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ARTArticleWhich Wolf Do You Feed?I once heard a Native American teaching story in which an elder, a grandmother, was asked what she had done to become so happy, so wise, so loved and respected. She replied: "It's because I know that there are two wolves in my heart, a wolf of love and a wolf of hate. And I know that everything depends on which one I feed each day."
This story always gives me the shivers when I think of it. Who among us does not have both a wolf of love and a wolf of hate in their heart?ARTArticleWho are you prosecuting?Lately I've been thinking about a kind of "case" that's been running in my mind about someone in my extended family. The case is a combination of feeling hurt and mistreated, critique of the other person, irritation with others who haven't supported me, views about what should happen that hasn't, and implicit taking-things-personally.ARTArticleWho Are You, Deep Down?For many of us, perhaps the hardest thing of all is to believe that "I am a good person." We can climb mountains, work hard, acquire many skills, act ethically - but truly feel that one is good deep down? Nah!ARTArticleWho Do You Argue With?It's one thing to stick up for yourself and others. But it's a different matter to get caught up in wrangles, contentiousness, squabbles . . . in a word: quarrels.
Similarly, it's one thing to disagree with someone, even to the point of arguing - but it's a different matter to get so caught up in your position that you lose sight of the bigger picture, including your relationship with the other person. Then you're quarreling.
You know you're quarreling when you find yourself getting irritated, especially with that sticky feeling that you're just not gonna quit until you've won.ARTArticleWhy Aren’t We Magicians?Or rather, why don’t we know we are Magicians, Shamans, Sages, Wizards and Mystics? I believe that we were all born with magic inside of us: a passion, desire and ability to express something that is uniquely our own. No one ever was or ever will be exactly like you. You are unique and you have something extraordinary inside of you waiting to be born and shared with the world.
"The universe is holding its breath, waiting for you to take your place"
----- Jean HoustonARTArticleWhy do we have cheerleaders?Let's say you've had an interesting idea or moment of inspiration, or thought of a new project, or felt some enthusiasm bubbling up inside you. Your notions are not fully formed and you're not really committed to them yet, but they have promise and you like them and are trying them on for size. Then what?ARTArticleWorkplace SafetyThe title reads, "Nine people killed in Connecticut workplace shooting (www.necn.com 8/3/10 1:16 PM). Reportedly, an employee who was asked to resign from a beer distribution center chose to communicate to the world how he felt about losing control. My first thought was this is the Golden Nugget for all of those who think alcohol is at the root cause of violence. This incident has nothing to do with alcohol and more about how the workplace community is ignorant to the impact felt when a person is threatened with loss of control.ARTArticle***Educational techniques for ADHD – Bracketing distracting thoughtsOne meaning of the term "bracketing" is "to place within." This concept of "placing within" is a helpful strategy that students and adults can use to identify and appropriately deal with distracting thoughts.
In stage one, students decide whether their current thoughts are appropriate for the task at hand. If they are not, students can bracket them in stage two.
It is very helpful to teach students (and adults) to classify thoughts into three groups:ARTArticle***Helping Children Take Control of Their LearningToo often children and parents experience dissatisfaction and disillusionment in the educational process. Parents can feel frustrated in their efforts to help their child succeed. How can parents help their child be successful and find joy in learning? Parents can help their children thrive in school, and in life, by having realistic expectations of their children’s abilities and by helping them to develop independent work habits.ARTArticle***Should I Stay Or Should I Go? Stunningly simple ways to help you decide.Three Exercises To Help You Decide If Hoping Your
Relationship Can Change Is RealHope Or Toxic HopeARTArticle10 Tips for A Passionate MarriageThere he is, that guy you had been admiring for some time now. Will he ever notice you? You have to let him know you are there. If not you tell his pal that you would like to meet him for a drink. The butterflies are flying around in your belly, you turn your head for a moment and turn back around and there he is, right in front of you.
This was the start of it all. From that moment on you fell in love and you had passion and adventure and spontaneaty. It was blissful, out of a romance novel some would say.ARTArticle12 Step Programs for Eating Disorders and SMART RecoverySMART* Recovery and 12-Step Programs
In the world of addiction treatment there are several choices one has in the way of utilizing and attending a community based support group. Should one look more closely at what is offered to those with an eating disorder the choices are somewhat more limited but non-the-less do exist. This article takes a look at two diverse, yet complimentary approaches, 12 Step oriented programs and the SMART Recovery program.ARTArticle5 Priorities After a New Illness DiagnosisI distinctly remember the day that my life changed forever. After a few weeks of intense swelling in various parts of my body, my doctor called to give me the lab results at my place of work. She said the rheumatoid factor was positive and that this most likely was due to the fact that I did indeed have rheumatoid arthritis. I took a deep breath and asked, "On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being normal, what can I expect my life to be like from now on?" She tried to avoid the question, not wishing to discourage me.ARTArticle5 Simple Techniques to Get UnstuckIt happens to each one of us at one time or another. We become stuck. We enter a state of lethargy. Whether it involves our work or our home life, there are just days (and unfortunately sometimes weeks and months) where we feel stuck. We don’t seem to have the energy to move forward. We feel the need to get things done but can’t find a grain of momentum to make it happen. After a while we know we have to do something, yet we sit on the couch like an immobile brick. Stuck.ARTArticle8 Tips for Preventing Relapse to Alcohol or Drug Addiction1. Attend a long-term rehab program – If at all possible, a longer-term (more than 30 days) drug and alcohol rehabilitation facility will often provide a solid foundation to work with that includes counseling and education about addiction and staying sober.
2. Have some type of support group – many people choose to attend meetings, but this doesn’t have to be the case. The support can come from family, co-workers, teammates, clergy, and of course staff at the inpatient drug rehab that was attended.ARTArticleA Parent's Guide to Childhood AnxietyIt is estimated that about 1 in 8 children experience some form of an anxiety disorder. Anxiety can be mild, and very temporary, as in simply being nervous about an upcoming event, to more severe and long lasting forms such as panic attacks, obsessiveness and traumatic stress responses. Symptoms of anxiety can range from low-level physiological responses such as headaches, upset stomach or irritability to intense nausea, sweating and an overwhelming incapacity to function.ARTArticleA Parent's Guide to Childhood NightmaresChildhood nightmares, or very bad dreams, are not uncommon and often need nothing other than a parent’s consoling embrace to remedy the immediate situation. Nightmares may occur for several reasons. Because children are very impressionable, watching a scary movie at night before bedtime can easily trigger a nightmare. If there is a high stress or frightening situation going on in the home, or at school, and the child has not been able to disclose this information to his or her parents, or a teacher or trusted adult, the nightmare may serve as a release valve.ARTArticleA Poetic Series - Grieving the Death of a Grown Child - "A Father's Hope"“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”©
From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller
Written a month and a half after my daughter died, the poem you'll read below was a last ditch effort to hang onto my spiritual faith before I descended in a deep spiral into the ‘despair marker stone’ of *Confrontation - Entering the Depths*, the second of grief’s cycles I endured which led me onward to my healing. (You can refer to my Marker Stones of the Grief Journey series of articles available on this site to learn more about your cycles of grief).ARTArticleA Poetic Series - Grieving the Death of a Grown Child - "Anniversary Memories"“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”©
From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller
This was a poem written in still dreaded anticipation of the third anniversary of her death due to arrive once again on the following day. It would in fact turn out to be a landmark day in my healing process as I finally allowed myself to remember and experience its full effects on me for the very first time, in order to finally be able to give outlet to those deep feelings of grief still trapped within me.
Anniversary MemoriesARTArticleA Poetic Series - Grieving the Death of a Grown Child - "I Choose It Now"“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”©
From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller
This was my poem of decision – written in the realization that it was finally time for the ‘rubber to hit the road’ of my future life in a meaningful way despite the fact that I was still a healing dad. I knew I was on a journey of healing but felt the compelling force of these questions within me of…”where do I go from here, and how do I get there?” I needed to know their answers.ARTArticleA Poetic Series - Grieving the Death of a Grown Child - "Reality" (A Daughter's Death)“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”©
From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller
This was a poem written in trembling anticipation of the second anniversary of her death due to arrive in its full force and fury the following day – a harsh truth about anniversaries every grieving parent will know to be true.
Realityrn(A Daughter’s Death)
It’s been two years since my daughter’s deathr
And my heart still feels empty and tight!
I know and accept all the reasons she diedr
And still – it just doesn’t feel right!ARTArticleA Stressed Out BaboonWe all complain about stress, but what is it really. National Geographic did a wonderful report on what stress is by not only looking at humans and our environment, but also through baboons and science. In watching specific tribes of baboons who ate the same food, lived in the same area, and experienced the same natural threats, scientists found it was not environment but social interaction and social rank that caused stress. The baboons that experienced stress and the physical symptoms of stress were those on the bottom of the food chain.ARTArticleAccepting Where You Are“Now that I am trying to change, I don’t like who I am.”
At some point, many of my clients say this or something similar. When they finally see a new way to be, but are not yet capable of acting that way, they begin to attack themselves.
judges gavel“I am a horrible person.”
“Being this way is bad.”
“It is wrong to act like this.”
These thoughts are natural, but not helpful. There are some very simple ways to begin accepting who you are so you can move into who you want to be.
See the TruthARTArticleAchieving Personal PowerThis article discusses effective and ineffective ways of gaining personal power and how that search impacts those around us. Note: I suggest you read “The Victim Tyrant Cycle” as it includes important concepts used in this article (http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/negotiating-the-victim-tyrant-cycle).ARTArticleAll Wound Up And Wounded: Some Thoughts On Psychological HealingIt may be of some surprise that the word 'wound' is used to represent a cut, hurt, abrasion or more serious injury AND that same word can mean tied up tightly, coiled up, or bound as in "I was all wound up with stress." We tend not to think of being wound up and stressed as an injury, or wound. However, on a psychological level, that is exactly what it is. In today's jargon, the word 'trauma' is used, and aptly so. Trauma is Greek in origin and translates into English as 'wound' - as in hurt or injury. When we speak of trauma, we are talking about being all wound up with woundedness.ARTArticleAnxiety Starts with One THING!In this week's newspaper there was an article stating that mental health disorders account for 90% of the Emergency Room Visits. That number is alarming at the very least. There are many things that contribue to anxiety, and the sensations mimic several other health disorders. In this article, I will outline symptoms of anxiety attacks/panic attacks.ARTArticleAre You A Hero?Some say we don't have anymore heroes but I say we do. Let's take a look at what a hero is and decide if you are one.
A hero travels the hero's journey. That's when regular people such as you or me are asked to leave our routine life because something serious has occurred and we are asked to do something about it. We are "called to help." We are called to save our king, our country, our friend, or ourself. And because the task is arduous, we really don't want to accept it.ARTArticleBeing the Big OneSometimes when we are little and things go wrong, we think we have to take charge and fix things. We feel it’s up to us to make it better. We think we have to be the big one and we’ll show the adults how to do it. Or we feel like no one else is seeing what a mess things are, or how unsafe things are, so we try to make it better.ARTArticleBeyond Money and Power - a new set of valuesLately I have been experiencing a ground swell of desire for a new way to be and live. I expect to see this from my clients, however I am seeing it in places and people I would not expect.
Arianna Huffington shares her thoughts about redefining success in her new book, Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom and Wonder. Instead of focusing solely on money and power she calls us to look to a third metric centered on the quality of our lives.ARTArticleCalming our Naughty Child InsideHere's a different way to look at our stress.
What if we could see it as the stressed naughty child inside of us that clambers for our attention? Long ago this child was born inside us, often as a result of a difficult event in our little susceptible young minds.
We might have matured as adults, but some part of us is stuck in the past, creating that pattern of thoughts, emotional tension and behaviour.