Browse Positive Psychology

It's been over six months since New Year's Resolutions were made. How are you doing with your commitment to take better care of yourself this year or are you "over it" because they don't work out anyway? If your heart is in the right place, but you are simply not managing to make the changes necessary once and for all, here are a few ways to keep yourself on track.

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In relationships, we are always on the lookout for ways to please the other person. Nothing wrong with that, except when you constantly try to seek validation from others and act in a manner that is not the natural ‘you’ then the relationship suffers. Personal empowerment and a belief in your self-worth are essential aspects for the success of any relationship. If you are depending on your relationship to fill the voids in your life, then you are looking for trouble. It is a much better idea to empower yourself.

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Many of my students and clients admit that they are tired of working on themselves, because “self-improvement” causes them to feel like they should continuously be aspiring to be better, rather than affording opportunities to rest in who and where they are. I couldn’t agree more. Learning how to accept yourself as a work in progress, to cultivate compassion in place of criticism, and nurturing and nourishing instead of neglecting yourself, is what I consider living your life as “a path of enlightenment.”

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With all the buzz about the popular book and video called "The Secret," a primer on the laws of attraction, more and more people are realizing that the quality and meaningfulness of their lives is directly associated with the quality of the thoughts that they think. We can individually and collectively take responsibility for our future. We can use our creative power to create the condition of our own lives and to assist in the evolution of the communities in which we live and work.

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We all are aging every second of every day that sounds depressing doesn’t? It does not have to, you can age like a super star and below are 11 ways you can do that and it won’t cost you a cent.

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The National Weight Control Registry (NWCR) studies groups of people who lose at least 30 pounds and maintain that weight loss for at least one year. Most of their “successful losers” share the same tips as those who lost inches and maintained their new body shapes as a result of classes taken at the Hawaii Wellness Institute. Those tips include: • Consuming low-fat/low calorie versions of foods they love • Eating a high fiber breakfast • Participating in more physical activity • Practicing self-monitoring (such as weighing themselves or food jou aling)

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Anyone who has ever met me might think I've always been confident and assertive, but that is simply not the case. I was so self-conscious and afraid of not being liked that I fainted in speech class at the very idea of expressing my own opinion to people I hardly knew. But as the years passed, I have learned how to identify my fears and compassionately address them so that I can go after what I really want instead of settling for less. Last week's Bizarre Bazaar and High Tea is a perfect example of how powerful the spoken word can be.

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Do you wish you had just a few skills to turn negative conversations you have with yourself and others into a solution-oriented problem solving direction, instead of a bitch session? The trick is in asking the right questions. Unconscious questions like "Why does this always happen to me?" often result in negative unconscious answers like "Because you're just not good enough." This kind of thinking can keep you in an endless cycle of chasing your own tail, often resulting in feelings of inadequacy.

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In the East, the prayer gesture of two palms pressed together is called Namaste and is commonly used as a greeting that translates to mean: the Divine part of my self recognizes the Divine part of yourself. We each identify with different parts of ourselves at different times. Sometimes we identify with our fear, sometimes with our Higher or Divine self.

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“Ironically, after I have spent a year practicing dying, the quality most noticeably enhanced is a new joy in life.” Stephen Levine Although our society is obsessed with a wide-ranging struggle against mortality, I have spent 17 years assisting both “terminally ill” children and adults to come to peace with the fact that they are dying. I am continually impressed with the radical life changes that some people make when faced with death. Some even report discovering their own “deathless nature” as they begin to appreciate each valued moment.

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How are you doing with your commitment to take better care of yourself this year? If your heart is in the right place, but you are simply not managing to make the changes necessary to take it off once and for all, read on.

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1. Laugh until it hurts- Laughing is contagious and brings you immediate happiness and joy. Check out a laughing yoga class, it is a great way to let go and laugh until it hurts. 2. Appreciation- when you feel true appreciation in your heart it automatically brings happiness into your soul. Appreciation makes us happy to be alive.

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1. Care for Yourself First. Become aware of your emotional, spiritual, and physical needs through jou aling. Begin with the words “I feel” or “I need” or “I am”. Create new ways to meet your needs. If you don’t know how, think of a role model. Identify and practice daily habits that are self-nurturing and healing. If you have difficulty taking good care of yourself, take good care of your children's parent, your pet’s master, or your plant’s feeder.

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In a world where so many people are facing difficult circumstances, what can they do to overcome negative emotions and find happiness? For decades psychologists have been identifying key factors associated with happiness and with depression. However, researchers have rarely looked for a comprehensive formula that can predict happiness and depression accurately.

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Beginning the journey of In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) is intimidating, even for the most courageous of women. As with any new experience, you have no idea what to expect. If you’re anything like me, your mind will be reeling with thoughts about what’s to come—you wonder how you’ll feel emotionally and physically, how you’ll handle giving yourself daily injections (sometimes multiple times a day), and you’ll fret over whether it will work in the end.

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Many people struggle with the idea of promoting themselves. I am no exception. The thought of boasting about my skills or accomplishments makes my stomach churn. But I can tell you that keeping a low profile and hoping your boss will approach you one day with a huge promotion and big, fat raise isn’t likely to happen. Most of the time you have to put yourself out there in order for your accomplishments to be recognized and rewarded.

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The majority of my clients resist mindfulness meditation at first, although the time commitment is small and the payoff is enormous. One insisted that it wasn’t necessary and that she didn’t have enough time in her day to devote to a regular practice. Then she went through the loss of a parent, and had such trouble coping that she couldn’t even drag herself out of bed. After missing work ten days straight, she called me for my advice. I told her to mindfully meditate while in bed. Terrified and bewildered, my client did and, in a few days, found that she could face going to work again.

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Recently, my daughter made a trip to the town where she was born. Unfortunately, it was not a happy occasion. The daughter of one of her childhood friends had committed suicide. The girl was 15 years old when she decided that she could not tolerate any more bullying. The only way she could stop the pain and humiliation was to take her own life. The day of her funeral, the daughter of another friend was found unconscious on the bathroom floor in her home. She had overdosed on some prescription drugs she had found in the medicine cabinet.

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In our drive for the good life, it seems that we have become obsessed with the need to be “perfect”! Why can’t we just let our selves be who we are at the moment? As human beings we are constantly changing and evolving as our life changes. We cannot stop this process no matter how hard we try. We do not need to be obsessive about it! We raise our children to always want to be the best of the best. If they do not reach for the top and become superstars, we treat them like they are losers.

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Why does it seem that most of us fear letting ourselves become quiet? In truth, I must be included in this unfortunate generalization. Virtually every person I have spoken to has readily stated that being quiet is either a daunting challenge or something they have no concept of. How many times, as a child, were we chided for “doing nothing”? Sitting around dreaming seemed to be something that really irked our parents. Even the Bible says something about “idle hands are the devils workshop”.r

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It comes as no surprise, but stress isn’t good for you. Well of course, you knew that already but the question for most people is how to tame it. Here’s a secret I discovered: In actuality there is no such thing as a ‘stress thing’ outside of us. It is our interpretation of the events in our life that causes us to feel stressed or not.

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Don’t some thoughts really bug you? They show up when you least need them and often won’t go away without some sort of force. So let’s look at these thoughts wandering around in our heads. Where do they come from?

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Money is the hot topic these days. Whether you have it and are afraid of losing it or you don't know where your next paycheck is coming from, right now we all seem to share some form of 'money fear.' What if your beliefs about money were fueling how money flows in, or out of your life? Take this simple test to find out your FEQrn(Financial Emotional Intelligence) “Money Money Money Money, MONEY — Some people got to have it …..- Some people really need it…Almighty Dollar!

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Sometimes things are difficult. Your legs are tired and you still have to stay on your feet another hour at work. You love a child who's finding her independence through emotional distance from you. A long-term relationship could be losing its spark. It's finals week in college. You're trying to start a business and it's struggling. You've got a chronic health problem or a disability. Sometimes people don't appreciate your work. You're being discriminated against or otherwise treated unjustly. The body ages, sags, and grows weary.

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We all crave to be seen, heard and acknowledged. Whether I say that to individuals, groups or large audiences, heads nod in the affirmative. When I first began working in a counseling agency, I was thrilled with the supervision. My manager smiled, nodded and listened as I worked out my problems through non-stop, extroverted talking. As I exited from his office, I would turn, thank him for his time and he would respond with a generous laugh and a big “You’re most welcome.” I left notes of appreciation on his desk and the occasional homemade muffin.

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“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is ‘thank you,’ it will be enough.” Meister Eckhardt When was the last time you made note of your good fortune? It is the most economical and easily accessible way to avoid depression, especially in touch economic conditions. I feel grateful when I think of living in Canada, my supportive and long term marriage, the work I do, the welcoming places I have visited, my friends and the qualities I have had the privilege to develop.

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Hard work has a future payoff. Procrastination pays off NOW! The idea of using humor to enhance business, to increase creativity, to improve relationships, to minimize stress and to develop client attract-ability is not a new one. It’s been around for over twenty-five years. A 1985 survey by the staffing firm, Robert Haft International, concluded that only 15% of employees are fired because of incompetence. The remaining 85% are let go because of lack of people or social skills. They just plain do not get along with others.

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During the boom we scrambled and harried ourselves through deadlines and endless demands for more—more of anything that was shiny, comforting or electronic. Now on top of the deadlines, we worry about salary freezes and layoffs. Challenges don’t go away; they only vary with different economic times. Many of us think that if we didn’t have hardship, we would be truly happy. Not so. Our lives are meant to be rewarding, happy, meaningful and challenging. Work often provides the arena to face adversity.

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I’ve been talking about ways to Hardwire Your Happiness on the blog lately. So I thought it would be great to give you a sense of how it feels to take in the good. If you are someone who usually focuses on the negative experiences in the world you can turn that around over time by Taking in the Good. I’ll suggest some prompts here that you can use in your everyday life to start changing the negativity bias in our lives into Teflon for the positive. Take my prompt and go through the first three steps outlined below on your own. STEP 1. Have a positive experience

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Who's in charge? You or your beliefs? This is a question that has intrigued me and many other self development buffs for many years. If you listen to most people explaining their life situations, one must take the stance that it is the beliefs that are in charge. I have to do this or I can't do that...

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I often see patients in my psychotherapy practice who are unable to make changes in their life and do not understand why they keep sabotaging their efforts. Usually this is due to a hidden resistance or unwholesome belief associated with the desired change. There are five hindrances that I’ve found to be particularly common in the experience of resisting needed or inevitable change: the hindrances of wanting, illusory thinking, sleeping mind, restlessness, and doubt.

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Have you ever tucked a hotel towel in your suitcase? Tut, tut! It’s not an uncommon act. Regularly, we hear reports of millions of dollars worth of company property stolen by employees. Little violations happen very day like disappearing packages of paper, boxes of paper clips, file folders, and the occasional stapler and hole punch. Then there are the major breaches of public trust. Sherron Watkins was applauded on the cover of Time for whistle-blowing Enron’s big scam.

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I think it is safe to say that there is not one person on this planet that would choose to be born into an abusive situation, whether it is any of physical, mental, emotional, spiritual or sexual abuse. As human beings, we are programmed to not like pain or suffering, however, at the hands of people who do not understand how their actions affect the lives of others, we have suffered.r

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She was crying and complaining, “Woe is me.” Yes, that is me whining some days and perhaps you, too. Many of us think that if we didn’t have hardship, we would be truly happy. Not so. Your life is meant to be rewarding, happy, meaningful and challenging. A meaningful life isn’t just handed to you all at once. It comes as you develop resilience. Resilience refers to your ability to cope with, adapt to and rise above hardship and crisis.

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A million years ago or so when I was in college studying social work, I learned a really important lesson. It was that the minds of people are supposed to progress and become more enlightened as we evolve on our personal journey. I learned at this time that there are four questions that are supposed to be asked and eventually answered. They are: • What am I? • What am I really? • Who am I? • Who am I really?r

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For many of us, perhaps the hardest thing of all is to believe that "I am a good person." We can climb mountains, work hard, acquire many skills, act ethically - but truly feel that one is good deep down? Nah!

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Five Joyous Habits Human beings are moral animals. According to Dr Martin Seligman we each exhibit six virtues common across cultures and traditions. They are wisdom and knowledge, courage, love and humanity, justice, temperance, spirituality and transcendence. These virtues encapsulate the notion of good character. The way in which we each achieve the virtues is dependent on our individual strengths of character. Using our strengths produces good consequences and positive emotion, not only in yourself but in those around you who witness the display of a strength.

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‘You don’t have to play sport to be an Australian, but you do have to have a sense of humour” says author Pete Crofts in his book How to use Humour in Business and Life. As an Australian I know they have many “winning ways” and I believe this is strongly linked to their good humoured view of the world. Is there a formula they and others use to aid their success ? Four of the so called “formulas for good humour” include exaggeration, understatement, saying the opposite, and unexpected punch lines.

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Max Lerner says, "I am neither an optimist nor a pessimist. I am a possibilitist." If you agree with our learned friend Max Lerner then you can adopt a mindset that says “I can make it happen…or nothing is impossible”. We are well into 2005 now and often held back by our state of mind. Fear and anxiety keep us in a constant state of planning and preparation and what we need to do is engage the “forward” button and go with what we have.

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In this article I want to ruminate around the power of our thoughts, as well as the words we use, to create our reality, which is what the Law of Attraction is about. It doesn't matter it we believe in it, or not, we are all living the Law of Attraction.

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What on earth has redundancy got to do with pyjamas? And more importantly, how can the notion serve your business operation ? Well, let me explain. With the advent of the industrial revolution came radical change which continues today. Business’s are restructuring, and with that, the job you had 3 weeks ago…is gone ! Any of you who have been through that process will know of the shock and the isolation. Any of you who have had to orchestrate it will know how difficult it is for everybody on staff.

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Water does not worry about how it will take the shape of the glass into which it is being poured! Yet as humans we can be caught up in worry and anxiety over what might happen. In order to survive and thrive we need to be in what I call inspired action. To achieve that space we need to have factored in some down time that allows for reflection and relaxation. When we consistently do that, the mind can much more readily summon forth inspired ideas and thoughts, that when acted on bring great results.

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Headline—“White supremacists, anti-racism protestors clash in Calgary” Good Friday, March 21, 2008 Regrettably discrimination continues in our communities, organizations and workplaces. When I was a career counselor assisting those on unemployment insurance ...

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“Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting.” Ralph Waldo Emerson Everything in the world is beautiful because they are created by God. From aromatic flowers to mysterious mountains, from sunset to sunrise, from still lake to Wild Ocean, from animals to human beings, everything is beautiful. It is just that we need eyes to see it and heart to appreciate it.

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"A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else." George Savile We all are in a hurry in today’s life. We drive crazily to reach office or we get frustrate to see the long queue at grocery store or we just don’t want to wait till other person finish his talk. It is like everyone is going on a war. This war is not with any outsider, but with your own self.

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When we hear the words “Soul Mate,” most people conjure up visions of that special someone specifically molded and made for them and only them. Someone who understands us as no other person can. And, like synchronized swimmers, “Soul Mates” are in tune and in rhythm with one another, navigating ...

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“Time for a change of scenery,” we told ourselves before arranging for a trip to Maui.

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In general, most of us are very careless about the words we use, or consider how the words we use could be affecting our life experiences, let alone tale responsibility for them. Currently, only a relative few individuals would give credence to the possibility that the words that we use, and those used by others in our hearing, can have an affect on us psychologically as well as physically. It is believed--we have been conditioned to believe--that words are, "just words."

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“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.” Norman Vincent Peale Many times in life we face situations when everything is uncertain. We feel like we are lost in the dark and there is no hope to get out of it. We desperately need help from other people to take us out of dark, but we forget that we have light with us, within us. That light is nothing but belief in yourself. Belief that I can handle this and everything will be fine.

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We were all excited to have signed on for Yes, You Can! an empowerment program developed by Dr. Charlotte Kasl, the creator of The 16 Steps. Her concept of empowerment is aligned with resilience, the ability to bounce back from adversity. Kasl’s empowerment model is designed to support individuals in asserting their competence by taking action on their own behalf. It’s about creating internal stability both physically and mentally, acting with self care, developing supportive relationships and experiencing gratitude and wonder.

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The term Ayur-Veda is well known both in India and in the Western world. Much of what is called Ayur-Veda today in India and around the world has, in fact, been fragmented, lost or forgotten over time, or known to just a few experts. The effect of foreign invasions of India, including the British, has been very detrimental to the knowledge and practice of Ayur-Veda. The knowledge has been distorted through incorrect translations, the practice of Ayur-Veda has been disrupted and in many cases prohibited.

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"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts."Eleanor Roosevelt Very few people might know that how we spend our day depends on how we start it. Have you ever noticed that your entire day becomes a mess if something goes wrong in the morning like, you could not find your shirt you wanted to wear or you missed your daily bus or train or you had a fight with your spouse. We can make every day best days of our life if we start it in a positive way. We just need to give a positive momentum and everything else will be taken care of.

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It seems that every time we hear about the untimely and tragic death of a celebrity it is due to a lethal combination of recreational drugs, prescription medications and alcohol. And in the midst of the controversy is the issue of irresponsible doctors prescribing antidepressant medication like candy. In similar fashion are we not prematurely drugging a nation of young children with drugs such as Ritalin and Adderall that have the potential of adversely affecting their developing brains?

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Our health not only depends on what we eat, but also on how we eat. Now a days people are becoming conscious on what they eat, but still there is less awareness on eating habits. We have developed our eating habits from childhood and it becomes difficult to change them. In this article, I want to make you consciously aware of those bad eating habit, which is a first step to overcome them. I can assure you that if you avoid below bad eating habits, then it will not only help you in good health, but also in losing weight.

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Part of the Hardgainer Workout philosophy is to exercise as efficiently as possible in the gym, and one of the easiest ways to gain healthy weight is by using free weights. Today I want to talk about one of the most productive, muscle building exercises that you can do in the gym: the DEADLIFT. Don’t be intimidated by the name. The deadlift is a whole body, multi-joint, ultra-metabolism boosting exercise that should be incorporated into your routine. You need this Hardgainer exercise in order to gain muscle mass and build your body.

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I love to see the sparkle in a person's eyes when they realize that anything is possible--when they finally get in touch with the potential inside themselves, and they begin to imagine what they'd love to enjoy in their life.

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GOOD NEWS FOR NEW MOMS What every new Mom needs to knowr Seven ancient secrets to restoring happiness and vitality after childbirth: Childbirth — a turning point in a woman's lifer

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Now a day people are becoming aware that what we think affects our health. Many of the physical disease are results of emotional issues. Lots of people are becoming the victim of so-called psychosomatic disease. This is nothing but mental imbalance. Person thinks that he is not well even though he is perfectly fine. "I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situatio I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances." - Martha Washington

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People take criticism in two ways. Either they take it as an insult or as a feedback. Criticism can be used as a positive advice to make our self better or it can be looked as rude behavior and can spoil relationships. In this article we will discuss as how to handle criticism. “Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.” Frank A. Clark

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Want to make a change in your life? Whether it’s losing weight, a career change, or remaking a relationship if you want to make any real and lasting changes then you can’t do it alone. I work with hundreds of patients and workshop attendees who desire to transform their lives and one of the first points I tell them is that for real success they initially need to build a Wisdom Council of Support. Like an owner assembling a start-up baseball team you begin with those players who are already available to you, being mindful of the strengths and weaknesses of each.

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“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened” Winston Churchill Stop worrying and start living. We give this advice to everybody we see tensed even though sometimes we don’t even know why he is worried. We know that worry does not help us in anyway but still we cannot help it. In this article I will answer to questions like why we cannot stop worrying, how worrying harm us and how can we control it?

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We spend our whole life in search of love from others. We wish that true love will find us and that special love will change our life. If you don’t find the love then you fall into the valley of emptiness and feel lost. We always tell our mind that if I get true love then, I will be the happiest person on the earth. Actually it works the other way round. You need to love yourself to get love from others and you need to love yourself to give love to others. How can we give something to others which we do not have.

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“I mean the whole thing about meditation is about connecting to the higher part of yourself, and then seeing that every living thing is connected in some way.” Gillian Anderson Meditation can be a life changing experience. It can give you peace of mind, which you are searching from long time. It helps in connecting with your inner self. It also has lots of health benefits like lower blood pressure, controlled blood sugar, better sleep, etc. Meditation has many benefits and it can be done without cost, but still lots of people have misunderstood it.r

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The Bench Press is a tried and true exercise that has delivered results to men for generations. The hardgainer and muscle building exercise works your pectoralis major and pectoralis minor, otherwise known collectively as pecs. This muscle is basically the big muscles fanning across your chest and hardgainer or not, everybody needs to work this out to gain muscle. The Bench Press also works the front deltoids and the triceps, but those are minor muscles compared to the pecs.

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Ever since the Secret made its movie debut back in 2006, there has been an onslaught of information and -- in my opinion -- misinformation about what the Law of Attraction is and isn’t and how we measure success. I suppose first and foremost it is a personal interpretation, yet many if not all of the law of attraction programs presently being promoted have its key focus on material success as the gold standard (pun intended) of what success really means.r

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No matter how much we want to gain muscles, the truth is that our bodies will always be trying to do exercises in the most efficient way possible. This is the true regardless if you’re a Hardgainer or not or whatever your fitness goals may be. What does this mean? In order to gain healthy weight and bigger muscles, you have to keep your body guessing. Lifting the same weight with the same amount of reps won’t change your body into a Hardgainer body, because it acclimates to the exercises to perform them with the least amount of effort possible.

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The Way to Success Consciousness Based Education Doesn't it just break your heart to know that young school-kids are being scanned for weapons when they enter school in the mornings? And that is for a reason. Conflicts, threats and high level stress and even violence fill the air at school. It is totally amazing that young kids and schools are faced with such intense STRESS.

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Currently I am a part-time blogger along with my day job. I do blogging because I love to write. My friends always ask me how I get time to write. They always get surprise when I send them mail for my new article. This was not the case earlier. I also had the same problem “I don’t have time”. “Time is what we want most, but what we use worst.” William Penn

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What every new Mom needs to knowr Seven ancient secrets to restoring happiness and vitality after childbirth: Childbirth — a turning point in a woman's life. But there is often a big gap in the care that is available to new mothers during the first 6-7 weeks after giving birth -- the postpartum period. Usually the first medical check up is after 6 weeks. But this is a time when the new mother can be quite delicate and vulnerable and faces innumerable challenges. It is also during this time that the “baby blues" and postpartum depression often occur.

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WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEDITAITONS ? What do Oprah, Paul McCartney, David Lynch, Russell Brand, and Russell Simmons have in common? They all meditate as part of their daily routine. In fact, they all practice the Transcendental Meditation® technique and they love it. Oprah wrote an article about her experience,and had her company learn, too www.tm.org/research/home.htmlDavid Lynch founded the David Lynch Foundation to help Veterans, children in inner schools, homeless people etc davidlynchfoundation.org

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How many times have you told yourself, "It's just your imagination"? How many times, particularly when you were young, were you told, "It was just your imagination"? Have you ever told anyone, when they confided an experience to you, "It was just your imagination"?

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“Take a deep breath” you must have heard these words many a times but hardly anybody knows how it helps us. Breathing is very important part of our life. If we don’t eat we might survive for one week or if we don’t drink then we might survive for 3 or 4 days but if we don’t breathe then we can’t survive for more than 2 minutes. So let’s understand how deep breathing works and what are its benefits.

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Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.’ ~Lao Tzu It seems we are always searching for ways to improve upon ourselves. We fill our minds with as many books, seminars, workshops, CDs, movies, lectures, radio & TV shows, programs, blogs and more to overflowing. We exercise and eat the right foods to strengthen our body, practice meditation to quiet our mind, and yoga to nourish mind, body and soul.

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Dreams are as centrally exposed and driven as you make them. Either they're important or they're not. It's your night of esoteric surrender. However, dreams do mean different things to different people, depending upon the relevance one places on the content. If you are not interested in investing the time to study, energy to accrue the relative symbolism and most emphatically, simply can’t relate to the messages offered, considering them to be a bunch of hodge-podge nonsense, then that’s precisely what they are.

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Before long, autumn will be upon us. In the northern Hemisphere autumn is easily recognizable by a spectacular display of vibrant colors as the changing weather heralds in the season of harvest. Here in Florida, the change from one season to the next is much more subtle – to say the least. I read somewhere that the only color changes you can expect to see in Florida are the ‘license plates.’

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Few individuals give any thought to the question, "Who am I?" Even when some personal crises strikes, rarely does anyone ask this critical question of themselves. If pressured to come up with a verbal self-portrait, most would probably respond with a summary of what he/she believes, as well as what he/she has done in their lives.

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Honesty is not something we flirt with. We must be married to it” As we go about our daily lives, tending to jobs, families and obligations of one sort or another, how many of us stop to examine the path we’re on and whether or not it is truly the one we want to take, or are even meant to take right now? Are we Living Miraculously? Or “are we living from Inspiration, Obligation, or Desperation?”

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“Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day”. “Think positive and everything will be fine” This is the most given and the best advice ever told to us. Do you really believe that it works? Why do people tell us to think positively? What difference does it make to our life or our problems? Just hang on there and i will answer your questions. Positive thinking is not a hypothetical concept but it is a proven science. Study has shown that positive attitude impacts all the aspects of your life. The logic is simple. Thought comes before action.r

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Recently, I watched a short video presentation by Dan Dennett, a modern Western Philosopher, who considers himself a Philosopher of Consciousness. He indicated that other modern Philosophers look down on him with scorn, because they believe there is no such thing as, "human consciousness." In his presentation he quoted an idea of another modern Philosopher, to the effect that, "All philosophy is based on rational arguments." Professor Dennett then went on to explain that, in actuality, what people consider to be their consciousness is a, "bag of tricks."

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Oprah is helping the distraught 50 year old Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York (known as Fergie), get out of a very tough and embarrassing situation. Oprah has even featured Fergie in her own show called Finding Sarah Ferguson. You may or may not know that Fergie, after building a lucrative business selling her children's books, ended up in big trouble when she agreed to take 500,000 pounds or close to three quarters of a million dollars for arranging access to her ex-husband, Prince Andrew, The Duke of York. The whole thing was a media set-up.

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My father called Mom and me, “The stupid females.” My grandma Effie, called Mom and me, “My darlings.” My husband calls me “Ma dear.” Some people think I am naïve and too nice. Others think I am delightful and kind. Some people think I am scattered and disorganized. Others think I am a creative genius. Yes, I have spent my fair share of time worrying about what people think of me. What’s the fear? The fear of: • being rejected or not accepted • having a poor reputation • feeing less than • being perceived as a failure or stupid • being unworthy

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Esoteric Educational Psychology: Emission of Cosmic Pheromones Not all things can be explained even with the most advanced technology and scientific procedures, but with enough time, research, experience and esoteric wisdom we will see more than we see now. In this rapidly changing society, the ‘raising of consciousness’ is at hand. We are all part of the miraculous unfolding.

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"Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony." - Thomas Merton. Blessings to you! Life has been pretty busy for me these past few months; writing, traveling, filming and recording. In many ways it’s been a rollercoaster ride; very exciting and with dramatic ups and downs. I hope things have been not so dramatic, but just as awesome and transformative for you too!

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"Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into." Wayne Dyer Do you believe that The Universe conspires for us and wants us to succeed? Do you see the universe as an infinite supply of love, wisdom, health and wealth and miracles for everyone? I hope so. Believing in an abundant universe means believing there are no limits on what we can do and being fearless about what tomorrow will bring. It is knowing that having everything you want will never deprive anyone of anything they want.

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Most of us seem to operate our lives from the perspective of lack and limitation. We view life as restrictive and believe that somehow there is not enough money, love or health to go around. If “I have more” we reason, then naturally someone else has to have less. We believe that the world’s resources are limited and we can’t have it all. Sometimes, despite our greatest efforts and yes, prayers, the Universe might not seem so abundant or generous or miraculous.

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The world is changing at lightning speed. We know this and since everything is our mirror, I wonder how many of us are reflecting this change internally? Are we embracing new ways of doing, seeing and being in our world or is it the same old, same old? Are we waiting for our lives to change and does the word “when” show up frequently in our vocabulary? Most importantly, are we simply behaving as if we are a bystander of our own life?

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“What is right about you?” is a basic resiliency strengthening question. What is it you believe about you? Do you believe that you are basically lovable and capable? Do you believe that on the whole you do the best you can with the resources available to you? What do you believe about your partner, your children, your co-workers and your friends? Take a look at these questions and your decisions from a holistic perspective: What do you do for your PHYSICAL well-being? Do you: • Keep safe? • Wear a seat belt? • Drive within the speed limit?r

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MODE Of Cosmic Therapy: Our Moralistic Duty To Mankind A broken society of forgotten children is banging its way up the ladder of their demoralizing childhood while very few people are aware of the devastating lives they are being forced to live. The unfortunate circumstances imposed on them are due to no fault of their own. Surprising as this may seem to some, this particular segment of population, abandoned and neglected, (children) has grown beyond imaginable leaps and bounds in the last few years.

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If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price”

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I consider myself to be a Philosopher of Consciousness; to my philosophical thinking, what is most basic is, "what is real." Our Reality, currently, is determined by what we in the Western World have bee Indoctrinated and Programmed to Believe it is.

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In this Article, I want to discuss Jou aling relative to discovering what we Believe and, perhaps, how our Belief Systems have affected and/or created our present Reality. It may come as a surprise, but few individuals know what it is they believe, only periodically becoming upset and angry when the Beliefs are challenges

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Everything has a Belief System; "everything," in this writing refers to all sciences, all religions, all cultures, (including their languages), and all professions. It also includes all fields of study, referred to as the "soft sciences," such as psychology, biology, sociology, geography, anthropology, and political science, as well as all theories of human behavior.

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The current advice being given to, "think outside the box" has not noticeably changed the way the vast majority of people think, as far as I can determine. The primary reason for this is that the puzzle presented by the injunction to, "think outside the box" cannot be solved without understanding that, The Box is made up our personal Belief System.

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When we hear the words “Soul Mate,” most people conjure up visions of that special someone specifically molded and made for them and only them. Someone who understands us as no other person can. And, like synchronized swimmers, “Soul Mates” are in tune and in rhythm with one another, navigating through any challenges in their relationship with ease and grace. They fit together like a puzzle. Now I ask you, do you know any couples who fit that description? Um..hmm…that’s what I thought.r

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In this Article, I want to talk about the significance of labeling what we experience on a moment-to-moment basis. In thinking about this, I called to mind the statement: "The Map is Not the Territory." This statement comes from General Semantics, which Alfred Korzybski created in, I believe, around the mid-'90's. The basis of Korzybski's approach to understanding human behavior is that we are enslaved by our language; as I recall, he was a mathematician.

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The statement, "We only use approximately ten percent of our abilities" is familiar to many of us who came of age, or lived through, the '60s. This idea was attributed to William James. William James, the older brother of Henry James, the writer, is considered, by some, to be the father of American Philosophy. Other than that, "tip of the hat," he has been, for all practical purposes, ignored. My personal opinion is that this is because his ideas go counter to what we are supposed to believe about ourselves and our abilities.

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Time has been called, "The 4th Dimension" by some thinkers, but, at minimum, it seems to shrink or expand, not obeying any kind of "Natural Law." Individually, few of us feel like we have enough of it to do all we want to do, let alone making space and time for ourselves.

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A general definition of, "normal," according to the dictionary, is: "conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural." The Psychology definition is: "approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment"; also, "free from any mental disorder; sane."

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By “us” all “thems,” I mean finding common ground with every person – especially those you fear or are angry with or who are simply very different from you. These days this practice is more important than ever.

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Understanding the role of the ego in how we live our lives is essential to understanding the mystery of life. Usually when people describe themselves they are referring to the egoic self or the personality, the finite side of the whole package we call me. We speak about our likes, dislikes, what we do to fill up our days. We speak of others regarding the actions they take in their lives.

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As a writer of personal development or self actualization articles, I find that I am often confronted with the remark: “If you know all this stuff, how come you aren’t perfect?” Believe me; I make all kinds of mistakes in my life. I am about as far from perfect as anyone else. I have my fears, foibles, quirks, etc just like everyone else.

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My dad grew up on a ranch in North Dakota. He had a saying from his childhood - you may have heard it elsewhere - that's: "You learn more by listening than by talking."

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Here are my top five inner practices for helping this year be a good one for you and others (click the links to see the first four):

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Humans are an empathic, compassionate, and loving species, so it is natural to feel sad, worried, or fiery about the troubles and pain of other people. (And about those of cats and dogs and other animals, but I'll focus on human beings here.)

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Friendliness is a down-to-earth approach to others that is welcoming and positive. Think about a time when someone was friendly to you - maybe drawing you into a gathering, saying hello on the sidewalk, or smiling from across the room. How did that make you feel? Probably more included, comfortable, and at ease; safer; more open and warm-hearted.

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It's kind of amazing: right now, what you think and feel, enjoy and suffer, is changing your brain. The brain is the organ that learns, designed by evolution to be changed by our experiences: what scientists call experience-dependent neuroplasticity.

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Anger is tricky.

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We’ve all heard the horror stories of young adults and children having hurtful or embarrassing photos, video and/or speech about them posted on the Internet for the world to see. But did you know that cyber-bullying can be as simple as sending an email to someone who has indicated they do not want to have any further contact with you? I also have a personal dislike for all the chain emails that go out, especially those that indicate something will or won’t happen if you don’t forward it on to ten or more of your friends.

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Humans evolved to be fearful, since anxiety helped keep our ancestors alive. Consequently, we are vulnerable to being alarmed, manipulated, and even intimidated by threats, both real ones and “paper tigers.”

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It's one thing to stick up for yourself and others. But it's a different matter to get caught up in wrangles, contentiousness, squabbles . . . in a word: quarrels. Similarly, it's one thing to disagree with someone, even to the point of arguing - but it's a different matter to get so caught up in your position that you lose sight of the bigger picture, including your relationship with the other person. Then you're quarreling.

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Let's say you've had an interesting idea or moment of inspiration, or thought of a new project, or felt some enthusiasm bubbling up inside you. Your notions are not fully formed and you're not really committed to them yet, but they have promise and you like them and are trying them on for size. Then what?

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As we begin a new year for many people, it’s natural to consider how to make it a good one. Besides taking action in the outer world – from fixing a dripping faucet to feeding every child – we can act inside our own minds . . . and take the benefits with us wherever we go. This year, what do you think are the top five things you can do inside yourself to be happier, stronger, wiser, and more loving? In this JOT and those that follow, I’ll suggest my own top five:

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Why? So many things change. Leaves fall, friends move away, and children leave home. My dad died some years ago, and my mom about ten years before that. I don’t know about you, but I’m getting older (darn, there is no fooling the mirror).

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Everyone knows what it’s like to care about someone. Remember being with a friend, a mate, a pet: you feel warmly connected and want him or her not to suffer and to be happy.

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I've been to New Zealand, and really respect and like it. There's a Maori term - turangawaewae, "a place to stand" - that I've come back to many times.

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Forgiveness is a tricky topic. First, it has two distinct meanings:

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To start taking responsibility for ourselves requires getting to know who we are. We take much for granted in our lives; the part we take most for granted is ourselves--who we are as individuals, and what we stand for, (believe in). The vast majority of what we believe, we have bee Indoctrinated/Programmed to believe. We literally live and die according to those beliefs. Therefore, in order to begin to take responsibly for our own lives, and discover, "who we are," we must discover what we believe.

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We evolved to be afraid. The ancient ancestors that were casual and blithely hopeful, underestimating the risks around them - predators, loss of food, aggression from others of their kind - did not pass on their genes. But the ones that were nervous were very successful - and we are their great-grandchildren, sitting atop the food chain.

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Compassion is essentially the wish that beings do not suffer - from subtle physical and emotional discomfort to agony and anguish - combined with feelings of sympathetic concern. You could have compassion for an individual (a friend in the hospital, a co-worker passed over for a promotion), groups of people (victims of crime, those displaced by a hurricane, refugee children), animals (your pet, livestock heading for the slaughterhouse), and yourself.

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Many people cling to the myth that those who are successful inevitably feel good about themselves and are free from self-doubt and insecurities. I’ve worked with many clients whose résumés, personal achievements, and reputations garner the deepest respect and admiration, yet their negative self-talk is often utterly brutal. Despite their low opinion of themselves, they’ve managed to fashion lives that many would envy.

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There is overwhelming social pressure to identify who we are to others with labels, and to put labels on other people. For example, it is hard, when we meet others socially, to keep from asking that person what they do for a living, as well as tell them what we do to earn a living. Suggestions on how to overcome doing this in a social situation have been around for a long time now.

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Have you heard this saying? The most important thing is to remember the most important thing. What are the most important things to you? In your life as a whole? During a particular interaction with someone? Right this minute?

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My top five inner practices, and here they are:

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I think there are five key things we can do inside ourselves to be happier, stronger, wiser, and more loving this year:

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On the path of life, most of us are hauling way too much weight. What's in your own backpack? If you're like most of us, you've got too many items on each day's To-Do list and too much stuff in the closet. Too many entanglements with other people. And too many "shoulds," worries, guilts, and regrets.

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Sometimes something happens. Perhaps your sweet old cat takes a turn for the worse, or there’s a money problem, or your son waves goodbye as he gets on a plane to start college on the other side of the country. Sometimes it’s on a larger scale: maybe there’s been an election, and you’re grappling with its consequences. Or you might be dealing with something ongoing, like a dead-end job (or no job at all), life after divorce, chronic pain, or a teenager who won’t talk to you.

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Because this practice could seem so abstract or so obvious that it’s not worth doing, I am going to take longer than usual to explain why it’s so important.

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This practice might sound extreme or pushy, and I want to tell you what I mean by it.

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Painful experiences range from subtle discomfort to extreme anguish - and there is a place for them. Sorrow can open the heart, anger can highlight injustices, fear can alert you to real threats, and remorse can help you take the high road next time.

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"The first thing to do, when you find yourself in a hole, is to stop digging," quipped one of our most beloved figures from the past, Will Rogers. Our current nearest, less humorous, equivalent is to, "Think outside of the box." Just as people have a hard time understanding how they can, "think outside of the box," (because they don't understand that their Belief Systems are, "the box"), when in a hole, they can't figure out how to "stop digging," (because it is their habitual ways of functioning in the world, based on various Beliefs, that causes them to, "keep digging.").

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Life gives to each one of us in so many ways. For starters, there’s the bounty of the senses – including chocolate chip cookies, jasmine, sunsets, wind singing through pine trees, and just getting your back scratched. What does life give you? Consider the kindness of friends and family, made more tangible during a holiday season, but of course, continuing throughout the year.

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We’re usually aware of our own suffering, which – broadly defined – includes the whole range of physical and mental discomfort, from mild headache or anxiety to the agony of bone cancer or the anguish of losing a child. (Certainly, there is more to life than suffering, including great joy and fulfillment; that said, we’ll sustain a single focus here.)

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I recently rejoined the Pacific Tai Chi Society. I realized after much prompting from my body (and my mind!) that I needed to get more physical exercise as part of my stress release and relaxation program. When I was an active member several years ago, I had just come out of a messy relationship so my mind was fraught with noisy self accusations and useless innuendos. I had not learned how to manage my mind very well back then, not that I am perfect at it now, so the noise was alost unbearable.

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What do you feel when someone thanks you for something? For a comment in a meeting, a task done at home, an extra step taken, an encouraging word.

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There are always things that are getting worse. For example, over the past year, you probably know someone who has become unemployed or ill or both, and there’s more carbon in the atmosphere inexorably heating up the planet.

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I once went to the movies when it was raining and brought my umbrella. Arriving early, I sat down on a bench to read, then headed to the theater. Suddenly I heard, “Uh, mister!” – and turned to see a teenage boy with a friendly smile running toward me with my umbrella. He didn’t know me but went out of his way to help a stranger.

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Many interactions these days have a kind of bumper-car quality to them. At work, at home, on the telephone, via email: we sort of bounce off of each other while we exchange information, smile or frown, and move on. How often do we actually take the extra few seconds to get a sense of what's inside other people - especially their good qualities?

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One Christmas I hiked down into the Grand Canyon, whose bottom lay a vertical mile below the rim. Its walls were layered like a cake, and a foot-high stripe of red or gray rock indicated million-plus years of erosion by the Colorado River. Think of water - so soft and gentle - gradually carving through the hardest stone to reveal great beauty. Sometimes what seems weakest is actually the most powerful.

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It's been said that the most powerful tool for physical health is a fork (or spoon), since the choices you make with it determine the good or bad things you put into your body.

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Humans are profoundly social. Woven through the tapestry of our relationships are several major threads. One of these is power. The only question is, do we use it for good or ill? The abuse of power can be called many things, including intimidation, fraud, discrimination, and tyranny. I’ll use a term that’s down-to-earth: bullying.

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It’s easy to treat people well when they treat you well. The real test is when they treat you badly. (Much of what I say here applies to conce s about injustice or mistreatment that threatens or happens to others, from someone bullying a child to an oppressive government, but I will focus on the personal level.) Think of times you’ve been truly wronged, in small ways or big ones. Maybe someone stole something, turned others against you, broke an agreement, cheated on you, or spoke unfairly or abusively.

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It takes heart to live in even ordinary times. By “taking heart,” I mean several related things:

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Perhaps like you, I’ve been worrying lately about what it will take for all of us to live together in peace. I remember what I’ve heard many teachers say to their students: Tell the truth. Play fair.

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The benefits of meditation are many and varied from reducing stress, blood pressure, heart attacks, and strokes to increasing one’s cognition and creativity. As well meditation decreases our need for sleep by heightening our concentration, allowing us to be more productive. Ray Kroc, who took over McDonald’s in its early days and built it into a business of outstanding success, once reported that he’d spontaneously fall into states of meditative reverie during the day and thus didn’t need a lot of sleep.

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Take a breath right now, and notice how abundant the air is, full of life-giving oxygen offered freely by trees and other green growing things. You can't see air, but it's always available for you. Love is a lot like the air. It may be hard to see - but it's in you and all around you.

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As I grew up, at home and school it felt dangerous to be myself - my whole self, including the parts that made mistakes, got rebellious and angry, goofed around too loudly, or were awkward and vulnerable. Not dangers of violence, as many have faced, but risks of being punished in other ways, or rejected, shunned, and shamed.

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Linguists like Deborah Tannen have pointed out that most communications have three elements:

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Imagine a world in which people interacted with each other like ants or fish. Imagine a day at work like this, or in your family, aware of the surface behavior of the people around you but oblivious to their inner life while they remain unmoved by your own. That's a world without empathy.

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Positive emotions – such as feelings of gratitude, love, and confidence – strengthen the immune system, protect the heart against loss and trauma, build relationships, increase resilience, and promote success. Based on studies that have already been done, if a drug company could patent a happiness pill, we’d be seeing ads for it every night on TV.

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Want to try a little experiment? Stop breathing. Really. For a few seconds, maybe a few dozen seconds, and see how it feels. For me, this experiment is an intimate way to experience a deep truth that we live dependently, relying on 10,000 things for physical survival, happiness, love, and success.

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Sometimes things are difficult. Your legs are tired and you still have to stay on your feet another hour at work. You love a child who's finding her independence through emotional distance from you. A long-term relationship could be losing its spark. It's finals week in college. You're trying to start a business and it's struggling. You've got a chronic health problem or a disability. Sometimes people don't appreciate your work. You're being discriminated against or otherwise treated unjustly. The body ages, sags, and grows weary.

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As general clusters that each include a number of specific methods, my Top 5 types of practices (all tied for first place) are:

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I admit it: whether close to home or far away, I wish some people were different. Depending on who they are, I wish they'd stop doing things like leaving cabinet doors open in our kitchen, sending me spam emails, or turning a blind eye to global warming. And I wish they'd start doing things like being friendlier toward me or spending more money on public education. Even if it doesn't affect me directly, for their own sake, I do wish that various people I care about were more energetic, less anxious, or less self-critical.

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Why?

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Throughout history, people have wondered about human nature. Deep down, are we basically good or bad?

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Lately, I've been wondering what would be on my personal list of top five practices (all tied for first place). You might ask yourself the same question, knowing that you can cluster related practices under a single umbrella, your list may differ from mine, and your practices may change over time. In these JOTs, so far I've written about two of my top practices:

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Many years ago, I was in a significant relationship in which the other person started doing things that surprised and hurt me. I'll preserve the privacy here so I won't be concrete, but it was pretty intense. After going through the first wave of reactions - What?! How could you? Are you kidding me?! - I settled down a bit. I had a choice.

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I’m old enough to remember a time when people usually answered “good” when you asked them the standard, “How are you?” (often said “harya?”). These days the answer is commonly “busy.” I know what it feels like to get very busy and start to feel dispersed: juggling a dozen priorities at any moment, attention skittering from one thing to another, body revved up, feeling stretched thin and spread out like being squished between two sheets of glass.

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You may have seen the old Mickey Mouse movie in which he is working at a conveyor belt in a factory. More and more widgets come at him that he must handle, and he gets increasingly frazzled as he struggles to keep up.

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The easiest and usually most effective way to replenish your body is through good nutrition.

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“Peace” can sound merely sentimental or clichéd (“visualize whirled peas”). But deep down, it’s what most of us long for. Consider the proverb: The highest happiness is peace.

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By "sobriety," I mean healthy self-control, a centered enjoyment of life, and inner freedom from drivenness. We typically apply this sense of balance and self-care to things like food, drugs and alcohol, sexuality, money, and risky behaviors. And if you like, you could bring sobriety to other things as well, such as righteousness, contentiousness, over-working, or controlling others.

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We're pulled and prodded by financial pressures, commuter traffic, corporate policies, technology, advertising, politics, and the people we work with and live with. As well, internal forces yank the proverbial chains, including emotional reactions, compelling desires, "shoulds," and internalized "voices" from parents and other authority figures.

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One slice of the pie of life feels relaxed and contented. And then there is that other slice, in which we feel driven and stressed. Trying to get pleasures, avoid pains, pile up accomplishments and recognitions, be loved by more people. Lose more weight, try to fill the hole in the heart. Slake the thirst, satisfy the hunger. Strive, strain, press. This other slice is the conventional strategy for happiness. We pursue it for four reasons.

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We're all carrying a load, including tasks, challenges, worries, inner criticism, mistreatment from others, physical and emotional pain, loss and illness now or later, and everyday stresses and frustrations. Take a moment to get a sense of your own load. It's very real, isn't it? Recognizing it is just honesty and self-compassion, not exaggeration or self-pity.

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When I look back on mistakes I've made - like dumping my anger on someone, making assumptions in haste, partying too much, losing my nerve, being afraid to speak from my heart - in all cases, a part of me had taken over. You know what I mean. The parts of us that have a partial view are driven by one aim, clamp down on other parts, really want to have a particular experience or to eat/drink/smoke a particular molecule, yammer away critically, or hold onto resentments toward others.

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Things keep changing. The clock ticks, the day unfolds, trees grow, leaves turn brown, hair turns gray, children grow up and leave home, attention skitters from this to that, the cookie is delicious but then it’s all gone, you’re mad about something for a while and then get over it, consciousness streams on and on and on.

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“Tell the truth.” It’s the foundation of science – and the foundation of healthy relationships, communities, and countries. But the truth of things is complicated. To simplify, there is the good of things that are enjoyable and helpful, the bad of things that are painful and harmful, and the neutral of things that are neither.

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By "war," I mean here a mindset, not combat between nations with tanks and bombs. The "war" I'm referring to is an attitude of conflict and animosity toward a person, object, or condition. Parents can feel at war with a misbehaving teenager, and certainly vice versa. Neighbors quarreling over a fence. Spouses edging toward divorce; divorced parents continuing to battle over holidays. Someone stuck in traffic, at war with other drivers. Ideologues reviling the other side. Kicking the chair after stubbing a toe against it.

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Research shows that relationships are built from interactions, and interactions are built from moments. A critical moment in an interaction is when one person wants something from the other one. ("Wants" include wishes, needs, desires, hopes, and longings.) The want could be simple and concrete, like "Please pass the salt." Or it could be complex and intangible, such as "Please love me as a romantic partner."

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We all have issues - including demands upon us, stresses, illnesses, losses, vulnerabilities, and pain. (As Alan Watts put it: "Life is wiggly.") Of course, many of our issues - in the broad sense I'm using the word here - are related to important sources of fulfillment, such as starting a business or raising a family; still, there's some kind of challenge.

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I usually describe a practice as something to do: get on your own side, see the being behind the eyes, take in the good, etc. This practice is different: it's something to recognize. From this recognition, appropriate action will follow. Let me explain.

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Waking up is like the sun rising. At first, it's mostly dark, as glimmers of consciousness begin to light the shadows. Emerging into full wakefulness, the fogs and veils dissolve and the whole plain of your mind comes into view. It's quiet: a restiveness in the body, sleepy still, not yet much internal verbal chatter. There's an intimacy with yourself, abiding as the core of your being.

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Most people, me included, are holding onto at least one thing way past its expiration date.

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When you're young, the territory of the psyche is like a vast estate, with rolling hills, forests and plains, swamps, and meadows. So many things can be experienced, expressed, wanted, and loved.

Published · 365 views

The fifth of my personal Top 5 practices (all tied for first place) is open out, by which I mean relaxing into a growing sense of connection, even oneness, with all things.

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Feeling both the world and myself these days, one phrase keeps calling: lived by love. Explicitly, this means coming from love in a broad sense, from compassion, good intentions, self-control, warmth, finding what’s to like, caring, connecting, and kindness.

Published · 338 views

In my early 20's, I went through Rolfing, a form of deep-tissue bodywork, and I nervously anticipated the 5th session, the one that goes deep into the belly. But instead of gobs of repressed emotional pain, what poured out was love - waves, and waves of love that I'd pushed down due to embarrassment, fears of closeness, and my struggles with my mother.

Published · 247 views

Meditation is to the mind what aerobic exercise is to the body. Like exercise, there are many good ways to do it and you can find the one that suits you best.

Published · 340 views

[If for you the breath is associated with trauma and discomfort, you probably shouldn't try this practice in its form below. But you might adapt it to something that is more nurturing for you, such as a saying or image.]

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Gravity and entropy are powerful processes in the natural world. Gravity draws things together, toward a center, while entropy scatters them into disorder. In much the same way, in our own lives, some things bring us to the center, while others disturb and disperse us.

Published · 261 views

I did my Ph.D. dissertation by videotaping 20 mother-toddler pairs and analyzing what happened when the mom offered an alte ative to a problematic want ("not the chainsaw, sweetie, how about this red truck?!"). Hundreds of bleary-eyed hours later, I found that offering alte atives reduced the child's negative emotions and increased cooperation with the parent.

Published · 354 views

Hustling through an airport, I stopped to buy some water. At the shop’s refrigerator, a man bent over, loading bottles into it. I reached past him and pulled out one he’d put in. He looked up, stopped working, got a bottle from another shelf, and held it out to me, saying, “This one is cold.” I said thanks and took the one he offered.

Published · 375 views

Liking feels good, plus it encourages us to approach and engage the world rather than withdraw from it. Your brain continually tracks whether something is pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. In essence, is it a carrot, a stick, or safely ignored? Naturally, we like - we enjoy - what's pleasant, dislike what's unpleasant, and with what's neutral would get pleasant pronto.

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Goodwill and ill will are about intention: the will is for good or ill. These intentions are expressed through action and inaction, word and deed, and-especially-thoughts. How do you feel when you sense another person taking potshots at you in her mind? What does it feel like to take potshots of your own? Ill will plays a lot of mini-movies in the simulator, those little grumbling stories about other people. Remember: while the movie is running, your neurons are wiring together.

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My wife and kids tease me that the title of this practice is corny - and it is. Still, I like it. If you don't nourish the things that nourish you, they wither away like a plant in dry stony ground. Looking to the year ahead for you - a year that can begin whenever you want - what's one key thing that will bear lots of fruit for you if you take care of it?

Published · 281 views

Have you ever watched two people quarrel, or otherwise be stuck in a conflict with each other? Usually, if either or both of them simply acknowledged one or more things, that would end the fight.

Published · 426 views

As I was meditating one morning, our cat hopped up onto my lap. It felt sweet to sit there with him. And yet - even though I was feeling fine and had plenty of time, there was this internal pressure to start zipping along with emails and calls and all the other clamoring minutiae of the day.

Published · 348 views

In middle school, I thought it would be cool to play a musical instrument and picked the clarinet. My wise parents rented one rather than buying it, and I started practicing. (In the garage because it sounded pretty screechy.) After a week or two of doing scales, I got bored and picked my way through a couple of easy songs. But after a few more weeks, I couldn't go further because I hadn't laid a foundation with scales and similar exercises - so I quit in frustration.

Published · 419 views

Benevolence is a fancy word that means something simple: good intentions toward living beings, including oneself.

Published · 470 views

As a kid, I was really out of touch with my body. I hardly noticed it most of the time, and when I did, I prodded it like a mule to do a better job of hauling "me" - the head - around.

Published · 399 views

As a rock climber and a parent, I know some physical kinds of clinging are good - like too-small holds or small hands!

Published · 404 views

A previous JOT - admit fault and move on - was about our relationship with other people. This JOT applies the same practice to ourselves. Most people know they have less than wonderful qualities, such as too much ambition (or too little), a weakness for wine or cookies, something of a temper, or an annoying tendency to rattle on about pet interests. We usually know when we make mistakes, get the facts wrong, could be more skillful, or deserve to feel remorseful.

Published · 401 views

I remember times I felt frazzled or aggravated and then said something with an edge to it that just wasn't necessary or useful. Sometimes it was the words themselves: such as absolutes like "never" or always" or over-the-top phrases like "you're such a flake" or "that was stupid." More often, it was the intonation in my voice, a harsh vibe or look, interrupting, or a certain intensity in my body. However, I did it.

Published · 433 views

Lately, I've been thinking about a kind of "case" that's been running in my mind about someone in my extended family. The case is a combination of feeling hurt and mistreated, critique of the other person, irritation with others who haven't supported me, views about what should happen that haven't, and implicit taking-things-personally.

Published · 479 views

The truth of anything is like a mosaic with many tiles and many parts. One part of the truth of things is that they are robust and enduring, whether it's El Capitan in Yosemite or the love of a child for her mother and father.

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There’s a profound and miraculous mystery right under our noses: this instant of now has no duration at all, yet somehow it contains all the causes from the past that are creating the future. Everything arising to become this moment vanishes beneath our feet as the next moment wells up. Since it’s always now, now is ete al.

Published · 362 views

To simplify a complex process spanning 600 million years, your brain developed in ways that are loosely related to the three major stages of vertebrate evolution: - Reptile – Brainstem, focused on avoiding harms - Mammal – Subcortex, focused on approaching rewards - Primate – Neocortex, focused on attaching to “us”

Published · 425 views

I once heard a teaching story in which an elder, a grandmother, was asked what she had done to become so happy, so wise, so loved, and respected. She replied: "It's because I know that there are two wolves in my heart, a wolf of love and a wolf of hate. And I know that everything depends on which one I feed each day." This story always gives me the shivers when I think of it. Who among us does not have both a wolf of love and a wolf of hate in their heart?

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I did a meditation retreat (at Spirit Rock, a wonderful place, including for workshops). One evening as we walked out of the hall after the last sit, I was feeling rattled and discombobulated. (One of the benefits of a retreat - though it can be uncomfortable - is that it stirs up the sediments of your psyche, which can muddy your mental waters for a while.)

Published · 378 views

Can you remember a time when you offered a gift to someone? Perhaps a holiday present, or a treat to a child, or taking time for a friend – or anything at all. How did this feel? Researchers have found that giving stimulates the same neural networks that light up when we feel physical pleasure, such as eating a cookie or running warm water over cold hands. Long ago, the Buddha said that generosity makes one happy before, during, and after the giving.

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In every moment, you and I and everyone and everything else – from quantum foam to fleeting thoughts, intimate relationships, rainforest ecosystems, and the stars themselves – are each a kind of standing wave, like the ever-changing through a persistent pattern of water rising above a boulder in a river.

Published · 439 views

Getting caught up in wanting - wanting both to get what's pleasant and to avoid what's unpleasant - is a major source of suffering and harm for oneself and others. First, a lot of what we want to get comes with a big price tag - such as that second cupcake, constant stimulation via TV and websites, lashing out in anger, intoxication, overworking, or manipulating others to get approval or love. On a larger scale, the consumer-based lifestyle widespread in Western nations leads them to eat up - often literally - a huge portion of the world's resources.

Published · 449 views

To simplify a complex process spanning 600 million years, your brain developed in ways that are loosely related to three major stages of vertebrate evolution: - Reptile - Brainstem, focused on avoiding harms - Mammal - Subcortex, focused on approaching rewards - Primate/human – Neocortex, focused on attaching to “us”

Published · 458 views

For many of us, perhaps the hardest thing of all is to believe that "I am a good person." We can climb mountains, work hard, acquire many skills, and act ethically - but truly feel that one is good deep down? Nah!

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There I was recently, my mind darting in different directions about projects in process, frazzled about little tasks backing up, uneasy about a tax record from 2010 we couldn’t find, feeling irritated about being irritable, hurrying to get to work, body keyed up, internal sense of pressure. Not freaked out, not running from an attacker, not suffering a grievous loss, my troubles tiny in comparison to those of so many others – but still, the needle on my personal stress-o-meter was pegged in the Red Zone.

Published · 406 views

To simplify and summarize, our brain has three primary motivational systems – Avoiding harm, Approaching rewards, and Attaching to “us” – that draw on many neural networks to accomplish their goals. Lately, I’ve started to realize that a fourth fundamental human motivational system could be emerging as well.

Published · 435 views

Things come at us with so much urgency and demand these days. Phones ring, texts buzz, emails pile up, new balls have to be juggled, work days lengthen and move into evenings and weekends, traffic gets denser, financial demands feel like a knife at the neck, ads and news clamor for attention, push push push PUSH.

Published · 444 views

Life is full of tradeoffs between benefits and costs. Sometimes, the benefits are worth the costs. For example, the rewards of going for a run - getting out in fresh air, improving health, etc. - are, for me, at least, worth the costs of losing half an hour of work time while gaining a pair of achy legs. Similarly, it could well be that: getting a raise is worth the awkwardness of asking for one; teaching a child good lessons is worth the stress of correcting her, and deepening intimacy is worth the vulnerability of saying "I love you."

Published · 470 views

One of the strangest and most meaningful experiences of my life occurred when I went through Rolfing (ten brilliant sessions of deep-tissue bodywork) in my early 20's. The fifth session works on the stomach area, and I was anticipating (= dreading) the release of buried sadness. Instead, there was a dam burst of love, which poured out of me during the session and afterward. I realized it was love, not sadness, that I had bottled up in childhood - and what I now needed to give and express.

Published · 431 views

From moment to moment, the flows of thoughts and feelings, sensations and desires, and conscious and unconscious processes sculpt your nervous system like water, gradually carving furrows and eventually gullies on a hillside. Your brain is continually changing its structure. The only question is: Is it for better or worse?

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I've always liked lizards. Growing up in the outskirts of Los Angeles, I played in the foothills near our home. Sometimes I'd catch a lizard and stroke its belly, so it would relax in my hands, seeming to feel at ease.

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[Note: this practice involves our visual system, which for many people is impaired. If this is the case for you, you could adapt my suggestions to focus on the voices of others or a sense of their “energy.”]

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We spend so much of our time trying to get somewhere. Part of this comes from our biological nature. To survive, animals – including us – have to be goal-directed, leaning into the future. It’s certainly healthy to pursue wholesome aims, like paying the rent on time, raising children well, healing old pain, or improving education. But it’s also important to see how this focus on the future – on endless striving, on getting the next task done, on climbing the next mountain – can get confused and stressful. It’s confusing because of the brain:

Published · 447 views

In every life, reminders arrive about what's really important. I’ve received some myself, as I’m sure you have, too. Perhaps it was news of a potentially serious health problem, the death of a loved one, or an accident that could have turned fatal. These are uncomfortably concrete messages that, sooner or later, something will catch up with each one of us.

Published · 457 views

This practice is definitely a case of teaching what you need to learn: I've been working through a big bucket of tasks lately with little chance to rest. (I console myself knowing that the bucket is emptying a lot faster than it's filling with new tasks.)

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The traditional saying that's this week's practice has been sinking in for me lately. Thoughts have been swirling around like a sandstorm about work, things I've been reading, household tasks, finances, conce s about people, a yard that needs mowing, loose ends, projects, etc. etc. The other day I told my wife: "I'm thinking about too many things." Know the feeling?

Published · 399 views

When we encounter someone, usually the mind automatically slots the person into a category: older, younger, your friend Tom, the kid next door, etc. Watch this happen in your own mind as you meet or talk with a co-worker, sales clerk, or family member. In effect, the mind summarizes and simplifies tons of details into a single thing - a human thing, to be sure, but one with an umbrella label that makes it easy to know how to act. For example: "Oh, that's my boss (or mother-in-law, or boyfriend, or traffic cop, or waiter) . . . and now I know what to do. Good."

Published · 435 views

In situations or relationships with any kind of difficulty – tension, feeling hurt, conflicts, mismatches of wants . . . the usual crud – it’s natural to focus on what others have done that’s problematic. This could be useful for a while: it can energize you, highlight what you most care about, and help you see more clearly what you’d like others to change.

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I had a lightbulb moment recently: I was feeling stressed about all the stuff I had to do (you probably know the feeling). After this went on for a while, I stepped back and kind of watched my mind, and could see that I was thinking of these various tasks as things, like big rocks that were rolling down a hill toward me and which needed to be handled, lifted, moved, fended off, or broken into pebbles.

Published · 443 views

When I was a younger person, anger and anxiety were my "best friends". I never went anywhere without them. I did not like how they felt but I also did not like the feeling of being without them because they had become so familiar. It was almost like a void if they weren't present. My nervous sytem is very sensitive, so it was constantly in a state of overdrive. I lost my temper easily and could not function very well in a situation that required focus.

Published · 2,266 views · Rated 3/5 from 1 votes

What do you feel when someone thanks you for something? For a comment in a meeting, a task done at home, an extra step taken, or an encouraging word. You probably feel seen, and appreciated, and that you matter to the other person. Maybe a little startled, maybe wondering if you really deserve it, but also glad. Personally, this is how it is for me.

Published · 487 views

Most of us wear a kind of mask, a persona that hides our deepest thoughts and feelings and presents a polished, controlled face to the world. To be sure, a persona is a good thing to have. For example, meetings at work, holidays with the in-laws, or a first date are usually not the best time to spill your guts. Just because you're selective about what you reveal to the world does not mean you're insincere; phoniness is only when we lie about what's really going on inside.

Published · 473 views

Because this practice could seem so abstract or so obvious that it’s not worth doing, I am going to take longer than usual to explain why it’s so important.

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“Peace” can sound merely sentimental or clichéd (“visualize whirled peas”). But deep down, it’s what most of us long for. Consider the proverb: The highest happiness is peace. Not a peace inside that ignores pain in oneself or others or is acquired by shutting down. This is a durable peace, a peace you can come home to even if it’s been covered over by fear, frustration, or heartache.

Published · 593 views

Meditation is to the mind what aerobic exercise is to the body. Like exercise, there are many good ways to do it, and you can find the one that suits you best.

Published · 609 views

My wife and kids tease me that the title of this practice is corny - and it is. Still, I like it. If you don't nourish the things that nourish you, they wither away like a plant in dry stony ground. Looking to the year ahead for you - a year that can begin whenever you want - what's one key thing that will bear lots of fruit for you if you take care of it?

Published · 543 views

Have you ever watched two people quarrel, or otherwise be stuck in a conflict with each other? Usually, if either or both of them simply acknowledged one or more things, that would end the fight.

Published · 728 views

As I was meditating one morning, our cat hopped up onto my lap. It felt sweet to sit there with him. And yet - even though I was feeling fine and had plenty of time, there was this internal pressure to start zipping along with emails and calls and all the other clamoring minutiae of the day.

Published · 615 views

On the path of life, most of us are hauling way too much weight. What's in your own backpack? If you're like most of us, you've got too many items on each day's To Do list and too much stuff in the closet. Too many entanglements with other people. And too many "shoulds," worries, guilts, and regrets.

Published · 721 views

As a kid, I was really out of touch with my body. I hardly noticed it most of the time, and when I did, I prodded it like a mule to do a better job of hauling "me" - the head - around.

Published · 573 views

Life is full of tradeoffs between benefits and costs. Sometimes, the benefits are worth the costs. For example, the rewards of going for a run - getting out in fresh air, improving health, etc. - are, for me at least, worth the costs of losing half an hour of work time while gaining a pair of achy legs. Similarly, it could well be that: getting a raise is worth the awkwardness of asking for one; teaching a child good lessons is worth the stress of correcting her; and deepening intimacy is worth the vulnerability of saying "I love you."

Published · 999 views

"Tell the truth." It's the foundation of science, ethics, and relationships. But we have a brain that evolved to tell lies to help us survive. As I've written before, over several hundred million years our ancestors:

Published · 780 views

Have you ever wondered what would happen if war was declared and no one showed up? There is much discussion around the world about creating lasting peace… and yet there is more fighting going on globally than any other time in our history. Why? I believe that it is because of our belief that we have to fight to have peace! Fighting for Peace! Sounds like an oxymoron in my books! The questio I put forth is this: Why do we need to fight for something we already have?r

Published · 1,402 views

[If for you the breath is associated with trauma and discomfort, you probably shouldn't try this practice in its form below. But you might adapt it to something that is more nurturing for you, such as a saying or image.]

Published · 1,227 views

You may have seen the old Mickey Mouse movie in which he is working at a conveyor belt in a factory. More and more widgets come at him that he has to handle, and he gets increasingly frazzled as he struggles to keep up.

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"Tell the truth." It's the foundation of science, ethics, and relationships. But we have a brain that evolved to tell lies to help us survive. As I've written before, over several hundred million years our ancestors:

Published · 1,240 views

[Note: This JOT is adapted from Mother Nurture, a book written for mothers - focusing on typical parenting situations and gender differences that are experienced by many, though not all, mothers and fathers, and by parents in same sex relationships.

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Painful experiences range from subtle discomfort to extreme anguish - and there is a place for them. Sorrow can open the heart, anger can highlight injustices, fear can alert you to real threats, and remorse can help you take the high road next time.

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As a rock climber and a parent, I know some physical kinds of clinging are good - like to small holds or small hands!

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Why? [Note: This JOT is adapted from Mother Nurture.] The easiest and usually most effective way to replenish your body is through good nutrition.

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[Note: This JOT is adapted from Mother Nurture, a book written for mothers - focusing on typical parenting situations and gender differences that are experienced by many, though not all, mothers and fathers, and by parents in same sex relationships.

Published · 1,175 views

[Note: This JOT is adapted from Mother Nurture, a book written for mothers - focusing on typical parenting situations and gender differences that are experienced by many, though not all, mothers and fathers, and by parents in same sex relationships.

Published · 1,164 views

The traditional saying that's this week's practice has been sinking in for me lately. Thoughts have been swirling around like a sandstorm about work, things I've been reading, household tasks, finances, conce s about people, a yard that needs mowing, loose ends, projects, etc. etc. The other day I told my wife: "I'm thinking about too many things." Know the feeling?

Published · 1,270 views

[Note: This JOT is adapted from Mother Nurture, a book written for mothers - focusing on typical parenting situations and gender differences that are experienced by many, though not all, mothers and fathers, and by parents in same sex relationships.

Published · 1,189 views

When you're young, the territory of the psyche is like a vast estate, with rolling hills, forests and plains, swamps and meadows. So many things can be experienced, expressed, wanted, and loved.

Published · 1,233 views

Meditation is to the mind what aerobic exercise is to the body. Like exercise, there are many good ways to do it and you can find the one that suits you best.

Published · 1,200 views

[Note: This JOT is adapted from Mother Nurture - a book written for mothers - focusing on typical situations that are experienced by many, though not all, mothers during the years before their children enter grade school. These are most commonly the years when mothers (biological and adoptive) experience the greatest demands of parenting.]

Published · 1,142 views

The human body has about 100 trillion cells (plus another ten quadrillion microscopic critters hitching a ride, most of them beneficial or harmless). Each one of your cells has aims - goals, in a sense - controlled by its DNA: cells conduct processes aimed at particular functions, like building bones or gobbling up harmful invaders. Cells also work together in larger and larger assemblies in pursuit of broader goals, such as the 100 billion neurons in your brain that run the nervous system, which as a whole is itself the master regulator of the body.

Published · 1,154 views

As the most social and loving species on the planet, we have the wonderful ability and inclination to connect with others, be empathic, cooperate, care, and love.

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Life gives to each one of us in so many ways. For starters, there’s the bounty of the senses – including chocolate chip cookies, jasmine, sunsets, wind singing through pine trees, and just getting your back scratched. What does life give you? Consider the kindness of friends and family, made more tangible during a holiday season, but of course continuing throughout the year.

Published · 1,142 views · Rated 3/5 from 1 votes

Goodwill and ill will are about intention: the will is for good or ill. These intentions are expressed through action and inaction, word and deed, and-especially-thoughts. How do you feel when you sense another person taking potshots at you in her mind? What does it feel like to take potshots of your own? Ill will plays a lot of mini-movies in the simulator, those little grumbling stories about other people. Remember: while the movie is running, your neurons are wiring together.

Published · 1,181 views

Compassion is essentially the wish that beings not suffer - from subtle physical and emotional discomfort to agony and anguish - combined with feelings of sympathetic concern. You could have compassion for an individual (a friend in the hospital, a co-worker passed over for a promotion), groups of people (victims of crime, those displaced by a hurricane, refugee children), animals (your pet, livestock heading for the slaughterhouse), and yourself.

Published · 1,111 views

We're pulled and prodded by financial pressures, commuter traffic, corporate policies, technology, advertising, politics, and the people we work with and live with. As well, internal forces yank the proverbial chains, including emotional reactions, compelling desires, "shoulds," and internalized "voices" from parents and other authority figures. Sometimes these pressures are necessary, like a flashing light on your car's dashboard telling you to get gas. Even a broken clock is right two times a day.

Published · 1,168 views

We all know this fear. You're walking down a street, someone you don't know comes toward you, and there's a second or more of wariness, scanning, apprehension, and tension or bracing in the body: a barely conscious assessment of possible threat. Or you step into a meeting with people you know and still there could be a watchfulness, a restraint, a certain carefulness in how you speak that comes more from subtle anxiety than reasonable prudence.

Published · 1,067 views

Sometimes things are difficult. Your legs are tired and you still have to stay on your feet another hour at work. You love a child who's finding her independence through emotional distance from you. A long-term relationship could be losing its spark. It's finals week in college. You're trying to start a business and it's struggling. You've got a chronic health problem or a disability. Sometimes people don't appreciate your work. You're being discriminated against or otherwise treated unjustly. The body ages, sags, and grows weary.

Published · 1,136 views

One time I watched a three-year-old at her birthday party. Her friends were there from preschool, and she received lots of presents. The cake came out, she admired the pink frosting rose at its center, and everyone sang. One of the moms cut pieces and without thinking sliced right through the rose - a disaster for this little girl. "I shoulda had the rose!" she yelled. "I shoulda shoulda SHOULDA had the rose!" Nothing could calm her down, not even pushing the two pieces of cake together to look like a whole rose.

Published · 1,049 views

One slice of the pie of life feels relaxed and contented. And then there is that other slice, in which we feel driven and stressed. Trying to get pleasures, avoid pains, pile up accomplishments and recognitions, be loved by more people. Lose more weight, try to fill the hole in the heart. Slake the thirst, satisfy the hunger. Strive, strain, press. This other slice is the conventional strategy for happiness. We pursue it for four reasons.

Published · 1,422 views

I did my Ph.D. dissertation by videotaping 20 mother-toddler pairs and analyzing what happened when the mom offered an alte ative to a problematic want ("not the chainsaw, sweetie, how about this red truck"). Hundreds of bleary eyed hours later, I found that offering alte atives reduced child negative emotion and increased cooperation with the parent.

Published · 1,051 views

By "sobriety," I mean healthy self-control, a centered enjoyment of life, and an inner freedom from drivenness. We typically apply this sense of balance and self-care to things like food, drugs and alcohol, sexuality, money, and risky behaviors. And if you like, you could bring sobriety to other things as well, such as to righteousness, contentiousness, over-working, or controlling others. At bottom, sobriety is the opposite of craving, broadly defined: you're not going to war with what's unpleasant, chasing after what's pleasant, or clinging to what's heartfelt.

Published · 1,102 views

One Christmas I hiked down into the Grand Canyon, whose bottom lay a vertical mile below the rim. Its walls were layered like a cake, and a foot-high stripe of red or gray rock indicated a million-plus years of erosion by the Colorado river. Think of water - so soft and gentle - gradually carving through the hardest stone to reveal great beauty. Sometimes what seems weakest is actually most powerful.

Published · 1,128 views

It’s easy to treat people well when they treat you well. The real test is when they treat you badly. (Much of what I say here applies to conce s about injustice or mistreatment that threatens or happens to others, from someone bullying a child to an oppressive government, but I will focus on the personal level.) Think of times you’ve been truly wronged, in small ways or big ones. Maybe someone stole something, turned others against you, broke an agreement, cheated on you, or spoke unfairly or abusively.

Published · 1,057 views

I'm old enough to remember a time when people usually answered "good" when you asked them the standard, "How are you?" (often said "harya?"). These days the answer is commonly "busy." In the last few months I've been very busy myself and starting to feel dispersed: juggling a dozen priorities at any moment, attention skittering from one thing to another, body revved up, feeling stretched thin and spread out like an octopus squished between two sheets of glass.

Published · 1,088 views

The title of this practice is a little tongue-in-cheek. What I mean is, most of us - me included - spend time worrying about criticism: past, present, and even future. Yes, try hard, keep agreements, "don't be evil," etc. But sooner or later - usually sooner - someone is going to point out the error in your ways.

Published · 992 views

By "war" I mean here a mindset, not combat between nations with tanks and bombs. The "war" I'm referring to is an attitude of conflict and animosity toward a person, object, or condition. Parents can feel at war with a misbehaving teenager, and certainly vice versa. Neighbors quarreling over a fence. Spouses edging toward divorce; divorced parents continuing to battle over holidays. Someone stuck in traffic, at war with other drivers. Ideologues reviling the other side. Kicking the chair after stubbing a toe against it.

Published · 1,105 views

As general clusters that each include a number of specific methods, my Top 5 types of practices (all tied for first place) are: * Be mindful * Love * Take in the good * Go green * Open out

Published · 1,099 views

"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Ah, not really. Often it's words - and the tone that comes with them - that actually do the most damage. Just think back on some of the things that have been said to you over the years - especially those said with criticism, derision, shaming, anger, rejection, or sco - and the impacts they've had on your feelings, hopes and ambitions, and sense of yourself.

Published · 1,090 views

I'm doing a series on my personal top five practices (all tied for first place), and have so far named three: meditate (including mindfulness, self-awareness, and, if you like, prayer), take in the good, and bless (including compassion, generosity, and love).

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I'm doing a series on my personal top five practices (all tied for first place), and have so far named three: meditate (including mindfulness, self-awareness, and, if you like, prayer), take in the good, and bless (including compassion, generosity, and love).

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In response to a previous JOT - Find Stillness - a wise therapist, Betsy Sansby, reminded me that sometimes a person just can't find any stillness anywhere. Maybe you have epilepsy or chronic pain, or are wildly worried about a child or other loved one, or have been rejected in love or had the bottom fall out financially. In other words, as Betsy put it, like there's a nest of bees in your chest. She's right.

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Hustling through an airport, I stopped to buy some water. At the shop's refrigerator, a man was bent over, loading bottles into it. I reached past him and pulled out one he'd put in. He looked up, stopped working, got a bottle from another shelf, and held it out to me, saying "This one is cold." I said thanks and took the one he offered.

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It takes heart to live in even ordinary times. By "taking heart," I mean several related things: - Sensing your heart and chest - Finding encouragement in what is good both around you and inside you - Resting in your own warmth, compassion, and kindness; resting in the caring for you from others; love flowing in and love flowing out - Being courageous, whole-hearted and strong-hearted - going forward wisely even when anxious, knowing your own truth and as you can speaking it

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Many years ago, I was in a significant relationship in which the other person started doing things that surprised and hurt me. I'll preserve the privacy here so I won't be concrete, but it was pretty intense. After going through the first wave of reactions - What?! How could you? Are you kidding me?! - I settled down a bit. I had a choice.

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Things keep changing. The clock ticks, the day unfolds, trees grow, leaves turn brown, hair turns gray, children grow up and leave home, attention skitters from this to that, the cookie is delicious but then it's all gone, you're mad about something for awhile and then get over it, consciousness streams on and on and on.

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We're all carrying a load, including tasks, challenges, worries, inner criticism, mistreatment from others, physical and emotional pain, loss and illness now or later, and everyday stresses and frustrations. Take a moment to get a sense of your own load. It's very real, isn't it? Recognizing it is just honesty and self-compassion, not exaggeration or self-pity.

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“Peace” can sound merely sentimental or clichéd (“visualize whirled peas”). But deep down, it’s what most of us long for. Consider the proverb: The highest happiness is peace. Not a peace inside that ignores pain in oneself or others, or is acquired by shutting down. This is a durable peace, a peace you can come home to even if it’s been covered over by fear, frustration, or heartache.

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Want to try a little experiment? Stop breathing. Really. For a few seconds, maybe a few dozen seconds, and see how it feels. For me, this experiment is an intimate way to experience a deep truth, that we live dependently, relying on 10,000 things for physical survival, happiness, love, and success.

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My wife and kids tease me that the title of this practice is corny - and it is. Still, I like it. If you don't nourish the things that nourish you, they wither away like a plant in dry stony ground. Looking to the year ahead for you - a year that can begin whenever you want - what's one key thing that will bear lots of fruit for you if you take care of it?

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Feeling both the world and myself these days, one phrase keeps calling: lived by love. Explicitly, this means coming from love in a broad sense, from compassion, good intentions, self-control, warmth, finding what's to like, caring, connecting, and kindness.

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The fifth of my personal Top 5 practices (all tied for first place) is open out, by which I mean relaxing into a growing sense of connection, even oneness, with all things. (The other four are be mindful, love, take in the good, and go green.)

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The word, sacred, has two kinds of meanings. First, it can refer to something related to religion or spirituality. Second, more broadly, it can refer to something that one cherishes, that is precious, to which one is respectfully, even reverently, dedicated, such as honesty with one's life partner, old growth redwoods, human rights, the light in a child's eyes, or longings for truth and justice and peace.

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As I was meditating this morning, our cat hopped up in my lap. It felt sweet to sit there with him. And yet - even though I was feeling fine and had plenty of time, there was this internal pressure to start zipping along with emails and calls and all the other clamoring minutiae of the day.

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Liking feels good, plus it encourages us to approach and engage the world rather than withdraw from it. Your brain continually tracks whether something is pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. In essence, is it a carrot, a stick, or safely ignored? Naturally, we like - we enjoy - what's pleasant, dislike what's unpleasant, and wish what's neutral would get pleasant pronto.

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Research shows that relationships are built from interactions, and interactions are built from moments. A critical moment in an interaction is when one person wants something from the other one. ("Wants" include wishes, needs, desires, hopes, and longings.) The want could be simple and concrete, like "Please pass the salt." Or it could be complex and intangible, such as "Please love me as a romantic partner."

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Throughout history, people have wondered about human nature. Deep down, are we basically good or bad?

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There’s a profound and miraculous mystery right under our noses: this instant of now has no duration at all, yet somehow it contains all the causes from the past that are creating the future. Everything arising to become this moment vanishes beneath our feet as the next moment wells up. Since it’s always now, now is ete al.

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Most people, me included, are holding onto at least one thing way past its expiration date.

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The Practice. I recently did a meditation retreat (at Spirit Rock, wonderful place, including for workshops). One evening as we walked out of the hall after the last sit, I was feeling rattled and discombobulated. (One of the benefits of a retreat - though it can be uncomfortable - is that it stirs up of the sediments of your psyche, which can muddy your mental waters for awhile.)

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We're usually aware of our own suffering, which - broadly defined - includes the whole range of physical and mental discomfort, from mild headache or anxiety to the agony of bone cancer or the anguish of losing a child. (Certainly, there is more to life than suffering, including great joy and fulfillment; that said, we'll sustain a single focus here.)

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I admit it: whether close to home or far away, I wish some people were different. Depending on who they are, I wish they'd stop doing things like leaving cabinet doors open in our kitchen, sending me spam emails, or turning a blind eye to global warming. And I wish they'd start doing things like being friendlier toward me or spending more money on public education. Even if it doesn't affect me directly, for their own sake I do wish that various people I care about were more energetic, less anxious, or less self-critical.

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As I grew up, at home and school it felt dangerous to be myself - my whole self, including the parts that made mistakes, got rebellious and angry, goofed around too loudly, or were awkward and vulnerable. Not dangers of violence, as many have faced, but risks of being punished in other ways, or rejected, shunned, and shamed. So, as children understandably do, I put on a mask. Closed up, watching warily, managing the performance of "me." There was a valve in my throat: I knew what I thought and felt deep inside, but little of it came out into the world.

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Most of us wear a kind of mask, a persona that hides our deepest thoughts and feelings, and presents a polished, controlled face to the world. To be sure, a persona is a good thing to have. For example, meetings at work, holidays with the in-laws, or a first date are usually not the best time to spill your guts. Just because you're selective about what you reveal to the world does not mean you're insincere; phoniness is only when we lie about what's really going on inside.

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Can you remember a time when you offered a gift to someone? Perhaps a holiday present, or a treat to a child, or taking time for a friend – or anything at all. How did this feel? Researchers have found that giving stimulates the same neural networks that light up when we feel physical pleasure, such eating a cookie or running warm water over cold hands. Long ago, the Buddha said that generosity makes one happy before, during, and after the giving.

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Lately, I've been wondering what would be on my personal list of top five practices (all tied for first place). You might ask yourself the same question, knowing that you can cluster related practices under a single umbrella, your list may differ from mine, and your practices may change over time. In these JOTs, so far I've written about two of my top practices: - Meditate - Mindfulness, training attention, contemplation, concentration, absorption, non-ordinary consciousness, liberating insight

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There are always things that are getting worse. For example, over the past year, you probably know someone who has become unemployed or ill or both, and there's more carbon in the atmosphere inexorably heating up the planet.

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Your brain evolved in three stages (to simplify a complex process): - Reptile - Brainstem, focused on AVOIDING harm - Mammal - Limbic system, focused on APPROACHING rewards - Primate - Cortex, focused on ATTACHING to "us"

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We spend so much of our time trying to get somewhere. Part of this comes from our biological nature. To survive, animals - including us - have to be goal-directed, leaning into the future. It's certainly healthy to pursue wholesome aims, like paying the rent on time, raising children well, healing old pain, or improving education.

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Gravity and entropy are powerful processes in the natural world. Gravity draws things together, toward a center, while entropy scatters them into disorder. In much the same way, in our own lives, some things bring us to center, while others disturb and disperse us. In terms of centering, be aware of your whole body as you take a long slow breath, or think of something you're glad about. You'll probably feel more at home in yourself, more drawn into your own core rather than feeling like Garfield the cartoon cat, spreadeagled up against a pane of glass.

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Painful experiences range from subtle discomfort to extreme anguish - and there is a place for them. Sorrow can open the heart, anger can highlight injustices, fear can alert you to real threats, and remorse can help you take the high road next time.

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Once upon a time, a scholar came to visit a saint. After the scholar had been orating and propounding for a while, the saint proposed some tea. She slowly filled the scholar's cup: gradually the tea rose to the very brim and began spilling over onto the table, yet she kept pouring and pouring. The scholar burst out: "Stop! You can't add anything to something that's already full!" The saint set down the teapot and replied, "Exactly."

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First, it has two distinct meanings: * To give up resentment or anger * To pardon an offense; to stop seeking punishment or recompense Here, I am going to focus on the first meaning, which is broad enough to include situations where you have not let someone off the hook morally or legally, but you still want to come to peace about whatever happened. Finding forgiveness can walk hand in hand with pursuing justice.

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There I was recently, standing in the shower, my mind darting in different directions about projects in process, frazzled about little tasks backing up, uneasy about a tax record from 2010 we couldn't find, feeling irritated about being irritable, hurrying to get to work, body keyed up, internal sense of pressure.

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This practice is definitely a case of teaching what you need to learn: I've been working through a big bucket of tasks lately with little chance to rest. (I console myself with knowing that the bucket is emptying a lot faster than it's filling with new tasks.)

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Humans are an empathic, compassionate, and loving species, so it is natural to feel sad, worried, or fiery about the troubles and pain of other people. (And about those of cats and dogs and other animals, but I'll focus on human beings here.) Long ago, the Buddha spoke of the "first dart" of unavoidable physical pain. Given our hardwired nature as social beings, when those we care about are threatened or suffer, there is another kind of first dart: unavoidable emotional pain.

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The truth of anything is like a mosaic with many tiles, many parts. One part of the truth of things is that they are robust and enduring, whether it's El Capitan in Yosemite or the love of a child for her mother and father.

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Anywhere you go these days; it is common to see people with music players like iphones blasting music into their ears. In fact, it seems like those of us who choose to listen to the world going on around us are becoming an anomaly. A report in The Hindu reports that teenage deafness is rising at alarming rates. For the full report please copy and paste this link into your URL bar when you have finished reading my blog. http://www.thehindu.com/health/policy-and-issues/article579504.ecernr

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Take a breath right now, and notice how abundant the air is, full of life-giving oxygen offered freely by trees and other green growing things. You can't see air, but it's always available for you. Love is a lot like the air. It may be hard to see - but it's in you and all around you.

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Compassion is essentially the wish that beings not suffer - from subtle physical and emotional discomfort to agony and anguish - combined with feelings of sympathetic concern. You could have compassion for an individual (a friend in the hospital, a co-worker passed over for a promotion), groups of people (victims of crime, those displaced by a hurricane, refugee children), animals (your pet, livestock heading for the slaughterhouse), and yourself.

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I've always liked lizards. Growing up in the outskirts of Los Angeles, I played in the foothills near our home. Sometimes I'd catch a lizard and stroke its belly, so it would relax in my hands, seeming to feel at ease.

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Tone matters.

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Friendliness is a down-to-earth approach to others that is welcoming and positive. Think about a time when someone was friendly to you - maybe drawing you into a gathering, saying hello on the sidewalk, or smiling from across the room. How did that make you feel? Probably more included, comfortable, and at ease; safer; more open and warm-hearted.

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What value is there in keeping your past alive, especially when it wasn’t so great the first time around? This may seem a ridiculous question but it is very true. When we allow ourselves to run in victim mode, we are keeping our past alive and prevent a future of happiness and fulfillment. How do we run in victim mode?

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As the nervous system evolved, your brain developed in three stages: - Reptile - Brainstem, focused on avoiding harm - Mammal - Limbic system, focused on approaching rewards - Primate - Cortex, focused on attaching to "us"

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In my early 20's, I went through Rolfing, a form of deep-tissue bodywork, and I nervously anticipated the 5th session, the one that goes deep into the belly. But instead of gobs of repressed emotional pain, what poured out was love - waves and waves of love that I'd pushed down due to embarrassment, fears of closeness, and my struggles with my mother.

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When our kids were little, I'd come home from work wanting some peace after the daily roller-coaster and often walk into a living room full of stuff - toy trucks, tennis shoes, bags of chips, etc. Irritated, the first words out of my mouth to my wife would be: "How come there's all this mess?" Understandably, after a day chasing children plus juggling her own work, Jan would feel unfairly criticized and sputter back at me. Then there'd be a quarrel or a chilly silence. Not good.

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Things come at us with so much urgency and demand these days. Phones ring, texts buzz, emails pile up, new balls have to be juggled, work days lengthen and move into evenings and weekends, traffic gets denser, financial demands feel like a knife at the neck, ads and news clamor for attention, push push push PUSH.

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Moment to moment, the flows of thoughts and feelings, sensations and desires, and conscious and unconscious processes sculpt your nervous system like water gradually carving furrows and eventually gullies on a hillside. Your brain is continually changing its structure. The only question is: Is it for better or worse?

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I had a lightbulb moment recently: I was feeling stressed about all the stuff I had to do (you probably know the feeling). After this went on for a while, I stepped back and kind of watched my mind, and could see that I was thinking of these various tasks as things, like big rocks that were rolling down a hill toward me and which needed to be handled, lifted, moved, fended off, or broken into pebbles.

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Managing stress by many of the more conventional methods promoted by counseling and psychotherapy professionals are amongst some of the most unsuccessful treatment processes available. Why? In contemporary counseling, attempts to heal the problem are targeted at the person changing the results of their choices or by reducing the effect of the choices on the body and mind.

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Managing stress by many of the more conventional methods promoted by counseling and psychotherapy professionals are amongst some of the most unsuccessful treatment processes available. Why? In contemporary counseling, attempts to heal the problem are targeted at the person changing the results of their choices or by reducing the effect of the choices on the body and mind.

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Your brain evolved in three stages (to simplify a complex process): - Reptile - Brainstem, focused on avoiding harm - Mammal - Limbic system, focused on approaching rewards - Primate - Cortex, focused on attaching to "us"

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How many times have you been in a public place that you have witnessed a child screaming its head off for no apparent reason? How many of those times that you witnessed the child screaming did you also witness the parent or caregiver screaming as well? I think it is sad to realize that this situation happens far too often and that it is (in most situations) completely preventable. The two questions that come to mind for me in regard to this situation are: • Why is the child really screaming? • Why is the parent really screaming?r

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Living in the Lower Mainland of British Columbia Canada we are given the opportunity to experience many, many different cultures than our own. Life has changed dramatically since the days of my childhood back in the 1960s when 99% of the people in my life were Western European Caucasians who spoke English, although possibly with a bit of some European accent.r

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The other day I was relaxing at the local pool when I witnessed a really special event that unfolded in front of me. A young man was sitting in the hot tub with his 5 year old son. It was obvious they had a really special relationship as they chatted in the warm water. While they chatted, the son said that he wanted to go down the water slide. A young lady who was a life guard overheard the conversation and told the boy that the slide would be open in about ten minutes. The boy appreciated what the life guard said but had a very puzzled look on his face.

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As a therapist in Los Angeles I’ve seen more than my share of patients who are dealing with various forms of depression and unhappiness. One common personality trait I’ve found with them is their unwholesome thoughts and beliefs that come from what I call the “wanting mind.” In wanting mind, we feel that our current state of unhappiness can only be cured if we have more money, recognition, fame, or power.

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Imagine a world in which people interacted with each other like ants or fish. Imagine a day at work like this, or in your family, aware of the surface behavior of the people around you but oblivious to their inner life while they remain unmoved by your own. That's a world without empathy. To me, it sounds like a horror film.

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Most people spend most minutes of most days doing one thing after another. I sure do. Typing these words is a kind of doing, as is driving to work, making dinner, brushing one's teeth, or putting the kids to bed. For all the "labor-saving" devices of the past 50 years - dishwashers, phone machines, word processors, etc. - most of us are laboring more, not less. For example, in terms of employment, the average work week in America has gotten longer over the past 50 years.

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My dad grew up on a ranch in North Dakota. He has a saying from his childhood - you may have heard it elsewhere - that's: "You learn more by listening than by talking." Sure, we often gain by thinking out loud, including discovering our truth by speaking it. But on the whole, listening brings lots more valuable information than talking does.

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Benevolence is a fancy word that means something simple: good intentions toward living beings, including oneself.

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What could you offer? The Practice: Make the offering. Why?

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Each Thanksgiving holiday, we are reminded to be thankful. When times are tough, finding reasons to be thankful may be challenging or even seem inappropriate or impossible. This year, before we sit around the dinner table, let's think about the myriad benefits to saying thanks, and how to truly savor the opportunity, no matter what. What do you feel when someone thanks you for something? For a comment in a meeting, a task done at home, an extra step taken, an encouraging word.

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As our ancestors evolved over millions of years in small bands, continually interacting and working with each other, it was vitally important to communicate in hundreds of ways each day. They shared information about exte al "carrots" and "sticks," and about their internal experience (e.g., intentions, sexual interest, inclination toward aggression) through gestures, vocalizations - and facial expressions. Much as we developed uniquely complex language, we also evolved the most expressive face in the entire animal kingdom.

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I usually describe a practice as something to do: get on your own side, see the being behind the eyes, take in the good, etc. This practice is different: it's something to recognize. From this recognition, appropriate action will follow. Let me explain. Some years ago I was invited to give a keynote at a conference with the largest audience I'd ever faced. It was a big step up for me. Legendary psychologists were giving the other talks, and I feared I wouldn't measure up. I was nervous. Real nervous.

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Many interactions these days have a kind of bumper-car quality to them. At work, at home, on the telephone, via email: we sort of bounce off of each other while we exchange information, smile or frown, and move on. How often do we actually take the extra few seconds to get a sense of what's inside other people - especially their good qualities?

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Getting caught up in wanting - wanting both to get what's pleasant and to avoid what's unpleasant - is a major source of suffering and harm for oneself and others. First, a lot of what we want to get comes with a big price tag - such as that second cupcake, constant stimulation via TV and websites, lashing out in anger, intoxication, over-working, or manipulating others to get approval or love. On a larger scale, the consumer-based lifestyle widespread in Western nations leads them to eat up - often literally - a huge portion of the world's resources.

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Have you ever watched two people quarrel, or otherwise be stuck in a conflict with each other? Usually, if either or both of them simply acknowledged one or more things, that would end the fight.

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When we encounter someone, usually the mind automatically slots the person into a category: man, woman, your friend Tom, the kid next door, etc. Watch this happen in your own mind as you meet or talk with a co-worker, salesclerk, or family member.

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We all know people who are, ah, . . . challenging. It could be a critical parent, a bossy supervisor, a relative who has you walking on eggshells, a nice but flaky friend, a co-worker who just doesn't like you, a partner who won't keep his or her agreements, or a politician you dislike. Right now I'm thinking of a neighbor who refused to pay his share of a fence between us. As Jean-Paul Sartre put it: "Hell is other people." Sure, that's overstated. But still, most of a person's hurts, disappointments, and irritations typically arise in reactions to other people.

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In every moment, you and I and everyone and everything else - from quantum foam to fleeting thoughts, intimate relationships, rainforest ecosystems, and the stars themselves - are each a kind of standing wave, like the ever-changing though persistent pattern of water rising above a boulder in a river. We are the result of multiple causes flowing through us. As Buckminster Fuller famously said, "I seem to be a verb."

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On a previous blog at the Huffington Post, I used the example of Stephen Colbert's satirical "March to Keep Fear Alive" as a timely illustration of a larger point: humans evolved to be fearful - since that helped keep our ancestors alive - so we are very vulnerable to being frightened and even intimidated by threats, both real ones and "paper tigers." With his march, Colbert was obviously mocking those who play on fear, since we certainly don't need any new reminders to keep fear alive.

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In every life, reminders arrive about what's really important.

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We evolved to be afraid. The ancient ancestors that were casual and blithely hopeful, underestimating the risks around them - predators, loss of food, aggression from others of their kind - did not pass on their genes. But the ones that were nervous were very successful - and we are their great-grandchildren, sitting atop the food chain.

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We all have issues - including demands upon us, stresses, illnesses, losses, vulnerabilities, and pain. (As Alan Watts put it: "Life is wiggly.") Of course, many of our issues - in the broad sense I'm using the word here - are related to important sources of fulfillment, such as starting a business or raising a family; still, there's some kind of challenge.

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In middle school, I thought it would be cool to play a musical instrument, and picked the clarinet. My wise parents rented one rather than buying it, and I started practicing. (In the garage because it sounded pretty screechy.) After a week or two of doing scales, I got bored and picked my way through a couple easy songs. But after a few more weeks, I couldn't go further because I hadn't laid a foundation with scales and similar exercises - so I quit in frustration. To this day, I regret never learning to play a musical instrument.

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It's been said that the most powerful tool for physical health is a fork (or spoon), since the choices you make with it determine the good or bad things you put into your body.

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It's kind of amazing: right now, what you think and feel, enjoy and suffer, is changing your brain. The brain is the organ that learns, designed by evolution to be changed by our experiences: what scientists call experience-dependent neuroplasticity. Neurons that fire together, wire together. This means that each one of us has the power to use the mind to change the brain to change the mind for the better. To benefit oneself and other beings.

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When I look back on mistakes I've made - like dumping my anger on someone, making assumptions in haste, partying too much, losing my nerve, being afraid to speak from my heart - in all cases a part of me had taken over. You know what I mean. The parts of us that have a partial view, are driven by one aim, clamp down on other parts, really want to have a particular experience or to eat/drink/smoke a particular molecule, yammer away critically, or hold onto resentments toward others.

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Have you heard this saying? The most important thing is to remember the most important thing. What are the most important things to you? In your life as a whole? During a particular interaction with someone? Right this minute?

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On the path of life, most of us are hauling way too much weight. What's in your own backpack? If you're like most of us, you've got too many items on each day's To Do list and too much stuff in the closet. Too many entanglements with other people. And too many "shoulds," worries, guilts, and regrets.

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One Christmas I hiked down into the Grand Canyon, whose bottom lay a vertical mile below the rim. Its walls were layered like a cake, and a foot-high stripe of red or gray rock indicated a million-plus years of erosion by the Colorado river. Think of water - so soft and gentle - gradually carving through the hardest stone to reveal great beauty. Sometimes what seems weakest is actually most powerful.

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In situations or relationships with any kind of difficulty - tension, feeling hurt, conflicts, mismatches of wants . . . the usual crud - it's natural to focus on what others have done that's problematic. This could be useful for a while: it can energize you, bring insight into what the real priorities are for you, and help you see more clearly what you'd like others to change.

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Everyone knows what it's like to care about someone. Remember being with a friend, a mate, a pet: you feel warmly connected, and want him or her not to suffer and to be happy.

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As a kid, I was really out of touch with my body. I hardly noticed it most of the time, and when I did, I prodded it like a mule to do a better job of hauling "me" - the head - around.

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I once heard a Native American teaching story in which an elder, a grandmother, was asked what she had done to become so happy, so wise, so loved and respected. She replied: "It's because I know that there are two wolves in my heart, a wolf of love and a wolf of hate. And I know that everything depends on which one I feed each day." This story always gives me the shivers when I think of it. Who among us does not have both a wolf of love and a wolf of hate in their heart?

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Lately I've been thinking about a kind of "case" that's been running in my mind about someone in my extended family. The case is a combination of feeling hurt and mistreated, critique of the other person, irritation with others who haven't supported me, views about what should happen that hasn't, and implicit taking-things-personally.

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For many of us, perhaps the hardest thing of all is to believe that "I am a good person." We can climb mountains, work hard, acquire many skills, act ethically - but truly feel that one is good deep down? Nah!

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It's one thing to stick up for yourself and others. But it's a different matter to get caught up in wrangles, contentiousness, squabbles . . . in a word: quarrels. Similarly, it's one thing to disagree with someone, even to the point of arguing - but it's a different matter to get so caught up in your position that you lose sight of the bigger picture, including your relationship with the other person. Then you're quarreling. You know you're quarreling when you find yourself getting irritated, especially with that sticky feeling that you're just not gonna quit until you've won.

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Or rather, why don’t we know we are Magicians, Shamans, Sages, Wizards and Mystics? I believe that we were all born with magic inside of us: a passion, desire and ability to express something that is uniquely our own. No one ever was or ever will be exactly like you. You are unique and you have something extraordinary inside of you waiting to be born and shared with the world. "The universe is holding its breath, waiting for you to take your place" ----- Jean Houston

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Let's say you've had an interesting idea or moment of inspiration, or thought of a new project, or felt some enthusiasm bubbling up inside you. Your notions are not fully formed and you're not really committed to them yet, but they have promise and you like them and are trying them on for size. Then what?

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Everyone likes positive feedback. It is known that it is helpful in building self-esteem and success. In fact, schools and parents have been doing a good job giving more positive feedback since the push in the seventies and eighties to build children’s self-esteem. Research indicates self-esteem scores have jumped significantly for children in the last thirty years. I was actually part of that movement as I wrote my dissertation on the interaction of self-esteem, anxiety, and achievement.

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A recent study conducted by the American Psychological Association found that 75 percent of adults have experienced moderate to high levels of stress in the previous month. Almost half of the group reported that their stress had increased in the previous year. Unfortunately, only half of the participants said they were doing enough to manage their stress. Does that sound like you? It is acknowledged that the high unemployment rate has caused difficulties for many individuals and families. It certainly has created more stress for individuals, marriages, businesses, and schools.

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I am Thankful for… A Fit & Healthy Body The first entry in this gratitude series focused on mental and emotional health. Here I will share my gratitude for physical health which I believe is a very significant part of our overall well-being. We sometimes overlook the mind and body connection, focusing on one or the other when trying to resolve problems. I know I did until I began to learn and discover how close this connection really is. A weak or sick body can have an influence on a person’s mood or motivation.

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I am Thankful for… A Healthy Mind & Emotions If we stop to think about it, there are so many things to be grateful for. As I was reflecting on all the good things, people, and blessings I enjoy, I starting compiling a long list. It seemed it would never end. In all actually, it never will end because our blessings are new every morning. In this series, I am going to share different areas of gratitude in my life. I am going to start the first of this Gratitude journal Series with: I am Thankful for A Healthy Mind and Emotions. 1. I am thankful to be free from negativity.

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I have come across many articles and discussions on infidelity lately and find that there is a consensus. Infidelity, adultery, having an affair, cheating, betrayal... or whatever it is you want to call it, is a growing problem. Why is this? Some say that our culture has contributed to an increased discontent and unhappiness in our lives. We seek pleasure and expect our partners to meet our needs. If they don’t, we blame them for our unhappiness. Marriage becomes more about meeting my needs and making me happy.

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It makes sense to think that the average person believes things they hear and see on television. I’m not referring to the shows that are clearly fictional, but rather commentary-type information whether it is in the form of news, documentary, or even on commercials. And they do.

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Most of us think of happiness as something that just happens. Or doesn't. But recent studies are showing that happiness can actually be learned. How? Through meditation. Dr. Richard J. Davidson, PhD, who teaches at the University of Wisconsin–Madison, has been using brain imaging to "map" the brain of people while they were meditating. In one study, he mapped the brains of employees at a biotech company after they had completed a course that taught them to meditate for three hours a week.

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He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion. ~unknown Anyone who loves and owns a pet knows the joy of companionship and love they provide. Pets are our devoted friends. Following are just some of the many benefits that having a pet can bring: Love & Affection Pets offer humanity one thing that we all need and seek, that is, the miracle-working power of unconditional love.

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TEN TOP WAYS TO BE HAPPY: 1. Notice what pleases you. Most of the what makes us happy day to day is the little things--the cup of tea/coffee in the morning, a friend/child's smile, a breeze on our skin. Don't miss these moments. So often we glide right by them. Don't. Stop and notice these small 'pleasures' 2. When you have a happy moment, let all of your senses swarm around it. Taste it, touch it, smell it, hear it, really see the colors of it. Then make it more vivid. That means when your roving mind starts pulling away, bring it back for a moment.

Published · 975 views · Rated 2/5 from 1 votes

With our environment consciousness these days, we are all being careful to ensure we use energy wisely. But what about our personal energy? Just as we want to make sure the heat doesn't leak out the windows and doors of our houses, we need to have the same awareness of the energy leaks in ourselves. Here are some tips to make you a better ecologist of you own energy: 1) Write down your energy expenditures.

Published · 1,292 views · Rated 3.4/5 from 5 votes

I love the Beatles as much as the next guy; maybe even more. But current research clearly demonstrates that there is quite a bit more to Happiness than a ‘warm gun.’ (For those of you who may not be up on your Beatle trivia, I’m referring to a song, written by John Lennon, off their eponymous double-disc album “The Beatles,” also known as “The White Album.”)

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What does it take to live the life you desire? Definitely, having goals you are passionate about, focus, and self-discipline give you a good start. Also there are stages in life that are natural times for thinking about living the life you desire. Many of these times signal a transition which means some part of your life is ending and another part is beginning. Graduations are like that. It is a time of opportunity.

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Projected Ages of Centenarians: How many people living in the United States are 100 years of age or more? 10,000? 25,000? 50,000? Well, if you agreed with any of these numbers you still would be way too low. More than 84,000 people living in the United States have reached the mark of centenarian (100-years-old).

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There is nothing that adequately prepares us for the most important job there is—parenting. Children and teens do not come with an owner’s manual, and most of our training is on the job. With our own parents as our most prominent role models, we tend to repeat what we have learned about parenting from them. We do our best, learn as we go, and make our own mistakes along the way; but we don’t have to leave our parenting to chance. We can become more effective parents. We can parent with more confidence instead of frustration.

Published · 1,941 views · Rated 3.4/5 from 10 votes

A New Year and a new life. That's why it is important to make resolutions that you intend to accomplish THIS YEAR! Whatever you decide to add to your list, big goals or small ones setting things up right is essential for you to succeed. Here are the secrets for you to make resolutions that you can achieve. Start by creating a long wish list of what you would like to accomplish, be daring, think of all the things you really would love to succeed with this year. Write down all your ideas. Let them sit ove ight and then look over them the next day.

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Divorce is a major stressful event for children and adults. To children, divorce is confusing. They have so many conce s and questions about how their lives will change. They cannot control what is happening to their family, and they often think that they are responsible for their parents divorce. Strong emotions are experienced such as hurt and anger. For adults and children, divorce is an adjustment that takes time. It is more difficult for some than others, depending on a number of factors. Conflict between parents creates more stress and difficulty for children of divorce.

Published · 2,322 views · Rated 3.5/5 from 2 votes

A person can live forty days without food, seven days without water, and a few minutes without air; but he cannot live one second without hope. ~unknown Sometimes life can be so difficult, frustrating, and painful. There are times when we need someone to talk to who will listen, understand and care. There are times when we feel stuck and just don't know what to do. It can be something that has been going on for a very long time, or it might have come on suddenly and unexpectedly. Either way, these are times when we need help. We need hope that things can change and get better.

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No one gets married thinking they will get divorced some day. Most people have goals and dreams of being together forever, raising a family, and sharing life for better or for worse. They plan on being a team, growing together, and supporting one another. But somewhere along the line, they hit bumps in the road. They come up against walls, floods, and storms. Their marriage is put to the test. They are challenged to work together on successfully making it through problems and restoring their relationship. But this doesn’t always happen.

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As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. - John F. Kennedy How trustworthy are our words if there is no action behind them? We can tell our kids not to smoke, but if they see us smoking, can we realistically expect them to listen? We can say we care about our health, but do our eating habits support our claim? The old adage rings true: Actions speak louder than words. It is not just the words we say that reveal the condition of our hearts. People watch what we do more than what we say.

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Many years ago, I read a book that spoke about how we need to provide ourselves with self-check ups. It was a strange idea, I thought, because I’m with myself all the time, what on earth do I need to check in about? But I am sure that we can all relate to ‘catching’ ourselves doing certain things – when a moment of sanity hits us smack in the head – and we realize something is going on with us that we had absolutely no conscious awareness of at all.

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People have a need to be listened to because of an increased sense of isolation at home and at work. Listening to someone shows that you care for that person. When we do not listen, we are showing that we really do not care about the person who is talking. Listening creates connection, caring, a sense of community or belonging and can be a catharsis for the speaker. It is one of the most important aspects of a helping relationship. Also, listening is good for your health.

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Relationship management becomes more important as you assume more professional responsibility. You need skills to build bonds, inspire, influence and develop others. All the while you need to be open to change, manage conflict and establish teamwork. Emotional Intelligence author Daniel Goleman believes it is possible to build better relationships one step at a time.

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There is so much more to be said for the topic of mindfulness. One image that continues to come back to me each time I start to write about it, is that of shadow boxing. When we are in a situation in which we are not able to see or understand whatever it is we have to undertake, there is no way we can be very effective with it. The more we understand the task we are faced with, the better we can accomplish it. That seems like it would be such an indisputable fact that it boggles my mind when it comes to issues like anxiety, depression or emotional struggles we may have.

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So, let’s talk a bit more about emotions. It is not a huge leap from understand and accepting physical development taking time to that of our emotional development and growth needing time to develop into maturity as well. That is why as children, we cannot cope with many events in our lives in a balanced way. This begs the question “How DO we handle feelings that we are not yet developmentally able to balance properly?”

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Have you ever heard the saying “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present?” Let’s give credit where it is due. That quote belongs to Bill Keane, the creator of the old cartoo Family Circus. Mother Teresa had a very similar one. She said, “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”

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Mindfulness is about stabilizing. Studies have shown that people who have experienced trauma can benefit highly from this type of work. (Cullen, 2011). When people have experienced trauma, they can be challenged with high levels of stress, anxiety and depression at any time. When we increase focus, stress and anxiety decreases, and as insight increases, depression may also be reduced. The implications of effective mindfulness on these specific features are truly significant and the more studies that are being done, the stronger the evidence of effective results of mindfulness.

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Did you ever make up your mind that you were going to buy a new car? One of the most amazing things happens when that occurs. After painstaking contemplation and consideration, you finally decide on the make and model you are going to get, maybe even the color.

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Before you got into a couples relationship, you had your own friends to hang out with and have fun. You never had to worry about a partner who did not like your friends or did not want to hang out with them. You never had to conce yourself with problems that could arise if you simply wanted to spend some time with your friends rather than your partner. But once you left the singles scene and became a couple, some things regarding friendships began to change.

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People will forget what you did; people will forget what you said; but they won’t forget the way you made them feel. ~unknown We all love to be around people who make us feel good. They may make us laugh and not take life too seriously. Their attitude and perspective may encourage us. They make us feel at ease and free to be ourselves. And, we may feel appreciated and loved when we are around them. When we think about the people we like to be around, what is it about them that makes us feel good?

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One of the most important decisions you will ever make is the decision of who you will spend the rest of your life with. Why is this so important? It is important because the direction of your life will be greatly influenced by that very choice. With time couples become alike in many ways. They learn from one another’s way of thinking and behaving, and they come to share values and world views. Their relationship shapes who they become, their level of happiness, their outlook, as well as their goals and dreams.

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Did you ever have so much to do that you didn’t know where to begin? So you just stared at what appeared to be a mountain before you, and you felt totally overwhelmed. Trying to take on too much at once can make you feel like you can’t handle any of it. It causes anxiety, distress and confusion. You lose your focus because your energies are scattered. And you feel pulled in every direction. Slowing down isn’t an option because then you would just get further behind and that would only cause more stress. What exactly is stress?

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Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy ~Leo Buscaglia What is worry? Worry is negative meditation. To meditate is to be occupied in thought, to ponder and reflect. So when we worry, our thoughts are occupied with things that cause us distress, fear, or dread. Worry puts stress on our minds and bodies. It can literally make us sick. Studies have found links between stress and illness. Stress weakens our immune system, making us more vulnerable to viruses and other illnesses. Worry clouds our perception. Decision-making is impaired.

Published · 1,677 views · Rated 3.7/5 from 3 votes

Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses. ~ George Washington Carver There never was and there never will be another person exactly like you. Your way of thinking, your appearance, you inherent talents and interests, your skills are like no other. You have untapped potential inside you yet to be discovered and released. As Og Mandino would say, you are "nature's greatest miracle." Are you living like the successful person you were born to be?

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Depression is very serious and often goes untreated in children and teens. Symptoms are commonly overlooked or minimized as part of growing up or something that will pass with time. Child and teen depression has a negative impact on development, school performance, and relationships. Children and adolescents with depression feel sad or hopeless. They might be easily irritated or angry. They lose interest and motivation for the things they once enjoyed. They may feel bad about themselves and lack in confidence.

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If we wish to learn a new habit, there is much documentation to support that we need to spend approximately a month repeating the new behavior in order to get it to become routine in any way. We learn better slowly, giving our brains time to process and absorb and finally retain important pieces of information and behaviors that we wish to repeat and incorporate as part of our regular activities.

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Once more, mindfulness is being totally present and in the moment and avoiding judgment. So how do we connect our increased practice with mindfulness to our eating behaviors and attitude to food? Sadly, we let our lives become so busy that things become automatic, even some of the things we should devote more of our focus and energy toward. Eating is one of them. Even if a person doesn’t have issues with overeating, it has been proven that being mindful to our food and digestion when we eat is much healthier for us.

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If we were asked where our thoughts come from, most likely every one of us would point to our heads. We know that our brain houses our thoughts and with current research, we understand the process of neurons firing – our ‘brains’ telling us what to do. If we were asked where our movement comes from, most likely we would point to our arms and legs. We know that the muscles, tendons, bone and skin comprising our arms and legs produce movement as we raise, bend, lower, flex or maneuver them in some way.

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WANT A GREAT LOVE RELATIONSHIP? FORGIVE. People often will ask me how to create a lasting, loving relationship. They want to know how to find one or how to keep one. Maybe they have loved and lost, maybe they have loved and left. Either way, people are looking to find a romance that makes them feel safe and secure.

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I’ve been doing some more work with emotional awareness and mindfulness. This is quickly becoming something that has a firm grasp on my interest and focus. And one of the things that I am zeroing in on is the difference between : • Thinking about feelings • Feeling the feelings Historically, I am hugely analytic. Ask anyone who knows me. They will confirm that at some point or another, I have undoubtedly made them a bit crazy with my tendency to analyze and over-analyze anything and everything.

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When you strike out in anger, you might miss the other person, but you will always hit yourself. ~Jim Gallery Striking out with angry words is the cause of so many relationship problems. Words are powerful. They can encourage, strengthen, and change destinies. They can also destroy potential and robs us of hope and peace. Most major fires begin with just a small flame. Before long the fire spreads and becomes more and more difficult to contain. It damages or completely destroys everything in its path. Do we realize how quickly unmanaged anger can do significant damage?

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Thank God every morning when you get up that you have something which must be done, whether you like it or not. Work breeds a hundred virtues that idleness never knows. ~Charles Kingsley Work keeps our minds occupied. It forces us to set and meet goals that lead to a sense of accomplishment. It encourages us to put our skills and talents to use. Work helps us to develop confidence in what we can do and how we can contribute. It connects us to other people. It is an essential part of our lives and a human need.

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All good counselors and therapists learn early on, possibly the most valuable skill they can develop, is to meet their clients where they are. Active listening skills are necessary in order to effectively communicate with everybody, but none more so, than with teenagers.

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We are either the masters or the victims of our attitudes. It is a matter of personal choice. Who we are today is the result of choices we made yesterday. Tomorrow, we will become what we choose today. To change means to choose to change. ~John Maxwell What kind of thoughts come to your mind when you think about your life? How about your family, your work, your future? Suppose your thoughts could change your destiny. Would you want to change or improve any of them?

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Perhaps one of the strongest motivations for the development of the recent branch of psychology known as Positive Psychology, is the desire to move away from viewing the purpose of care as the treatment of mental illness. Professionals see things that are wrong with patients and they go to work to try and correct or fix the problems.

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Having a dream means having a goal or a vision. It also means seeing your hopes fulfilled. Success then, is the realization of your dream. If you have a dream, you have a passion, a burning desire to see your dream come true. While you work toward the realization of your dream time goes by ...

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A lot has been written about the effects of our thinking on our life. By now many people know that in some way or another our thinking affects our life. We hear things like: “Think positive, there are two sides to the coin, the glass is either half empty or half full”. Does this sound familiar? ...

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Especially in the western world millions of people of average intelligence and education started with nothing and were able to create successful lives. In terms of success, background and education are not deciding factors. Your ability to continuously focus your mind on positive thoughts, ...

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Today let's concentrate on being happy. Live life like a child! If you capture the spirit of a child, life becomes much easier. Never let life's pressures bring you down! This is the day the Lord has made--we will rejoice and be glad in it! ~Rev Run Take a moment and think about how you began ...

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Living a balanced life has almost become a fashionable thing to do. Between work, fitness, intellectual stimulation, entertainment, planned relaxation and healthy eating it seems that we have identified all the right ingredients for a healthy and balanced life. While doing all “the right things” ...

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Love must be learned, and learned again; there is no end to it. ~Katherine Anne Porte n When people say "I love you," what do they mean? Perhaps they are referring to their strong emotions, or to a physical love that is passionate and lustful. How often is it a deeper love-a love that is ...

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Making a difference can be difficult and it can be easy at the same time. It is difficult when we think “What could I possibly do to make a difference. I don’t have much to offer?” It is easy when we just lend a helping hand wherever we see an opportunity to do so and in whatever way we can. ...

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The limits to what we can achieve are mostly the product of our thinking. Limits are often self imposed because we either think we cannot do a thing, or because someone told us we cannot do a thing and we chose to believe it. How many people do you know who could truly tell you what your ...

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Especially in the western world millions of people of average intelligence and education started with nothing and were able to create successful lives. In terms of success, background and education are not deciding factors. Your ability to continuously focus your mind on positive thoughts, ...

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A healthy level of self confidence and self image is not only necessary, it is essential for any kind of success we seek achieve. Only when you’re comfortable with who you are and confident in what you can do, will other people believe in you and your abilities. This applies both to your ...

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Research by leading universities in the field of cognitive and behavioral science proves the existence of so called “automatic thoughts”, i.e. thoughts that come to mind involuntarily and effortlessly as an automatic response to certain stimuli. These are the thoughts that ultimately determine ...

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Research by leading universities in the field of cognitive and behavioral science proves the existence of so called “automatic thoughts”, i.e. thoughts that come to mind involuntarily and effortlessly as an automatic response to certain stimuli. These are the thoughts that ultimately determine ...

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Have you tried positive thinking, self talk, affirmations, read books on the power of suggestion, autosuggestion, watched "the secret" or taken courses on how to materialize your goals and are still waiting for results? If so, you may be positively surprised by what you're about to learn. ...

Published · 1,568 views · Rated 4/5 from 2 votes

If you were to write a list with all the things you need to be happy, what would you put on that list? While the list may vary from person to person, it is often interesting to see how many dependencies people put on happiness. Naturally, the answers will vary from a loving relationship to ...

Published · 4,782 views

If you were to write a list with all the things you need to be happy, what would you put on that list? While the list may vary from person to person, it is often interesting to see how many dependencies people put on happiness. Naturally, the answers will vary from a loving relationship to ...

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It is bad enough when a stranger or foe betrays you, but when it is someone you believed to be a close and trusted friend, partner, or spouse, it is especially hurtful. It might feel like you were taken advantage of, deceived, humiliated, despised, cheated, or stabbed in the back. Oftentimes it comes as a surprise. That is why it is so painful. You would not expect to be hurt so badly from someone you thought you could trust. So you are left in disbelief and unbelievable pain.

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December is a time of celebrations, traditions, and festivities. It is a time to express love and generosity to those around us. It is a time of selfless giving and focusing on those in need. It can also be a time of spiritual renewal and deep personal reflection. This December try adding ...

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If someone were to throw a punch at you, you would likely try to defend yourself from getting hit. And if you were to feel the heat of a flaming fire, you would keep yourself far enough away to avoid getting burned. Self-preservation comes naturally as no one wants to experience pain and injury. So threats to our well-being motivate us to distance ourselves from anything with the potential to harm us. It is a necessary and reasonable response in many situations.

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Communication problems are probably the greatest barriers to happy and healthy relationships. Somewhere in the exchange of thoughts and information something goes wrong. Words come out one way and are meant another. What was said is not interpreted in the way it was intended. Some thoughts ...

Published · 1,216 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

Are regrets, bad memories, or losses keeping you from enjoying each new day? Is the past keeping you from moving into the future with hope and anticipation? I recently heard a man say that it was not until he made peace with his past that he truly began to live. It changed his life so ...

Published · 1,148 views · Rated 4/5 from 2 votes

When people first get married they usually expect their love and commitment to last for a lifetime. Unfortunately, for at least half of all couples it doesn’t. What happens? Soon after marriage couples discover that the bliss of falling in love quickly fades. They no longer see each other ...

Published · 1,140 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

You have probably heard the expression, “Use it or lose it.” If you ever began an exercise program, played a musical instrument, or participated in a sport, you know just how true it can be. Muscles atrophy without continual use and conditioning. Skill and technique diminish without practice. ...

Published · 879 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

There aren’t too many things in life that ever stay the same. Sometimes that can be a good thing and other times it simply isn’t. Life presents us with new and unexpected challenges that block our goals and force us to make some major adjustments. When we have our eyes set on a goal, we don’t ...

Published · 2,057 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

Did you ever have so much to do that you didn’t know where to begin? So you just stared at what appeared to be a mountain before you, and you felt totally overwhelmed. Trying to take on too much at once can make you feel like you can’t handle any of it. It causes anxiety, distress and ...

Published · 1,255 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

Just imagine for a moment what life would be like if each individual on earth were allowed to own just one automobile per lifetime. Do you think you would be more motivated to take better care of your vehicle—getting routine tune-ups and oil changes, rotating tires, keeping it clean, and so forth? Some of us might have a very different attitude about it altogether. We might take our responsibility to care for it more seriously. And we would most likely appreciate and cherish it much more.

Published · 2,058 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

There is nothing quite as agonizing as waiting. We wait for people. We wait for reports and news. We wait to get to where we want to go. Waiting slows us down and it also speeds us up. It speeds us up in that we get restless, anxious and agitated. We might become even more motivated and ...

Published · 2,452 views · Rated 3/5 from 2 votes

You are driving home from work and you suddenly get the urge to go a different route. You follow the urge only later to hear on the radio that there was a major accident on your usual route. You think to yourself, “what good luck!” You wake up in the morning and remember that you dreamed ...

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We all have strengths and weakness. Our strengths are usually referred to in positive terms such as "smart," "strong" or "talented." Rarely do we view our weaknesses or deficits as potential clues to our strengths. Some common and negatively perceived characteristics can actually help us discover some very positive qualities and underlying strengths. Following is a list of 7 common negative labels and some other ways we might look at them:

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So, you are at the point where you realize that you have Binge Eating Disorder and you want to make a change in your life for the better… But what do you do next? If you are like how I was, a mixture of emotions used to begin to fill my head about what my new self would be like. I was excited ...So, you are at the point where you realize that you have Binge Eating Disorder and you want to make a change in your life for the better… But what do you do next? If you are like how I was, a mixture of emotions used to begin to fill my head about what my new self would be like.

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If you were to ask someone if they wanted more love in their life, it is very unlikely that they would say they wouldn’t and that they don’t need any more. That would be like saying you don’t need to ever eat again because you are full. Even if our lives were full of love we would still want ...

Published · 1,293 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

Meditation has been found to have a positive influence on the body, mind, and spirit. Successful management of chronic pain, decrease in blood pressure, and reduction in stress hormones are a few of the physiological benefits of meditative practices. Meditation is also known to produce a ...

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Sometimes it looks like things cannot get much worse. We may not be able to see how anything could possibly turn around. The world feels like it is crashing in on us from every side. A man I know, I will call him Brad, hit rock bottom a little while ago. He lost his job of over ten years and with it his means to provide financially for his family. People all around his neighborhood were losing their employment and many lost their homes. Times were tough. Businesses were shutting down. Jobs were scarce and no one was hiring.

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Conversation is probably the most important part of your dating experience. Sure, looking your best and having a good attitude matter, but most of your time together will in some way be spend in conversation. Following are a few tips to make your conversations more interesting, comfortable, and enjoyable. ⥠Have a good balance of talking and listening. If you tend to be talkative, remember to ask more questions and take time to listen to your date. If you tend to be on the quieter side, elaborating more on things can help you get in the flow of conversation.

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Whether you are watching a movie, riding in an elevator, listening to a commercial on the radio, or simply shopping, you will find that there is always some kind of background instrumental music playing. You may not even be aware of it, but it is there setting the mood. In a movie, it becomes a part of your experience. You grip your seat as you feel the tension building. The excitement makes your heart race. You feel the sadness and are moved to tears. In an elevator, background instrumental music may comfort and soothe you, or it may help you to relax and slow down a little.

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Your stress relief is right here, right now. Literally, in the here and now, the current moment, there is absolutely no stress. Just stress-free happiness. So read this article over and over, pausing only to eat or sleep and you will be stress-free and happy. I’m just kidding. But reading is one way to live in the current moment. So are all your favorite activities. That is why you enjoy them so much. They keep you focused in the current moment and your stress is temporarily suspended.

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We are often told to aim high in life, but we must aim at what we would hit instead. A general purpose is not enough. The arrow shot from the bow does not wander around to see what it can hit on its way, but flies straight to the mark. ~Og Mandino

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Matt has an online relationship with a woman from another state. It isn’t anything serious, so why worry his wife? Katie has been hiding her spending sprees from her husband that has put them into serious financial debt. She is afraid if he finds out he will never forgive her. Jason never told his wife that he got fired from his job, but rather, that he got laid off. He did not want her to lose faith and respect for him.

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Life can be hard, unfair, painful, and confusing. Sometimes it is overwhelming and we feel defeated. We may face situations that we do not think we can overcome and we just want to give up. We may lose faith and give up on ourselves, on others, and sometimes on life itself. Following are simple words of encouragement to remind you that you can and will make it through the problems you face if you do not quit. Today, you can choose to believe for the best in your life, receive God's strength, get back up, and be encouraged to never give up!!

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To find the good life you must become yourself. ~ Dr. Bill Jackson We all want to be liked by others. We want to be accepted for who we are, and we want to feel free to be our genuine selves around them. But sometimes we feel pressured to live up to a certain image or expectation of what we think will please or impress others. So we try to become someone we are not. And we might even compromise our values and beliefs to receive the approval we seek.

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Practicing gratitude is one of the best habits we can develop. It not only changes our lives, but it affects others around us. Our gratitude is like a positive energy that can inspire and energize others. I knew a woman who always confessed that she had a black cloud that followed her wherever she went. And guess what, it did! That black cloud was her negativity and lack of gratitude. Although she had much to be thankful for and some good opportunities in her life, she always found something to grumble and complain about. This woman was one of the most unhappy people I have ever known.

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Before we set out to accomplish anything at all, we must begin with a clear picture in our minds of already having achieved our goal. We wouldn’t even imagine trying to glue broken pieces of pottery back together without any idea of what it’s supposed to look like. So, why should we go through life without a clear purpose? Once we begin to visualize something, we can begin to figure out how to make it happen. Following are steps to consider in setting goals: A Clear Purpose

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One thing I absolutely love about a new year, or a new day for that matter, is that it gives us a fresh start to set new goals and implement new plans to pursue and achieve. I have recently set some new goals that have been keeping me very busy, motivated, and excited. One of my many goals began about three weeks ago. I cut desserts out of my diet. It started with a chocolate fast. I was literally consuming at least one bar or 5 pieces of dark chocolate every day, and that is not including cookies, icecream and other desserts I love.

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Can love be real without sincerity? Most would agree that sincerity is what makes love what it is. Genuine love is true. And it is true love that we all want. We want to know we are sincerely loved for who we are. We want to know that it is with sincere motives that those who love us say and do the things they say and do for us. We want to know a love that enables us to trust without fear of being unloved and rejected. We want a love that remains loyal and faithful to us no matter what happens. We want to be loved sincerely. And that is how others want to be loved by us as well.

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Ever wonder why people are the way they are or where they learned to be a certain way? We cannot discount the influence of upbringing, peers, environment and genetics. Although we have very limited or no control over some of the things that shape our children, we can do our part to make a positive difference. We teach them by the way we treat them and the way we treat others. We can lead them by our example and how we react and cope with people and situations. It is empowering and encouraging to know that children can learn love and happiness when it is manifested in our own lives.

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The holidays are some of the best times and opportunities we have to continue our family traditions. Many of us can recall how our families celebrated Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, or birthdays every year. There are some extra special traditions we may remember. Maybe every Christmas we got together with our grandparents or we went out of town to visit friends or family members. Maybe we participated in the local Thanksgiving parade every year or there was a certain dish we especially enjoyed that was prepared specifically for Thanksgiving day.

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I am thankful... for simple acts of kindness

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We can all live with purpose because there is so much to live for. There are things we can pursue, discover, or accomplish that fill our lives with meaning and purpose. We can have vision for our lives, dream dreams, and fulfill our callings. There is always something for us to do. Pursuing interests, developing skills, setting goals, and prioritizing our time all help us to grow and give us something to anticipate. We can make each day count and live with purpose.

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What is opportunity, and when does it knock? It never knocks. You can wait a whole lifetime, listening and hoping, and you will hear no knocking. None at all. You are opportunity, and you must knock on the door leading to your destiny. You prepare yourself to recognize opportunity, to pursue and seize opportunity as you develop the strength of your personality and build a self-image with which you are able to live. ~Maxwell Maltz

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How wonderful it would be if we could help our children and grandchildren to learn thanksgiving at an early age. Thanksgiving opens the doors. It changes a child's personality. A child is resentful, negative—or thankful. Thankful children want to give, they radiate happiness, they draw people. ~ Sir John Templeton

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What does it mean to be mature? According to Merriam-Webster, mature is defined as having completed natural growth and development. That is, being fully grown, complete, ready. I do not believe that we arrive at a state of complete emotional maturity with no further need for growth and development. Rather, emotional maturity is a life-long process. We continually grow in our experience of love, acceptance, stability, adaption, and so forth.

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Now that fall has arrived, I have been winding down a little and making time to watch some movies. A friend once recommended Walk the Line, based on the true life story of Johnny Cash, so that is what I decided to watch and I am so glad I did. I thought it was an excellent movie--very sad and touching, yet inspiring and moving. The pain and rejection that Johnny experienced early in his life almost destroyed him. In his music, the artist within was able to express himself, release some of his pain, anger, hope and faith.

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We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. ~Winston Churchill We live in a give-and-take society. When we give, we usually expect to get something in return. But sometimes we give for the sheer joy of giving. We don’t expect anything in return. It just makes us feel good to know that our giving has made a positive impact; it has helped in some way or it has made someone happy.

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We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it. ~John Lennon

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All sorts of things can trigger irritability in people, from minor traffic jams to major headaches. Everyone gets upset or annoyed sometimes. We all have lost our temper and reacted without thinking. We have succumbed to anger that drives us to say and do things we normally wouldn’t. And it is when we lose control over our thoughts and feelings, that our irritability and anger can do some major damage to our relationships and lives.

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One of the greatest challenges in loving others is to forgive them when they have wronged us and caused us pain. Every time we are wronged, we have to choose how we are going to deal with the hurt. Ultimately, we have to decide if we will forgive the person or persons who have wronged us, or if we will hold on to the hurt. If we hold on to the hurt, it will keep us from loving them. It will keep us angry and upset. We will not be open the release the hurt. Instead, it will continue to fester and grow. Unresolved hurts that are not forgiven continue to cause pain.

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Babies are always more trouble than you thought and more wonderful. ~Charles Osgood Expecting a baby is a very exciting time in the life of couples wanting a child. As this precious new family member is carried in its mothers womb, the couple immediately begins to connect and care and wonder.... What will he or she look like? Will she have moms eyes? Will he have dads sense of humor? They even think ahead into the future. What talents and interests will he have? What will she do with her gift of life? How will he contribute to this world?

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This is the century in which the introvert will “shine.” In the past, we have valued the extrovert more in the marketplace, because communication, negotiation, marketing/sales, etc. always occurred face-to-face, and the extrovert thrived in an atmosphere of “people presence” and lots of activity. The introvert, on the other hand, tended to be the back office person, perhaps the “number cruncher” or the researcher, but never the big deal closer or the one responsible for the successful marketing campaign. How things have changed!

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We now know a lot more about procrastination and willpower than we ever did before. Where procrastination was a weakness and willpower was something akin to the force, we now understand it’s a little bit more complicated than that.r

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There is something truly inspiring about genuinely kind people. They have the ability to see positive things in people that are difficult to get along with. They can make you feel better with just a few words. Kind people even have this uncanny ability to bring light and positivity to a situation, simply by being present. Have you ever wondered how they do that?

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7 Most Inspiring Books Sometimes it just seems as if life circumstances cause you to hit an emotional wall. It is during these times that taking the steps required to live a life that is happy and fulfilling is nearly impossible. The tasks of building success in your career and relationships can feel virtually insurmountable. This is when you need a bit of inspiration to keep you going. If you are an avid reader, here are a few inspirational books that you should definitely consider picking up the next time you are at the library or bookstore.

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When people see the word “meltdown”, they often think of a young child who is overtired, overstimulating, and who has finally hit a point of emotional overload. The resulting meltdown usually coming in the form of inconsolable crying or flailing tantrum. We tend to forget that, as adults, we also have emotional limits, and when those limits are exceeded we are also capable of emotional meltdown.

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Do you even know if you’re numb? Think about the experience of our foot falling asleep and the pins and needles and aching we feel when it awakens. We sit on our foot for a while and temporarily compress the nerves in it and don’t feel the discomfort until we move our foot.

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We are either the masters or the victims of our attitudes. It is a matter of personal choice. Who we are today is the result of choices we made yesterday. Tomorrow, we will become what we choose today. To change means to choose to change. ~John Maxwell What kind of thoughts come to your mind when you think about your life? How about your family, your work, your future? Suppose your thoughts could change your destiny. Would you want to change or improve any of them?

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Congratulations! It's a Blog: Attracting Readers to Your new Blog

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Major depressive disorder is the leading cause of disability in the US, affecting around 15 million adults a year, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Add the current controversial political and social climate to general everyday woes, and now, perhaps more than ever, we could all use a little cheering up! Here are eight easy, practical ways to create more joy in your daily life, starting today: KEY 1: Transform trials into stepping stonesr

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Although similar in many ways, jealousy and envy are not the same. Deep insecurities often lie at the root of jealousy. When someone is jealous they are afraid of losing something. They try to guard and protect what they fear losing. In doing so, they may become very possessive, competitive, and resentful. For example, they might be jealous of someone they fear can steal their boyfriend’s heart away from them, someone who got the promotion they worked hard for, or the person who got the praise and adoration they felt they deserved. Jealousy can be fear of losing any of the following:

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Segregating the genders in schools is nothing new. We've been doing this for centuries from the primary grades on. In the United States, this policy is largely limited to private schools, however, there are a few public and charter schools that do have separate classrooms for males and females. In other countries, separating the genders is standard procedure. <img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-T6LzjLzNb0E/UJ6wjaNUesI/AAAAAAAARGs/XFDLsfPVZOo/s640/IMG_1182.JPG" width="480">

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You cannot be grateful and bitter. You cannot be grateful and unhappy. You cannot be grateful and without hope. You cannot be grateful and unloving. So just be grateful. ~author unknown

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Happiness is itself a kind of gratitude. ~ Joseph Wood Krutch When I first came across this quote, I had to stop and think about it. Why would happiness be a kind of gratitude? According to Webster's Dictionary, to be grateful or thankful is to be conscious of a benefit being received and to be well pleased.

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It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up -- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had. ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

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Are you struggling with whether or not to do something? Sometimes it can feel like you are at a crossroad. You might feel: • Confused about what you are feeling and why. • Stuck in a work situation or relationship. • Overwhelmed and stressed by recent events. You may have blind spots that prevent you from knowing what direction to take and setting realistic goals. To get clarity, it is important for you to identify your values because they make your life more meaningful.

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Plants need soil, water and light. And so do writers. Your “soil” is the foundation of basic good writing skills, which you probably learned years ago. Your “water” is the stuff that keeps pouring into your brain through all of your senses. It provides the information you can use as you write. And your “light?” Well, that is the bright idea that comes to you in an “aha” moment. It is that wonderful thing that gets your “juices” flowing and lets you write great copy – content, articles, and blog posts.

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We’re all advised to avoid sarcasm in our personal communications. But it turns out that sarcastic exchanges can enhance and boost your creativity. Sarcasm is frequently used as a way to hurt, demean, or belittle others. It also, too often, serves as a veil for hostility, when direct confrontation would actually get to the heart of the matter. In addition to this, sarcasm is frequently used as a tool to bully the naive and innocent. Knowing all of this, your takeaway might be that sarcasm is a terrible form of communicating and should be avoided at all costs. Hold that thought.

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To be demanding isn’t all bad, but there are many ways in which it can be unloving. It is one thing to be persistent in asking or requiring something, but excessively demanding one’s own way regardless of others’ rights or how they are treated indicates self-centeredness. Overly demanding people are not conce ed with what others want because they are mostly conce ed with themselves. And they can be very insensitive and uncaring when it comes to getting what they want. Demanding people are often forceful in trying to get their way.

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There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will be to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. ~Nathaniel Branden You may have heard it said that you can not love others if you do not love yourself. Having self-love means you care about and like yourself in a healthy and balanced way. It means you have self-respect and believe you are worthy of love.

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Cleaning out the cobwebs, dust-balls, and poorly fitting beliefs is not always easy. But it is a liberating process and the work of a lifetime. As we lighten our load we feel enlivened and amazingly fresh and free, leaving us wondering why we didn’t do this a long time ago. Imagine this undertaking like spring-cleaning.

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Are you interested in making your life better in ways that you cannot imagine? You can do that. You don't need a self-help book, and you don't need hours of therapy (not that there's anything wrong with either of these). All you need is five dollars to invest in a notebook and a set of pens, and a personal commitment to spend a fixed amount of time writing in your new journal.

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Are you a bold risk-taker or an introverted, deep thinker? Many contend that our handwriting reflects our personality traits and that, despite the conformity of cursive writing training all of us received in school, our handwriting ultimately developed its own unique style based upon who we are inside. So, what does your handwriting say about you? Here are a few basic revelations, and, before you go any further, take an unlined piece of paper and write out the phrase: “I am selling my car on Craigslist.”

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Questions and Intent

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The Comfort Zone Concept I have never seen the phrase comfort zone in the dictionary, but if it were there, I suppose it would read something like this: Comfort Zone- A mental state in which no progression toward one’s potential takes place.

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Think Positive While speaking my thoughts can be a very powerful tool in developing meaningful relationships with those around me, it could also prove to be very detrimental, based on what my thoughts revolve around. With that reasoning, I feel comfortable making the assertion that before I master speaking my thoughts, I need to master positive thinking..

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Thoughts, Words, and FEELINGS Emotions for me are a necessary evil. I absolutely hate the way emotions can completely blind a mind from logic. This is one of the main reasons that it takes me a long, long time to become emotionally attached to anybody. It seems that whenever I become attached to anybody, as soon as it’s over I look back and can’t believe how many things I overlooked because of my blinding emotions.

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Despite a few false alarms, including a recent snow incident, spring has finally sprung. And therein is the illusion. I am not implying that it could snow again (although stranger things have happened). Rather, I am noting that spring starts springing way before most of us notice.r

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From the ngére tribal rituals of the Suya Indian Amazonian tribes to the strobe-lit techno haze of the all-night New York club, music is the phenomenon, perhaps the only one, that binds us all. The familiar, if overused, claim of ‘I don’t have a single note in my head’, may be used by many as an opt-out in sing-song situations meaning ‘don’t ask me to sing, ‘cos I can’t’, but this is largely proven inaccurate after a couple of drinks, or some social encouragement.

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Hello, I am Dr. Grant Kruhly, Chiropractor, Nutritionist, Life Guide and Sensei of Japanese Sword and Meditation. I’d like to briefly explain the comprehensive system of Health and Wellness care I offer to my patients. With these highly advanced healing systems, I have been very successful ...

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“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.” Harvey S. Firestone Bully: a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people .

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I have told you about the bully in my life. I was amazed (although I don't know why I should have been) after I spent extra time in prayer that morning asking God to help me with this man, to find, when I arrived at work, him verbally pummeling a co-worker for something I had done. As I climbed the stairs to our offices, I could hear him ranting (OK, ranting might be a little excessive, but he was not happy) at her about what I had done with my committee and what he could do about it.

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Psalm 37:5-6 Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. It's been a rough few days! My bully was back. I knew that a permanent change was probably too much to ask for. I mean, when he admits to having these behaviors for thirty years, he's probably not going to change them in three weeks. I knew that but....hope springs ete al.

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For many years now, I have started each day by praying, or as I like to call it, my morning chat with God. As a part of that chat, I always pray the prayer of Jabez. I have found that it is a simple prayer to remember and has been tremendously effective for me. My days are better, my focus is better and I am truly blessed each day by God. My ritual is to write down this portion of my chat and then, periodically, I come back and read through what I have written and highlight those blessings that have been granted. My journal is full of yellow highlights from over the years.

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"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” Robert McCloskey

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Is a therapeutic method so unique that only the therapist in a therapist – client relationship, can use it? When asked this question some therapists will tell you that it is their education and training that make the method of therapy successful. Others may respond with “an untrained person won’t understand it”, “a therapist is required for therapy to take place”, or “a person needing therapy is at risk”. This article will offer a different perspective of therapy and ask you this when experiencing difficulties in life is having a therapist always necessary?

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THE LITTLE CHILD I AM TODAY will always be within me, sending out feelings into my "grownup" mind. Time and experience may seem to bury him, but the child will be there. If I am now secure, feel loved, and little hurts are healed, in later years I'll feel down deep, not cries of fear and pain, but rather...songs. from Listen to my Feelings by Ruth Reardon

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It started raining here two days ago...and it's still raining. Ah, springtime in the heartland! You've just got to love it! While it's raining here, if you travel two hours west you will drive into a blizzard; a good old, Nebraska blizzard. We'll get snow tonight. That's the great thing about early spring in the plains. You know that you will see a combination of weather, and sometimes you'll see them all in one day. You have to be prepared for anything this time of year. I love it!

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Mindfulness – So What? Most have heard of mindfulness while few truly practice it Mindfulness comes to us in two forms: the spiritual/meditative practice or as a tool in self examination and behavior control.

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Mindfulness – So What? Most have heard of mindfulness while few truly practice it Mindfulness comes to us in two forms: the spiritual/meditative practice or as a tool in self examination and behavior control.

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Mindfulness – So What? Most have heard of mindfulness while few truly practice it Mindfulness comes to us in two forms: the spiritual/meditative practice or as a tool in self examination and behavior control.

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The Seven Powers for Self Controlr Lesson 1: The Power of Perception No one can make you mad without your permissio It really is true that no one can make you angry without your permission. We all like to believe that someone outside of ourselves is responsible for the way we respond in any given situation, but the reality is, it is a choice that we make. It is so much easier not to take responsibility for our actions, but as we mature we understand that we must be responsible for what we do. We must set the example for our children so that we model for them the way they should be.

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I am beginning another new venture. It's something I did, a very long time ago, but I enjoyed it and I think I will enjoy it again. It involved working with people of all ages so that makes it a good thing. It involves my faith, so that also makes it even better. It's not like I needed something to fill my time, because my time really is full with all the activities I have taken on over the past five or six months, but I needed a little something to bring in some money and this will do that very nicely. Another thing that I love added to the 'pot.' Life is really good!

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I am a nurse and shift work is hard on the body. I have 12 hour days and 12 hour night shifts to contend with which makes it hard on circadian rhythms and getting proper sleep. I also work every other week-end. Some workplaces that have shift work have two weeks on one shift and then two weeks ...

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So you’ve just ended a phone conversation where you were looking for some concrete help, and now you feel frustrated! Thinking back on it, you realize that “yeah but” was repeated (by you) at least three times. You want advice, yet the conversation took turns that didn’t feel satisfying. When we listen, and what wells up and out is “yeah, but” this may signify a warning that some boundary is being impinged upon. That though, may not be bad. Here is a short list of warnings that may indicate stop or move ahead:

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A lot of people who don't have experience with religion or spirituality or existential questioning (like wondering what your life means) can hold the idea that spirituality is something mysterious, unattainable, or even meaningless especially in this day and age of making ends meet, managing busy lives, endless distractions, and just keeping up.

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“You cannot change your destination ove ight, but you can change your direction ove ight.” Jim Rohn. When everything is going smoothly, being resilient is probably not on your radar. Yet when the proverbial sh*&t hits the fan, we assume our resilient toolbox will be available and full. Taking the time to hone resilience skills is similar to practicing driving, before you actually take the driving test.

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“The fact is,” said Rabbit, “we’ve missed our way somehow.” They were having a rest in a small sand-pit on the top of the Forest. Pooh was getting rather tired of that sand-pit, and suspected it of following them about because, whichever direction they started in, they always ended up at it, and each time, as it came through the mist at them, Rabbit said triumphantly, “Now I know where we are!” (The Tao of Pooh, Benjamin Hoff)

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We are all doing our best, trying to meet our needs, shlepping along the road of life without a map. Much of the time, we do what we do and after we’ve done it, we wish we hadn’t. Much of the time, what we do doesn’t get our needs met and actually gets us the opposite result, but it’s all that we know how to do. Anybody ever do something that you wish you hadn’t and it didn’t even get you what you wanted? “Man, why did I yell at my children for yelling at each other? I wish I could rewind to before my self-prescribed therapy of four large hand-fulls of chocolate chips!

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Before you can truly get the good that you desire, the good that God intends for you ... before you can get that good into your mind ... You are going to have to clear your mind of a lot of hatreds and 'hurtreds' that are keeping you from your blessings ... You are going to have to ...

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Many people are sick today and no one seems to understand why this is so. We live in the best of times and the worst of times. We used to think of pollution as smog, such as not being able to see the blue sky in Los Angeles. Today, In 2011, we have many forms of pollution. We live in a contaminated world. Not only do we have all of the ills of the industrial age, with its carbon emmissions, but we have new particles that can make us sick. We live in an age of electromagnetic pollution, weapons/grade biotoxins, chemical toxins, noise pollution, nuclear radiation.

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Pastor’s Wives- Going Through Without Wavering A glimpse at the splendor and respect attached to the office of a pastor can lure any woman toward becoming the wife of a pastor. Surely, most women would embrace the thought in the belief that such relationships, being founded on the solid rock of Christian religion, are bound to stand the test of time. However, there are more to being a pastor’s wife than meets the eye; and the truth is that for most of them, the center fails to hold in the long haul.

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I recall as a teen my sister was an exchange student in France and since then I have always wanted to visit the historical country. I have plans to attend the upcoming Lille Metropole GospelFest. And I am now studying the city, country and language for the tour. Facts: The French are known to be vibrant and experts in the field of art. It is the foremost tourist destination of the world. Paris is called a place for lovers. France is known as the French Republic located in western Europe. Notre Dame Cathedral is in Paris which is the capital.r

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“Smiling and Laughing is Good for the Soul” Did you not know that smiling and laughing at yourself is good? A smile is a facial expression that displays happiness. A smile with a buildup of emotion goes from silence to sound, which is expressed in laughter. Yes, a build of happiness that must be echoed by your distinctive sound in laughter. In the practice of smiling and laughing one is able to bring healing to their body. Smiling can even make you look more attractive, younger, and improve your stress level. Are you smiling now?

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“A List of Happiness” A list of happiness is things that would be listed of how thankful that you are about something or a list of things that make you happy. We take for granted sometimes the simple things in life such as life, health, and strength that allows us to function. We even forget about time, technology, and the mind that allows us to choose. I would encourage everyone to create their happy thoughts as an element of encouragement and being reminded about the benefits of creation.

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Are You Being Active and Making Healthy Choices? In the pursuit of happiness, one must always challenge themselves to be productive. It is not always good to just sit around and allow the mind to wonder. Yes, brainstorming is good to make a decisive decision but an idle mind can create boredom and unhealthy choices. Often, we find ourselves restless, eating, drinking, or smoking to compensate for a peace of mind. This is not the answer.

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“Beware of the Unhappy List” So I am sure many are wondering, why I would make an unhappy list after I have made a happy list? The unhappy list serves as a matter of identification of those things that disrupts the flow of happiness in our daily lives. It can be used as a practice to set goals to eliminate challenges that just make things complicated. Yet, it ultimately challenges each of us to find a solution.

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The Acceptable 3 F’s (Faith, Family, and Friends)” Our focus today should be faith, family, and friends. I want to emphasize the importance of all three because each increases the quality of your life. Find time out of your schedule for each priority of faith, family, and friends. These three things will create a foundation for happiness. When you are overly busy with work and rushing from place to place, you will realize that an important area of your life is keeping in touch and connecting with your faith, family, and friends.

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“Have you Decided to Be Happy?” Happiness is a state of the mind. Therefore one must decide to be happy. It is an emotion that can be controlled. However, the focus should not be limited to if one obtains tangible things. For example, I will be happy if I get a house, a car, or a higher paying job. When an individual base their happiness on the “if contingency,” they are limiting their emotion.

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Law of Giving-Donate Your Money Giving has been called the First Law of All Creation. It has also been said that there is a Universal Law of Giving and Receiving, or that giving and receiving are the same.

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There is Power in Volunteering If you volunteer your time it will make you happy instantly. Happiness is like a perfume that you can't spray without someone smelling it. Anytime that one is productive and providing a service to another to bring about a positive change or encouragement, it is gratifying. Volunteering is powerful because it is a goal that is obtainable and grants immediate results. It is reinforced from the recipient of the service granted. There are more smiles, more laughter, and even more power obtained in volunteering because more people are happy.

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Take care of yourselves, your body and your family and friends, with much love Both the vitality level and the energy level of our bodies are affected from the way we live our lives and from the way we treat our bodies. We are influenced by the food we eat, the drinks we sip and consume into our bodies and the physical activities that we do. These are all in turn influenced by the level of happiness and love that we have in our lives. And so it is important to be aware and to take responsibility for the way we feel and live. Foodr

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Compliment yourselves, believe in yourselves, and give yourselves credit. You are wonderful people; each and every one of you has many talents. You have achieved much in your lives. You are dear people. All you have to do is acknowledge it, believe in it and cultivate it. I once heard a dear person say – “The perfect person for being myself – is me”. And so, the most perfect person for being you - is you”. It is a wonderful sentence.

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Just before Halloween, Great healthy Pumpkin Stews: 1. with chicken, 2. Vegetarianr Two great healthy pumpkin stews, One with chicken, Second with chickpeas for vegetarian. Very healthy, very tasty and very easy to cook. Prepare for the great pumpkin taste. Pumpkin Chicken Stew The Ingredients: 2 chopped onions 2 tablespoons of olive oil 2 ¼ cups of water 4 potatoes cut into halves 2.2 pounds (1 kilo) of peeled diced pumpkin 1 tablespoon of sweet paprika 2 tablespoons of tomato paste 3-4 pieces of chicken (for those in diet you can remove the skin) 1 teaspoon of saltr

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I remember when I was a child how much I loved my grandmother Rose Silverman's furniture and her household goods. They were not just the functional plastic items, earthenware and stuffed sofas that most families had when I grew up. All of the furniture and things in her apartment were 'alive' ...

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A jou al is a way to keep a record of something that is important to us. This jou al safely keeps our thoughts about the creation of Joy. I kept one for a long time, and now I think it would be fun if you kept one too. There is no better way in the world to have a visual of our daily blessings and all the little miracles that happen. Joy Jou alr

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When I was little I was very busy--as I imagine most little girls are. At six years of age I had my toys, my fire station with a real bell, my fire trucks and other cars, my paper dolls, my coloring books and large box of Crayola assorted crayons, my picture books and stuffed animals. One of ...

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As a Positive Psychologist I help women find a personal sense of well-being that frees each woman to live a life of meaning, purpose and joy. May I share with you a little of my jou ey? My original research with women happened as a result of my conce s around pain that so many women ...

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As winter descends we begin to feel the chill of shorter days and less sunlight. For many of us, less hours of light combined with colder temperatures results in us feel less light emotionally. For some of us, who actually have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) gloom really sets in. This gloom ...

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I am remembering and have a desire to share with you, a beautiful story told to me by a young lady. It was the end of the World War II and her dad was returning home. He came from a very close network of Italian families that lived near each other in New Jersey. n He had a ride back from where ...

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Once upon a time there was a Princess who set out on a raft to find the Enchanted Forest. She took with her a canteen full of hopes and dreams, minimal provisions, and outdated maps. The raft swayed. the wind blew. It was too cold. It was too hot. She was hungry. She was tired. She was scared. ...

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For many of you it is about to be Easter, for those who are Jewish, as I am, Passover is just around the corner! I thought it would be interesting to share with you some thoughts about Passover that are so universal in nature that we can all learn from them! n Passover gives us the chance to ...

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The Rebbe Nachman of Breslow often said, “Always remember-Joy is not merely incidental to your spiritual quest. It is vital.” As the years have gone by and I’ve been in the practice of psychology over 20 years, I have become more and more convinced that he was so right, that joy is not an ...

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Many of my readers write to me about the tensions of everyday life. Not only do people wonder how to relax, but people often ask, "How do I learn to better cope with what faces me? Can THE ENCHANTED SELF help with the overwhelming frenzy of everyday life? Can it help when I am really down or ...

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I love books and I often go on a reading binge that lasts for weeks at a time. Pathways to Wholeness is about mindful meditation, personal growth, spiritual development and personal healing. I'd like to mention some of the books that touched my heart and inspired my personal wellness jou ey. Wayne Dyer: Your Sacred Selfr

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Some relaxation music to read by: Dolphins Delight by Ambient Space) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UThOseyShA8&feature=youtu.be You probably don’t like feeling stressed or that unidentifiable underlying unease that defines anxiety. Many of us lump all of our symptoms into one broad category and call it stress – but many of us are really suffering from chronic anxiety.

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Finally, after a summer of moving to Maryland, editing, and working with the publisher, my new book is about to be born. It is due out before Christmas and will be available on Amazon and Barnes and Nobel. I am excited because this book is a reflection of my work over the years, both as a educator and as a counselor. It combines my love of life with my love of energy psychology, mindfulness, meditation and jou aling. These amazing mind-body balancing tools are a part of my personal life and my professional life, and I am now able to share them with you.

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I have chosen to share a philosophy of healing that was defined for me a year or so ago during meditation. This new way of thinking is going to change your life and the lives of those you love and cherish. You’ll change your self-talk and change the way you interact with members of your family when they are sick or suffering. It applies to the work you’ll encounter during your Nurturing Wellness through Radical Self-Care Program. You’ll have some new things to consider as you choose your strategies for a positive life jou ey.

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Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be.rn- Eckhart Tolle When asked about being fully present and focused, my client answered something like this: I don't know that I am ever present or fully focused. My mind is all over the place and my friends tell me I don't know how to relax. I am a type A personality, and I am always busy.

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BIG, HAPPY SMILES ARE FREE and they are instantly understood regardless of language or culture. Receiving a big smile, complete with twinkling eyes, is a gift. My heart opens wide to all the possibilities that shine within your smile.

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We go through our days, busy and rather unaware. We run our errands, care for our family, go to and from work not really having consciously experienced all the wonderful moments of the day. Keeping a Joy Jou al is about becoming more conscious of your joys and less focused or your pain.

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Holistic mental health counseling is a new and growing field based in traditional mental health wisdom, herbal and nutritional medicine and many other integrative therapies. Holistic mental health care is a total person approach that includes all aspects and layers of an individuals life. Most holistic mental health professionals believe that real and lasting healing begins on the inside, within the person’s heart, mind, body and soul and extends outward through positive change in thought and behavior.

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Love, trust and forgiveness are the essentials of life. I know that I need these three nurturing ingredients, and I know you need them too. I have found that living within a family is a magnificent gift and a loving commitment. To make the family work, each member offers the gift of being physically, emotionally and spiritually available to the other family members. As insurance, we grow a connection between us so deep and strong that love, trust and forgiveness reach across time and distance to mutually nurture each others heart and soul.

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I thought you might enjoy an excerpt from my new book, Nurturing Wellness Through Radical Self-Care: A Living in Balance Workbook. I hope you find the information helpful.

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This article was first published in Sibyl on line magazine for women, December 1, 2011 “WHEN YOUR SENSE OF SELF IS NO LONGER TIED TO THOUGHT, is no longer conceptual, there is a depth of feeling, of sensing, of compassion, of loving, that was not there when you were trapped in mental concepts. You are that depth.” ~ Eckhart Tolle You are that depth. You have within you an inner oasis, a place of harmony and love. It is there to provided you with the comforting feelings of self-love, including the feelings of peacefulness.

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How many times have you said to yourself, “I wish my mind would just shut itself off. I need to sleep!” Then you began thrashing around in bed, trying to find a comfortable position … never quite finding it. Mind on go. Body exhausted. Beating yourself up for having a sleep problem. Angry and at a loss for a solution.

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EACH NEW YEAR WE ARE REBORN. The slate is clean. You choose the canvas, the medium, the brush and you'll paint 2012 with your own colors. The result of your art, the final product, is up to you. You build your new year one brush stroke, one thought at a time. Regardless of your past history, regardless of the problems you face today, your finances and the quality of your life, you choose how you live your life. You choose the thoughts you think, the beliefs you live by and the actions you take regarding your thoughts and beliefs.

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The Rosebush - Mindful Gardening is an excerpt from Janet's mindfulness book, Pathwasy to Wholenss If we are being mindful (fully aware) of a newly purchased Rosebush, we carefully attend to it so that it can be planted, root, mature and thrive in a way that is mutually beneficial to the Rosebush, to ourselves, the environment surrounding the bush, and to the environment of our yard and beyond. • Compatibility of all living things

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TO MAKE SENSE OF OUR FAST PACED WORLD and our hectic lives we need emotional balance. With balance comes a kinder more flexible life. When our inner environment is balanced we are free to enjoy ourselves and accomplish our goals. Without balance, we feel frustrated and hopeless, wondering how to survive life's rat race.

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I don't know the percentage of people who come into my office living in abuse or needing to work through past abuse. The ratio is astoundingly high. When I worked in substance abuse residential care, the percentage was probably 99%.

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What happens if I believe I am physically, emotionally and spiritually whole? Better yet, what if I take a leap of faith and I think, behave, make choices, and live within the belief that I am whole, healthy, secure, peaceful, loving and lovable? Belief Silence. We are born from silence. If we live from the silence within, we know our wholeness lives there too. It is limitless, ete al, trustworthy, joyous, compassionate, loving and real. Wholeness is not broken. It cannot be broken, as each piece is part of the whole and contains the mystery of the whole.r

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Published in the Dec/Jan 2010 issue of Sibyl On-Line Spiritual Jou al for Women Circuit: A partial or continuous path over which a current flows. Winter holiday excitement is literally floating in the air and into our hearts. Radio stations are offering continuous play of holiday tunes and our homes are festively dressed for celebration. We want these joyous feelings to last forever.

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Inner Oasis is a term I coined ten or more years ago to help my clients and class participants create a lush, rich imagery of their core self. Our Inner Oasis is our soul-self, our inner wisdom, our inner joy and our innermost source of pure, unconditional love. It is ever replenishing, ever nurturing, ever there to support our jou ey and guide our life.

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Positive psychology is a wonderful state of mind, a way of thinking that brings joy, happiness, fun, laughter and contentment into our life. This article, origninally written for Sibyl spiritual e-zine for women, is about a positive consciousness that allows all of us to be part of the wholeness of being human and spirit - a unity of being. Creation gives us everything we need, somtimes in the form of physical helpers and teachers. Sometimes in the form of experience. Recognizing our helpers, teachers and growth opportunities is our challenge. Earth Angels

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February/March Article written for Sibyl Spiritual EZine for Women

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After a morning filled with an Easter Egg Hunt, moments of remembrance related to Easter's deeper meanings, and a breakfast fit for a prince and princess my husband and our grandson Kodiak went off for some time together. Our granddaughter Lucy and I went for a walk along the greenway that boarders our neighborhood and follows along beside a pretty little creek. We decided to walk toward the woods and then on into the trees as far as we could go. We did not expect the old narrow path to be so expanded, but it had been turned into a bike trail!

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“People Tested” suggestions that help us build and strengthen our existing inner resources. Enrich YOUR life one step at a time.

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Published in The Art of Wellbeing Magazine, 2009 There are various pathways that guide us in our quest for wholeness and unification with our innermost self. One pathway that I have come to cherish is Walking Meditation. This method seems to nurture me, relax me, and provide the space and time I need to be alone with myself in satisfying, restful and renewing introspection. This is true whether I walk or whether I simply practice Meditative Breathing and the other skills associated with this healing art.

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When we love ourselves and trust ourselves all things are possible.

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Academically Speaking “The field of positive psychology at the individual level, is about positive individual traits: the capacity for love and vocational courage, interpersonal skill, aesthetic sensibility, perseverance, forgiveness, originality, future mindedness, spirituality, high talent and wisdom. At the group level, it is about the civic virtues and the institutions that move individuals toward better citizenship: responsibility, nurturance, altruism, civility, moderation, tolerance, and work ethic.” (Seligman and Csikszentmihalyi, American Psychologist: 2000)

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by Janet Gallagher Nestor, MA, LPC, DCEP Holistic Mental Health Therapist Most women are multi-taskers. Our culture says we can do it all: Get a good education, be an engaging conversationalist, be beautiful, marry, have children, keep a size 6 figure, have a career, clean the house, drive the car pool and be a home room mother. Even more stressful, we are expected to do it all well … and sometimes all in the same day! Even after the children are grown, the facts remain the same. We are expected to have a life that is overflowing and too busy for one person to handle comfortably.

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In my counseling work I see a lot of people with chronic physical health issues and chronic mental health issues. We all think that chronic illness begins with the diagnosis from the doctor. I don't think that is true. I know it is not true energetically. It takes a long time to get sick, and the chronic illness that is now official might have begun 20 or more years ago. This is why self-care and self-love are so important. The more love and acceptance we give to ourselves, the healthier we are in mind-body-emotions-spirit.

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I have been wrestling with a very deep trust issue, one that has been with me since conscious memory. This morning in meditation I asked for understanding and I was guided through the meditation by a member of my spiritual family of guides and teachers. I think Mataji has been with me all my life. I don't remember how I first met her, but she was an “imaginary friend” when I was about four years old. At the time I named her Gently and Gently remained her name until about 1999 when an exceptional meditation teacher and clairvoyant showed me her picture and told me her real name was Mataji.

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Pages 23-25 from my book Pathways to Wholeness All positive thought is based on the principles of unconditional love and by definition, contains the following ingredients: 1. Positive intention 2. Positive content 3. Positive outcome for self, others, and for all life in generalr Why is positive thought important? A thought is pure energy and therefore has a life of its own. Once the thought is formed, it drifts into an unseen current and becomes part of a universal collective of thought that affects life not only today, but throughout all time. If you thinkr

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Life feels positive when you experience happiness. Happiness is one of many ingredients that make a positive life positive. However, it takes many more ingredients to create the positive life you want.

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From Pathways to Wholeness, p. 85-86 Recorded for you at www.mindfulpathways.com I created this exercise for my own personal healing jou ey, and share various versions of it with my clients on a regular basis. The exercise can be practiced daily. If we have physical health issues or any sort ofrndifficult emotional history or trauma, I suggest the exercise be practiced as often as possible. It is deeply soothing and healing and meant to help us contact our “authentic self” … the one that is exquisitely formed, whole, unified, and at perfect peace.

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Why Detoxify? We live in a polluted world. Our environment, air supply, water and foods are full of herbicides, pesticides, chemicals of all kinds, and normal every day allergens like dust and mold. Our organs and our bodies get worn down by all the extra work they do attempting to filter out all of the pollutants and allergens. The world has seen an increase in cancer, lowered male sperm count, heart disease, birth defects – including developmental disabilities and many other illnesses and disorders since the early 1900's. Here are some statistics.r

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Janet Gallagher Nestor, MA, LPC, DCEP Holistic Mental Health Therapist Just like most of humanity, my response varies on different days depending on what I am experiencing, where I am and what I am doing. My goal is to stay centered and balanced, but sometimes I choose to employ my self-care skills to help me through a rough patch of emotion.

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Awhile ago, I attended a beautiful wedding. A young Jewish couple came together in joy and the room was filled with happiness. Outside of the banquet room I noticed a group of older women sitting near the door collecting charity. They all looked very pure and plain at the same time, young seniors and older seniors, nothing fancy about them. Their hips were full. They were wearing comfortable walking shoes and somewhat frumpy looking clothing. There wore either wigs or kerchiefs.

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I remember when I was a child how much I loved my grandmother Rose Silverman's things. They were not just the functional plastic items, earthenware and stuffed sofas that most families had when I grew up. All of the furniture and things in her apartment were 'alive' with romance, magic and ...

Published · 2,483 views · Rated 3.7/5 from 3 votes

Why would a psychologist take her hand to fiction? Of course because I want people to overcome adversity and live a life worth living, filled with positive emotions. But even more specifically to my own disposition, I am a kind of visionary in the sense that I am always looking for new ways ...

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I invite you to read about how Rebecca Trelfa put beauty, meaning and form into her home. Her story is different from my story about my grandmother and how her things have enriched my life, as each of ours stories are different. Don't forget, you have a story, too! Building Enchantment By ...

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Life is the greatest roller coaster ride we will ever take. The ups and downs, the unexpected changes, the twists and turns, are all a part of living. The roller coaster ride of life can be miserable and uncomfortable or exciting and rewarding. Our states of mind and body are key factors in how ...

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Personal freedom is essential for happiness, for mental well-being and to feel comfortable as an Enchanted Self - someone able to access positive states of meaning again and again, while living a life of meaning and purpose. In the past I have talked about the Exodus from Egypt as a metaphorical ...

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This article contains an excerpt from my book, THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy. The message is so important to all of us attempting to overcome adversity and to live a live of meaning and joy. I hope you enjoy the following and please try the exercise that follows. Time continues to ...

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Over my lifetime I have never tired of watching Lucille Ball in action. Oh, what ecstasy in my childhood to finish a dreary Monday by watching Lucy come to grips with her life in hysterical ways! She gave me courage to believe as a little girl that one could overcome adversity,have a life ...

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To overcome adversity and live a meaningful life that contains within it many opportunities for happiness is a healthy human goal. To get there it is important to practice two behaviors that help to make life the greatest joy ride of all. These two behaviors are staying connected and taking ...

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In my years as a psychologist, I have come to believe that most people seeking psychotherapy are unhappy. This is not only due to earlier hurts and traumas, as well as present frustrations and problems, but because they cannot access earlier happy moments often enough. The unfortunate result is ...

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Each season requires special behaviors and activities on our part to optimize for ourselves living a purposeful and happy life. We actually have to practice our positive emotions, just as the champion tennis player practices her swing. We have to try to use our mental capacities as fully as ...

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We all need a sense of wonder and mystery in our lives. Sometimes a fast paced adventure movie or a good mystery read will satisfy that urge inside of ourselves. But sometimes we need to reach into the past and see that all through the centuries people have reported strange phenomenon, and of ...

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Welcome to a world where happiness is a possible mental and emotional state at least a good part of the time. Welcome to the Enchanted Self Positive Psychology Concepts where I teach you how to generate a life worth living that has meaning, value and integrity for you. Unique to your mental ...

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It's a great time of year to think about the pleasures and happiness of a vacation. They are real and can help us build the strength to overcome adversities the rest of the year. A good vacation can fill us with a sense that we are living a life worth living. Also, the pleasures of positive ...

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Welcome to a world where happiness is a possible mental and emotional state at least a good part of the time. Welcome to the Enchanted Self Positive Psychology Concepts where I teach you how to generate a life worth living that has meaning, value and integrity for you. Unique to your mental ...

Published · 1,070 views

THE ENCHANTED SELF is a positive psychology technique that helps you utilize your positive memories, your talents, and your capacities for joy and happiness. You may not realize that one of your most precious gifts in terms of accessing joy is your capacity to utilize your memory in positive ...

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Many of my readers write to me about the tensions of everyday life. Not only do people wonder how to relax, but people often ask, “How do I learn to better cope with what faces me? Can THE ENCHANTED SELF help with the overwhelming frenzy of everyday life? Can it help when I am really down or ...

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As we pass through the Seven Gateways to Happiness again and again and become a true Enchanted Self, we see that life is all about living and then telling and retelling the stories of our lives to get the most positive juice from our stories. If we know how to 'juice' the richness out of life, ...

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How do we overcome adversity? How do we create a life worth living? How do we manage to have more positive than negative emotions? How do we get happy and how do we stay happy, most of the time? See the answer below! Discovered: The Secret Ingredient to Happiness is Ourselves! As many of you ...

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There was a time when I too, was a child. The future of being a Positive Psychologist for Women was not even a dream on the horizon. But even as a child, like you, I wanted to be happy. I wanted to live a life worth living and to feel good inside. I might not have had the sophisticated ...

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How do we overcome adversity and live a life of meaning, a life worth living? How do we get to the 'good life' with good mental health? How do insure that our positive emotions rather than negative will have the front row seat in our minds? One way is preparation for the change of seasons and ...

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Overcoming adversity and creating a happy life sometimes requires great work on our parts. Sometimes to live a life worth living and to experience more positive emotions and to have a sense of mental wellness we have to climb mountains in terms of efforts to feel good. But thankfully, for most ...

Published · 1,200 views · Rated 3/5 from 2 votes

THE ENCHANTED SELF teaches you how to access positive states of well being again and again. These positive states are what we typically call 'happiness' and are unique to you. They actually reflect your interests, talents, and potential. In other words, what makes me happy might not make you ...

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One of the ways that we overcome adversity and live a life worth living, experiencing lots of positive emotions and staying mentally well is by being open to the concept of mentoring. Mentoring and learning from each other is much more that taking a course or explicitly giving someone advice ...

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Finding out how to live a life worth living and being able to overcome the adversities that befall all of us in a normal lifetime, while also experiencing enough positive emotions to feel happy much of the time, may sound like a tough assignment. But if you can just be true to yourself and ...

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How do we obtain a life worth living? How do we overcome adversity? How can we experience positive emotions? How do we stay in good mental health? These are serious questions and to briefly answer them would be unfair to the reader. But I can say as a positive psychologist, working in the ...

Published · 1,137 views

As a positive psychologist I am delighted to share this excerpt from my book, The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy with you. This article reveals the way that I initially began to reclaim my own Enchanted Self, resulting in my finding new ways to overcome adversity, experience positive ...

Published · 1,018 views

We have so much influence over the next generation! Lots of times we forget how much influence, as our children or grandchildren can appear to ignore us, forget us or even worse--run from us in one way or another. Sometimes, we must just accept the fact that lots of times positive actions happen ...

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Sometimes it is helpful to review several of the basic components of THE ENCHANTED SELF as it is a positive psychology system designed to help overcome adversity, experience more positive emotions, think more positively and succeed in living a life worth living that is rich in happiness, purpose ...

Published · 1,460 views

In private moments we may find ourselves reflecting upon our lives, what could have been, how we might have overcome adversity, and our true potential. We often cast our hopes and dreams aside, and then experience feelings of disillusionment or emptiness. We feel cheated of our inalienable ...

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I am remembering and have a desire to share with you, a beautiful story told to me by a young lady. This story fills me with positive emotions. It was the end of the World War II and her dad was returning home. He came from a very close network of Italian families that lived near each other in ...

Published · 1,127 views

When I was a small child, I watched many movies in the Shawmut Theater in Roxbury. It was located close to Eagleton Square, which was bustling with activity and safe years ago. Today you don’t venture there if you value your life. The Shawmut was more than a movie house. It was a community ...

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A happy woman is content in her life. She feels much peace of mind and also a healthy level of enthusiasm as she goes through her day. Of course, she can become upset or angry, just like anyone else. But her happy nature works to her benefit and soon enough she will find a way to return to a pleasant state of being that we call ‘happy’ for lack of a more perfect word. How is this so? Is she from a different planet than the rest of us women? Certainly not. She simply has learned and practiced many behaviors that help regenerate a state of happiness again and again.

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In today’s tough economic times, many people are facing very difficult life situations. There is mounting uncertainty in the air because so many people have already lost their jobs and their homes. It’s not easy to stay cool, calm and collected when you don’t know what to expect tomorrow. You may feel that staying lighthearted is impossible in today’s world. But after working as a psychotherapist for 30 years, I have found seven simple tools that have proven themselves again and again for coming through the darkness to a more lighthearted way of living.

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If you want to be a healthy, happy person, it’s very important to learn to love the person you see in the mirror. Although loving yourself can be very challenging if you grew up in a dysfunctional family, it’s definitely worth the time and effort! Whether you feel stressed, anxious or depressed, or whether you are in a challenging relationship or going through a divorce, learning to love yourself is a crucial step in your healing process. When you honestly love yourself, your love overflows to everyone around you and everything in your life begins to sparkle and shine!

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It’s challenging sometimes to know what’s wrong in your relationship. If you’re like many other people, you probably want a loving relationship more than anything else in the world. Maybe you’ve tried and tried and tried to make your relationship work and yet somehow you just seem to be going back over the same old arguments again and again. Questions to consider about control or verbal abuse: • Does your partner always monopolize the conversation? • Does s/he always need to be right? • Does s/he regularly judge or criticize you for things you do and say?r

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