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ARTArticleACoAs: RESCUING - Unhealthy Helping"I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED! I can take care of you, but not myself" Growing up in dysfunctional families, ACoAs were not allowed to fully develop their own personality & identity, attend to their own needs, or have their own feelings – about anything. We had no choice but to focus on our wounded parents and their needs, moods & demands. (see ‘Toxic rules’) • we were expected to grow up too fast - but only so we could relieve them of the burden of caring for us AND so we could be there for themrARTArticleACoAs’ Need for REVENGEMAKE THEM SUFFER ! The same way they made me suffer! This post, of course, is about those of us raised in a variety of abusive, dysfunctional families & communities AS CHILDREN a. Exte al CAUSES - Growing up, our parents & other adults: • blamed us unfairly, for all kinds of things (their problems, other kids’ bad behavior...), attacked & humiliated us, assuming the worst of us... • AND didn’t allow us to defend ourselves, didn’t believe us, never bothered to ask for our side of a situation, weren’t on our side or defended us b. Internal - All children:ARTArticleACRONYMS for all HEAL & GROW Articlespgs. = http://www.acoarecovery.com – Then click on SITE MAP ACoAs = adult-children of alcoholics & other abusersr A = Abandonmentrn(A) = Adultr As = Actions A/A = Abuse & Abandonment AC = Adapted Child AEC = Adult Ego State B = Boundaries B.P. = Bad Parent (same as IT) (C) = Child CDs = Cognitive Distortions CES = Child’s Ego State C-R = Cognitive Restructuring Es = Emotions E.S. = Ego States FoA = Fear of abandonmentr FoC = Fear of commitmentr FoO = Family of Originr FoV = Fear of VisibilityARTArticleADHD? Anxiety? Giftedness? Inattention in the classroom: Ending the Pattern of Destructive MisdiagnosisJenny C. Yip, Psy.D. Sarah A. Paxson, Psy.D. Julie’s parents and teachers are worried. She is in the 4th grade and falling behind in her studies. Although she has a complex vocabulary and demonstrates a high level of general knowledge, she is not performing to her ability in the classroom. She has difficulty copying off the board, consistently falls behind in her class work, is unable to complete tests within time limit, and spends an inordinate amount of time on homework.ARTArticleANAPHYLAXIS -----HOMOEOPATHIC CUREAnaphylaxis –Homoeopathic cure Anaphylaxis is life threatening allergic reaction to certain kind of allergens by the human body. It is an emergency condition and if not responded to immediately, the patient may die. It occurs suddenly and can prove to be fatal or lethal.rARTArticleAndropause (Male Menopause) and Adolescence: Similar Life Stages?I often describe Andropause or Male Menopause as adolescence the second time around or as puberty in reverse.ARTArticleAnger Management: RESPOND, Do NOT React When Using Your Emotions as Tools.Think about the last time you got angry. Example #1: Maybe, you were driving and another driver cut in front of you. If you immediately got angry, made an obscene gesture, or used language you wouldn’t want your five year old to repeat, it is safe to say that you reacted to the situation. When you act without thinking, you are reacting. Reacting often leads to regret for having done something you later wish you had avoided.ARTArticleAnger Management: RESPOND, Do NOT React When Using Your Emotions as Tools.Think about the last time you got angry. Example #1: Maybe, you were driving and another driver cut in front of you. If you immediately got angry, made an obscene gesture, or used language you wouldn’t want your five year old to repeat, it is safe to say that you reacted to the situation. When you act without thinking, you are reacting. Reacting often leads to regret for having done something you later wish you had avoided.ARTArticleAnger Management: You Do Not Need to Control Your Anger When You Use Your Emotions as ToolsMost of the experts you read in books and on the internet tell you that you need to control your anger. This is true if you are hurting others or doing things that end up hurting you. What you do when you are angry is always a choice and is always your responsibility. If you tend to act inappropriately when angry, you need to control, manage, or adjust your behavior in every case. For the rest of you, this is old advice! There is a better way.ARTArticleAnxiety and MeditationARTArticleAnxiety Relief Using Adaptogenic HerbsAdaptogenic herbs, just the words give the vibe they should be taken seriously. They should but with a light heart. These herbs are your best friends if you have any of the cyclical and life paralyzing health conditions that doctors are scratching their heads over like fibromyalgia, fatigue, anxiety, hormone imbalance, blood sugar swings, auto-immune conditions, etc.ARTArticleAnxiety Therapy Hasn't Smelled So GoodFrom our dish soap to little smelly bottles found at gas stations, it seems like aromatherapy is all around us. It’s main stream, but most people don't know this dirty little secret: all oils aren’t created equal. But when you’re using truly medicinal quality oils, aromatherapy is a great addition to anxiety therapy.ARTArticleAre You Listening?Let’s talk about listening. Truly listening. Not only to those around you but to your inner wisdom, your intuition, your higher power. Are you listening? I learned to listen by experience to go within and to know how to connect with and communicate with my inner being. Some say that prayer is asking for what you want and meditation is listening for the answer. Maybe so, I don’t know. But I do know that as a society we tend to tune out and distract ourselves constantly. We seem to have an aversion to silence.ARTArticleAUTONOMY & ATTACHMENTSERVANT or MASTER of YOUR CASTLE Who’s the boss of you? ACoA SYMBIOSIS (S.) An unhealthy attachment to others as a way to: • compensate for emotional abandonment in childhood • to cope with deep anxiety of being a separate entity • escape having to face the struggle of growing up emotionally • mask self-hate & fear of abandonment As we heal we move thru layers of growth with the ultimate goal of being Inter-dependent. Symbiosis ------>Autonomy -------> Attachment ------> Inter-dependence AUTONOMYrARTArticleBelieve in the Power of Positive EnergyIs there anyone alive that hasn't heard about the power of positive energy? Even though many people know all about it, only few truly believe in it. Perhaps some feel that it's just not possible for them given their circumstances. It's far from the case; you could be a rich man, but still have a negative attitude. The opposite also holds true; you could be the poorest man on earth and have a better attitude than most. One would have to assume that positive energy has been around since the origin of the universe, so if it exists, perhaps there must be negative too.ARTArticleBlessings on YouFor many years now, I have started each day by praying, or as I like to call it, my morning chat with God. As a part of that chat, I always pray the prayer of Jabez. I have found that it is a simple prayer to remember and has been tremendously effective for me. My days are better, my focus is better and I am truly blessed each day by God. My ritual is to write down this portion of my chat and then, periodically, I come back and read through what I have written and highlight those blessings that have been granted. My journal is full of yellow highlights from over the years.ARTArticleBody Talk... What is your body telling you?Here in our western culture we are advanced in many ways- yet in regards to our awareness about our body we are more than lacking! We pop pills for every ailment we have without even trying to figure out what the cause is. One of the many problems with this is that there are so many side affects to these medications- and the greatest problem of all with this course of treatment is that we are not healing the cause.ARTArticleCan You Hear Me Now?"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” Robert McCloskeyARTArticleCold feet and chronic constipation: the same cause and remedyCold feet is a common symptom of poor circulation (insufficient blood and oxygen supply). This symptom is very common in contemporary population. It gets worse when blood glucose level drops, during nights, or after meals. Cold hands and feet is a typical sign of Raynaud's disease and it is also frequent in people with diabetes.ARTArticleCommunicate the Force Behind Your GoalsAn essential part of life should be achieving one's goals. There's a reason most self-help sources encourage you to write your goals down. The process of writing out and plotting a course of action stimulates the brain. It's important to note your exact feelings as you make your plan, remind yourself exactly why you are doing it. It's fair to say that many may write down their goals, but they don't necessarily communicate internally the importance of making those goals. One must ask questions such as why is making this goal important. How will it change my life?ARTArticleConstipatioin Can Be Defeated - Why Fibers Are ImportantMore or less everybody knows by now that high fibers are good for your intestines. Many people, however, do not like high fiber content food. Why this? They have to chew them longer. A little secret: if you chew your food really for good, your constipation could already be defeated. In fact, once food is reduced to chime,rARTArticleDepression and suicidal moodsDepression and suicidal moods Have you ever been so depressed, you felt like life was bleak and nobody cared? Sometimes you do not even notice that your behaviour is actually induced due to chemical imbalances in the brain. Counselling could actually help resolve your deep set emotional issues but there are also cases which warrant a need for the sufferer to be put on psychiatric medication. A lot of people are against psychiatric medication regiments but it might just be the thing to save your life.ARTArticleDo You Need Therapy or Just a Mind Adjustment?Is a therapeutic method so unique that only the therapist in a therapist – client relationship, can use it? When asked this question some therapists will tell you that it is their education and training that make the method of therapy successful. Others may respond with “an untrained person won’t understand it”, “a therapist is required for therapy to take place”, or “a person needing therapy is at risk”. This article will offer a different perspective of therapy and ask you this when experiencing difficulties in life is having a therapist always necessary?ARTArticleEMDR: Therapy at Lightning SpeedEye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing was discovered in 1987 by a research psychologist named Francine Shapiro who was taking a walk in a park. As she walked, she was thinking about a personal matter that was bothering her. She happened to notice that her eyes were going back and forth and that, as they did, her level of disturbance went down. Intrigued by this discovery, she began the extensive research and formulation that culminated in EMDR theory and methodology.ARTArticleExercise and Alzheimer’s DiseaseResearch recently reported in the Monitor on Psychology shows that aerobic exercise not only significantly improves health and wards off disease, but it also may prevent—and even reverse—cognitive (thinking) functions. New neurons and neuron connections develop, which favorably impact general intelligence, logic, verbal ability and visuospatial ability.ARTArticleFine Tune Your Positive Attitude.Ever wondered why some people have such a great attitude? Could they possibly have no problems whatsoever? Of course, everyone has their share of issues in life whether rich or poor, the important thing is maintaining a positive attitude regardless what obstacles come your way. Learning to keep a positive attitude at all times doesn't come naturally to everybody. However it's a vital skill if you plan to enjoy the highway of life. When we were young as kids and things failed to go as planned, we automatically resorted to negative behavior.ARTArticleFuel versus AnxietyFuel? Anxiety? What do these two words have in common? The first one gives you the power to drive a car or to live fully. The second one sucks the power and makes life more difficult. Fuel in this context is oxygen, it's your breath. It's how much oxygen you take in while breathing.ARTArticleGet Started on Your Road to SuccessSuccess means different things to many people; it can also differ from one culture to another, but one thing is certain, everybody seems to want success in one shape or another. It makes sense because society rewards success of course. It often leads to even more opportunities than you ever imagined before. Think for a moment about how you personally determine success for yourself.ARTArticleHEALTHY HELPING"I LIKE HELPING! As long as I take care of myself in the process" ⦠Many ACoAs are trained from birth to be helpers, regardless of their native personality style & interests. There’s an ironic saying in recovery circles: “ACOAs are born with an MSW (Masters in Social Work) and get their Birth Certificate later”!ARTArticleHow I became a self published author with a little bit of successWhile I battled with my mental ailment, schizophrenia, I realized that I needed to have a focus point. I kept hearing voices and seeing hallucinations and it was all very scary. It made me paranoid and I was lost. It then occurred to me that I should get a little paper notebook and write about my fears. I felt that by doing this, I could then have closure with some of my more trying mental and emotional issues.

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