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ARTArticleEnjoy SobrietyBy "sobriety," I mean healthy self-control, a centered enjoyment of life, and inner freedom from drivenness. We typically apply this sense of balance and self-care to things like food, drugs and alcohol, sexuality, money, and risky behaviors. And if you like, you could bring sobriety to other things as well, such as righteousness, contentiousness, over-working, or controlling others.ARTArticleEnjoy the Freedom Not ToWe're pulled and prodded by financial pressures, commuter traffic, corporate policies, technology, advertising, politics, and the people we work with and live with. As well, internal forces yank the proverbial chains, including emotional reactions, compelling desires, "shoulds," and internalized "voices" from parents and other authority figures.ARTArticleFeel Already FullOne slice of the pie of life feels relaxed and contented. And then there is that other slice, in which we feel driven and stressed. Trying to get pleasures, avoid pains, pile up accomplishments and recognitions, be loved by more people. Lose more weight, try to fill the hole in the heart. Slake the thirst, satisfy the hunger. Strive, strain, press.
This other slice is the conventional strategy for happiness. We pursue it for four reasons.ARTArticleFeel The SupportWe're all carrying a load, including tasks, challenges, worries, inner criticism, mistreatment from others, physical and emotional pain, loss and illness now or later, and everyday stresses and frustrations.
Take a moment to get a sense of your own load. It's very real, isn't it? Recognizing it is just honesty and self-compassion, not exaggeration or self-pity.ARTArticleFeel WholeWhen I look back on mistakes I've made - like dumping my anger on someone, making assumptions in haste, partying too much, losing my nerve, being afraid to speak from my heart - in all cases, a part of me had taken over. You know what I mean. The parts of us that have a partial view are driven by one aim, clamp down on other parts, really want to have a particular experience or to eat/drink/smoke a particular molecule, yammer away critically, or hold onto resentments toward others.ARTArticleFind StillnessThings keep changing. The clock ticks, the day unfolds, trees grow, leaves turn brown, hair turns gray, children grow up and leave home, attention skitters from this to that, the cookie is delicious but then it’s all gone, you’re mad about something for a while and then get over it, consciousness streams on and on and on.ARTArticleFind The Good News“Tell the truth.” It’s the foundation of science – and the foundation of healthy relationships, communities, and countries.
But the truth of things is complicated. To simplify, there is the good of things that are enjoyable and helpful, the bad of things that are painful and harmful, and the neutral of things that are neither.ARTArticleFind Your Own Way<!-- wp:paragraph -->ARTArticleGet Out of the WarBy "war," I mean here a mindset, not combat between nations with tanks and bombs. The "war" I'm referring to is an attitude of conflict and animosity toward a person, object, or condition. Parents can feel at war with a misbehaving teenager, and certainly vice versa. Neighbors quarreling over a fence. Spouses edging toward divorce; divorced parents continuing to battle over holidays. Someone stuck in traffic, at war with other drivers. Ideologues reviling the other side. Kicking the chair after stubbing a toe against it.ARTArticleGive Them What They WantResearch shows that relationships are built from interactions, and interactions are built from moments. A critical moment in an interaction is when one person wants something from the other one. ("Wants" include wishes, needs, desires, hopes, and longings.) The want could be simple and concrete, like "Please pass the salt." Or it could be complex and intangible, such as "Please love me as a romantic partner."ARTArticleGrow A Key Inner StrengthWe all have issues - including demands upon us, stresses, illnesses, losses, vulnerabilities, and pain. (As Alan Watts put it: "Life is wiggly.") Of course, many of our issues - in the broad sense I'm using the word here - are related to important sources of fulfillment, such as starting a business or raising a family; still, there's some kind of challenge.ARTArticleGrow Inner Strengths<!-- wp:paragraph -->ARTArticleHarnessing the Power Within: How Anxiety Hypnotherapy Can Set You FreeFeeling overwhelmed by anxiety? Struggling to break free from the grips of this debilitating condition? Look no further than anxiety hypnotherapy, a powerful tool that can help you regain control of your life and find lasting relief. In this article, we will explore how anxiety hypnotherapy harnesses the power within you to overcome your fears, anxieties, and phobias.ARTArticleKindness to You is Kindness to Me; Kindness to Me is Kindness to YouI usually describe a practice as something to do: get on your own side, see the being behind the eyes, take in the good, etc. This practice is different: it's something to recognize. From this recognition, appropriate action will follow. Let me explain.ARTArticleLean Into Good On First WakingWaking up is like the sun rising. At first, it's mostly dark, as glimmers of consciousness begin to light the shadows. Emerging into full wakefulness, the fogs and veils dissolve and the whole plain of your mind comes into view. It's quiet: a restiveness in the body, sleepy still, not yet much internal verbal chatter. There's an intimacy with yourself, abiding as the core of your being.ARTArticleLet It GoMost people, me included, are holding onto at least one thing way past its expiration date.ARTArticleLet it R.A.I.N.When you're young, the territory of the psyche is like a vast estate, with rolling hills, forests and plains, swamps, and meadows. So many things can be experienced, expressed, wanted, and loved.ARTArticleLet Things ChangeThe fifth of my personal Top 5 practices (all tied for first place) is open out, by which I mean relaxing into a growing sense of connection, even oneness, with all things.ARTArticleLived By LoveFeeling both the world and myself these days, one phrase keeps calling: lived by love.
Explicitly, this means coming from love in a broad sense, from compassion, good intentions, self-control, warmth, finding what’s to like, caring, connecting, and kindness.ARTArticleLove FreelyIn my early 20's, I went through Rolfing, a form of deep-tissue bodywork, and I nervously anticipated the 5th session, the one that goes deep into the belly. But instead of gobs of repressed emotional pain, what poured out was love - waves, and waves of love that I'd pushed down due to embarrassment, fears of closeness, and my struggles with my mother.ARTArticleMeditateMeditation is to the mind what aerobic exercise is to the body. Like exercise, there are many good ways to do it and you can find the one that suits you best.ARTArticleOne Breath at a Time[If for you the breath is associated with trauma and discomfort, you probably shouldn't try this practice in its form below. But you might adapt it to something that is more nurturing for you, such as a saying or image.]ARTArticleRelax Needless Fear Around Other<!-- wp:paragraph -->ARTArticleRest in CenterGravity and entropy are powerful processes in the natural world. Gravity draws things together, toward a center, while entropy scatters them into disorder. In much the same way, in our own lives, some things bring us to the center, while others disturb and disperse us.ARTArticleSee Deep WantsI did my Ph.D. dissertation by videotaping 20 mother-toddler pairs and analyzing what happened when the mom offered an alte
ative to a problematic want ("not the chainsaw, sweetie, how about this red truck?!"). Hundreds of bleary-eyed hours later, I found that offering alte
atives reduced the child's negative emotions and increased cooperation with the parent.ARTArticleSee Good IntentionsHustling through an airport, I stopped to buy some water. At the shop’s refrigerator, a man bent over, loading bottles into it. I reached past him and pulled out one he’d put in. He looked up, stopped working, got a bottle from another shelf, and held it out to me, saying, “This one is cold.” I said thanks and took the one he offered.ARTArticleSee What's LikableLiking feels good, plus it encourages us to approach and engage the world rather than withdraw from it.
Your brain continually tracks whether something is pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. In essence, is it a carrot, a stick, or safely ignored? Naturally, we like - we enjoy - what's pleasant, dislike what's unpleasant, and with what's neutral would get pleasant pronto.ARTArticleStay Well<!-- wp:paragraph -->ARTArticleSweet Psychic Dreams, Is Being Psychic a Gift or a Curse?This weekend I saw Clint Eastward’s new movie HEREAFTER which explores the issues of near death experience, afterlife, and an intimate look into the life of someone who is psychic. The movie also touches on the difference between those who profess to be and those who truly have heightened awareness. What was of particular interest was the main character didn’t procure his abilities. They became apparent after he recovered from a serious illness. How relevant is this? Does plowing through personal trauma sharpen and intensify our perception. Are some of us just born more sensitive?ARTArticleTransform Ill WillGoodwill and ill will are about intention: the will is for good or ill. These intentions are expressed through action and inaction, word and deed, and-especially-thoughts. How do you feel when you sense another person taking potshots at you in her mind? What does it feel like to take potshots of your own? Ill will plays a lot of mini-movies in the simulator, those little grumbling stories about other people. Remember: while the movie is running, your neurons are wiring together.