Browse Abuse and Recovery

Even though health care is a hot topic, people often lack awareness of how policies directly affect them. “Behavioral health” (a.k.a. mental health insurance) is no exception. Rather than being put off guard by unexpected impacts, the following is an overview of some main issues that surface when an insurance company becomes part of your therapy. Armed with information, you can then make an educated decision about utilizing insurance benefits or paying out of pocket. Impacts 1. Confidentialityr

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Much has been written and discussed about the relationship between creativity, particularly creative genius, and insanity, mental illness. Shakespeare wrote, in “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”: “The lunatic, the love and the poet are of imagination all compact.” Still, there is to this day no consensus on this linkage. In Creativity and Madness: New Findings and Old Stereotypes, Albert Rothenberg, M.D.

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In 1975 I graduated cum laude from San Francisco State University with a BA in anthropology, specializing in archaeology with a minor in sociology. I was accepted into graduate school. My first semester I found myself driving to school, maybe going to a class or two, but, more often, sitting in the parking lot drinking and doing crossword puzzles! I wrote a sob story to withdraw from my classes and was put on academic probation. The next semester I continued my irrational behavior, did not bother to withdraw, and was “disqualified from the University,” i.e. kicked out.

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I have been looking at a book by Claudia Black, “My Dad Loves Me, My Dad Has A Disease” (A Child’s View: Living With Addiction, full of pictures and writing by children), and remembering the children of addiction, and the mentally ill. I have seen five-year-olds acting like little adults, some even saving their parents from death by overdose and other calamities. I have seen children acting out to be the cry for help for the family. I have worked with children who have learned to dissociate, check out of their bodies and minds to escape the pain.

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Taking care of ones Heart and overall health is important to living a long and prosperous life. It is true, Heart Disease can run in families, but there are things the average person can do to try and avoid and Heart complications. -First, many people don't realize how important exercise really is. Even if you don't have any exercise equipment in the home, just walking around the block a few times can serve the purpose. Not only does exercise help digestion and burn off calories, it improves the circulatory system and contributes to the mental well being of a person.

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What is Abundance? Maybe we need to rethink abundance. I lived my first nine years in England, from 1944 to 1953. In all those years we were under rationing. Food was doled out frugally, to the point that my sister and I suffered from malnutrition. Automobiles were scarce, we never got a television or a refrigerator, yet we had all we needed for life, and it felt just fine. When we came to the United States we entered a world of an abundance of goods, services, infinite landscapes, a seeming inexhaustible supply of wonderful things.

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Most people with coronary heart disease have a checkered history with food. They've eaten a few too many pizzas and french fries, perhaps, and not quite enough fruits and vegetables. Maybe you can relate. But if your heart's in trouble, this is no time to regret your past indulgences. Instead, it's time to turn food into an ally. A healthy diet can go a long way toward preventing a heart attack. and it might even help clear your arteries. The healthy diet basics Diets are as individual as people. The foods you choose depend on your personal tastes and goals.

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Maybe we need to rethink abundance. I lived my first nine years in England, from 1944 to 1953. In all those years we were under rationing. Food was doled out frugally, to the point that my sister and I suffered from malnutrition. Automobiles were scarce, we never got a television or a refrigerator, yet we had all we needed for life, and it felt just fine. When we came to the United States we entered a world of an abundance of goods, services, infinite landscapes, a seeming inexhaustible supply of wonderful things.

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I have been reading a lot of things about the drug gang violence in Mexico and along our border. I am also seeing the most unlikely people coming out against the “war on drugs,” such as police chiefs and, most recently, Tom Tancredo. I have been counseling people with addictions for over 26 ...

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Hi to all Hypnotherapists. I wonder how many of you are struggling to make a good living from your profession, I wonder how many of you know that of 100 therapists who pass the exam only 2 will make it big according to the stats? I wonder if any of you out there have a proven way to advertise ...

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There are times in my life where I do not question my decision to be sober. I would say this is about 99% of the time, to be honest. The beauty and decisiveness in my life has become apparent due to the decisions I have made. Overall, I am absolutely in agreement with my heart and ...

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My entire life has been a cycle of wanting to live with vengeance and needing to numb the constant pai I feel. Pain that I found unbearable. Numbing entailed irresponsibility. Denial. Aloofness. Any way to keep myself from feeling fledging terror and anger has been my modus operandi. The hurt. ...

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In May, 2008 I wrote an article focusing on the down side of creativity tied to mental illness. Since then I have worked with many more creative people both as a therapist/counselor and in my volunteer involvement with the Cultural Council of Park County, CO and (helping start) the River Canyon Gallery in Bailey, CO. Also, I have discovered newer writers who take a very different view of what we call “mental disorders,” a view I have been sharing more and more as I continually gain knowledge and experience.r

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Before we can understand how to deal with drug abuse, we need to understand what Drug abuse is and what it is all about. This is a very serious condition and we need to take it very serious. it has lead to the destruction of may families, death, misuse of life. What is drug abuse? Compulsive, excessive, and self-damaging use of habit forming drugs or substances, leading to addiction or dependence, serious physiological injury (such as damage to kidneys, liver, heart) and/or psychological harm (such as dysfunctional behavior patterns, hallucinations, memory loss), or death.

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I have been reading The Healer’s Way, by Earnie Larsen. Larsen has the gift of story, as do I. I did not know I had this gift until I was given the greatest gift of my life other than life itself, sobriety, freedom from addiction through a spiritual path. The best stories come from my recovery journey anyway. We are coming up on the Christmas season, which has traditionally been a time of giving. Somehow it seems to have become more about getting, or at least giving with an expectation of return.

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"Help Your Child Overcome School Stress" Written by Mark Dworkin LCSW www.markdworkin.com After “No Child Left Behind” from the Bush era, the public schools drastically changed. For better or worse, they have changed. Now kids begin routine standardized testing in elementary school nation-wide. This puts a lot of stress on kids today at a very young age, when they are still learning how to cope with stressors.

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Life can be tough, and as we all know, it's even more complicated when trying to stop binge eating disorder. We are thrown obstacles and our drive can sometimes seem obscured. Even in these struggles, your goal needs to stay at the forefront of your mind, so that you learn how to stop binge ...Life can be tough, and as we all know, it's even more complicated when trying to stop binge eating disorder. We are thrown obstacles and our drive can sometimes seem obscured. Even in these struggles, your goal needs to stay at the forefront of your mind, so that you learn how to stop binge eating.

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When you want to stop binge eating, you need to make a decision and change your old habits. Perhaps these habits have been around for years, but no matter how long they have been your fallback, you need to make changes and create new, positive habits for yourself. You need to end the pattern. When you want to stop binge eating, you need to make a decision and change your old habits. Perhaps these habits have been around for years, but no matter how long they have been your fallback, you need to make changes and create new, positive habits for yourself.

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"Three Way's to ROCK out the WEEK for WORKING WOMEN!!" 1.2.3. …add a quote from a client’s progress of the week.

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Celebrate February as Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month and help young people across the country have safe and healthy relationships. Love has many definitions, but abuse isn't one of them.

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God is serious about relationships. It is vital for us to qualify people to be in relationship with us. As far back as I can remember when ever things went really bad in my life it was always when I allowed myself to be in relationships without disce ing that person’s purpose in my life. On one particular occasion by the time I quieted myself to assess why things were crazy, money funny and things just falling apart in my life it was traced right back to a relationship that I allowed without asking or disce ing their purpose.

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For ACoAs- (Adult-Children of alcoholics, abusers, abandoners & other narcissists) ACoAs know how they would like their life to be: TO have a fulfilling career, loving relationships, less pressure, a little fun... and they try, struggle, obsess - but not much changes. They become more & more frustrated & depressed. They grew up around chaos addictions, criticism, rage, depression, abuse & neglect.

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Definition of LONELINESS (L) • Sadness resulting from being forsaken or abandoned • Feeling a strong sense of emptiness, yearning, distress and solitude, from an inadequate quantity or quality of social relationships • Social pain — a psychological mechanism meant to alert people of being too isolated, which can motivate them to seek social connections • Dejected or desolate by the awareness of being alone, without companions. Separation between persons or groupsrnⶠLoneliness is a natural phenomenon, since humans are social creatures by nature. Too much of it is crippling. QUOTESr

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LOVE vs FEAR? Fear is an emotion caused by either outer danger or inner false beliefs • Like so many popular ‘spiritual’ saying there’s some truth in it but NOT the whole story, so people can get easily confused & also misuse it. • Generally, this statement means that if we have enough love in our life, we won’t be afraid. Loved by a Higher Power, loved by family, love by pets, love by friends... Yes, these are to be desired & cultivated.

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YES, I WAS HURT BY MY FAMILY, but they were hurting too, poor things! This is a phrase I’ve heard over the years, & it always makes me mad. You may at first think this post is harsh or unfair, BUT please remember that everything our parents were - WE internalized into our Negative Introject. As long as we deny how harmful their actions were toward us - we will continue doing the same to ourselves, mistreat others AND be mistreated as well! (see posts on ‘The Introject’ & ‘Self-hate’). What does this phrase mean?r

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LONELY CREATURES We’re all social animals, even when we sometimes need our privacy Many people in the mental health field, spiritual practices & new-age wisdom say we shouldn’t worry about what others think of us. Yes, OK, but it’s not that simple! What they don’t tell you is that there’s 2 different aspects, the negative & the positive.

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“I HATE YOU - DON’T LEAVE ME!” I know I don’t deserve you, but I’m desperate ⶠUn-healed ACoAs have only 2 speeds about most things: Too Much or Too Little, black or white, very high or very low. ‘Gray’ is NOT even thought of, or is seen as a cop-out! ⶠMental Health is about many things, one of which is BALANCE. Living in a healthy middle ground is not only a foreign concept to ACoAs, but IF experienced, even briefly, is considered BORING & undesirable!

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ABANDONMENT PAIN IS FROM THE PAST It hurts, but it passes DEFINITION • the DEF for Abandonment (A) is : “Not getting enough of your legitimate childhood needs met, & some needs NOT at all”. This applies to all 4 categories of NEEDS: Mental, Physical, Emotional, Spiritual. (A) is NOT just about someone physically leaving • (A) did not have to be overt or deliberate. Our parents may have been oblivious to the damage they were doing, BUT the result is the samer

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"I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED! I can take care of you, but not myself" Growing up in dysfunctional families, ACoAs were not allowed to fully develop their own personality & identity, attend to their own needs, or have their own feelings – about anything. We had no choice but to focus on our wounded parents and their needs, moods & demands. (see ‘Toxic rules’) • we were expected to grow up too fast - but only so we could relieve them of the burden of caring for us AND so we could be there for themr

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MAKE THEM SUFFER ! The same way they made me suffer! This post, of course, is about those of us raised in a variety of abusive, dysfunctional families & communities AS CHILDREN a. Exte al CAUSES - Growing up, our parents & other adults: • blamed us unfairly, for all kinds of things (their problems, other kids’ bad behavior...), attacked & humiliated us, assuming the worst of us... • AND didn’t allow us to defend ourselves, didn’t believe us, never bothered to ask for our side of a situation, weren’t on our side or defended us b. Internal - All children:

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pgs. = http://www.acoarecovery.com – Then click on SITE MAP ACoAs = adult-children of alcoholics & other abusersr A = Abandonmentrn(A) = Adultr As = Actions A/A = Abuse & Abandonment AC = Adapted Child AEC = Adult Ego State B = Boundaries B.P. = Bad Parent (same as IT) (C) = Child CDs = Cognitive Distortions CES = Child’s Ego State C-R = Cognitive Restructuring Es = Emotions E.S. = Ego States FoA = Fear of abandonmentr FoC = Fear of commitmentr FoO = Family of Originr FoV = Fear of Visibility

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SERVANT or MASTER of YOUR CASTLE Who’s the boss of you? ACoA SYMBIOSIS (S.) An unhealthy attachment to others as a way to: • compensate for emotional abandonment in childhood • to cope with deep anxiety of being a separate entity • escape having to face the struggle of growing up emotionally • mask self-hate & fear of abandonment As we heal we move thru layers of growth with the ultimate goal of being Inter-dependent. Symbiosis ------>Autonomy -------> Attachment ------> Inter-dependence AUTONOMYr

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"I LIKE HELPING! As long as I take care of myself in the process" ⦠Many ACoAs are trained from birth to be helpers, regardless of their native personality style & interests. There’s an ironic saying in recovery circles: “ACOAs are born with an MSW (Masters in Social Work) and get their Birth Certificate later”!

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We hear a lot in the ‘spiritual’ community about forgiveness- ie - not blaming. That applies to the present - if you’re an adult. And that’s a discussion for another blog. BUT this entry is about what happened TO US as children. A hallmark of alcoholic (& other emotionally unhealthy) families is the mistreatment of their children in all 4 of life’s aspects: Spiritual, Emotional, Mental, Physical. rnâ¼ PARENTAL BLAME is abuse in the first 3 categories !

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ACOA DOUBLE BINDS - Either way we lose ourselves, to stay loyal to the family If you’d like to know about double binds, go to pg. 10 of www.acoarecovery.com. ACoAs have a terrible dilemma: 1. On the one hand we desperately want to be loved, acknowledged, seen, heard. We complain bitterly for years that we have to chase people down, do all the work in relationships, friends don’t come thru for us, we’re too isolated, hate being lonely, we can’t trust anyone...

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OWNING MY T.E.A You may push my buttons, but I’m responsible for my Thoughts, Emotion & Actions WHAT IS IT? In it’s simplest form: honestly admitting, to ourselves, first of all, what we feel, think & have done - or - not. (Review T.E.A. - Thoughts, Emotions, Actions, pg 54 ) “I cannot tell a lie - I chopped down the apple tree”. Abe Lincoln. And if possible, acknowledge these without judgment, without shame, without guilt. MOST of ALL - without self-hate. BENEFITS:rnⶠit eliminates the need for spinrnⶠit significantly reduces guilt & shamer

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I’M NO GOOD & EVERYONE KNOWS ITrnso I have to be perfect to make up for it Self-Hate is the #1 deterrent to growth for all ACoAs. It undermines our ability to function well, to have self-esteem & to be happy. Some people call it being ‘hard on yourself”, but it’s much more than that. It’s so pervasive in the inner world of many ACoAs, that we don’t even know we have it & if confronted, vehemently deny it. BUT the symptoms are all there, starting with a persistent nagging anxiety. DEF:

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NOBODY LOVES ME - I’m going to eat worms & die! Part 1: Essence, Source - Past & Present PURPOSE for S-H - TO: • protect our ideal of having good, loving, safe parents • protect us from feeling our old abandonment pain • keep from risking change (fear we’ll die if we S & I) • keep us attached to the family (stave off deep loneliness) • prevent us from dealing with ‘ugly emotions’ like our rage, envy, longing, hopelessness... • protects us from Growing up, taking care of ourselves (we want to be taken care of! no matter what the cost is) â¼ WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GIVE UP S-H?r

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AM I ME, AM I YOU & ARE YOU ME? I hate myself, but I also want you to be exactly like me! SYMBIOSISr

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Guilt is not a primary emotion, like anger, joy, sadness... But it is one of the most intense & often-felt emotions by ACoAs. It is a familiar companion of negative self-talk & to actions we believe to be bad, but may not be. Guilt is connected to self-hate: since our default position is that we’re intrinsically bad, anything & everything that goes wrong for us is OUR FAULT. This leads to perfectionism - the obsession about being soooo good, without flaws - that we’ll finally be loved, accepted, understood... BY WHOM? Of course - our family --- & then everyone else in the whole world !

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THE BAD SEED I was born bad & I’ll always be bad Guilt is about actions - it’s the emotion which is caused by disobedience to rules we deeply believe in. On the other hand, SHAME is about our identity - about who we are, fundamentally. It says that our very essence is bad, unlovable, unacceptable - to be eliminated. It makes us: • want to hide, isolate, not talk, try to be invisible • want to be dead! The pain of shame is so great & the conviction that we’re un-redeemable is so deep (not worth saving), that it eliminates Hope. Why bother even trying!r

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Part One: Causation © Holli Kenleyr

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In Part One: Cyber bullying: The H1N1 of Technology- Causation, several causal factors of cyber bullying we examined. Although the issue is extremely complex, three social norms were explored as being strong contributors to the rampant spread of this technological virus: • The anonymity of technology: Because of the lack of human connection afforded to us by the various technological devices, we have become detached from one another and desensitized to the disastrous effects our words or actions have on one another.r

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Ending Baby Boomer Burnout : How to Stop Parenting Our Adult Children and Start Reclaiming Our Own Lives Holli Kenley “Both my 23 year old daughter and my 29 year old son have moved back home. I find myself doing more for them than for myself. I am exhausted, but they seem to need me.” “My 25 year old son who graduated from college is now living with us. He says he can’t find work anywhere, but he doesn’t even try. While he stays out partying all night and sleeping all day, I am working twice as hard to keep the bills paid! But, I just can’t kick him out!”r

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Written April 12, 1990 How do you know when it's time to say goodbye? To move on? To go separate ways? There comes a point for many people, whether it's with the true love of your life, the gang at church, your oldest friend, or a group you used to hang with, when something is just not the way it was. So what to do? And when to do it?

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Someone wrote recently and said they were trying to finish a book they were writing, but had gone into a fearful place when thinking about having it published. "It's got me so twisted up that I am afraid to even write at the moment because I don't know what I'll do with the manuscript when it's done." They knew from a friend that I had studied the publishing industry extensively before publishing my first book, and wondered my thoughts on writing and publishing. The following is my reply. --------r

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For many years, I would have told you that yes, there was drinking in my house while I was growing up, but I got out just fine, and it didn’t really affect me. Then when I was in my early ‘30s, I started to see signs that such was not the case.

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(Written August 8, 1990) It was June of 1969. I had just come home from my freshman year at Texas Tech. I had not declared a major except for General Studies. I liked my psychology and sociology courses, and thought about going that direction for a major.

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Note: This topic is particularly on my mind right now - I have just had a friend of 20 years drift away. I held on to the illusion that we were still on the same wavelength for about a year. Then I finally had to admit - we just weren't going down the same road any more. Eventually, I let it go and began to move on, but it has been troubling nonetheless! Oddly, I had just met the friend around the same time this piece was written. (Written July 25, 1990)

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Written December 30, 1988 At Thanksgiving of 1988 I returned to Fort Worth, a place of many of my roots - my family, early friends, beginnings. I had lived there for about a year and a half in 1967 and 1968. My family had moved back to the town where my parents had grown up, and where many of my relatives still lived.

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This Anger Contract was my response to the events chronicled in my previous post, "The Betrayal." A bogus Intervention had been done to me, and had forced me to get in touch with deep anger that I had been trying to release for several years. I knew I needed to do something radical to handle the situation, to be able to process my anger, yet not hurt anyone in the process. I had prepared contracts as a part of my job, and it suddenly occurred to me to prepare this contract. I knew if I committed to this document, I would honor it.

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My next several blog posts are all related to the same topic. They deal with something that happened to me in July of 1988. My Dad had died the previous Thanksgiving, and I was still in the grief process over that loss. As well, I was still involved with a 12 step program for people who had grown up around alcoholism. That group had grown to be like a family for me. Yet I had seen several situations where I needed to back away from people in that group, because the dynamic wasn’t healthy for me.

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This letter was written in response to a bogus intervention, as chronicled in the post "The Betrayal." What I did to deal with my anger is written in the post "Anger Contract."

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Written October 17, 1988 I was out in the back yard shooting baskets with some of the boys from the neighborhood. It was a crisp, sunny fall afte oon, sweatshirt weather, and I was feeling great about life. I had finally gotten the knack of the jump shot, and was really proud of myself. The back door open, my Dad called out, "Son, come here a minute." I walked over to him, breathing hard from the exertion. "Get your jacket, we're going down to the Y." "The Y? How come?"

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Talk of Tigersrn(Written March 9, 1990) "Tell me about your tiger," she said. They were at the zoo, standing in front of the tiger cage. A huge, restless Bengal tiger paced back and forth the length of the cage. His eyes looked devoid of life, cold, neutral. The huge paws silently padded up and down, the tawny skin rippling over muscles bunching and loosening as he walked, endlessly pacing. There was about him an ominous presence, a sense of unbelievable power and force, frightening, even with the steel bars separating him from outsiders.

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(Written September 20, 1988) We were in a house trailer just outside the Lindreth trading post, in northwest New Mexico. There were six of us on the hunt that year: My Dad and I; Morris - Dad's best friend, and his son Brad; Don - who owned the trailer and was to be our guide, and his son Chris. I had watched my Dad leave to go hunting each fall since I could remember, had seen the freezer filled with venison after he returned. Hunting was the time when the men gathered together. Brad and I were 12, and this was our first time to go along, even though we weren't to carry guns.

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Written August 5, 1990 All I really wanted to say was "I'm sorry." I had said some hurtful things to my Father. But he had been dead for three years. How do make amends after they're gone? It wasn't perfect, not like him being there, but I was talking to him anyway. Just making up a conversation in my mind, inside my spirit. And answering for him - what I thought he would say. No, that's not quite true. Some of the things my Dad had said to me, but I could not hear them at the time, or at least, could not receive his words.

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For the last two years I've been working to overcome the effects of damage done by my Grandmother, who we all called Mamaw. When I was 8 years old, she asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said a famous writer, and she was appalled, and said "If you are a famous writer, they'll call you crazy and lock you up!" She reinforced that message by telling me the doctor she worked for as a nurse had confirmed that if I was a writer when I grew up, and went crazy from it, he could have me put into an insane asylum.

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I received this question from someone who had just read my book, Freedom’s Just Another Word, where I confront some pretty bad demons from my past: How did you overcome your fear of dealing with all the pain coming to the surface? I have not been able to conquer this fear I have of experiencing all that pain. I can talk to myself, try to reason it all out. I know this stuff is poison. If I let it all stay buried in there it is going to continue to rot my soul. I can know this in my head, but the fear is greater than my reasoning. Here’s how I responded:r

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I spent a lot of time walking around Houston in the middle '80s with many of the symptoms of PTSD, and didn't know it. I was having flashbacks - of occurrences I didn't remember. I felt like the man in the Bou e Identity with amnesia, who was getting glimpses of his past - a past he could not recall. Sometimes it was like feeling memories - like I was somewhere else living through something. But I had no idea what was going on, and it was terribly frustrating and confusing.

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A good friend emailed me a while back and asked about my experience of the "inner child" on my road to healing. My inner child, who I called Little Danny, was an integral part of the book I had written, "Freedom's Just Another Word." My friend wondered if my experience of that inner child had changed over the years, or if that child was still a part of me in some ways. Here's how I characterized it:

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In the fall of 1990, I was meeting with two other men on a regular basis to explore our dreams and aspirations. Every two weeks, we would gather at a Chinese buffet and talk for several hours about things we’d like to do some day.

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In the fall of 1986 someone said to me "You write very lyrically. Are you a poet?" I replied pretty vehemently, "No, no, I'm not a poet!" as if I was physically trying to push away the concept. I was also ignoring the fact that I had published poetry in a school literary magazine when I was in junior high. Several weeks later I remembered why I stopped writing poetry. Shortly after that, I composed the first poem I had written since I was 14 years old - and it explained why. Heartbeat My heart stopped beating when I was fourteen, Avoiding the pain that could rarely be seen.r

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What if I don’t have a talent for creative writing? On the other hand - what if I do? ______

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After years of struggling as a writer, by 1996, I had written two books, had publishers interested in both, and had walked away each time. Finally, in complete frustration, I gave up the dream of being a writer. I still felt something was locking up my writing, but I had no idea what it was. I spent several pretty miserable years not writing, believing I’d never get down to the bottom of the mysterious hangup that had effectively killed my path with heart. I moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico in 2002, returning to the part of the country where I had grown up.

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Note: the real names of the author and her publisher are used with their permission. “Mr. Hays, I really loved the book your book, “Search For Peace.” I spent all weekend reading it, and I just couldn’t put it down. I’d like to talk to you about publishing it.” Those are thrilling words for a writer to hear from a publisher. It was hard to breathe, and I thought I was overwhelmed by the good news. Later I would come to realize I was terrified. ------r

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When I was six years old I felt very connected with God. I had a sense of peace about my world, and knew, I just knew, that one day I would become a famous writer. It was a sense of destiny that was as tangible as anything I’ve experienced since. I started my first novel at age 13, something about a plot to overthrow the President. Then the movie Seven Days In May stole my storyline, so I set the novel aside. Then when I was in the 8th grade, our class compiled a literary magazine. I published five poems and a short story, and was once again really excited about writing.

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I’ve been in several long-term relationships in my 40 something years, and I was always the one who made the decision to leave. It wasn’t always abuse that caused me to leave but normally it had to do with my asking the question “Why am I here?” Relationships, to me, ...

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For the past 6 years I have been on a spiritual journey. It started because of the click of a remote. I had always been the "faithful" one in Church and its teachings. It never occurred to me that some things could be wrong or exaggerated. At the same time, I did wonder why people did not seem ...

Published · 1,301 views

Lately I have thought of some powerful analogies for life. Life has been a most excellent teacher. This weeks lesson was, "what you don't fix will ultimately cost you." This lesson came because I procrastinated having a leak fixed on my car. That leak that would have only cost me $75 ended up ...

Published · 1,203 views

Despite a 30-year inquiry into the subject, many people remain uninformed about the true nature of one of the biggest social issues facing America today. A witness offers a quick look that reveals some implications and solutions for all of us. If a jet liner with 300 passengers went down every day, it would be on the news every night. How is it that 80,000 health care visits every day due to interpersonal abuse doesn’t make the news? Abuse veteran, anthropologist and writer, Anna Moss connects the dots for the uninitiated to show how this subject touches everyone.

Published · 2,181 views

A lot of survivors of sexual and physical abuse feel they need to confront someone about it. Face down the perpetrator and tell him (usually him) – tell him what? That what he did was wrong. That it was hurtful and did substantial harm.

Published · 1,756 views · Rated 1.7/5 from 3 votes

Changes in our life come disguised as the ultimate human freedom. Why? Because the ultimate human freedom is power to choose, to respond to change and not to remain in overwhelm, frustration and fear. Initially change does not usually appear as feelings of freedom! Based on my past experiences, there have not been too many that initially bring with them feelings of freedom! However, there is one I can recall that was an anonymous gift of money ($4,000) I received, that changed the course of my life. It restored my faith in humanity!

Published · 1,899 views · Rated 3/5 from 1 votes

Eight years ago, in a matter of hours, the face of society changed because of what the few did to the many. As we reflect, let us also be mindful of the millions who suffer daily at the hands of those they once trusted. 11 September 2009 Today, we pause to honor the dead and shake our heads. Over three thousand souls perished for reasons we still can’t fathom.

Published · 1,766 views

When they first flutter across your path, red flags are so small and benign, you may hardly notice them. In hindsight, you may swear at yourself for not paying attention to them because of what they later reveal. Red flags are subtle signals that show up when something is not quite right. They vary by type and extent across every kind of relationship. The bad news is, they’re counter-intuitive; that is, your age, logic and intuition will not serve you.

Published · 2,035 views · Rated 3.6/5 from 12 votes

This book answers vital questions about recovered memories of childhood sexual abuse. How can the huge betrayal of sexual abuse remain hidden in the back corners of someone’s psyche for years and years? Can we really believe a memory that was hidden so long?

Published · 2,318 views

What’s great about this little book is that it identifies all kinds of situations where people spontaneously regress into childish behaviors. Maybe a guy in the car behind me at a red light blows his horn and nudges forward as soon as the light turns green. His behavior makes me feel ridiculously helpless, because he mimics my father’s arbitrary anger. Or a friend calls to cancel a date and I spiral into fear that no one loves me. These out-of-control feelings are typical of regression.

Published · 3,867 views

Throughout my childhood I received consistent messages that demonstrated the power of a dysfunctional family. The disease of my parents and abusers robbed me of my boundaries and individuality – the right to have a self. Remembering back now, through the years of oppression and sexual abuse, there was a spark that remained, gently flickering inside of me. This spark was the powerful need to become myself.

Published · 1,661 views · Rated 2/5 from 1 votes

Most of us are pretty well acquainted with the inner critic, the one who says (to me), “Your writing stinks. You’re not good enough. You’re not a loving person. You don’t have enough friends.” That inner critic voice is usually installed early in life and can ...

Published · 2,018 views

When I read spiritual guidebooks, mostly based on Buddhism, the same objections arise in me every time. They ask us to “move beyond personal story” and to let go of old hurts. Well, I sure want to wriggle free of the stickiness of the old stuff, but I have to work a lot with it ...

Published · 1,990 views

Getting in touch with the inner child is a process. There are both terrible and wonderful things that the child needs to tell us about childhood feelings. Much of what the child needs to tell us is buried in the unconscious. We were scolded or told to “forget it!” Our needs and hurts were ...

Published · 1,593 views

Getting in touch with your inner child is a process. There are both terrible and wonderful things that the child needs to tell us about childhood feelings. Much of what the child needs to tell us is buried in the unconscious. We were scolded or told to “forget it!” Our needs and ...

Published · 1,735 views

Sexual abuse is a life altering experience that impacts on many aspects of your life daily. I liken it to being held hostage with a gun to your head. You spend your days trying to prevent the gun from going off. This may be a graphic description for some; however, if you have experienced sexual abuse you will resonate with this description.

Published · 2,058 views

When a child growing up is traumatized by incest, usually he or she is forced to hide the trauma and “act normal.” The wounded part gets split off so the pain and shame can become secret, even to the child herself. Sometimes actual memories of abuse are suppressed or lost, while ...

Published · 2,200 views

Myth of Silence Silence as a survival tool. Generations of children have been sexually abused. It was done to them in secret and they remain silent. Not talking about the painful childhood experiences has been a survival tool. The shame and secrecy that surrounds sexual abuse of children keeps everyone silent. This was not your fault! Getting help and support is an essential and practical way of dealing with childhood sexual abuse. It is not a sign of weakness and failure. Sharing the Pain

Published · 1,543 views · Rated 4/5 from 1 votes

Why are memories of abuse so often hidden? This is a really hard question for people in recovery from abuse, for therapists, and for researchers. In my case, I didn’t recognize one of my early childhood memories as a memory of abuse until I was in my fifties. Then physical memories started to ...

Published · 1,806 views

Getting in touch with our inner children is not always easy. At first it might seem that they just want to cry and cry. That’s natural. The parts of us that were split off at a young age had to go away for good reasons—abuse, fear, neglect, misunderstanding. These young parts were not allowed to express their overwhelming feelings, so they took the feelings away with them. When we invite these lost inner children back into our lives, we have to be ready for them to express a lot of distress. But what do we do then? How do we soothe the inner child?

Published · 2,198 views

For some people, animal cruelty is a serious issue; for others, it is not. A year ago, animal lovers around the world were riveted by the discovery of a young dog just hours from death at the bottom of a trash chute in Newark, New Jersey. Named Patrick, the young pup was breathing but otherwise unresponsive. He was rushed to the local animal shelter and then to a veterinary clinic. It was touch and go for many weeks. As soon as one problem was solved, another one appeared. His body had been ravaged by months of starvation and exposure.

Published · 3,256 views · Rated 5/5 from 2 votes

Normalcy bias is a natural, but uninformed response to the unknown, unrecognized risks in a situation. For 15 million women a year, it’s an incapacitating response to abuse in relationship. Normalcy bias can be described as inaccurate, inadequate thinking that makes things worse. It surfaces at the worst possible moment as a freeze or panic response—think deer in headlights or bull in a china shop—and it can lead to disaster.

Published · 5,139 views

Abusive relationships are largely invisible to the public, most of whom are illiterate about this realm of life. Acts of abuse mostly take place behind closed doors and can go on for some time before there is visual evidence. For example, you can’t tell by looking that: • A woman was verbally savaged or raped by her husband that morning. • She has no direct access to funds, has no money in her wallet and is being blocked in her efforts to get more or better work.r

Published · 2,041 views · Rated 5/5 from 2 votes

There is nothing like Mother's Day to remind you of just how much you have lost and how painful that loss is if you are estranged from your mother due to abandonment (disclosing your abuse, mental illness, drug abuse, physical or emotional abuse etc) or loss. When I disclosed my abuse to my mother back in 2001 I then became estranged from her and my family. I was called the “crazy one” and received no validation, support or caring from my mother.

Published · 3,333 views · Rated 4/5 from 2 votes

Learning to take care of yourself is at the very core of your healing process. It’s a way to demonstrate self-love and respect of yourself. No matter how busy you get, making time to care for yourself—mind, body, and spirit—is a must. Neglecting self-care can have negative effects on body, mind, and spirit, leaving us depleted and out of balance. For this reason, it is important to have self-care strategies that address each of these parts of ourselves.

Published · 2,042 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

When we are abused as children, we don’t get the protection and care that we deserve from our parents. We grow up not knowing what really good parenting is. My father was a charismatic character who had many good qualities, but also self-indulgent narcissistic ones that led him to abuse me sexually. My mother loved me, no doubt at all, but she was emotionally distant, depressed, and weak.

Published · 4,945 views · Rated 3/5 from 1 votes

The anti-social nature of drug addiction results in a "Life-Style". The addict becomes out-of-synch with the social structure in which he must live. Addicts begin to associate only with other addicts or drug dealers and then transcend into the subculture of drug use. Paranoia triggered by ...

Published · 4,369 views

Straight off the top… Addicts for one reason or another, have a problem coping with every day life in our Society! Drugs fill some void in their life, family or personality. A large number of people, who progress to the stage of drug use that is Addiction, are self-medicating! Many Addicts’ ...

Published · 1,831 views

What is the essence of addiction from a scientific standpoint? What facts support the foundation that supposes that an “addict” has no control and that free will has nothing to do with their ability to stop? What indicates that without help, they have little or no hope of recovering, from ...

Published · 2,270 views

How much is too much? There is always a lot of debate about this inside the families of Addicts and Alcoholics. Of course, the Users always defend their selves and claim that they can, "quit anytime I decide that I want to." But, just what is too much? The treatment field gauges this by ...

Published · 1,646 views

Technology has brought about a change in how we look at employment today. Problem is colleges still tell students to look for jobs with corporations, that no longer exist. Those jobs went out with the BABY BOOMER Generation. When employees went to work with Corporations back in the 50's, ...

Published · 1,607 views · Rated 4/5 from 1 votes

I came across this poem 10 years ago that I think is still appropriate today when you talk about people with disabilities and how well we are excepted into society. People with physical and mental disabilitiesnhath been abandoned at birth,nbanished from societynused as a court jesters,ndrowned ...

Published · 3,320 views

The subject of child abuse has been around for many years, but for some reason only until the last few years has it been recognized as a real problem. Some forms of child abuse that lead to problems later in life are physical, emotional, verbal, incest, etc. When someone is abused as a young child their mind deals with this by creating multiple personalities, drug and alcohol abuse, and as adults you may become an abuser yourself. If you look back at the history of some convicts you will find they were abused as children.

Published · 2,201 views · Rated 3.3/5 from 3 votes

Advocacy Coach is a term that we have not heard much, but this is a very important role that someone plays in the life of the disability community. Before the laws few people acknowledged that there is a disability community. Today, we're still on the outskirts looking in. People with disabilities still don't have opportunities in the workplace even though we have laws on the books today to guarantee us these rights. Especially now that there is 10% unemployment. The only option is to look to self employment.

Published · 1,924 views · Rated 2.7/5 from 3 votes

Forty-seven people were killed in mass murders in the US in less than 30 days this year. Everyone is looking for reasons and to make sense of these tragic events because we all cope better with catastrophic events if we can make some sense of them or find safety for ourselves and our loved ...

Published · 1,427 views

Michael Jackson must have been under tremendous emotional stress in recent years. He went through a difficult trial. He had a strained relationship with his father. Additionally, being in the spotlight 24/7 can put tension on your emotional state. News reports imply that Michael may have had some chronic sleep problems. This would not be surprising, given his role of being one of the most famous entertainers in the world. It might be reasonable to expect that his earlier trial gave him some anxiety, as well. That could have also led to some depression.

Published · 3,757 views · Rated 3/5 from 1 votes

Children develop skills in a predictable sequence that must be followed. For instance, babies do not learn to walk before they crawl. They babble before they speak words. They use parallel play earlier than interactive play. In the same way, they learn to cope with stressors, solve problems, and interact with the world appropriately in an expected progression of developmental milestones. We do not expect a two year old to organize a game by rules. Nor do we anticipate that first graders will arrange a rescue in a natural or man-made disaster.

Published · 3,336 views

Domestic violence negatively affects everyone in the family — the offender, the spouse, the children, and the next generation. Stopping and healing violence in the home will involve the whole family getting help, with or without the offender, whether reunification is antici¬pated or not. ...

Published · 2,591 views

The headlines read: Eight Year-Old Kills Father and a Boarder. Was this tragedy preventable? If it is proven that the known causes of youth violence were there, it was entirely preventable. This is worse than a tragedy and it must be fixed. Experts agree that most youth who become violent share ...

Published · 1,964 views

Violence in the family is a major source of teen female violence. The future well-being of a society is directly linked to its ability to care for and educate its young. Families that cannot successfully care for their young, nurture the seeds of future violence and criminality. Until we learn ...

Published · 1,831 views

When you were a child, and you were hurt by an adult, you put up emotional walls to protect yourself from hurt, and to hold in anger. You didn't have the tools yet to deal with hurt and anger. The walls were useful while you were learning what it was all about. Maybe someone told you, "Don't ...

Published · 2,582 views

BackgroundnWhile many behavioral and psychiatric disorders have a biological base, they may also have roots in early childhood maltreatment and in exposure to violence. The overlap between behavioral /psychiatric disorders and histories of childhood trauma is greater than has been previously ...

Published · 2,423 views

A 12-year old South Carolina boy was shot and killed while trick or treating on October 31. Members of his family were shot and injured. Werner Lippe, a 66-year old jeweler, has confessed to killing his wife and disposing of the body. Four men have been charged with the deadly shooting of ...

Published · 1,598 views

When I was 35, I remarried. Soon after that, Rick and I became disillusioned with our jobs. Consequently, we sold everything we owned and set out to see this wonderful country on a motorcycle. We have a beautiful, diverse county. I hope you have time to get out to see it. But, after about 3 ...

Published · 1,782 views

"Work place bullying and mobbing" is a little known phenomenon in the United States but is well known and addressed on many levels in several other countries, primarily The United Kingdom. Although most people in the United States are unfamiliar with the terms "work place bullying and mobbing" ...

Published · 21,060 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

Very few people in Connecticut are familiar with the terms “Work Place Bully and Mobbing” although according to the Workplace Bullying Institute’s - Zogby survey on workplace bullying, this problem is of epidemic proportions affecting 49% of workers nationally.nn ...

Published · 4,989 views

"We need to do more thn just tell our troubles to God. God already knows. What we do need to learn to do is sit down with God and look for solutions: What actions to take, choices to make, directions to turn. In our conversation with God, we need to hear both the joyful and painful aspects of ...

Published · 1,919 views

We need to do more than just tell our troubles to God. God already knows. What we do need to learn to do is sit down with God and look for solutions: What actions to take, choices to make, directions to turn. In our conversation with God, we need to hear both the joyful and painful aspects ...

Published · 1,755 views