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ARTArticle***29 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Tuned UpWhy do some relationships last forever and others fall apart? Here are some ways you can make your partner feel appreciated again and prevent your relationship from becoming a casualty. - Treat your partner as you would your boss, best friend, or best customer. - Think about what your partner wants and give it to him or her. - Think of ways you can do the unexpected and be thoughtful. Remember how you acted when you wanted to win your partner over. - Pay attention to your appearance.ARTArticle***A New Look at New Year’s ResolutionsWow, it’s 2010! Is anyone besides me wondering what happened to 2009? Do any of us remember the resolutions we made at the beginning of last year? If you’re like most people, by January 1st you had a list of resolutions that revolved around weight loss and exercise habits. And… if you’re like most of us, by the end of the month, you probably gave up on them. (Raise your hand if you are one of us.) So rather than waste time and energy on things we’re not going to do anyway, I thought I’d offer a new look at New Year’s Resolutions.ARTArticle***Achieving Success Through Effective Goal SettingIt is important to have goals because they are good for your physical and mental health. You can have goals for all areas of your life. Here are a few ideas: Career, Learning, Clubs, Money,Community, Politics, Contribution, Professional, Emotional, Reading, Family, Relationships, Health, Service, Home, Spiritual Interests, Travel. What Makes an Effective Goal? Not all goals are motivating. If a goal is too vague, hard to measure, or impossible to achieve, it will lack effectiveness and ultimately be a wasted exercise.ARTArticle***Addiction: How to Recognize It and What to Do about ItAddiction to alcohol and other drugs is a chronic disease. It is progressive, continuous, and long-term. Alcohol or drug abuse means that a person has control over whether he or she drinks or uses. Alcohol or drug dependence means that a person has lost all control over his or her drinking or using behavior. Addictive Behavior People who suffer from addictive diseases engage in compulsive behavior and gradually lose control of their lives. They continue to drink or use drugs, even when they know it will lead to negative consequences.ARTArticle***Assertive Communication: 20 TipsMost of us know that assertiveness will get you further in life than being passive or aggressive. But few of us were actually taught how to be assertive. Here are some helpful tips. 1. Choose the right time. Imagine you’re dashing down the hall on your way to a meeting. Lisa passes by.ARTArticle***Become More Self-ConfidentSigns of Self-Confidence Let's explore the meaning of self-confidence by taking a quiz. Read the list of statements below and check which ones, in your opinion, are signs of self-confidence. 1. Admitting when you are wrong. 2. Being flexible when change is needed. 3. Talking about your accomplishments. 4. Describing negative events in positive terms. For example, "We didn't make our target, but we sure learned a lot." 5. Dressing to please yourself without worrying what others will think. 6. Using a strong handshake. 7.ARTArticle***Body Acceptance: What We Can Learn from MenI think that men have it easier than women. No, I’m not going to discuss the state of the feminist movement in 2013, nor the equal pay for equal work debate. However, I am going to state that men have more body acceptance than women – and we women can learn a lot about this from men.ARTArticle***Body Image – Self ImageA hundred years ago, Renoir painted “La Toilette” (The Bather), a portrait of a young woman in the nude. She has long, aubu hair, full breasts and hips, a rounded belly, and, if the truth be told, thighs that look like mine. She’s voluptuous and she’s beautiful! One hundred years ago she was the ideal of feminine beauty. Today, she’d be one of my clients, struggling to accept herself in the face of an unattainable beauty ideal. When I show her to my clients, some of them are heartened by the resemblance they see to themselves. Some think, she has such a pretty face, but boy is she fat.ARTArticle***BodySense: Make Eating a Mindful ExperienceA while ago, one of my clients gave birth and decided to breastfeed her infant so she often brought her baby to therapy. Sometimes in the middle of session, it was time to eat. I’d watch the baby start to cry, curl her fists, scrunch up her face, and make rigid her little body. She was hungry and she knew it. As her mother attended to that need, I’d watch the baby melt with pleasure into her mother, face and body relaxed, eyes closed as her needs were met, both physically and emotionally. Witnessing this, I could not doubt the powerful connection between food and emotions.ARTArticle***Coping As a CaregiverFew people are prepared for the responsibilities and tasks involved in caring for loved ones who are ill, elderly, or disabled. The success of the relationship between you and your loved one depends on several factors. One of the most important is how well you take care of yourself, empowering yourself to be there for the person you are caring for. Let's look first at what causes the stress in such a relationship, and then we will explore some ways to care for yourself as you care for another. Sources of Stress Caring for someone who is sick or disabled causes tremendous stress.ARTArticle***Depression: What It Is and What to Do about ItThere are three basic ways to treat depression: psychotherapy, self-help, and medication.ARTArticle***Effective Strategies For Stopping ProcrastinationYou will have the greatest success if you read the first newsletter and take some time to observe your own procrastination patterns. Once you have accomplished that, choose a few of the strategies outlined here. Keep working at it until you understand what you need to do to stop putting things off. Set Specific Goals The most effective goals are specific, measurable, and achievable.ARTArticle***Effective Ways to Give Performance FeedbackConsequences of Not Giving Effective Feedback Let's take a look at some typical examples of what goes on in work environments when managers don't give good feedback. Example #1: John has been working at his new job for one month. On his first day at work, Wilma, his boss, showed him what to do and got him started on a project. Since then, Wilma has communicated with him mostly through voice mail and e-mail. She walks past his cubicle and says hello a few times each day, but there hasn't been much other communication.ARTArticle***Free at Last from Diet and Weight ObsessionsIn her 1985 book, entitled “Making Peace with Food”, Susan Kano chronicles her decision to feed her body, rather than starving it and to no longer focus on weight, size, and body obsessions. The book is part autobiography and part practical guide and is as relevant today as it was when she wrote it. She purports that most women in our culture have at least some traits of eating disorders, chronic preoccupations with food and weight, and behaviors that range from bingeing to semi-starvation.ARTArticle***Help! I Need to Make a Decision!Many people who come to my office say they have a difficult time making decisions. I have developed a process to help my clients master this skill. I recommend that people follow these four steps: 1. Identify the real issue. For example, you are trying to decide which movie to see, but you are having a hard time agreeing. As you talk about it, you realize that the real issue is that you simply want some time to be together in a quiet place where you can talk. Going to a movie does not address this issue. 2. Identify the available options.ARTArticle***How Do You Change Yourself?What Is Happiness? If you are thinking about changing your life for the better, one way to start is by identifying your goals. You are probably hoping to find some version of happiness or emotional well-being.ARTArticle***How to Be Less of a Perfectionist and Enjoy Life MoreYou will have the greatest success if you read the first newsletter and take some time to observe your own perfectionist patterns. Once you have accomplished that, choose a few of the strategies outlined here. Keep working at it until you understand what you need to do to accept your imperfections and humanness. Create a Support Network for Yourself Seek out people who are not perfectionists. Encourage your support network to not be rigid or moralistic in their attempts to keep you on an honest course.ARTArticle***How to Create a Positive Work AtmospherePositive versus Negative Workplaces We have all worked in places where we grew to dread getting up in the morning, and a few of us have had the pleasure of working for a boss who makes us feel like we can do anything.ARTArticle***How to Deal Effectively With AnxietyEvery human feels anxiety on occasion; it is a part of life. All of us know what it is like to feel worry, nervousness, fear, and concern. We feel nervous when we have to give a speech, go for a job interview, or walk into our boss's office for the annual performance appraisal. We know it's normal to feel a surge of fear when we unexpectedly see a photo of a snake or look down from the top of a tall building. Most of us manage these kinds of anxious feelings fairly well and are able to carry on with our lives without much difficulty.ARTArticle***How to Enhance and Enrich Your MarriageAny marriage counselor will tell you that one of the most common problems observed when couples come for help is poor communication skills.ARTArticle***How to Forgive Another Person for Past HurtsNo one gets through life without being hurt by another person. We all have experienced the pain of a thoughtless remark, gossip, or lie. If you have experienced an unhappy marriage, the devastation of infidelity, or suffered physical or emotional abuse, you know what it feels like to be hurt.ARTArticle***How to Parent Your Teen EffectivelyMaintain Communication Even though teens need to separate from their parents during adolescence, they also need to know that the safety net of home and family is always there for them. If the lines of communication are shut down, they are not yet capable of surviving emotionally; they need support and input. Let's take a look at a few guidelines for keeping the lines of communication open between parents and teenagers. 1. Pay attention to the small things along with the significant things. If you are generally a good listener, your teen will be more likely to talk to you. 2.ARTArticle***How to Recover from a Career CrisisIf you have ever experienced any of the following, you have had a career crisis: - Loosing your job - Being fired - Burning out - Not wanting to do your job for one more day A career crisis can be caused either by someone else (being laid off) or by your own feelings (burning out). Common Causes of Career Crises There are many reasons why people experience career crises.ARTArticle***If You’re an Emotional Eater, Wait Ten MinutesI was in a car accident recently. It wasn’t a big one and thank God no one was hurt. However, accidents are jolting and can make us feel very vulnerable. After the initial shock, I wanted to eat. For me and for many of us, food calms and soothes. It transports us from our fears, our anxieties, our angers, our discontentments, to a place where nothing bad can touch us – at least for a few moments – or so we believe. (I forgot to tell you, I didn’t eat.)ARTArticle***Is Your Company in Need of Family Therapy?How Companies Are Like Families Like a family, a company is a group of people who have an ongoing relationship with one another. Companies have several things in common with families: 1. Families have distinct ways of communicating and degrees of togethe ess. For example: - Communication may be overt or covert. - Relationships tend to be enmeshed (too close; overly involved) or disengaged (not at all close; uninvolved). - Boundaries may be described as diffuse (extreme togethe ess), rigid (extreme separateness), or clear (ideal and appropriate). 2.ARTArticle***Keeping Your Anger Under ControlIn my work with individuals and couples, I see many people who have a difficult time expressing and managing angry feelings. Let's take a look at what causes people to become angry and how they can respond to stressful situations more productively. What Is Anger? Many people think that anger is caused by hormonal changes or brain activity. This is only partly true. Researchers have found that while hormones play a role in an angry response, there is always a cognitive (thinking) component. Some people think that humans are innately aggressive or warlike.ARTArticle***Learning to Be HappyI have a client who says to me every now and again, “I wish I had your life. You always seem so happy.” I smile and think about some of the “discussion” I have had with my husband or that the cost of medical attention for our animals is putting my vet in a higher tax bracket or how irritated I get with littlest of things. But I think I know what she means. I have an open face. I smile a lot, and I tend to have a positive, optimistic view of life. I wasn’t always like this, however. Childhood set the stage for unhappiness and obesity.ARTArticle***Managing PerfectionismThis is the first of two newsletters that address perfectionism. In this issue, we will explore what perfectionism is and why it is destructive. In the next one, we will take a look at some strategies for both controlling the need to be perfect and living a more relaxed, satisfying life. What is Perfectionism? Perfectionists aspire to be top achievers and do not allow themselves to make even a single mistake. They are always on the alert for imperfections and weaknesses in themselves and others.ARTArticle***Managing Your StepfamilyIf you are a member of a stepfamily, you know how difficult it can be to integrate all of the new members and adjust to the new boundaries and rules. The following ideas may help you make a successful transition during this challenging process. Have patience. Establishing new families takes time. Just because you love your new partner, it is unrealistic to think that you will automatically love his or her children. It is equally unrealistic to expect that your new partner's children will instantly love you.ARTArticle***Mirror, Mirror on the WallThis summer, I did one of the most courageous things a woman can do – I tried on bathing suits – and actually purchased two! We were going on vacation in August, renting a house for a week on the Atlantic and I wanted to go to the beach in a bathing suit that flattered my body type and felt comfortable. The last time I bought a swimsuit was about six years ago when I walked into Sam’s Club, pulled a $15.00 Speedo tankini off the rack and brought it home. The pattern was cute, but the cut, well, not so comfortable. In those six years, I’d worn it twice.

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