all the things that are unsavory about the family and usually decides who gets to know about them and when. Secrets are passed down through a family much like a family recipe. The eldest person gets the privilege of the power.ARTArticleFamily MeetingsEvery member of your family has a right to have his or her opinions respected. You dont have to agree or go along with what your child wants, but you should at least know what it is, and your child should know why you're overriding his or her preferences. Regular family meetings, where everyone including the children expresses feelings, negative and positive, and all of you work together to solve problems, can help a lot.ARTArticleFamily Violence Q&AQ: My spouse and I often have arguments over the small stuff. How do we get past this so that we are not constantly bickering?ARTArticleFear Of Commitment And How You Can Defeat It Or Help Someone You Know or LoveOne of a growing number of reasons frustrated singles turn to the help of a dating coach is to help them overcome fear of commitment or help them deal with a lover’s fear of commitment.
If you’ve been reading my articles, by now you know that for many years I was a commitment ...ARTArticleFIGHTING RULESFIGHTING RULESn n“It is not necessary to understand nthings in order to argue about them.”
Caron de Beaumarchais
This proverb encouraged me to write “Fighting Rules.”
Next ...ARTArticleFinances In Relationships Before and After the WeddingMoney problems are one of the biggest reasons two people get divorced. Did you know if you had just sat down and talked about how each of you would like to do things before you got married then you would most likely not have problems with finances in relationships after you are married?ARTArticleFirm Up Your Discipline With This Helpful Tool!Why is it so hard for parents to be consistent whenndisciplining children?
Many factors come into play. How tired are you?! How persistent is your child? How were you disciplined? What kind of parenting style do you have? Does the other parent agree with you on discipline methods and ...ARTArticleFriends in Need: Interventions for Domestic ViolenceLast month, I received the following letter from an old friend, Lloyd Barnhart.ARTArticleFriends with BenefitsIf you’re thinking about having sex with a friend, be very careful, because it is not easy to preserve a friendship once you have sex. We think we can control our feelings, but it's not so simple.
- If one of you becomes romantically attached as a result of the sex, the friendship will probably not survive.
- If you've done it before, and you know you can keep your feelings in check, you might be successful, but what about your friend? Are you sure he or she is aware of his or her own feelings and motives?
- Think about it in advance and talk about it a lot.ARTArticleFrom my book, ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH?I was talking to Nancy one day about men and women. We were talking about what divides men and women as a gender. I think many good points were brought up and I would like to share them with you in the context of the Warren Farrell quote:
"All women's issues are to some degree men's issues and all men's issues are to some degree women's issues because when either sex wins unilaterally both sexes lose."
Warren Farrell has impressive credentials. He is a writer; he holds several degrees from prestigious universities and has written many books about male to female relations.ARTArticleGentle PersistenceHave you noticed that nagging, whining, complaining, ste
ly directing, yelling, criticizing and freaking out don’t seem to get you what you want from a partner, family member, friend, colleague or child? In a previous article, "Asking for What You Want," I explained how to ask cleanly and directly for what you want, and that being direct has a better success rate. While that’s true, it isn’t infallible. Sometimes, it’s necessary to use a technique I call "gentle persistence."ARTArticleGetting Along with Each OtherIn 1998, Richard and I had a marvelous opportunity to sail around the world as the ballroom dance teachers on a cruise ship. Many of the places we saw then, such as Oman, Jordan, Turkey, Morocco, Indonesia and Israel are in turmoil now, and not as safe for tourists. Last year, when Palestinian soldiers took refuge in the Church of the Nativity at Bethlehem and were under siege, I marveled that I had stood where they were, and I could picture the place as the news reports came in. Even when I was there, Israel and Palestine were struggling, as they have been since Israel was formed.rARTArticleGetting Out of Your WayRecently, I wrote here about making the most of time. This month, I have been asked a lot about how people can overcome paralysis and self-sabotage, so I thought I’d pass on my ideas on the subject. Getting in your own way is all about how you relate your yourself.ARTArticleGetting Over It"Marc" was nine years old when his mother was killed by a drunk driver. An immigrant with no other family support, he bounced through foster homes until he "aged out" of Child Services at eighteen, and the system abandoned him to sleep in his car.
He didn't waste time feeling like a victim. He ...ARTArticleGetting The Realtionship That You WantGETTING THE RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU WANTARTArticleGetting to YesThe average person pays more attention to what she's saying or thinking about than what she is hearing, or how her words are "landing" on the other person. This self-involvement gets worse during an argument.ARTArticleGolf Mind Play: Playing in the PresentHow can you eliminate those distracting thoughts that keep popping up in your mind?
Achieving an optimal mental state of clarity before each shot involves removing all thoughts of the past and future and focusing on the present task. By clearing the mind of distractions that are unrelated to ...ARTArticleGolf Mind Play: The Gremlin Inside Of Your HeadIs negative thinking causing you to lose confidence in your game?
Since the brain controls the body’s actions, we can assume that positive thinking produces positive results. Unfortunately, positive thinking is not always easy to come by, especially in a society where self-deprecation is ...ARTArticleGolf Mind Play: When Over-thinking Becomes a HazardWhat makes golf appear so easy when it really is quite challenging?
There are few games where you actually hit a stationary ball. Beginners often assume that golf must be an easy game because a carefully contrived formula is used when teeing off, using irons, chipping or putting, as opposed to ...ARTArticleHandling Anxiety EffectivelyHandling Anxiety Effectively
We are all in a time of high stress, and national disasters often bring up fear. If these fears are not dealt with, they can lead to “acting out” behavior, such as drinking too much or creating relationship, work or money problems as a distraction. To avoid these kinds of problems, follow these simple steps for resolving your fear and anxiety.ARTArticleHandling the Green-Eyed MonsterI can’t escape it, it’s in the news every day, and it fills my counseling office. Yesterday, the news told of a four-year-old who was shot to death by his own father, because the father was jealous of his divorced wife’s new relationship. "O, beware... of jealousy; it is the green-eyed monster" wrote William Shakespeare in the sixteenth century. In four hundred years, we don't seem to have been able to tame or conquer this monster.ARTArticleHappiness Tips: Savor The Flavors Of LifeHave you ever been to your favorite restaurant, ordered your favorite food and then thoroughly enjoyed eating it? We hope so! If you haven’t had such an experience, imagine what it might be like. Remember how the texture, taste and smell of this wonderful food delighted you as you ...